Fruits Basket does the Excel Saga thing
by Alexandra-Kyoko
Summary: Shigure has trapped everyone in his new book. Just like in excel saga, every chapter will be like a different genre of anime like horror, giant robots, romance, etc. What exactly does Shigure have in store for them? Yukiru WEIRD! COMPLETED
1. Science fiction

ED NOTE These characters do not belong to me so please don't sue.

~ This story is going to be using the idea that Excel Saga came up with where every episode is a different type of anime genre. Just like Excel Saga, I will be writing each new chapter as a different genre (horror, giant robot, sci-fi, romance, etc.). But the story will only be of Fruits Baskets so none of the excel Saga characters are going to be popping up.

  


  


  


"What the hell?" Kyo shouted as he stepped into the house from school. The floor had begun to shake and the walls were disappearing.

"Look out Honda-san!" Yuki yelled as a vase came tumbling down by her. He pulled her out of the way before it could hit her.

"Aagh! Souma-kun, what's going on?" 

"I don't know." Yuki replied worried. "Just stay close to me." The walls looked transparent now and glowed softly with a sense of emptiness. Suddenly, rows and rows of zeros and ones began to spin along the sides of the room around them at a fast rate.

"It's like we're in a computer," Yuki gasped in awe.

"What do you mean in a computer you damned mouse!" Kyo yelled. "How could that happpen?"

"Yuki-kun, you're quite alert aren't you." Shigure's voice began, echoing throughout the stange room. "You're actually completely right. You are in a computer because I've put you there."

"You're kidding, right Shigure-san?" Tohru asked laughing a little.

"No, I'm afraid I'm not." Shigure said cheerfully. "You see I've used a wonderful new machine that transported you all into my computer."

"That's impossible!" Kyo spat.

"Yeah Shigure," Yuki added annoyed, "You're not smart enough to invent a maching like that in the first place."

"You're absolutely right," Shigure agreed. "I'm not the one who invented it. Actually my assistant Washu invented it for me."

"What? You mean the super genious from that show Tenchi Muyo," Tohru gasped in shock.

"That's right. Using her fabulous technology, she teleported herself here to the Fruits Basket Universe and invented this machine for me." Shigure's voice could be heard clearing it's throat. In a slighly lower tone he added, " and what a lovely assitant she is. How old are you anyway my dear? Just starting highschool?"

"You've got to be kidding," Yuki muttered.

"Umm Shigure, don't you watch the anime Tenchi Muyo?" Tohru asked trying to suppress a laugh.

"Yeah," Kyo added. "She's like..."  
"I'm over ten thousand years old!!" Washu broke in laughing hysterically. " I know I look young for my age."

"Ewww," Shigure said disgusted. "Well anyway, Washu owed me a favor so she promised to help me with this little project of mine."  
"I don't get it." Kyo moaned in annoyance. "What's the point of trapping us in your computer?"

"Well, I'm writing a new book, Kyo my dear." Shigure gave a evil laugh. "You guys are going to help me write it by personally living out my story. Doesn't that sound fun?"

"NO IT DOESN'T!!" Kyo yelled.

"The story will be full of surprises so you better watch out." Shigure added. "Each chapter will be very different, like a different genre every time."

"Shigure," Yuki said darkly. "Are we the only ones in your story?"

"No, actually, I've added a few other members of the zodiac into the story as well, Haru, Hatori (boy wasn't he mad hehe), uhh Kagura (I'm sure that will make you happy Kyo), oh yeah, Ayame, Akito (he was kind of pissed too for some reason), and some other people I forgot to mention. Don't worry, you'll run into them sooner or later."

"A..Akito is here too," Yuki sputtered nervously. 

"That's right and he's been looking forward to seeing you Yuki." Despite himself, Yuki began to shake in fear.

"Please, don't be scared Souma-kun," Tohru said gently putting a hand on his shoulder. "We'll all be here too, so you won't be alone."  
"Tha...thank you Honda-san," Yuki said, trying to get a hold of himself.

  


"Well, that's all for now." Shigure added signing off. "Just don't forget. When each chapter begins, you won't have any control over your actions." He laughed loudly. "you'll be my puppets and i'll be your master... Oh boy this is going to be so fun.. hehe. Now i think I'll go get some coffee before I begin. Man, and boy do I ever have to take a crap. Must be that bran muffin I had this morning. What the heck.. this thing is still on? Hey, Washu, how do you turn the mike off?"

"You have to push this button here you moron, the one that says 'off'."

"Oh I see it n..." and then there was silence.

"I can't believe this," Yuki moaned. "What does that weirdo have planned for us."

"Well, I'm sure he won't do anything too rash." Tohru reassured. 

"Yeah right," Kyo muttered. " You don't know Shigure the way we do." 

" I guess we'll just have to see what happens."

  


  


  


"Ha, little do they know my story has already begun. This was the Science fiction chapter," Shigure said laughing as he brought Washu some tea. 

"Good doggy," Washu said taking the steaming cup.

'This isn't fair," Shigure moaned. "I've been waiting on you hand and foot the whole day. When are you going to give me a break?"  
"Hey, who's the one who invented this stupid machine for your dumb book. You should show some more appreciation."

"I'm sorry master Washu."


	2. Magic Girl

Writer note Hello again, :D. Just to remind everyone, this is a parody of anime stereotypes so if somethings sounds weird or out of character, it probably is. I am purposely exaggerating anime stereotypes. Enjoy!!

  


  


"Okay, I'm back again," Shigure said, his voice popping back up in the room.

"Oh joy," Kyo said sarcastically, " and we missed you so much too."

"Anyway," Shigure said annoyed. "I just thought I'd warn you that this chapter is going to be a magical girl chapter."

":You've got to be kidding," Yuki moaned.

"Oh, how fun," Tohru squealed.

"Hope you're ready," Shigure began, " the show is about to begin."

**.................FLASH....................**

_Hello, my name is Tohru Honda. I am just a normal highschool girl who promised to finish highschool because of a promise I made to my mom. But I am very normal. There is no one as normal as me._

"Why hello Honda-san," Yuki said as he walked by.

"Oh my..." Tohru began her face turning beat red. " I can't believe it, the prince of the school Yuki just said hi to me. Oh this must be like a dream come true."

"What are you looking so ill over," Kyo asked coming beside her with his girlfriend Kagura. _My brother Kyo is very overprotective of me. He doesn't like me talking to other guys, and especially not Yuki. For some reason he's hated Yuki ever since we started high school._

"Oh nothing," Tohru stammered. She turned to get another look at the ever so sexy Yuki as he walked into the school. 

  


  


  


"Blah Blah Blah," the teacher said as she taught the students something about some things that were probably important. Tohru was busy falling asleep. Like all good female characters in magical girl animes, Tohru had become fond of sleeping and eating.

"Here are your tests back," the teacher said passing back some papers. Tohru woke up and looked down at the paper in front of her.

"Oh no!! I got a 18%!!" Tohru squealed. "But how? Oh why do I always do so bad in school, I am just so dumb. I think I will eat this cheeseburger I snuck into class and then take another nap."

"Honda-san," Yuki began coming over to her desk. "I've noticed you've been having trouble with your studies. If you'd like, I can tutor you.... umm is that a cheeseburger in your hand?"

"Really?" Tohru asked her mouth full. "You'd tutor me?"

"Umm sure. If you'd like." He smiled at her kindly.

"O..okay," Tohru said swallowing, "that's very nice of you."

"Come over after school to my house then."  
"Oh, I'm not sure if my grandpa would like that," Tohru began slowly. "My brother Kyo probably wouldn't either. Because I'm the only girl in the house, they are very overprotective of me."

"Kyo?" Yuki's eyebrows furrowed. "Where have I heard that name before..." He shook his head and continued. "Well, that's okay, I don't want to make your family angry. I can tutor you at the library then if that would make them more comfortable." 

"Why thank you Souma-kun," Tohru said blushing. "I would like that."

"I'll meet you there as soon as my student council meeting is over," he promised. It should only take about a half hour or so."

"Okay.

  


  


  


_Wow, I cat' believe this. I'm going to be tutored by the prince. He's just so sweet and handsome. I lose my head when he's around. _Tohru paused on her way to the library which was about five minutes away from the school. She was just sooooooo hungry. Maybe she could stop at a Mc Donalds and pick up some food. She decided to take a short cut through the park. Suddenly, she heard a noise. 

"So you're the chosen one I see." a voice said.

"Who's there?" Tohru asked looking around nervously.

"No, down here," the voice spoke again. Tohru looked down and saw the most cutest, most strangest looking creature she had ever seen in her life. It was a mix between a cat, a dog, a fox, a bunny, and a hamster, with little bat wings poking out its back.

"What are you exactly," she asked the creature.

"My name in Panna," it replied. "I am from Magic Land and I've come to take you awaken your powers, princess."

"Magic land? Princess? This is crazy."

"So you don't believe me then? Okay, here, you can have this." Panna pulled out a pink amulet and handed it to Tohru. "Now shout out, 'Pink happy banana split fruitty love romantic octopus Yuki is sexy transform now!!'"

"Okay, if you say so, " Tohru said uncertainly. She held up the amulet. "Pink happy banana split fruity love romantic octopus Yuki is sexy transform now!!" Tohru's body began to spin and dance as her skirt became shorter and her school uniform more glittery. The sleeves of her shirt became transparent lace and her brown shoes became blue boots. Half a dozen pretty bracelets appeared on her wrists and a crown appeared on her head. So, in other words, she pretty much looked exactly the same.

"Now no one will be able to recognize you while you save the world." Panna commented looking at her in approval.

"Wow," Tohru said glancing at her outfit. She looked at the creature from Magic Land. "But this is so crazy. Save the world? I'm just a normal high school girl who made a promise to her dearly departed mother. I'm as normal as they come."

"I'm sorry Tohru, but you're not just a regular girl anymore. You're the princess of Magic Land."

"This.. ah forget it. I'm going to be late for my tutoring session with prince Souma-kun." She turned around and began running back to the library. "Thanks for the pendant," she called back as she ran.

"Prince Souma-kun," Panna whispered to herself. "Could she mean Prince Yuki?" She grinned to herself "So she has already met the Prince. I guess fate brought them back together again after all."

  


  


  


"Sorry if I kept you waiting," Tohru apologized as she walked up to Yuki who was reading a book at a table.

"No, not at all, Honda-san," Yuki said looking up at her. "I just got here myself." He stood up and pulled out a chair next to him for her. "Have a seat." She blushed at the kind act and sat down.

"Thank you," she said quietly. She looked in his eyes, and for a moment felt some sort of recognition. "I feel like I've known you for a long time." she admitted.

"You do? " he asked amazed. "That's funny, because I've been having that same feeling. It's so strange." He looked away blushing. "Well, we better get started. What subject do you have the most trouble with?"

"Umm math mostly but..." she trailed off as she saw her brother come in with Kagura and Kagura's little brother Momiji.

  


"Why are we here again?" Kyo Complained.

"Momiji needs to get some books for his research paper," Kagura explained. Kyo looked at Momiji annoyed.

"How can me and your sister make out with you always needing us to take you places," Kyo said annoyed bopping Kagura's little brother on the head. 

"Wahh, Kyo's picking on me Kagura," Momiji whined.

"Kyo-kun! Don't hit Momiji and don't tell him things like that."

"Bah!"

"Kyo-kun!" Kagura shouted annoyed hitting him over the head with a book.

"OW! Dammit you crazy woman. Quit it!"

  


  


"Umm Souma-kun," Tohru began nervously. "Maybe we should move to a table where my brother won't see us."

"Why?"

"Well, you see, he doesn't like you very much." Tohru explained, immediately feeling guilty afterwards. Maybe she shouldn't have said it like that. No one wanted to be told that someone doesn't like them. 

"But why?" Yuki asked confused. " I don't even know the guy."

"I'm not sure." Tohru said quickly. " but I'm sure if he got to know you he'd see what a nice guy you really are."

"But now that you mention it," Yuki said slowly gazing intently at Kyo. "Somehow the sight of him makes me want to break something. I have this anger in me for some reason and it's only when he's around."  
"Eek," Tohru said standing up quickly. This was really bad. Why did they both dislike each other so much when they had didn't even know each other? "Well, we better move anyway."

"Yeah," Yuki said standing up too. Suddenly, there was a loud crash. "What was that?"

"It came from there," Tohru said pointing to the far wall. Something very powerful had broken through it. When the dust settled, they saw a large scaly, green demon type thing. Black Haru came in behind it. 

"Muahaha, you puny humans, I will destroy you with my demon monsters!! Then I will take over Magic Land too. Hahahaa!"

"Oh no! What should we do? Kagura shouted frightened and grabbing onto Kyo.

"Ha, and I have already chosen my first victims," Haru said looking strait at Kagura, Kyo and Momiji. "Demon attack!!"

"Noooo, my brother!! Kagura!!" Tohru cried out. Suddenly she saw Panna appear next to her, fluttering in the air with it's little bat wings.

"Hurry Tohru, you have to transform and save them." 

"But I forgot the words," Tohru complained. Panna said them over again for her. "Oh yeah," Tohru said pulling out her pink amulet and holding it up in the air. "Pink happy banana split fruity love romantic octopus Yuki is sexy transform now!!" She did her transformation sequence and looked at Panna. "Now what?"

"Use this magic wand and shout out. "DIE YOU BASTARD!!! STRAWBERRY ICE CREAM ATTACK!!"

"DIE YOU BASTARD!!!" Tohru began, pointing the magic wand at the demon. "STRAWBERRY ICE CREAM ATTACK!!" The demon ducked out of the way just in time and missed the attack. It turned its attention to Tohru and started tromping toward her. 

"HA! Did you think a lame attack like that would kill my invincible demon solider?" Black Haru laughed menacingly. "Your ice cream magic is no match for me!!"

"Look out Princess!" a strange mysterious guy shouted as he pushed her out of the way before the demon could cut her in half with its claws. She looked up at her savior. He had dark gray hair, violet eyes, pale skin and was wearing a prince's outfit. (ed. Hmm I wonder who it could be).

"You saved my life!" Tohru said gratefully. "Who are you?"

"I'll tell you later," He said looking at the monster coming at them. "First off, you must use your power to kill this beast."  
"But I tried and I failed," Tohru cried. " I can't do this. I'm just a normal high school girl. I can't fight demons."

"You can and you must," the prince said firmly. "Only you have the power to save everyone. I believe in you but you have to believe in yourself and your own power."  
"I understand." Tohru said standing up. "Thank you." She took out her magic wand and pointed it at the charging demon again. "DIE YOU BASTARD!!! STRAWBERRY ICE CREAM ATTACK!!" Red energy came bursting forth from the wand and hit the demon full force in the belly. It growled and then exploded, splashing gross demon guts and green slime everywhere.

"Oh no I failed," Said Black Haru panicking, "But I'll be back, I be back to kill you all!!" The mysterious prince came up to him and bonked him over the head with his fist. "Ow," Haru shouted. "Huh? I suddenly don't feel like taking over the world and Magic Land anymore. Oh well. Bye everyone." He skipped away, jumped onto his bike and peddled away.

  


"Amazing," Kagura said as she stood up from her hiding place behind a book shelf. "It was like he had some sort of split personality."  
"Yeah," Kyo agreed." Like some sort of black personality that turns on and off."

"But who was that mysterious girl and guy who saved us?" Momiji asked in wonder. "They were amazing!!"

"The girl looked strangely familiar though, don't you think so Kyo?" Kagura asked.

"Nope, never saw her before in my life," he replied.

  


Tohru transformed back to normal. She looked around for Yuki but he had disappeared. The prince however, was still with her.

"You did very well," the prince said with a smile.

"Thank you," Tohru said blushing. "But, have you seen the guy I was with? His name is Yuki Souma."

"Umm," the prince said sweat dropping. "Let's step outside for a moment Princess. We need to talk." He looked at Panna. "Do you mind if we speak alone for a moment."

"Not at all," the creature said waving a hand.

"And thank you Panna-san, for helping me remember." he said quietly

"Anytime, Prince," she said with a smile.

  


  


"What did you want to tell me?" Tohru asked after they had gone outside. The prince led her to a bench and they sat down.

"Panna gave me my memory back." the prince explained, "which is why I was able to help you."

"Memory?"

"Yes, long ago, we used to live in a world called Magic Land. We were the Prince and Princess of the land engaged to be married. But there was a war for power and many of us were killed in a battle for the world. I died while protecting you and then the traitors killed you as well. However, the land survived thanks to us and flourished even more beautifully than before. They prophesied that one day the prince and princess would be reincarnated in this world and when that happened, we would return to Magic Land and finish the lives we were meant to live."  
"Then, you are.." Tohru gasped.

"That's right. The princess was reincarnated as you, Tohru Honda, and the prince was reincarnated as Yuki Souma, which is who I am."

" I remebmer now!" Tohru said excitedly. "We're finally together again! Oh Yuki!!" She embraced him tightly.

  


  


**.......................FLASH............................**

  


Tohru looked down at the mouse in her hands. They were all back in that weird empty room. What had just happened? What had they been doing?

"Well, how did you like it?" Shigure's voice boomed with a laugh. I had a lot of fun making that story."

"What the hell!" Kyo shouted as he realized he was kissing Kagura. "What did you make us do you bastard!"

"Where are we?" Momiji asked.

"Anyway," Shigure continued. "I was pretty nice this time. I didn't make you do anything you'd regret later. Hehe. But I may not be so nice in the next chapter. Till then," his voice finished cutting off.

"That was so weird," Yuki said in his mouse form from Tohru's hand. "I remember what happened but it's all so vague, like a dream."

"Yeah," Tohru agreed. "How many chapters are we going to have to do this."

"I guess until Shigure finishes his book," Kagura said with a sigh. "But it wasn't all that bad." she grinned at Kyo. "Actually I enjoyed myself quite a bit." 

"Oh shut up," Kyo moaned.

  


  


  


Writer note Well, how did you like it? Please review!!

  


  


  



	3. Gotta collect them all

Writer's note This chapter is going to be especially lame. It's done on purpose so don't hurt me just yet. Please review when you finish!! :D

  


  


"Do you think Shigure-san will warn us again when a new chapter is going to start," Tohru asked nervously.

"I sure hope so," Yuki said shaking his head. "This is crazy."

"Oh give me a break," Shigure's voice broke in once again. "It can't be that bad."

"Yes it is!" Kyo yelled angrily. "Let us out!"

"Anyway," Shigure said ignoring Kyo completely. "Chapter three is going to be a 'gotta collect them all' chapter."

"What the hell is that?" Kyo asked in irritation.

"You know, those big marketing animes like Pokemon, Digimon, and Yugi-Oh. They all revolve around collecting all of whatever it is the shows about."

"That's true," Tohru said nodding. 

"So, what is it exactly that we're supposed to collect," Yuki asked bored. "Don't tell me its some kind of cute animal."

"No, I can safely say it is not," Shigure responded.

"Cards then?" Kagura asked.

"Nope not that either."

"Well what then?" Tohru inquired.

"You'll just have to wait and find out." 

  


**.....................FLASH...........................**

  


  


Tohru stopped by her friends Kyo and Yuki during lunch. They seemed engrossed in something very interesting. "What are you guys doing," she asked curiously.

"Only playing the coolest game ever," Kyo said rolling his eyes. "Duh."

"Well, what game is that?"

"You've got to be kidding," Kyo replied annoyed. "You're telling me you've never heard of this?"

"Well, no, not really," Tohru admitted.

"Stupid cat," Yuki mumbled, "can't you ever say anything without sounding like a rude idiot." 

"You shut up you damned mouse, and don't call me stupid!"

"If you didn't act stupid I wouldn't call you stupid," Yuki said sarcastically.

"Umm," Tohru broke in trying to keep them from fighting more. "So what exactly is this game?"

"Its called 'Rock Battling,'" Yuki answered moving his own rock forward a little.

"Uhh, Rock Battling?"

"That's right, you collect these rocks and battle opponents with them. If you can get all 10,000 kinds you'll become the Rock Battle Master."

"I see," Tohru said raising an eyebrow. Was it just her or did this game sound really lame. Well, it would be wrong to judge it before actually playing first. "Can you guys teach me?"

"Yeah right," Kyo snorted, "you don't even have any rocks." 

"Well, I could get some right? I mean, there are a whole bunch outside."

"Not just any rocks will do you know. You gotta find the special ones."

"If you'd like, I can help you find a few Honda-san." Yuki offered. "I'll show you the ones needed for the game."

"Oh thank you," Tohru said happily. 

"Yeah right, like you know what you're doing," Kyo retorted. "I guess I'll have to come too if you really want some good rocks."

  


  


  


Yuki, Tohru, and Kyo began they're journey after school. They traveled through the forest of mystery in search of the wise one who would lead them. They found themselves in front of a giant castle. A guard eyed them sternly. 

"What do you want?" he barked.

"May we speak to the wise one?" Yuki asked bowing.

"Do you have an appointment?"

"No we don't have an appointment, you moron!" Kyo shouted angrily. "Just let us in!"

"Then you can't see him," the guard replied trying to control his temper. 

"Please sir," Yuki said politely. "We've brought someone who wants to learn the way of the rock."

"Hmm, fresh meat," the guard said with a grin. "All right then, you may enter."

  


"So you've come seeking knowledge and rocks," Ayame said from his throne. 

"Who's that?" Tohru whispered looking up at the long haired man.

"He's the only one who has ever succeeded in becoming the Rock Battle Master." Yuki responded quietly. "I've never seen him in person before myself."

"Umm yes," Tohru finally answered Ayame. "I'd like to know how to collect rocks so I can play those battle games with Yuki and Kyo."

"Hmm very interesting. I like you girl. I will tell you the best places to find rocks." He pulled out a folded piece of paper from his coat pocket and held it out to a servant. The servant quickly took it and ran it to Tohru. "This is a map of the best two locations nearby. Go there and you will find what you seek"

"Thank you sir." Tohru said accepting the map. "I will do my best."

  


"What took so long?" Kyo complained as they joined him outside.

"Oh shut up," Yuki said annoyed. "We were hardly in there long at all. Besides, if you hadn't been your idiotic self to the guard, you could've come in with us."

"Let's just look at the map guys," Tohru said as she unfolded it. She examined it carefully. "Well," she said pointing with her finger, "it has an arrow on this spot saying that 'you are here.' So all we have to do is go strait for about ten minutes."

"How lame," Kyo muttered. "What happened to good journeys that last weeks."

"Shigure doesn't have the patience to write a story that long Kyo," Yuki said matter of factly.

"What are you talking about?" Kyo said looking at him oddly. "Who's Shigure?"

"Shigure? Hmm, I don't know." Yuki said blinking. "I wonder why I said that."

"We're almost there," Tohru commented. She was still looking at the map. Yuki and Kyo decided to drop the topic because it was confusing them. "I don't think we've ever been here before." Tohru said finally tearing her gaze away from the paper and admiring the scenery. "It's really pretty here. Maybe we should come back and have a picnic or something."

"That's a great idea Honda-san," Yuki said smiling. Tohru grinned in return. She looked back down at the map and stopped walking.  
"I think we're here." She looked around. "But where are the rocks." She noticed a little boy run by. He paused in front of them and eyed them suspiciously.

"I was here first!" the boy shouted. "You're here to steal my rocks aren't you."

"What are you talking about you little brat?" Kyo asked irritated.

"You're here for the Grand Blue Stone, aren't you?" he accused. "Well, I was here first so as soon as anyone finds it, its mine."

"I believe it would go to the person who found it," Yuki said pointedly. 

"You are just so cute," Tohru squealed as she bent down to talk to the little boy. "What's your name?"

"Hiro," the boy spat, "not that it matters." He went back to searching the ground for the stone.

"I think I found it," Kyo said picking up a shiny blue stone. 

"NO!! Damn you!" Hiro shouted. "Get away from my rock. I've been looking for that for hours."

"No way shrimp. It's mine." Kyo yelled back.

"Fine, then I'll battle you for it," Hiro challenged. They put their rocks in front of each other. Tohru watched carefully but she couldn't quite understand what they were trying to do. The rocks sat there for about a minute. Finally, Hiro stood up, keeping his gaze to the floor. He picked up his rock and turned to leave. "You defeated me," he said quietly. "You can have the Grand Blue Stone." With that he walked away.

"Here Tohru," Kyo said tossing it to her. "You can have this one."

"See Honda-san, now that you have a rare rock, all you need are a few basic ones to make an army," Yuki explained returning to the two. He had left during the battle between Kyo and Hiro to search for rocks on his own. He handed her the three that he had found. "These are good for battling." he said. 

"Wow, you guys," Tohru said smiling. "You're making me feel guilty because you're doing all the work." 

"Not at all, Miss Honda," Yuki reassured. 

  


  


At last they came to the final spot. A blond boy came up to them. "I'm a secondary master," he said. "I've collected 5,000 rocks so far and won 100 battles. My name is Momiji. How would you like to challenge me?"

"Well, I don't know," Tohru said nervously. "I'm new at this and I don't quite know the rules yet."  
"Go ahead, Miss Honda," Yuki urged. "The best way to learn is to play for yourself."

"Okay then," she said pulling out her new blue rock.

"That's..." Momiji gasped when he saw it. "That's the Grand Blue Stone. Impossible!" He looked directly at the camera, "That's right kids. The Grand Blue Stone is the most powerful stone of all. Its only $99.99 at your local toy store. You better hurry and buy it. Supplies are limited."

"Who are you talking to?" inquired Tohru curiously.

"Nobody," Momiji said quickly. "Now put your stone in front of mine."

"Okay," she said setting it down. Momiji stared at the stones hard for about two minutes. Unsure of what to do, Tohru did the same. Momiji made a face about a minute later, and sweat began to form on his brow. "Are you alright?" Tohru asked concerned.

"Yeah, I'm okay," Momiji said with a sigh. He looked at her and smiled. "Congratulations. It was a good battle." He shook her hand and left.

"That was wonderful, Miss Honda." Yuki said grinning. "I knew you could do it."

"Yeah, that was pretty impressive," Kyo agreed. "I didn't know you had it in you."

"AGH!" Tohru yelled. "I DON"T UNDERSTAND!! What did I do?!"

"You won the battle!! Your rock kicked that kid Momiji's rock's ass." Kyo exclaimed.

"You don't have to be so modest," Yuki said patting Tohru on the shoulder. "You did a great job." 

"Why me." Tohru moaned.

  


  


**..............FLASH........................**

  


"We're back!" Tohru said happily.

"Thank god," Yuki sighed. "That was terrible!!"

"I can't believe he wrote an entire chapter about battling rocks," Kyo spat angrily.

"Hey," Shigure's voice broke in. "I happened to think it was quite exciting."  
"That was the most pointless, waste of time ever!!" Kyo shouted.

"That, my friends, is the kind of stuff that sells. Who am I to argue?" Shigure said calmly.

"I'm just glad it's over." Tohru took a seat on the ground and held her head in her hands. "I thought I was going to go crazy."

"Poor Honda-san," Yuki said sympathetically. He narrowed his eyes and searched the glowing room for some trace of Shigure. "Where are you dammit! Show yourself!"

"Did you forget where you are Yuki-kun? You're in my computer. You won't find me that easily."  
"Let us out dammit!"

"Yeah, so I can beat the shit out of you," Kyo added.

"Hmm, you guys aren't being very nice." Shigure said slowly. "Maybe I should teach you all a lesson." There was a pause. "You know, I've been pretty nice so far. I haven't made you do anything that bad. However...just wait till the next chapter. "You'll be begging me to be as nice as before." With that, his voice stopped completely.

"Suddenly I feel very frightened," Tohru said nervously.

"Me too," Yuki agreed.

  


  


  


Writer's note How was it? I hope you liked it XD I guess a lot of people didnt get what the rocks were doing but that was the point. Its a parody of those shows where the rules are so complicated no one really understands what they're doing, or a new person would have completely no idea at all. :D Oh yeah, and I've found that these chapters were considered offensive to some and hilarious to others, but it is all for the sake of parodying different genres. This is just a warning because if you don't like really stupid humor (which seems to be the only kind I have ^_^;;) then you may not like these. Think of it as episodes of South Park done Fruits Basket style. Some people find it funny, others find it dumb and gross. :D 


	4. Yaoi Muahaha

Writer's Note Okay, this is just a warning that there will be gay guy stuff sort of in this chapter. Just nothing graphic since this is meant to be humorous and not pornographic :D

  
  


What do you think that freak Shigure is going to do?" Kyo asked nervously.

"I don't think I want to know," Yuki responded.

"Yes, what will that freak Shigure do?" Shigure's voice boomed suddenly. "Just wait a minute my dears and you will see for yourself."

"Shigure!" Kyo shouted in panic. "When did you get back?"

"I never left," Shigure answered. "And like I thought, you guys are just so mean."

"Shigure," Tohru soothed. "We're just a little tense. You scared us when you said you were going to do something terrible to us in this next chapter."  
"Ah yes, I did say that." Shigure said thoughtfully. He laughed to himself. "Let's see how you guys like my YAOI CHAPTER!!"

"NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" Kyo shouted in horror.

"PLEASE!" Yuki begged. "Have mercy!! Anything but THAT!!"

"MUAHHAHAHAHA!"

  
  


**................FLASH.....................**

  
  


_I watch him from afar. His orange hair, so silky soft, glistens in the sunlight. I want to say something, anything, but I can't bring myself to. Another school day ends, and we walk home. Another school day of many. It never seems to end._

"Is something wrong?" Tohru asked Yuki in concern. He was so quiet lately, she wasn't sure what was bothering him.

"Hmm, oh no, nothing Honda-san," Yuki forced a smile and went back to his thoughts. 

"Damned Rat," Kyo muttered from the other side of Tohru. "What are you planning?" He glared at Yuki suspiciously. "You're finding ways to train behind my back, aren't you! It doesn't matter, I'll defeat you anyway."

_Training, fighting, winning, that was all he thought about. How could he know? How could he possibly understand how I really feel._

  
  


  
  


_Meanwhile_

"Where were you?" Ayame asked Hatori suspiciously as he came into their bedroom. Ayame was sitting up against the back of their bed, with the blankets pulled up to his waist.

"What does it matter," Hatori muttered removing his shirt and getting into bed beside him. "I'm home now aren't I."  
"That's not what I asked you!" Ayame looked down at the covers and sighed. "You were with HIM again, weren't you. You were with Akito."

"So what if I was!" Hatori shot back. "You know how sickly he is. He needs me to take care of him."

"What about me," Ayame shouted angrily. "What about my needs." He covered his face as he began to sob. "I need you too." Hatori's face softened. 

"I'm sorry," he said finally. "I'll try to come home earlier from now on."

"You promise?" Ayame said hopefully wiping his eyes.

"Promise."

  
  


  
  


_Back at the Souma house_

  
  


_I watch him eat his rice and salmon. Tohru offers him leeks but he refuses. I sigh. Its so cute, the way he hates leeks, like a child refusing to eat his vegitables._

_Tohru looks at me oddly. She's noticed the way I've been staring at him. Does she suspect? Does she know about how I feel for him?"_

"Souma-kun," Tohru said after dinner. "May I talk to you alone. Please. It won't take long."

"Hmm, oh of course Honda-san," Yuki stood up from his seat and went to Tohru. "Where do you want to talk?"

"Well, how about your secret base?" 

"Sure," Yuki agreed. _I wonder why she wants to talk there, of all places. But I don't ask any questions. It doesn't really matter anyway._

  
  


  
  


  
  


"So what's on your mind, Honda-san?" Yuki asked when they got there.

"Souma-kun..." Tohru said tearfully. She ran up to him and kissed him hard on the lips. He just stood there his eyes wide. She deepened the kiss, running her hands through his hair. Yuki didn't know what to say, so he said nothing. Finally, she pulled away and looked at him. She narrowed her eyes in anger. "Don't you get it!! Souma-kun...Yuki... I love you."

_Love? No, that couldn't be. Didn't she understand? The person he loved. The person he most cared about was..._

  
  


"Kyo?" Yuki asked in confusion as he noticed the orange haired boy hiding from behind a tree. So Kyo saw them. Did he care? Would he be angry?

"Yuki..." Kyo said, a tear in his eye. He dramatically swept it away and smiled. "I hope you two will be very happy together." With that, he ran away crying. "BOO HOO HOO."

"No Kyo!! Come back!!" Yuki shouted chasing after him. "You're the one I love. I swear. Please!!"

"Are you going to be all right?" Kagura asked joining Tohru by the garden.

"Yes...I'll be fine," Tohru said with a sigh. 

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have told you to tell him how you really felt." Kagura apologized. "But I had no idea he felt that way about Kyo." Kagura made a face and stuck out her tongue. "I mean, ewww. Who knew he was queer."

"It's all right," Tohru said quietly. "I knew all along that he loved Kyo. I just didn't want to admit it to myself." She looked at Kagura, the moon shining down on them like a cheap looking spotlight.

"Don't worry Tohru," Kagura said eyes sparkling. "I'll comfort you." She winked. "I'll comfort you all night long, hehe."

"Oh Kagura, you sweet sweet girl," Tohru cooed taking her hand. "I never realized just how sexy a person with breasts could be." 

  
  


  
  


  
  


"Kyo!! Please stop."

"Fine," he said finally slowing down. He kept his back turned to Yuki, refusing to look him in the eye. "I'll hear what you have to say."

"I love you Kyo, I always have."

"Really? Really for truly? Oh golly gee, you're not just pulling leg or nothin' are ya?" Kyo asked hopefully.

"No, it's the truth. Every night I fantasize about you. I sit in my room alone and imagine all the things I would do to you if I could and then I @@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ (EdI'm sorry, the rest of Yuki's gay porn fantasy has been edited out because it was personally making me ill).

"Then lets stay together forever my love." Kyo said happily, his eyes sparkling. He opened his arms wide and began running to Yuki. "OH YUKI!!!"

"OH KYO!!!" Yuki said doing the same. They ran.....and ran.... and ran some more, but they did eventually get to each and they embraced tightly. They closed their eyes and puckered up, their lips touching.

  
  


**.................FLASH...........................**

  
  


Kyo and Yuki opened their eyes. Hmm something was terribly wrong. They pulled away quickly, looked at each other and screamed. Then they ran to opposite sides of the room.

"HO HO HO HO!" Shigure's laugh echoed in the room. "That was hilarious. Maybe you will learn to appreciate now when I'm being a kind and merciful ruler. There are always worse things I can do to you too you know. HO HO HO!"

"Souma-kun, are you okay?" Tohru asked panicking as she ran to Yuki who was clutching his head against the wall and still screaming. He turned to her his eyes wild. 

"Shigure!!" he shouted looking around. "I'LL KILL YOU!"

"Eek," Tohru said pulling away a little. She decided to go to Kyo. "Are you all right Kyo-kun?" she asked nervously.

"I am not gay, I am not gay, I am not gay, I am not...." he repeated to himself over and over again curled up in a little ball and hugging his knees.

"Shigure-san!" Tohru called angrily. "That was going to far. You should apologize. I think you've traumatized them for life."

"Oh quit being such big babies," Shigure moaned. "I know they liked it."

"WE DID NOT!" Yuki yelled coming back to his senses. "You even made Tohru kiss me and I wasn't staight enough to enjoy it. That was a once in a life-time grand opporunity you know..." oops , he covered his mouth and blushed.

"What did I do again?" Tohru asked racking her memory. "I think I was so disturbed by this chapter that I repressed all memories of it." She noticed something damp on her cheek and wiped it with the back of her hand. "Why is Kagura's lipstick on my cheek?"

"Well, I guess I better be going now," Shigure said ignoring Tohru's question. "Till next time my friends."

"He'll die." Yuki muttered to himself quietly. "That's all there is to it. He's going to die."

"I am not gay, I am not gay, I am not gay..." Kyo still repeated to himself.

"This is really bad," Tohru said with a sigh. "what else does Shigure-san have planned for us?"

  
  


  
  


Writer's note Yeah, that was my parody. Sorry, if this offends anyone, it's really just a joke. 

  
  


I had to change my writer's note from before since apparently I offended someone who was homosexual. This is what they wrote and they signed with a :( 

  
  


_~Hah, not offendind 'queers' my ASS. "Ew! NO!, they're gay! Oh, horror!! They should go to the psychiatrist!" _

_I. Hate. Rasists. _

_Sure, you can have an opinion on things like this, but, you know... we don't really care what you think. So, the second line would have been enough about how you feel.  
_  


  
  


Okay first- I have to say I am very sorry I offended you. I don't hate gay people and one of my friends is even a lesbian so calm down.

Second- you spelled racist wrong

Third- to be racist is to discriminate against a particular nationality. I think the word you're thinking of is prejudice. 

Fourth- This story is meant to be funny, and I make fun of a lot of things. If every single chapter bashed homosexuals, then I would even be ashamed of myself, but it doesn't.

Fifth- I did not say before that they need a psychiatrist to fix their gayness since being gay is bad. I said they needed one because they were traumatized by being forced to have relations with a sex that they are not normally attracted to. There is nothing wrong with people who are naturally homosexual. However it is disturbing when someone is forced into homosexuality when they are normally not. Okay, I hope you accept my apology and if anyone else was offended, I apologize to you as well. Thanks for reading. 

* * *


	5. HORROR!

Writer's note okay this isn't really going to be a take on the anime horror genre (I decided that some chapters will make fun of American genres because it expands my horizons a little). It's actually more of a parody of the crummy (yet entertaining) horror movies we find right here in our home country. Enjoy!

  


  


  


"So, are you sure you're going to be all right?" Tohru asked Kyo and Yuki concerned. 

"Yes," Yuki reassured, "I think I've more or less recovered.

"Yeah, and um as long as _you_ know we're not gay, then it's all right." Kyo added with a shake of his head. He cringed a little as he thought about it.

"Wow, to think we had to get Hatori over here to shoot you with tranquilizers." Tohru said laughing a little but stopped when she realized the other two boys didn't find it all that funny. "Anyway." she said clearing her throat.

"Yes, well that was a pretty horrifying experience," Yuki commented. "Hopefully Shigure will never anything like that ever again."

"Did I hear you say 'horrifying'?" Shigure's voice rang suddenly.

"Uh no," Yuki said quickly, "I said that experience was ahh... electrifying."

"Hmm horrifying eh? That gives me a wonderful idea for this next chapter." Shigure sounded pleased with himself. "And I just finished watching a whole movie marathon of those wonderfully crummy horror films from America. Toodles. You're going to like this."

"Oh that's just great you damned mouse!" Kyo shouted angrily. "Why did you have to go and give him that stupid idea."

"Stupid Cat, he's already been planning to do it anyway. Couldn't you tell? Oh that's right, you're too dumb to notice things like....

  


**......................FLASH.......................... **

  


_A cemetary_

****"Oh Kyo-kun!" Kagura said suppressing a giggle. "Do you really think it's a good idea to make out like this in this abandoned cemetary? What if someone sees us?"

"Hey don't worry about it babe. I'm the star of the football team. I can do anything I want and no one will think twice about it." He grinned seductively. "Now let's make babies."

"Wait, I think I heard something." Kagura whispered.

"Didn't I already tell you I don't care?" Kyo asked annoyed. "It was probably just your paranoid imagination anyway." He continued to kiss her.

"Wait," she said again pausing, "there it is again." They looked out the window of the car and saw a huge swarm of something coming toward them. 

"What the hell is that?" Kyo shouted rolling up the windows of the car and starting the engine. "What the heck!! it won't start! Out of every time I've ever used this damn car and it worked perfectly, its not working now when I really need it."

"Hurry Kyo-kun!!" Kagura shouted in a panic. The swarm was surrounding the car and beating against the hood and sides. The metal sides began to fall apart under the swarm and soon the top was almost completely gone.

"Kagura!! Hurry and save yourself!" Kyo shouted as he opened the car door and ran away as fast as he could.

"You bastard!!" Kagura cried chasing after him. "Why are you running without me then!?" The swarm of whatever followed them and finally had them surrounded. "Oh no, what should we do?" Kagura asked in tears.

"How the hell should I know!" Kyo spat angrily. The swarm was closing in and soon there was only darkness.

  


  


  


  


Happy films is proud to present...

  


A Horror-time Film production

  


Written and produced by some no name guy that found a camera in someone else's garbage and decided to make a movie.

  


ATTACK OF THE BUTTERFLIES

*title drips with blood*

  


_the next day-a hospital_

"It can't be Dr. Hatori." Nurse Ayame said fearfully. "Could these be butterfly inflicted wounds?"

"It looks like it," Dr Hatori replied solemnly. He looked down at the unconscious bodies of Kagura and Kyo.

"Do you think they'll make it," the nurse asked. 

"Only time will tell, only time will tell."

  


_Secret govt base_

"What are we going to do?" the scientist asked panicking. "Akito is going to kill us when he finds out all the butterflies we've been experimenting on have escaped."

"Well, if you hadn't been stupid enough to leave their giant cage open because you wanted to see if they would fly out or not, then this wouldn't have happened," the second scientist responded angrily.

"Hey! You're the one who dared me to do it."

"So what, I was drunk at the time and you were sober. I had an excuse."

"I wasn't sober! I was as wasted as you were!"

"You liar!"

"Shut up!!" Akito yelled entering the room. The scientists froze and turned to look at him in fear. "So, our super secret, no one else in the world knows about it, gov't secret weapon have escaped." He narrowed his eyes at them. "Do you know what this means! If those butterflies are traced back to us we'll be ruined!!"

"We're sorry," the first scientist stammered.

"Yes, we'll make it up to you, we'll find them... we'll..." He was cut short by Akito who had pulled out a gun and shot him in between the eyes. The first scientist looked up at him in horror and Akito shot him as well.

"Morons," he muttered leaving the room. "Apologies won't get those butterflies back."

_At the high school_

  


"Souma-kun," Tohru called as she went up to his desk. "Did you hear the news? That boy Kyo from our class and his girlfriend Kagura are in the hospital in a coma! They say they were attacked by something."

"I know. I heard." Yuki said furrowing his brows in concern. "Maybe you better let me walk you home today."

"Oh Souma-kun," Tohru said with a laugh, " you're such a gentleman. It's hard to believe you're that same little boy I grew up with who used to be afraid of the dark and wet his pants every night in bed."

"Umm yes," Yuki said clearing his throat. "Well, we were all little kids once." He looked up at her with his gorgeous, mysterious violet eyes. "But who knew you would grow up into such a beautiful young lady."

"Oh Souma-kun," Tohru said blushing and giggling. "Now you're just exaggerating."

"But I will walk you home today," Yuki said suddenly serious. "Your grandpa will worry about you with all the news about those strange attacks."

"Thank you," she said smiling. 

  


_After school-a park nearby_

"These are beautiful!" Kisa squealed happily as she picked flowers from a field.

"Yeah, they're nice I guess," Hiro agreed.

"I can't wait till we have enough to sell," Momiji said his eyes sparkling. "Then we can donate all the money to charity."  
"Yes, and we can use it to save the rain forests too," Kisa added. They all giggled innocently as they picked the flowers.

"Wait, I think I hear something," Momiji said looking around him.

"OH NO!" Kisa screamed. A huge swarm of the killer butterflies were surrounding them.

"Help!" Hiro cried. The butterflies closed in on them, battering the children with their killer wings.

"NOOOOO!"

  


_On the way home from school_

"That's why monkeys have fur." Tohru said finishing her joke.

"Haha, that was hilarious Honda-san," Yuki said laughing. They came to the entrance of the park.

"I know," Tohru said looking at the park, "let's take a short cut through here."

"Sure," Yuki replied. They followed the path and went in. As they were walking they noticed three bodies laying in a field. "Look over there Honda-san," Yuki said panicking. He ran to the three and Tohru followed.

"These are the three neighborhood children," Tohru said in horror as she knelt down beside them and searched for signs of life. "They're still alive, we have to get help!" Yuki nodded and they ran to the ranger building in the center of the park. 

"You have to help us," Yuki shouted as he opened the door and went in.

"Please," Tohru yelled "there are three injured children. They look like they've been attacked by something."

"Three injured children eh?" said a crazy looking man from behind the desk. He picked up a phone and called for an ambulance. "They'll be here shortly to pick them up. Don't you worry none." He eyed them carefully. "You know what did it don't you?"

"No, we have no idea," Yuki answered.

"Umm shouldn't we be staying with the kids till help comes." Tohru asked. The two guys ignored her.

"It was the butterflies." the mentally-ill looking man whispered. "The butterflies did it."

"You don't mean," Yuki gasped. "You don't mean that the government has been working on a secret weapon and has mutated normal butterflies and made them vicious killing machines! Then the butterflies somehow escaped and there's no way to stop them!"

"What the hell are you talking about?" the man grunted. "I'm just a paranoid old fool that has an abnormal phobia of butterflies. I don't like them and never did." He laughed. "Government secret weapon, yeah right."

"Yeah Souma-kun," Tohru agreed, "you have to admit that was pretty far fetched."

"You're right." Yuki said with a sigh. "I don't know what I was thinking." They left the building and went to where the children had been. They were still laying there unconscious. "I guess we'll wait here till help arrives."

"These poor children," Tohru said sadly. She brushed the little girl Kisa's hair from her face. "I babysat this girl once. She was such a sweet child, maybe a little insecure, but nonetheless, very sweet."

"There they are," Yuki said as six men came up holding stretchers. 

"Ok, kids, we'll take it from here," one of the men said. They gently lifted the three children and put them on the stretchers.

"Let's go then Honda-san, it's getting late." Yuki said standing up. They began walking home, headed toward Tohru's house, which required walking by Yuki's house on they're large plot of land.

"Souma-kun," Tohru said as they neared his house. "I can walk the rest of the way by myself. It isn't so far."

"Absolutely not," Yuki said firmly. "Especially after what happened to those chil..." he trailed off when he heard a soft fluttering sound. "Do you hear that Honda-san? It's getting louder."

"AHHH!" Tohru screamed. She pointed above them. "It's the butterflies!"

"Hurry, we have to get into my house!" Yuki shouted pulling her away. They quickly ran inside and slammed the door shut. They could still here the fluttering of the wings against the outside of the house. Ritsu and Haru were waiting inside. "What are you guys doing here?" Yuki asked confused.

"I AM SO SORRY!" Ritsu shouted frantically. "BUT WE WERE IN THE AREA AND WE SAW THE BUTTERFLIES AND NEEDED SHELTER BUT WE CAME IN UNINVITED AND I AM SO SORRY!!"

"It's all right," Yuki said shaking his head. "It's no big deal."

"Oh, your cousins right Souma-kun?" Tohru asked. "I haven't seen you guys in awhile."

"I AM SO SORRY, SOMEHOW THIS IS MY FAULT!" Ritsu continued frantically. "SOMEHOW THE BUTTERFLIES ATTACKING IS ALL MY FAULT! PLEASE FORGIVE ME!"

"Ritsu," Haru said firmly, "you have to get a hold of yourself. Don't you know that the character that spazes out is always the first to die." They all became quiet as the beating became louder outside.

"They're breaking through the walls," Tohru said fearfully. "What are we going to do?" They listened as the butterflies broke through more and more of the wall. Finally, a single butterfly made its way in and fluttered toward them.

"NOOOO!" Ritsu shouted in panic, "I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!" He ran out the door into the swarm of butterflies trying to escape.

"He'll never make it!" Tohru cried out as they closed the door and watched from a window. They watched Ritsu run, a swarm of butterflies following, and finally, Ritsu was on the ground. They had gotten him.

"That idiot," Yuki said sadly.

"I tried to warn him," Haru complained. "I told him not to spaz out like that."

"What should we do now Souma-kun?" Tohru asked in tears.

"We have to go back to that crazy ranger guy," Yuki answered. "He hates butterflies, so he may no how to stop them."

"But we'll never make it!" Tohru argued.

"Yes, you will," Haru said looking out the window at Ritsu's unmoving form. "We came here in that car over there, the one Ritsu was trying to get to," Haru explained. He pulled out the keys and handed them to Yuki. "Take care of Tohru," he said quietly. "I'll distract the butterflies."

"No you can't!" Tohru cried.

"Don't do it," Yuki shouted. It was too late, Haru went running outside and began to ran as fast as he could in the other direction.

"Come get me you pretty bastards!" He shouted loudly. The swarm noticed him and began to follow. _Tohru...Yuki.... it's up to you to get rid of those damned butterflies. For the sake of all mankind."_

"Let's go," Yuki said grabbing Tohru's arm. 

"But Haru!"

"We can't let his sacrifice be in vain!" Yuki replied, struggling to stay collected. Tohru nodded and the two got into the car Haru and Ritsu had come in. Yuki started the engine and they went driving to the park.

"Souma-kun," Tohru said solemnly.

"Yes, Honda-san?" 

"You can drive?"

"Ummm no, actually I can't," Yuki admitted. 

"Hmm that's not good."

"Don't worry, I'll get us there," he promised. He pulled the vehicle into the park and drove madly on the path to the Ranger station. They jumped out of the car and ran inside. The butterflies had started following them along the way and were pounding heavily on the walls of the building.

"What do you want?" the old man growled from behind the desk. "You brought those damn butterflies here didn't you."

"Please," Yuki begged, "we need a way to kill them. Don't you have any ideas?"

"Well duh," the man said rolling his eyes. "I've only devoted my whole life to finding a way to destroy those damned insects." He stood up and went into a room in the back. Returning a few seconds later, he brought with him a giant can of bug spray. "Here, knock yourself out," he said throwing the can to Yuki.

"Bug spray?" Yuki asked confused.

"Well yeah, what did you think you needed?" 

"I don't know. Bug spray just seems kind of anti-climatic, don't you think."

"Naw, just go out there and kill those things."

"Alrighty then," Yuki said. "Wanna stay here Honda-san?" 

"Hmm? Oh sure," Tohru said with a wave of her hand. She was reading a manga she had brought along. So Yuki went out with the can and sprayed all the butterflies as they came at him. They fell to the ground by the dozens, twitching and dying. Finally, the last one fell, and it was the end for the killer butterflies. Tohru came out to join him.

"So its finally over?" she asked solemnly.

"Yes it is," Yuki said dramatically. They looked into each other's eyes and kissed.

  


  


_Secret gov't base_

  


"Don't worry my little dears," Akito said as he looked at two butterflies in a small cage. "I won't let them hurt you like they did the others. I've got so many plans for you. So many plans....."

  


  


_**THE END??????**_

  


  


**.....................FLASH.......................**

  


"So guys, how did you like my horror chapter?" Shigure asked. He noticed Tohru and Yuki were still kissing. "The story's over, you can stop now."

"Huh?" Yuki asked noticing his surroundings for the first time. "Oh right," he mumbled not pulling away. Tohru however blushed deeply and stepped back. 

"Of course, it's over now. Silly us." she stammered

"That was so gay," Kyo complained, "why was I only in the first scene?"

"Because," Shigure said pointedly, "you played the dumb jock. Therefore, you were the first to go."

"Shut up!"

"Geez, some people are just never satisfied," Shigure said with a sigh. "Till next time." and he was gone.

"So what happened to Momiji and all the others?" Tohru asked worried.

"They're probably fine," Yuki reassured her. "Once the story ends, I guess everything just goes back to normal." He looked over at Kyo. "See, even the stupid cat is all right." He laughed to himself. "I can't believe you died in the first scene."

"Hey! I wasn't dead! I was just in a coma you damned rat!"

"Whatever."

  


  


  


Writers note Okay that's the end of that chapter. Do you like it? Review please! :D


	6. Giant Robots

Writer's note hi! Not real good at this genre but I'll see what I can do Just read on and see if you like it.

  


"Hello everyone," Shigure said cheerfully.

"What are you so happy about?" Kyo asked annoyed.

"Nothing in particular. I'm just so excited about this next chapter."

"This may be changing the subject Shigure," Yuki said suddenly. "But, when did you plan to let us out?"

"All in due time my friend, all in due time," he reassured. 

"So what's this chapter going to be about anyway?" Tohru asked in curiosity.

"Giant Robots," Shigure said loudly.

"That's just great," Kyo muttered to himself.

"Enjoy!"

  


**......................FLASH............................**

  


_****The year is 2054. The world has just been invaded by alien space crafts exactly (checks watch) two hours ago._ _The government has been creating mecha robots for the past (checks calendar) month and a half. Their original purpose was to use them to make peace in other countries, by threatening to blow up those other countries if they didn't comply. Now, they will be used to defend the HUMAN RACE!_

  


_April 7, 2054 _

_ 3:15pm _

_ Headquarters_

"Mecha pilots!" Aya called loudly in his lavish commander uniform. "Yuki! Kyo! Haru! You are our best, the best of the best, and you must meet these aliens head on. Do you understand!"

"Yes sir! we understand sir!" they said in unison. Aya laughed loudly and gave his long billowy hair a toss. 

"You will kill those alien bastards!"

"Yes sir! We will kill those alien bastards sir!!"

"Now go! Go and fight!"

"Yes sir!" They shouted boarding their mechas which they called 'Evandums'. Haru climbed into the seat of the black one, Yuki boarded the gray one and Kyo climbed into his red one. The designs were sleek and hi-tech looking (and a blatant rip off of Neon Genesis Evangelion because of lack of imagination on Shigure's part.) After they had exited the secret base, which was in the middle of nowhere, Kyo noticed a button that had never been there before to his left.

"What's this?" he asked pushing it. A red beam of light shot out of his robot's left hand, skimming the top of Yuki's Evandum's head.

"What the hell are you doing you stupid cat?!" Yuki asked angrily turning around. He punched Kyo's mecha in the face. Kyo stumbled back and knocked into Haru who fell over, crushing the head-quarter's special highly electrical fence. 

"Aghhhh!" he yelled as he was electrocuted by 5,000 volts of electricity. Boy oh boy was he mad. He jumped up, now turned into black Haru and shot missiles at both Yuki and Kyo. Kyo frantically tried to dodge them but to no avail and his robot's arm was blown off. Yuki managed to move out of the way, but then tripped over Kyo's arm, which was now laying on the ground and went crashing down to the dirt as well. Kyo was now also thoroughly pissed.

"I'll kill YOU, you stupid cow!" Kyo shouted firing his laser beam again and cutting Haru's mecha's body in half. The top half with Haru in it toppled forward. With his last bit of pissed off energy, Haru fired a missile at Kyo, which the cat managed to dodge in time, and therefore hit Yuki instead, who had been trying to get back up again. Both of Yuki's legs blew off, leaving only the top of his mecha still intact. 

"What's that smell?" Haru asked himself from his awkward position inside his ruined robot. "Ah hell! It's smoke!" He released the exit door and went scrambling out as fast as he could, just before his cool looking black Evandum went BOOM!!

  


_April 7, 2054 _

_ 4:05pm _

_back at Headquarters_

  


"I just thought of something," Ayame said suddenly to the head-quarter's doctor Hatori. "I forgot to tell Kyo about the new laser weapon they installed into his Evandum. Ah well, I'm sure he'll figure it out on is own."

"But Ayame," Hatori said thoughtfully, "Don't you find it odd that we send out pilots who are still in high school when we have plenty of qualified older pilots?"

"It's not odd at all Doctor." Ayame said with a laugh. "You see, no one else but those three are dumb enough to take on those aliens in the first place. I mean, ugh, talk about a death wish." He laughed heartily. "Besides, I'm sure they'll do just as well." 

"Umm sir," Yuki said limping into the room followed by Haru and Kyo. "We have a slight problem."

"Wow, those aliens must have been terrible!" Ayame cried out dramatically. "Hurry Hatori, tend to these brave soldier's wounds."

"Uh, right away sir," Hatori said rolling his eyes.

"Please, you must tell me what happened!" Ayame demanded as he helped the three in. "Are they waging war with the Earth? What's going on?" Yuki looked nervously at Haru who turned his head and said nothing.

"Yeah!" Kyo finally shouted enthusiastically. "Those alien bastards were pretty tough but we showed them! We'll get them next time though! Just you wait!"

"I'm glad to here it," Ayame said nodding in approval. "Now where are the Evandums?"

"Completely destroyed, I'm afraid," Haru said with a sigh. "Umm, you know, those aliens and all."

"We'll have them repaired right away," Ayame promised firmly. "You three rest up. You'll be going back out there as soon as possible, before those evil invaders strike again."

"We understand."

  


_April 7, 2054 _

_ 7:30pm _

_Infirmary_

  


"That was awesome!" Haru laughed, "they didn't suspect a thing!"

"Yeah? and what if they found out what really happened?" Yuki replied angrily. "They would have our heads."

"Shut up you damned rat!" Kyo yelled, "it's your fault for knocking me into Haru in the first place."

"Hmm who was the one who shot me in the head with a laser? Wait, I know this. Oh now I remember, it was you!"

"Hey! That was an accident and you know it!"

"Umm, excuse me," a female voice said knocking on the door. "May I come in?"

"What the hell do we care?" Kyo shouted still annoyed. "Just open the damn door." 

"Ah, okay," Tohru said as she entered the room. She pushed a cart toward them carrying food. "Well, I've brought you all your dinners," she said placing a tray in each of their laps. 

"Why thank you," Haru said smiling. Kyo just grunted his appreciation and began eating.

"Thank you very much," Yuki said as she gave him his tray. He looked at her name tag. "Honda-san? Is it?"

"Uh yes. Tohru Honda." she replied. Yuki extended his hand.

"Yuki Souma, it's a pleasure to meet you, Honda-san." She shook hands with him and smiled.

"It's a pleasure to meet you too." 

"All right, that's enough of that," Kyo broke in annoyed. "Are we gonna eat or just sit around talking all day." 

"Oh right, I'm sorry," Tohru apologized as she stepped out of the room. "I'll be back later to take your trays." After she had left, Yuki glared at Kyo.

"Well, that was rude as usual," Yuki said annoyed.

"Ah shut up," Kyo muttered. "We're Evandum pilots about to exterminate an alien race, we don't have time for crap like that."

"I thought she was quite charming," Haru commented sipping his soup.

"Yeah, you would," Kyo scoffed. He took a bite of his own food, gagged and then spit it out. "UGH! And she brought leeks! I hate leeks dammit!"

  


  


_April 8, 2054 _

_1:30am _

_Infirmary hallway_

  


Yuki sat against the wall of the dark hallway, just outside their room. He sighed and closed his eyes. There was just so much inner turmoil inside his heart. Which was such a pain in the ass since he didn't know why he was filled with turmoil.

"Are you all right Souma-kun?" Tohru asked coming up to him.

"Honda-san! What are you doing here?"  
"I have night watch today. I, well I, look after all the patients," she explained. "What about you? What are you doing up?"

"Well you see," Yuki said with a sigh, "I'm an Evandum pilot. Therefore, I have to worry and be depressed all the time. It's one of our requirements to have at least an hour of lonely self-scrutiny and self-loathing a night."

"That's terrible," Tohru said sympathetically. "Is there anything I can do?"

"No, nothing," he looked at her and smiled a little, "but would you like to sit with me for awhile."

"Sure," she said taking a seat beside him and leaning against the wall.

"Tell me a little about yourself," Yuki said turning to face her.

"Oh there's nothing special about me," Tohru said with a small laugh. "However," She looked up at the ceiling, her eyes sparkling. "I do dream of a world without wars or hatred one day. I'm a pacifist."

"Kind of ironic for you to be working at a military base then isn't it," Yuki said with a smirk. 

"It's only temporary," she explained. "My grandfather's very sick right now, and this is the only way I can support us until he gets better."

"I'm sorry," Yuki said quietly.

"Don't worry about it," Tohru said grinning, "He'll be fine. I know he will."

"You know what Honda-san?"

"What?"

"Even though I barely know you, I think I'm in love with you." 

"Why, me too!" Tohru said excitedly, "How cool is that?"

"I'll have to leave again tomorrow to battle those aliens," Yuki said solemnly.

"NO!," Tohru cried dramatically, "I won't let you go! You can't leave me!"  
"I'm sorry, my love," Yuki soothed taking her hand, "but I must go. I must defend the Earth!"

"I understand," Tohru said tearfully. She smiled bravely. "Just promise you'll come back to me."

"I promise," Yuki said kissing her lightly on the lips. Tohru opened her arms and hugged him tightly. POOF, he became a cute little mouse. 

"Hmm that's not supposed to happen in this story. Why are you a mouse?"  


"Let's just pretend it never happened."

"Okay."

  


  


  


_April 8, 2054 _

_2:30pm _

_Outside headquarters_

  


"We've been lucky so far," Ayame announced loudly to his three Evandum pilots. "The aliens didn't attack us in our sleep. Now you must once again face these evil beings and completely annihilate them! Show those bastards that Earth is number one!"

"Yes sir!" the pilots shouted once again running to board their Evandums.

"Wait!" Tohru cried before Yuki could get into his. "Don't forget your promise to me." She handed him one of her earrings. "That one earring is worth more than all of your lives put together," she said seriously. "If you don't bring it back to me I'll kill you myself." Yuki took it and smiled.

"May it bring me luck in this battle," he said and kissed her once on the forehead.

"I'll be back, don't worry."

"Just come on!" Kyo shouted in irritation from his red Evandum. Yuki gave Tohru one last look before climbing into his own gray robot.

"I'll be waiting!" Tohru called to them as they walked away in their mecha suits.

  


  


  


_April 8, 2054 _

_3:45pm _

_The middle of a great big overpopulated city_

  


"That's them," Haru said in awe as he looked up at the huge spacecraft hovering above them. "Umm, how do we get them to come down here and fight us?"

"I'll do it!" Kyo yelled. "HEY YOU BASTARDS!!! GET DOWN HERE!!" The ship made a few beeping sounds and three glowing balls of light appeared in front of them. They slowly began to form into the shape of the aliens. The first alien looked like, King Kong, the second like Godzilla and the third like Gamera (once again, due to a lack of imagination on Shigure's part.) Godzilla came forward and began to speak in a raspy, barely distinguishable voice.

"Eeearthlingssssssssssss....cough cough cough, oh sorry about that," he said, now speaking perfectly. "Greetings Earthlings, we come bearing gifts."

"Yes, we've found the secret to world peace and a cure for all illnesses and would like share them with you." Gamera added.

"Please accept these tokens of love as..." King Kong was cut off by the firing of a laser into his eye. He held his wounded eye, his mouth open in shock. "What the hell did you do that for?" 

"Ha! Did you really think we'd be dumb enough to buy those lies about 'world peace' and 'a cure for all diseases'." Kyo asked indignantly.

"Yeah, you're just trying to get our guard down so you can kill us when our backs are turned!" Haru accused angrily.

"You sick bastards," Yuki muttered from his Evandum, "I WONT LET YOU KILL THE HUMAN RACE!!"

"No, but you don't understand!" Godzilla pleaded taking a step back. "We really have come in peace. It's the truth..." Yuki punched him hard in the gut, sending him flying into a huge apartment complex. The building came crashing down, onto hundreds of innocent bystanders.

"Take this!" Haru shouted firing missiles at Gamera. Gamera ducked out of the way, landing on top a dozen cars in a parking lot. One of the missiles hit a school building and the other, hit King Kong in the shoulder. 

"Forget this!" King Kong yelled angrily. "You guys don't deserve our gifts of love!" He pounded his chest and charged at Haru's robot. Haru extended his arms forward and pushed the giant monkey back, and finally managed to kick him in the groin. King Kong doubled over in pain and crawled away.

"Die!" Kyo screamed as he lasered Gamera's arm off. Gamera shrieked in pain and spit fire out at Kyo's Evandum. Kyo held his arms in front of him to shield himself from the heat and then took his special beam canon from his back and aimed it at the giant beast. "Say your prayers alien invader," he said as he pulled the trigger. A huge beam of light shot out of the weapon and hit Gamera in the chest, knocking him back onto a hopital building.

  


"Mama," a girl called as she watched the fight from the street. "Those people just destroyed our home, the hospital and the school."

"That's right," the mother said with a smile. "Those are the brave Evandum pilots her to save us from those evil space invaders."

"YAYYY!" the little girl cheered happily.

  


"You're persistent," Yuki said with a smirk as he wiped a drop of blood from the corner of his mouth. He glared at Godzilla, "I guess I won't be able to hold back anymore." He aimed his mecha suit at the monster and ran straight at him at full speed. He whipped a blade from the arm of his suit and sliced Godzilla across the shoulder.

"Agh," Godzilla cried clamping his hand over his wound. He looked around and saw that his two comrads had been defeated as well. "RETREAT!" he shouted loudly. The other two looked at him and nodded. They changed back into balls of light and transported back to their ships. After a few cranking and engine sounds, the ship was revved up and went darting back into space from whence it came.

  


The three Evandums came crashing to the ground. Haru, Yuki and Kyo came tumbling out panting heavily.

"Mission accomplished," Kyo said weakling signaling a thumbs up.

"Yes, good job guys," Haru added. He closed his eyes and breathed a sigh of relief.

"Oh Souma-kun!" Tohru cried running to Yuki. "I was so worried!"

"Don't worry," he said with a smile. "I'm all right." 

"Huh? Oh that's all fine and dandy but where's my earring?"

"Oh that," he said pulling it out of his pocket and handing it to her.

"Hurray!" she cried out happily and put it back in her ear.

  


  


**....................FLASH..................................**

  


****"Ugh, that was so dumb," Kyo complained. "I mean Godzilla? Give me a break!"

"I don't think Shigure actually knew what he was talking about," Yuki commented stretching his arms a little. "Agh, I'm all sore from that cramped Evand... whatever it was."

"Does Shigure even like giant robot shows?" Haru asked in wonder.

"Bah! Who knows," Kyo muttered.

"Hmm, I always seem to get together with you in these stories, don't I Souma-kun," Tohru noted with a little laugh.

"Yes, that's true.." Yuki said frowning. "Why? do you not like being together with me in them?"

"Oh no, not at all," Tohru said blushing. "I actually rather enjoy it..." she stopped and looked away. 

"Aw, well isn't that the cutest thing," Shigure said suddenly, his voice coming out of nowhere.

"Oh shut up," Yuki muttered.

  


Writer's notePhew!! that's finally done, this was a hard chapter for me to write because I'm not all that great with the whole mecha genre thing. Well hoped you enjoyed it. Please review!!

  



	7. Girls with Guns

Writer's note Oh yeah, I decided to up the rating to PG13. I don't know why I had it at PG in the first place. My demented and violent mind can only control itself for so long. 

  


  


"I won!" Tohru said happily as she put down her cards. They were playing Rich man Poor man with the deck of cards Shigure had been "kind" enough to give them.

"I let you win," Kyo muttered annoyed. Yuki rolled his eyes.

"I see in even a card game you can't take defeat like a man," he said cooly.

"I'll show you defeat you damned rat!" Kyo growled jumping to his feet.

"Will you now? Just like you always do?" Yuki smirked. Kyo charged at him aiming his fist at Yuki's face. The mouse dodged it easily, and knocked Kyo out with his elbow. 

"I really wish you guys wouldn't fight," Tohru said with a sigh as she shuffled the cards. "Does anybody want to play again?" 

"I'm afraid you'll have to take a break from that card game of yours Tohru-kun," Shigure's voice echoed in the room. "I believe its time to begin the next chapter."

"What's this one about?" Haru asked from his position lying on his back, resting his hands behind his head. "Am I going to be in this chapter too?" 

"Well, this chapter is going to be a 'girls with guns' chapter." They could all hear the dog sigh. "Ah yes, what could be more sexy and provocative than a beautiful girl holding a pistol and shooting the life out of some worthless male. It brings tears to my eyes. Really it does."

"Shigure," Yuki called annoyed, "how is it possible for you to be this perverted? Not to mention stupid." 

"You're so mean, Yuki-kun," Shigure whined, "if you're not careful, I'll start killing you off in my stories." He then turned his attention back to Haru. "Ah yes, I'm not sure whether I'll use you or not. I guess you'll just have to wait and see, but don't worry, I've thought of a very special chapter where you get to be the main character. But that won't be till next time."

"My heart is full of joy," Haru replied. "However, will I survive the long wait."

"Well, survive you must," Shigure said, "because its time for GIRLS WITH GUNS!!"

  


**......................FLASH.................................**

  


****The rain was falling hard, forming puddles all around the girl. She stood there, in the center of it all, letting the water wash away her sins, and the past, that could not be forgotten. She was waiting for someone, someone who would be there at precisely 7:00pm, the time when he would leave his job to go home. A man came out the door. He had a proud step in his walk, almost like a skip, like one who knew exactly who he was and where he was going. This man was a proud employee of Arby's, and he had just been promoted to second, almost, sort of, assistant manager. Hell yeah.

"Excuse me miss," the man asked furrowing his brow in concern as he noticed the girl, "is something wrong?" She looked at him with empty eyes, her clothes and hair soaked. Finally, she spoke.

"I want to have sex with you," she said simply. "Right now."

"Umm what did you... j..just say," he sputtered in shock.

"You...me...sex....now," she said calmly.

"Very well ma'am," he said clearing his throat and lowering his voice a notch. "Your wish is my command. Even if it is something, as uh, unpleasant such as that."

"Take me to your place," she commanded quietly. He nodded anxiously, and happily walked home, which was an apartment complex nearby. His walk was no longer the proud step of a confident male. It was the joyous frolic, no, more like the horny prancing, of a man who was about to get some from a mysterious and beautiful girl. 

"Right this way," he said opening the door to his apartment for her. She stood inside the room, and waited for him to finish locking up behind him. He smiled and turned to her. "So shall we begin?"

"Yes," she said without emotion, "Let's begin." She whipped out a hand gun and shot the man five times. He crumpled to the ground, his mouth still contorted in a look of surprise and terror. She looked down at him solemnly. "Why?" she asked tearfully, "Why don't I give a damn that I just killed you!" She shot him once more in the head. "Why don't I feel guilt! Remorse!" She shot him again in the groin. "Why!" * BANG * "Why!" * BANG * "Why!"....... (how many bullets does that gun have?)

  


  


Akito sat on the couch reading the day's paper. 'Man Killed in Own Apartment' the title read. He grinned at Tohru who sat on the windowsill, looking outside.

"Good job Tohru," he commented, "my pretty little assassin."

"What did that man do?" she asked finally. "Who hired us this time?""Actually," Akito said turning the page, "that was a personal grudge of my own. That asshole forgot to give me my receipt when I bought roast beef sandwiches there the one day."

"I see," Tohru said not turning around.

"By the way, you'll be getting a new assistant today. Her name's Kagura."

"Really?" she asked, finally showing some interest. "Someone else to work with." She smiled a little. "How nice."

"She'll be meeting us here in about an hour," he said, "you can explain how things work around here." Tohru went back to looking out the window. It was still raining outside.

  


"Hello! My name's Kagura," a bouncy girl with short brown hair said as she introduced herself. "And you're Tohru right?" Tohru nodded, not sure of what to make of her new assistant. "So we'll be killing people won't we! Cool! I want the big gun!"

"Um Kagura," Tohru said suddenly, "let's go to my room for a moment and talk." She led the way to her room and sat down on the bed. "Why did you decide to become an assassin? You're still so young, it's not too late to choose a different profession."

"You're kidding right?" Kagura said with a laugh, "I may look cute and innocent but I'm nineteen years old."

"Wow," Tohru said impressed. "You're two years older than me then." She looked away, "still, I wonder, why a nice, happy girl like you would choose to be an assassin."

"Well you're one aren't you," Kagura asked.

"It's not by choice," Tohru said quietly. Kagura noticed the sad look in her eyes and decided to not pry any further.

"Anyway, I've been one for awhile now, working for various organizations and whatnot," she grinned sardonically, "seems like killing is the only thing I'm good for. Even when I was in elementary school, and I used to beat all the little boys with a wooden bat, my teacher would say 'Kagura, you're going to grow up to be a mass murderer one day.'" Kagura laughed again, "how ironic is that? I guess she didn't know just how right she was."

"I see," Tohru said nodding. "I guess I'm not the only one then. It seems like killing is all I'm good for too." They heard a knock on the bedroom door, and Hatori came in.

"You two have a new assignment," he said handing them the picture of a young man with orange hair and ruby colored eyes. "Burn the photograph when you're through looking at it," he instructed, and then left.

"He's cute," Kagura commented, "too bad we got to blow his brains out."

"Let's get ready," Tohru said ignoring her remark. Kagura nodded and pulled on a sweatshirt, a huge pair of worn jeans, and tennis shoes. "What are you doing?!" Tohru asked in horror.

"Getting ready," Kagura replied confused. "Why? Is something wrong?"

"Kagura-san, my dear," Tohru said sympathetically, "I don't know what assassination organizations you've worked for in the past, but real female assassins do not dress like that!"

"I had no idea," Kagura cried out in shock. "Please forgive me!"

"It's all right," Tohru reassured patiently. "You didn't know." She laid out two outfits on her bed for Kagura to see. "Now," Tohru said authoritatively pointing to the first one. "We have choice A, which is the cute school uniform look, highly recommended when shooting down the old perverts. Then, Choice B is an impossibly short skirt, with matching impossibly tight tank top with low V- neck. Either way, as long as you're showing leg and cleavage, you know you're on the right track."

"I see," Kagura said nodding, "It's all so clear to me now."

"And those shoes," Tohru said laughing as she noted the tennis shoes Kagura was wearing. "What do you think we're doing, running a marathon?" She pointed to her own six-inch heels. "Only the most uncomfortable shoes will do." She kicked off her heels, exposing her blistered and corn abundant feet. "Now those are real battle wounds of a true assassin."

"You are truly an artist," Kagura said glowing with admiration. She whiffed the air. "And that odor, is that Athlete's foot that I detect? How proud you must be."

"Well, I try," Tohru said blushing.

  


Kyo sat on a bench in the park. He read a book, his hand resting in the pocket of his big black trench coat. From time to time, his eyes would look up from the book and dart nervously back and forth. He saw two girls come walking up the trail. They looked at him carefully, then smiled at him seductively.

"I want to have sex with you," Tohru blurted out suddenly as she walked up to him. The one with shorter hair looked at her oddly and gave Tohru an ever so slight and friendly push to the side. A slight push that knocked Tohru off balance and sent her skidding into the grass. Tohru scrambled to her feet, a pissed look on her face. 

"What a kidder she is," Kagura laughed. "What my friend meant to say was..." she pulled out a gun and aimed it at Kyo's head. She pulled the trigger quickly without hesitation. However, for some odd reason, the desired result of blood and brains did not occur. Instead, only a thin stream of water came out, dripping down the side of the his temple. "A water gun?" she muttered confused. 

  


_FLASHBACK- a half hour ago_

_"Yay! my first mission with Tohru," Kagura had sang happily. "Now which gun should I bring? Hmm, well, I like this one because its orange and it's all cute and litte."_

_"Kagura," Tohru had sighed. "That's a water gun. You should know that. You're the one who brought it here."_

_"Yeah, yeah, I know," Kagura had said with a sigh. She looked at the cute orange gun longingly. "Well, maybe I'll bring both," she thought to herself grabbing it and a real firearm as well. "Its not like I'll forget which is which."_

  


Kagura laughed to herself as she held out the stupid orange toy. "Oh yeah, that's how it happened. Duh, stupid me." Kyo rolled his eyes, then kicked it out of her hand before jumping back. He pulled his own gun from his pocket and aimed it at the girls. 

"You're under arrest!" he shouted. They stared at him in shock. "Hands in the air now!" he yelled more firmly. Tohru looked at Kagura who nodded. Kagura made a quick motion with her hand like she was going to whip out another gun, though she was really preparing herself to run. Silly, silly Kyo actually fell for it. He aimed his gun at Kagura and fired. Kagura dodged it easily and smirked. Tohru had used this distraction to her own advantage and taken out her own gun. She shot the gun out of Kyo's hand before he could fire at Kagura again. 

"Damn it!" he yelled and began to run away. Tohru began shooting at him with her expert accuracy. Somehow, she missed every time. He managed to dodge every bullet by ducking behind trees and trash cans every time she made a shot.

"What the hell," she shouted angrily as he got away. "I can't believe this! I've never let a target escape alive before and I'm not about to now!" She darted after Kyo, keeping up quite well for someone in six-inch heels. Kagura finally got out her own real gun, which was hooked in a complicated manner around her thigh and chased after them as well.

"Those damn females are still following me," Kyo muttered to himself as he ran. "I gotta lose them somehow." He noticed a rapidly moving river, raging nearby. He leapt (with cat like reflexes) over it using a few rocks scattered in it as stepping stones. Tohru tried to follow but slipped on the slimy rock into the water (who could blame her in those shoes). It pulled her quickly down stream.

"Help Kagura!!" she shouted, "I can't swim!" Kyo smirked from the other side of the river. He was supposed to arrest them, but without a weapon the situation had gotten slightly out of hand. He decided to go back to the station. If he was going to get these girls, he was going to need backup after all. "Kagura!" Tohru shouted again. "I said 'HELP!!'"

"Well, yeah, I know," Kagura said sympathetically as she followed alongside Tohru from the shore. "But then I'd have to go in there, and I'd get all wet, and plus I just got my hair done, and well, you know." 

"Hold on!" a guy shouted jumping into the water. "I'll save you!" Tohru struggled to keep her head above water, and gasped for air as the guy swam up to her. He grabbed her around the waist and pulled her with him as he swam to shore. 

"Thank you," she gasped coughing up water. He climbed onto land and helped her out as well. She looked at him gratefully. He had gray hair and violet eyes.

"How did you fall in there?" he asked concerned. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine now," she stammered trying to regain her composure. 

"Were you trying to commit suicide?" he asked dramatically. "Suicide was it? Yup it was suicide. No doubt about it."

"What? No, actually I wasn't."

"Oh that's good," he said laughing. "You just look like someone who would, that's all."

"Gee thanks." She glared over at Kagura who was waving as she came up to join them. "You damned bitch!" she cried out as the girl came closer, "not only did you ruin my flawless plan, you refused to save me as well."

"Saying you want sex is not a plan," Kagura complained. Yuki looked at the two confused.

"What are you guys talking about?" he asked. Tohru looked at him in panic. She had forgotten he was there.

"No..nothing," she stammered. He didn't look convinced.

"Anyway," he said, "Why don't you come back to my place and dry off. It's just around the corner."

"Umm, I suppose," Tohru agreed nervously. This would be the first time she had ever gone to another's guy's place without the intention of killing him. 

"Well then," Kagura said giggling, "I guess I'll just leave you two love birds alone." She went prancing away to inform Akito that the target was dead but apparently had a twin. So should that twin ever be spotted, it was someone else and was not because they had failed in their mission. A lame excuse, but good enough if they didn't want to become targets themselves. Yuki and Tohru went back to Yuki's apartment. When they were inside, he handed her a towel and went into the kitchen. He returned a couple minutes later with a cup of tea. 

"Thank you," she said taking it gratefully. 

"Its pretty late," Yuki commented, "Aren't your parents going to worry about you?"

"Hmm," she said sipping the tea. "I don't have parents... "~FLASHBACK about to start~ ".... .................I made a lot of bad decisions in my life....... and now I have no parents......."

  


_FLASHBACK –ten years ago_

  


_"I'll give you choice," Akito said to Tohru, "you can choose between your parent's lives, or Mr. Teddy Bear."_

_"Hmmm," Tohru said looking first at her mom and dad tied up in the chairs and then her soft, fuzzy stuffed animal. "I want Teddy!" she said grabbing the bear and hugging it tightly. _

_"Good decision," Akito said smiling._

__

  


  


_"Kill that man Tohru!" Akito screamed pointing to the man chained up in their basement. "He's evil and bad! He deserves to die!" Tohru looked at the gun in her hand._

_"But I don't wanna kill the man," she complained._

_"If you do, I'll give you candy." he promised._

_"Strawberry flavored?"_

_"Any flavor you want."_

_"Okay then," she said shooting the man ten times in the head._

  


  


_"I love you Tohru," Akito would purr. "If you were to ever fall in love with another man, I wouldn't be able to control myself. I would go crazy and kill you both."_

  


_END OF FLASHBACK_

  


  


"I gotta go," Tohru said suddenly standing up.

"Are you sure?" Yuki asked. "You just got here." 

"Yeah, I have to go right now." she said. "Thanks for the tea."

"Would you like me to walk you home?" he asked in concern. "It's not safe for a girl to be walking alone at night, you know." 

"Thank you,"she said smiling a little, "but I'll be fine."

  


  


  


"Shit! those damned murderers were tougher than I thought," Kyo muttered sitting down at his desk at the police station. An undercover agent had set him up as a target so he could catch whoever it was that had assassinated twenty-seven people so far. Who could've known that all along it was two young and innocent looking girls.

"Stupid Cat!" Yuki shouted as he came into the station. "I looked all over the park for you. Why didn't you wait at the spot we were supposed to meet?" 

"I didn't think I'd need your help," Kyo grumbled. "How was I supposed to know there would be two of them!"

"Two?" Yuki asked confused. "All along we thought it was only one guy doing it."

"Ha, and all along we thought it was guy!" Kyo laughed.

"You mean women have been behind these murders," Yuki asked in shock. 

"That's right, cute girls too, about our age... Let's see," Kyo said closing his eyes. "One had long brown hair, and the other had short brown hair. They both had on these ridiculously short skirts and high heals." 

__"No way," Yuki moaned. It couldn't be, could it? Was that girl he had had at his home one of the assassins they had been searching for all this time?"

"What is it now?" Kyo asked annoyed.

"Forget it," Yuki said. "It's a long story."

  


  


  


"So the target's dead, right Tohru?" Akito said narrowing his eyes. 

"Of course he is," Tohru said looking out the window. "Have I ever failed you before?" 

"No, you haven't," Akito said suspiciously, "but I get the feeling you're lying to me. You wouldn't want to lie to me now would you?"

"No, never," she said quietly. 

"Hatori says he saw you with a cop. You went into his apartment."

"A cop?"

"That's right. Now you wouldn't lie to me about this would you?"

"I was there," Tohru said stiffly. "I got wet and he offered me tea. It was no big deal." Akito looked at her, smirking a little.

"By the way, this is your next target," he said handing her a picture of Yuki. She looked at it in shock. "This cop along with the orange haired one have been tailing us for quite some time." He watched her carefully. "You will kill him won't you?"

"Of course," she said placing the picture in her pocket.

  


  


"I'm sorry Tohru," Kagura said as she came into the room. "I don't think Akito bought my foolproof excuse. He must be psychic or something. How else could he have seen through my most ingenious lie?!" She paused, noticing that Tohru was getting ready to leave again. "Wait a minute. Where are you going now so late at night?" Kagura asked in curiosity.

"I have to visit someone," Tohru said grabbing her coat and gun, "another target."

  


"Helloooo," Tohru called knocking on the door. "Are you home?"

"What are you doing here?" Yuki asked suspiciously from behind her. She still looked as cute and innocent as before. He couldn't believe that she was one of the assassins that they'd been searching for this whole time. She turned around quickly.

"I um, I just forgot my umm, would you like to have sex with me?"

"Excuse me?" Yuki asked in shock. 

"I would like to have sex with you right now," Tohru said a little more firmly.

"Oooookaaaaay," Yuki said, "uh, are you feeling all right?" It just wasn't possible, there was no way this girl could be an assassin. 

"Can I come in?" she asked quickly.

"Sure, I guess," he said opening the door. She walked in nervously. Her hands shaking, she took out the gun. 

"I'm am so very sorry," she mumbled aiming it at him. "I am really very sorry." She went to pull the trigger, but stopped, then she went to pull it again, but stopped, and this went on for about a few more minutes or so. Finally Yuki sighed and pulled the gun from her hand. 

"Why do you do this?"

"Umm because Akito tells me to?"

"You know, that's a pretty sucky reason to kill people."

"That's a good point," Tohru agreed.

"So why don't you just tell me where this Akito is hiding, we'll arrest him, and you can live like a normal girl." Yuki suggested.

"That's an awesome idea!" Tohru exclaimed "I wonder why I never thought of that." She wrote down her address for Yuki.

  


  


"Well, that's weird," Kagura said to herself looking out her bedroom window. "They're arresting my boss again." She noticed the orange-haired guy that they had tried to kill before was one of the cops putting Akito into the squad car. She ran outside to him. "Hey there Hottie!! Long time no see! (it's only been a few hours) How's it going?" She smacked him hard on the back laughing. 

"What the hell! It's you, you damned bitch!" Kyo shouted as he slammed the door shut behind Akito. 

"Aw! You're not still all mad about that whole trying to assassinate you thing are you?" Kyo narrowed his eyes and looked at her like she was crazy. 

"What are you being all happy about, dammit?! Do you **_want_** me to arrest you for that attempted murder?" She looked at him pouting, and grabbed him tightly around his neck.

"Oh don't be like that!" she cried squeezing him with all her might. "You're just tooooo cute!!"

"Agh! What is your problem!" he gasped trying to break free. 

**....................FLASH.............................**

  


"Thank god it's over! And what was up with the cheap ending?" Kyo complained. "That was so dumb."

"What was wrong with it Kyo-kun?" Kagura asked grinning. "I liked it. In the end, the two characters who mattered the most ended up together!" Kagura giggled happily to herself.

"We didn't end up together you crazy girl!" Kyo shouted, "It ended with you strangling me!"

"So then what happened to us?" Yuki asked Tohru confused.

"I'm not sure," Tohru replied biting her lip. "I guess I got to live a normal life or something."

"I know, maybe we ran away together," Yuki said jokingly.

"Haha, why not? Maybe we did."

"Kagura! Get off me!" Kyo yelled frantically trying to pry her off. "We aren't together and we never were!"

"You can't fool me Kyo," Kagura sang clinging on tighter. "We've been a couple in all these chapters. "If that's not fate, I don't know what is."

"Kagura!"

  


  


  


Writer's note Hmm, this chapter was quite a challenge to bring humor into. Bah, I like funny things and this chapter may have been a bit too dramatic at times. Oh well, hopefully you guys didn't mind. :D I did make a few lame attempts to be funny so hopefully they didn't suck too bad, hehe. Yeah so review and tell me what you thought!

  


  


  


  



	8. Android

Writer's note Okay, okay, I know my Tohru x Yuki pairing is probably getting really old. I'm sorry! I'll try and mix up the pairings more, a little at least, and focus on more of the other characters. But that won't change the fact that Tohru and Yuki are my absolute favorite anime couple of all time and if I had my way, they would be married right now. Yup, so I'm still going to keep it a Yukiru in the end :D 

  


"Hey!! I never got to ask you how you liked my 'girls with guns' chapter," Shigure whined. 

"Cheap ending," Kyo said simply with a yawn.

"Well, I was tired," Shigure replied. "I fell asleep as soon as I finished it too."

"Thanks for sharing," Haru said rolling his eyes. "We really care."

"Oh think nothing of it," Shigure laughed happily. "Now its time for the chapter I promised you."

"What chapter is that?" Tohru asked pausing from her game of chess with Yuki. 

"The chapter where Haru gets to be the star! The 'Android' chapter!"

"Android?" Haru asked confused. "I'm going to become a robot?"

"You'll see," Shigure answered.

"Check mate, Honda-san," Yuki said sliding his queen down three spaces away from Tohru's king.

  


  


**..................FLASH........................**

  


  


****"You can open your eyes now," Yuki told Tohru as she entered the room. She did so and saw a beautiful girl sitting on the couch.

"How cute!!" Tohru squealed. "I can't believe you guys actually bought me one! You two are the greatest!" She turned to look at Kyo and Yuki and smiled broadly.

"Yeah, well," Kyo stammered blushing, "you've done a lot for us, so we thought we'd make your household stuff a little easier."

"How cool," Tohru said getting a closer look. "My very own Automaid." She clicked the 'on' switch behind the android's neck.

"Hello, my name is Yumiko," the Automaid said smiling. "I will do my best to keep your house spotless, your toilets clean, and your men satisfied." She winked at Yuki and Kyo. 

"Is she supposed to do that?" Yuki asked Kyo quickly in a harsh whisper.

"How the hell should I know," he whispered back. Tohru seemed unaffected.

"Wow, I can't wait to try her out," she said excitedly.

"I'm a bit surprised Tohru-san. I didn't know you liked females in that way," Haru said, suddenly, somehow in the room. He looked down at the android sitting on the couch. "And what a beautiful and charming female she is." Haru said nodding. "I can see why you like her."

"Umm Hatsuharu-san," Tohru said sweatdropping, "this is my new Automaid. Yuki and Kyo bought her for me."

"Where did you come from anyway?" Kyo asked annoyed.

"The door," Haru answered rolling his eyes. "Please, Kyo. Let's not waste our time with these silly questions." He sat down beside the android. "It's hard to believe she's not human," he commented taking its chin and turning its head to face him. "She looks so real."

"Hello," the Automaid said smiling. He let go of her chin quickly.

"I didn't realize she was turned on already," Haru said standing up. The maid stood up with him and bowed.

"My name is Yumiko." she said. Her maid outfit, which was two-times to small for her, exposed lots of fanboy cleavage as she bent down.

"I'm Haru," he said blushing a little. He turned away. This was getting ridiculous.

"Haru-sama," she said softly. "I will do all in my power to serve you."

"Hmm, she must like you," Tohru giggled. "Now lets all think of something for her to do for us....ummm...I know. Could you please get us all some drinks Yumiko?" 

"Well, yeah, I could do that," Yumiko said scratching the back of her head lazily.

"Umm could you do it then?" Tohru asked laughing a little.

"Maybe later," she replied walking away. Everyone stood there shocked. What kind of cheap piece of crap Automaid did they buy anyway?

"What the hell!" Kyo shouted. "We wasted fifty bucks on that!"

"Fifty?" Haru asked confused. "Don't those things sell for about fifty thousand?"

"Well yes," Yuki said clearing his throat. "Perhaps in theory, but we got a good deal on her."

"You damned rat!" Kyo shouted pointing an accusing finger at Yuki. "We never should have bought it from that cracked out weirdo in that dark alley! You should have realized something was wrong when he kept calling you Superman."

"Well then its as much your fault as mine," Yuki said annoyed. "I don't remember you protesting at all."

"That poor girl," Haru said suddenly. Everyone looked at him confused. "Don't you see. Her former master must have been terrible for her to be like this. I will go comfort her."

"Comfort her?" Kyo asked shaking his head. "Haru, dude, it's a robot." Haru wasn't listening. He went upstairs and found her in Tohru's room, laying in Tohru's bed, wearing Tohru's pajama's, and reading Tohru's manga. "Uh hi Yumiko, do you mind if come in?"

"Sure," she said not looking up from her book He went to say something but she put her finger to her lips. "Shh," she whispered, "it's at the good part." He waited patiently for her to finish. Finally she put the book down, wiped away a tear and sat up. "That was such a great story," she sighed. "Oh yeah, what was it you wanted?"

"Uh, well, I just wanted to know if there was something bothering you. Some troubled past or something. You're not like any other Automaid I've ever seen before."

"Ah so you noticed," she said nodding. "Yup yup, that's right. I'm special, I'm one of a kind, and you ain't never gonna find another android like me in a million years."

"I knew it," Haru exclaimed. "There was just something different about you. But how is it possible? You're just like a normal girl."

"Well you see," Yumiko said with a sigh that was a bit over done, "My former master treated me terrible. So terrible in fact that he would forget about me all together. And he did that a lot. On one fateful day, I was holding the antenna for his ghetto tv since he doesn't have cable and only about two stations actually come in, barely. Anyway, I was holding his antenna like usual when it occurred to him that the best reception came when I was standing outside. So outside I was sent, standing there while he watched television and fell asleep. Like any other good, mindless android, I stayed out there and planned to stay out there until I was given permission to come back in. All night, I stood there, and it started to rain, soaking me through, and as luck would have it, heaven sent me a lovely thunderbolt through that antenna, and it zapped through my whole body. Damaged me so bad that now I have real human emotions and my very own unique personality."

"I see," Haru said slowly. "So all a person has to do is electrocute their Automaids and they'll gain personalities like you did?"

"No No No!," Yumiko gasped in shock. "Of course not! Are you crazy or something? I'm one of a kind! There is absolutely no way that this strange turn of events could ever happen again!"

"Fair enough. But I must know. Why would anyone ever get rid of a wonderful Automaid such as yourself."

"He said I was lazy," Yumiko complained, "and that I talked too much. I don't think I talk too much. You don't think I talk too much, do you? Do you think I talk too much? No, of course you don't think that, and you know why? Its because I don't talk too much. I don't know where he even got that idea from in the first place. If I did, I'm sure I'd realize it and I would stop immediately. Wouldn't anyone? No one wants to be told they talk too much you know. That reminds me of funny joke I heard before. Actually it wasn't so much a joke. It was more like a..." She stopped as Haru put a finger up to her lips to silence her.  
"I just came up here to tell you," he said quietly, "that Tohru, Yuki, and Kyo are good people. You should be nice to them, and act like an Automaid should. They'll take care of you and treat you very nice, not at all like your last owner."

"I see," Yumiko said standing up and walking out of the room. She stopped and turned her head to look at him. " I thought you understood me, but I guess I was wrong. I don't want to be an Automaid, I want to be treated like a human being. I want people to look at me the way you did me when you first saw me, when you didn't know I was an android." She smiled and then walked away, leaving Haru alone.

  


"Uhhh Yumiko-san," Tohru said nervously. "I don't mind if you borrow my clothes but could you not change the oil in the car while you wear them? And could you um, not paint the house while you wear them."

"Damn it!" Yumiko complained throwing the paintbrush down, "you stupid humans are never satisfied are you."

"Well," Tohru replied trying to calm her down. "It's not that. We appreciate your hard work. It's just that, usually the Automaid does work that their owner suggests. You know, rather than just assuming that we would like the house painted green, orange and purple."

"I guess," Yumiko sighed. "Fine then, dearest owner, what would _you _like me to do?"

"Um wash the dishes?" Tohru asked smiling.

"Sure, whatever floats your boat," the android said going into the kitchen. She looked at the pile of unwashed plates and started scrubbing at them with a sponge. She looked to her side and realized Haru was standing there. 

"Can I help?" he asked.

"Oh sure," Yumiko said surprised. "You can rinse them for me after I'm done soaping them up." They set to work. The android scrubbing at the dishes with her sponge and Haru rinsing them off and piling them in the dish rack to dry. Haru's arm brushed against her own and she felt herself blush. What the hell was this strange emotion in her chest?

"Is something wrong?" Haru asked worried. "Your cheeks are all flushed." He placed the back of his damp hand on her forehead. Then he laughed to himself. "What am I doing? You probably don't get sick do you." 

"Well, I don't know," Yumiko said uncertainly. "I must be coming down with an illness of some sort. Oh no! It must be a heart attack!" she cried out panicking. "I've heard of these! It feels all weird here in my chest. That's where hearts are, or so my computer chip tells me, so that must be it!"

"I really don't think it's a heart attack," Haru said shaking his head.

"Well, why not!" Yumiko cried out indignantly. "You think I'd make this up!"

"Maybe," Haru said leaning closer to her, "what you're feeling is your love for me." He kissed her softly on the lips. 

"Love..." she murmured returning the kiss. She pulled away suddenly. "Is there someone you love Haru? Just out of curiousity."

"Hmm well, I was kind of in love with this girl Kisa," Haru began, "but you must understand that a man's heart is very fickle. Now that you're here, I do believe I am quite in love with you." Yumiko raised an eyebrow. That wasn't exactly what she wanted to hear, but he kissed her again and she didn't protest.

"Oh...my..." Tohru shrieked walking into the kitchen. "I didn't know. I'm sorry!" she went running out. 

"Huh? What's going on in here?" Kyo asked peeking in. He saw Haru holding the Automaid tightly (not transforming cause she's an android), lipstick smeared around his mouth. "Oh give me a break Haru! She's a freaking robot!" He turned to Yuki and called him over. "Hey rat! Get a load of this! Haru's getting it on with the Automaid."

"What? Where?" Yuki asked coming over as well.

"I'm sorry to cause all this commotion," Yumiko said quickly pulling away from Haru. "Its not what it looks like though. You can all go back to doing whatever it is you guys do."

"Why hide it Yumiko," Haru said dramatically. "I'm not ashamed." He turned to Yuki and Kyo as he put his arm around her. "I'm in love with her you guys. I don't care what you say."

"But she's a robot," Yuki said slowly, hoping it would make it easier for 

Haru to understand. "She's not a real person. She is made of plastic, scraps of metal, and wires. Not to mention the fact that we bought her from the cracked out weirdo who thought I was Superman."

"I don't care!" Haru shouted. "You guys just don't understand her the way I do." He looked at her. "Lets run away together my love!"

"Yes," Yumiko answered her eyes sparkling. "Let's run away together right now!"

"Goodbye my friends," Haru said smiling sadly as he took Yumiko's hand. "We're off to someplace far away where we'll be accepted." They walked out of the kitchen and out of the house.

"Well, he's snapped," Kyo commented. "So how long do you think it'll be before he wanders back here."

"My guess is a half-hour," Yuki replied.

"I think he'll be back in about twenty-minutes tops." Kyo said pulling out his wallet. "Want to make a little bet and see who's right?"

"Sure, how's five bucks sound."

"All right then."

  


  


  


_Ten minutes later_

__"Excuse me strangers," Haru shouted knocking on the Souma's door. "Do you know how I may find my way to some small little city where my love for an android will be accepted?"

"Hello, Haru," Yuki said sighing, "Welcome back."

"Yuki?" he asked in shock. "What are you doing here in Fukuoka?"

"Haru, this isn't Fukuoko. You went in a circle around the yard and ended up back at our front door."

"I see," he said thoughtfully.

"I told you so!" Yumiko shouted angrily smacking Haru over the head. "Listen to me next time when I tell you stuff."

"Hmm amazing," Kyo said coming to the door as well. "Apparently his stupidity and horrible sense of direction has surpassed even our greatest imagination, eh rat? I guess we both lost."

"Hmm I guess so."

"I don't need this," Haru said loudly. "I'm leaving, um again." He turned around and left, pulling Yumiko with him.

  


  


  


"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea," Haru muttered to himself. They were lost somewhere in the woods. "I don't even know where we're going."

"You can always go back," Yumiko said quietly. "You don't have to run away with me if you don't want to."

"It's all right," Haru said smiling. "I can't think of any other place I'd rather be than here with you."

  


  


"Look a ship!" Yumiko said excitedly pointing to the dock they had come across. "Let's buy a ticket and go wherever it's going."

"Good idea," Haru said nodding. "But, I'm afraid I don't have any money."

"You're kidding right," Yumiko said laughing to hide her building rage. 

"We can sneak on if you like," Haru suggested looking pointedly at some empty wooden boxes.

"I guess," Yumiko moaned. They snuck over quietly to the boxes, made sure no one was looking, and climbed into one. "Its a little cramped, don't you think?" Yumiko said through gritted teeth. Haru's knee was stabbing her in the nose.

"I don't mind, hehe." They felt the box being lifted and carried onto the ship. 

"Last call! Everyone now board the ship Titanica! The most indestructible, most beautiful and expensive ship on Earth!" a man's voice boomed.

"Wow, the Titanica!"Yumiko whispered excitedly. "With a name like that, you just know this is going to be a great cruise. I feel so safe and secure."

"See, I told you sneaking on was a good idea," Haru said shifting a little in the box. His elbow knocked Yumiko in the gut.

"Haru dear."

"Yes?"

"When we get out, I'm going to kill you."

"Fair enough."

  


  


  


"I think it's safe now," Yumiko said pushing the top of the box open. She climbed out and stretched her arms over her head. They were in some sort of strange storage room. 

"Let's take a look around." Haru suggested climbing out himself. "I doubt they'll notice we aren't supposed to be here." They left the room and climbed up a few flights of stairs. On deck, they took in the scenery. The water was a clear blue and dozens of other guests roamed cheerfully around the ship. "This is nice."

"It really is," Yumiko agreed. She was going to say something else when a sudden jerk made her stop. "What was that!" she cried out.

"Iceberg!!" a man screamed. "We've hit an iceberg!"

"Iceberg?" Haru asked confused. "There aren't any icebergs around here." Everyone ignored him. 

"Hey YOU!" a drunk man called out angrily. "What are you doing with my Automaid?"

"Oh no!" Yumiko whispered backing away. "Master."

"What?" Haru asked confused. "I thought your original owner got rid of you."

"No, that was my third owner that did that," she said quietly. "This was the first one who sent me outside in the rain with his tv antenna. I ran away from him."

"What are doing here with him!" the man shouted again angrily. "You're mine! You're coming back with me!" He started making his way toward her.

"Get away," she screamed running back behind Haru.

"Okay you bastard," Haru muttered looking down at the ground and clenching his fists. He looked up again, his eyes burning. He had transformed into black Haru (hehe cool). "You think I'm going to just let you take my bitch like that!" He smirked evilly and punched the drunk man hard in the stomach. 

"Your bitch?" Yumiko asked narrowing her eyes in annoyance.

"She's mine!" he shouted kicking the man again. "Do you hear me?!"

"Wait, stop Haru," Yumiko said suddenly taking his shoulder. He looked at her his eyes softening. 

"Why are you stopping me?" he asked. "Don't you want me to beat the shit out of him?"

"Of course I do," Yumiko replied quickly. "But you can kill him later. The ship's sinking, remember?"

"You're absolutely right," Haru said nodding. "I almost completely forgot." He looked around. "Lets get on one of the life boats over there."

"Excuse me sir," one of the ship's employees said as Haru and Yumiko came up to him. "How much money do you have on you?"

"Umm none," Haru answered, "why?"

"Well you see," he said laughing. "We had so much confidence in this ship that we didn't bring enough life boats for everyone. We're only letting the wealthy people on first, but don't worry, if there's room you can come back later."

"You've got to be kidding me!" Haru shouted angrily. He looked at the frightened face of Yumiko. "Come on," he said. "Let's see if another boat will let us on." They were walking away when suddenly they heard a gunshot.

"Look out Haru!" Yumiko cried jumping in front of him. The bullet entered her chest, and her eyes became blank as she crumpled to the floor.

"Yumiko!" Haru screamed. He held her tightly on the ground, his entire body shaking. "You bastard!" he said looking up at the person who had shot her.

"Serves her right," her drunk previous owner slurred. "She should never have run away." He spun around a couple times trying to keep his balance, took a swig of some whiskey, and finally tripped and fell overboard." 

"What the hell!" Haru said annoyed. "He didn't even let me kill him, the dumb bastard!" He looked down at the Automaid tearfully. "Yumiko, open your eyes. Wake up Yumiko."

"H..Haru," she said softly, struggling to speak. "That bullet. It's destroyed my main circuits. I'm running on nothing but reserved energy right now. But you have to survive. You have to live on, even when I'm gone."

"No Yumiko! Don't say that. You're going to be just fine."

"My only regret," she continued sadly, "is that I won't be able to live that life with you." She smiled a little at him. " and I like your black personality too. Its cool." She closed her eyes and her body went limp.

"NOOOO!" Haru screamed. "Stop it Yumiko. Stop it now! Get up!" He held onto her body tightly, climbed to his feet and carried her to one of the life boats.

"Excuse me sir," the life boat man said. "You can only board if you're rich. How much money do you have on you?" Haru punched the man hard in the face, knocking him off the ship and into the water. Then he climbed on with Yumiko and lowered it to the crashing waves. When he had paddled a safe distance away, he watched as the Titanica sank the rest of the way down.

"Damn that boat," he said sadly. He looked down at Yumiko. "I'll never let go Yumiko!" he said pushing her into the water. "I'll never let go of you as long as I live!"

  


  


  


"And that's what happened." Haru said with a sigh. Yuki, Tohru, and Kyo looked at him sympathetically. 

"Sorry about that man," Kyo said placing a hand on his shoulder. "But try not to be too sad about it."

"No, I'll be fine," Haru said. "I'm going to live my life the way Yumiko wanted me to. I'm going to just have to work my magic with Kisa and see how that pans out. Dear, dear sweet Kisa."

"Um, right, its good to be optimistic," Yuki said reassuringly. _Well he sure recovered from that pretty fast._

  


  


**.................FLASH.......................**

  


"Shigure!" Tohru said crying. "How could you do that? That was so sad!"

"Don't blame me," Shigure complained. "A lot of android animes have the robot girl sacrifice their life to show their humanity."

"I don't care," Tohru said blowing her nose on Yuki's sleeve.

"Uh, Honda-san," Yuki said handing her a tissue.

"Oh sorry about that Yuki-kun," she said taking it gratefully. She looked over at Haru and ran over to him sobbing. "Oh Hatsuharu-san," she cried. "You poor poor dear. I'm sorry you had to lose Yumiko. You'll be okay, won't you?"

"Tohru-san, it was just a story. It didn't even really happen." Haru shook his head. "But thank you for your concern."

"Oh yeah, well its hard to remember with Shigure-san keeping us all locked in here for so long," Tohru explained.

"Yeah!" Kyo agreed angrily. "Shigure you bastard! You're screwing up our sense of reality! If we stay here any longer we're all going to go crazy!"

"Well, that would just make my book all the more interesting," Shigure responded cheerfully. "Till next time," he said shutting the microphone off. 

"Hello everyone," Yumiko said appearing in the room.

"What are you doing here?" everyone asked in shock.

"Oh I just wanted to stop by and say hi." She looked at Haru annoyed. "You asshole! How dare you just leave me in the ocean to rot!"

"But, you were dead," Haru sputtered his mouth hanging open.

"Well some hot looking dude fished me out and fixed me." She rolled her eyes. "I am a robot you know. Well anyway, I'll be see you guys around. My new boyfriend's waiting for me out back. It's been fun!" Then she turned around and left.

"How come she can come and go as she pleases and we can't!" Kyo complained. 

"Who knows, it's just best not to ask questions," Haru said sighing.

  


  


  


Writer's note hehe, I made Yumiko come back to life. That wasn't even supposed to happen but I got attached to her character and I actually made myself sad killing her like that. Yup, so read and review please :D

  


  


  


  



	9. Animal Adventure

  


  


"Guess what I just thought of guys?" Shigure said suddenly. They could hear him swallowing a bite of something, then taking a sip of something, then taking another bite.

"Would you quit eating and just tell us already!" Kyo shouted.

"Oh right. Well, I was just thinking that you guys don't get to be in your animal forms often enough."

"And your point is?" Yuki asked bored.

"Yeah, who wants to be anyway?" Kyo muttered.

"Well, I've decided to make an "Animal Adventure!" chapter. Won't that be just too much fun?"

"Please Shigure," Haru said shaking his head. "You're not seriously going to make a story like that are you?"

"I sure will." Shigure laughed happily. "I may even write myself into it...mmm... somehow or another. But how would I do that? HEY WASHU!" they heard him shout loudly. "COME HERE A MINUTE." 

"What do you want now?" she asked in irritation. "I gotta head back to Tenchi Universe you know."

"Well, it's just that you're such a wonderful genius, and I knew if anyone could help me it would be you." he said, sucking up to her shamelessly.

"Hmm, well I am the greatest genius in the world," she agreed. "Fine then, what do you need?"

"Can I put my animal form in my story and still be here to type it?" 

"Sure you can, just push this button here."

"Ah, I see now." He cleared his throat and turned his attention back to the others in the computer. "Yes, my dog form will join your animal adventure as well. Aren't you guys happy?"

"Words can not describe," Yuki replied.

  


  


**........................FLASH..........................**

  


  


  


There lived a man named Joe. It was rumored that he collected animals and kept them in a barn he had built in his backyard. Normally, to own something like this would be illegal in the city, but no one ever said anything. There was no proof, because no one had ever actually seen the animals in person. Maybe someone would think they heard a squeal from a monkey, or a cow mooing, but no one could know for sure. If it was true, and he did have all those animals living in that cramped little barn, then those animals must be the most miserable creatures on earth.

  


"Ugh! I'm starving!" Kyo complained loudly from his cat form. He scratched at a haystack angrily. "Damn that Joe, I'll kill him in his sleep."

"Hmmm, we could always eat you," Shigure suggested cheerfully. Kyo looked at him fearfully and climbed to the top of the haystacks. 

"You just try it you dumb bastard!" Kyo shouted, now safely out of reach.

"Don't you ever stop complaining you stupid cat?" Yuki groaned poking his head out of the hay by Kyo's feet.

"You damned rat!" Kyo yelled swiping at the mouse with his paw, "I'll eat _you_!" Yuki ducked back into the hay and squirmed his way down to the ground.

"That Joe _is_ a bit later than usual," Haru commented, laying on the ground in his ox form.

"OH NO! WHAT IF HE FORGETS TO FEED US! ITS ALL MY FAULT. I MUST HAVE MADE HIM ANGRY AGAIN! IM SO SORRY EVERYONE!" Ritsu cried frantically jumping up and down.

"Calm down," Hatori said from his fishbowl of sea water. "If he hears you screeching again he will get angry."

"Sigh, if only the dearest Yuki would sacrifice his life for the sake of my hungry belly," Ayame the snake moaned. 

"Yeah!" Kyo agreed excitedly. "just let me have some of him too."

"Why does everyone want to eat me?" Yuki muttered annoyed.

"Oh Kyo-kun!" Kagura shouted from the ground in her boar form. "Come down here. I want to see you!"

"Damn it you crazy pig!" Kyo shouted down angrily. "What's wrong with you anyway? I'm a cat!"

"But I want to marry you!" she squealed loudly.

"I don't care you sicko!"

"Imagine what their kids would look like," Yuki smirked.

"Hey, guess what everyone!" Momiji said excitedly. "I forgot to tell you!" He jumped up and down in his bunny form bursting with energy. "I had a dream last night, and a goddess visited me!"

"A goddess?" Kisa asked in awe from her cute widdle cuddly tiger form. "Wow."

"Her name was Tohru, and she said that she would grant us each one wish."

"That's crazy," Hiro scoffed in his fuzzy little sheep body.

"No, I swear," Momiji cried. "She said she would be waiting for us in the forest of no return. If we all went there, she would grant each of us one wish."

"Who wants to go to someplace called 'the forest of no return'?" Kyo asked laughing at the sheer ridiculousness of it all.

"It's a nice thought though," Yuki commented. "What would you all wish for if you could have anything?"

"I'd wish for freedom," Kisa said quietly.

"Me too," many of the others agreed.

"Not me!" Kyo shouted. "I'd wish to be human. Yeah, a human guy!"

"If that's what Kyo-kun wished for, then I would wish to be human too," Kagura squealed. "Then we could be the same species and get married."

"I still wouldn't marry you, you crazy pig," he shot back.

"Actually, I would like to be human too," Yuki said thoughtfully. "There's so much I'd like to do if I were."

"Shut up in here!!" Joe shouted stumbling into the barn. "You wanna get me arrested or something? Sheesh." He carried with him some bags of food. He threw leftover beef to Kisa and Shigure, a couple dead rodents for Kyo and Ayame, some greens for Hiro, Momiji, and Haru, slop for Kagura, a piece of bread and cheese for Yuki, whatever it is that monkeys eat for Ritsu, I don't know, bananas maybe?, and some fish food for Hatori. Everyone ate up ravenously. They were starving. "There," Joe said getting ready to leave. He teetered a little more, obviously a bit on the drunk side, and exited the barn.

"Thank god," Yuki said nibbling on the bread. "I thought I was going to die." _Either from starvation or by ending up the dinner of one of these other retarded animals._

_"_I can't believe it," Shigure said suddenly pausing between bites of beef. "Did you guys notice that Joe forgot to lock up today."

"What? How can you tell?" Haru asked curiously.

"Hahaha," Shigure sighed. "I'm just smart I guess. Not to mention my wonderful hearing. Joe didn't turn the lock on the door like he usually does."

"You're amazing Shigure!" Hatori said enthusiastically.

"I agree!" Ayame said, the lump of a dead rodent slowly moving down his throat. "There truly is no one as amazing as Shigure."

"He's my idol to tell you the truth," Kyo said.

"Mine as well," Yuki agreed. 

"Haha, well you know," Shigure said laughing modestly (as long as he was putting himself in this story, he may as well beef it up a little.)

"Wow," Momiji said excitedly. "This must be a sign! It means we can escape and find the goddess Tohru now."

"I suppose it couldn't hurt to look," Haru said taking a few more chomps at the vegetation that Joe had brought. 

"Yeah, it'll be an adventure," Kagura squealed happily. "Then me and Kyo-kun can become human and get married!"

"I'm not going to marry you!" 

"We better wait till late at night," Yuki warned. "Who knows what will happen if anyone sees us. Joe's always warning us something bad will happen if anyone finds out we're here."

"Good point," Ayame agreed. He smiled slyly, "my little mouse dessert."

"Eek," Yuki said ducking back into some hay. 

  


  


  


"Is everyone ready?" Shigure whispered. All the animals nodded. "All right then, now push." They leaned all their weight on the big barn door. It swung open surprisingly easily. "Great, now we can go." All the animals tiptoed quietly through Joe's back yard. They looked around nervously, afraid someone would spot them. When they were sure the coast was clear, they crossed the street in front of his house, and walked single file along the sidewalk.

"This is amazing," Kagura said in awe taking in all the scenery around her.

"But which way do we go?" Yuki asked as he scampered along behind her. 

"Well the goddess told me to go the woods," Momiji offered.

"How's that going to help us?" Kyo asked annoyed. "We don't even know how to get there."

"Yes, and there are more than one woods," Hatori commented from his fishbowl on Haru's back. "Who knows if we'll even find the right one."

"Let me think," Momiji said squeezing his eyes shut. "She told me more too, I just have to remember. She said something about following the reflection of the moon."

"How dumb," Hiro remarked.

"Yeah, what the hell is that supposed to mean?" Kyo spat.

"Maybe we just need to find a place where we can see the reflection of the moon." Yuki suggested. "Like a pond or lake."

"That's a good idea," Kagura said nodding. She looked down at the mouse behind her and smiled. "Why don't you ride on my back," she offered. "It must be hard for a little guy like you to keep up."

"Thank you Kagura, but I'm fine."

"I said, GET ON MY DAMN BACK!" she shouted.

"Right away ma'am." he said hopping on. 

  


  


  


The animals found themselves in front of a small lake where they could see the reflection of the moon. The angle it was at made it seem to stretch over the water's ripples and point in the direction of some trees.

"This is it!" Momiji said happily hopping up and down. "It has to be!"

"It does appear that the moon is pointing towards those woods over there." Haru nodded. "Let us ask the locals and make sure." He moved closer to the water and peered down into it. "Excuse me, can anyone tell us where we are?"

"Hello strangers," a fish said swimming up to the top. "In answers to your question, this be the lake of wonders." He was a small sunfish with a thick Irish accent. "Why is it called that?" Kisa asked in curiosity.

"Beats me," the fish answered. 

"Thank you," Hatori called to the fish, "but can you tell us what those woods over there are called then?"

"Ah yes, them woods. You won't be a wanting to go in there. Thems be the forest of no return."

"Hell yeah!" Kyo shouted enthusiastically. "We made it to the damned place after all."

"Well what are we waiting for then," Kagura squealed happily. 

"True," Yuki agreed from on top of her back. "We should go before Joe notices we're gone and comes looking for us."

"Hey, hey now," the fish spouted quickly. "Hears you all not a word I say? I be telling you not to go in them woods. Thems the woods of no return, and should you be going in theres, you won't never come out again." No one seemed to be listening to him.  
  


"Thanks for your help," Yuki said absently as they all began walking towards the trees.

"No stop!" the fish shouted. "Don't be going in theres!" The animals didn't stop. They entered the forest and disappeared into the darkness.

  


  


"This is a little scary, now that we're actually here," Kagura admitted looking around nervously. The trees were tall, dark and sinister looking. Their knarled branches seemed to reach out at them like ghostly hands.

"Try not to worry," Yuki reassured quickly. "There's nothing to be afraid about."

"Y..yeah," Kyo added rolling his eyes. He hissed at a tree that looked like it was coming at him, then stopped when he realized it was his imagination.

"AHHH! WHAT IF WE NEVER FIND THE GODDESS TOHRU AND WE'RE LOST HERE FOREVER AND EVER!!!" Ritsu shouted panicking. He screeched in his monkey form and began to leap about nervously. "I'M SO SORRY THIS IS ALL MY FAULT!"

"Anyway," Haru said with a moo, "I'm sure we must be on the right track. Look at all these adorable goblins that have come to greet us."

"Go...goblins!" Kisa shreiked.

"Ack! I see them too!" Hiro bleated loudly. 

"This is just great," Yuki muttered as a dozen green, slimy looking goblin things with bulging eyes came shuffling over to them.

"Ha!" Kyo shouted confidently. "After that damned human keeping us cooped up for so long, its about time we got to have a little fun."

"Oh deary me," Ayame moaned dramatically as a goblin dragged his snake body away. "Whatever shall I do against these horrible goblins. If only my dear mouse dessert would save me. Then I may consider not eating him for awhile."

"I'd rather the goblins just did away with you," Yuki muttered. A couple of the slimy things surrounded him and Kagura. He leapt from her back and jumped on the one monster's neck, tearing out its throat with his little jaws. The thing gurgled blood and fell backwards. "Not very strong, are you," he grinned with a sigh. "How boring."

"Muahahah!" Kyo laughed happily as he clawed at a goblin's face. Another one tried to grab at him from behind but he pounced out of the way before he could. Then he hissed loudly and kicked the gross thing across the jaw.

"Don't worry Aya!" Shigure called bravely. "I, the hero of this story shall save you!" He bounded toward the green demon that was dragging away the snake and did a ninja chop with his doggy paws over its head. The goblin swaggered a little, then turned to look at him. Shigure laughed loudly and shot the goblin down with his eye lasers. (Shigure decided that if he was going to put himself in this story, he deserved eye lasers.)

"My hero!" Ayame cried happily. He slithered toward the dog and tightly embraced him, by wrapping himself around Shigure's throat.

"Aya..." Shigure gasped. "Can't breathe..."

"Oh yeah, sorry about that," the snake said loosening his death grip.

"Yuki-kun! Look out!" Kagura shouted as one of the monsters came up behind him. He turned around quickly and shot eye lasers at the demon before it could come any closer (Shigure decided to give Yuki eye lasers too since he was so small).

"Phew, that was a close one. Thanks Kagura."

"Oh, think um, nothing of it," Kagura said looking down shyly. A few feet away, Hatori was trying desperately not to fall out of his fish bowl, which was swaying dangerously on Haru's back. 

"Can you be a little more careful!" he yelled as the water sloshed back and forth.

"Well, what do you expect," Haru said as he kicked one of the grimlins in the gut. "I can't sit idle while everyone else fights." 

"Eek!" Momiji yelled as he hopped away from a goblin that was chasing him. Kisa ran up and pounced on its shoulder, sinking her tiger's fangs into its flesh. The demon cried out in pain and stopped its pursuit.

"Hey, I think they're all gone." Kyo commented disappointed. "Well, that was fun anyway."

"I concur," Shigure said, "we should do it again sometime, and you did quite well Kyo-kun, Yuki-kun, Haru-kun. You're all good fighters."

"But we're nothing compared to you," Kyo replied solemnly.

"That was awesome how you shot down those grimlins with your lasers," Haru said in awe.

"Yeah," Yuki agreed. " Shigure-sama, when I grow up, I want to be just like you. You were just too cool."

"Hahaha," Shigure laughed. "Well now guys, I wouldn't say all that. Its all true of course, but I am a modest man and I don't like to dwell on all my superior qualities." He looked at Yuki proudly. "And someday, with enough hard work, you will grow up to be just like me."

"Really? You think so?" Yuki's eyes sparked happily. "Oh golly gee mister. I sure hope so." 

  


  


  


"Bah! We've been wondering this stupid forest for over an hour now." Kyo complained. "Where's that stupid goddess of yours Momiji?"

"I'm not sure," the rabbit admitted. 

"Wait, I see something," Haru said pointing his hoof to the left. There was a faint glimmer of light, shimmering in the distance.

"Could it be the goddess?" Kagura asked excitedly. Yuki was resting on her back again.

"I guess we'll find out," the mouse responded. All the animals made their way to the glowing light. Suddenly, they heard a soft female voice call to them.

"I've been waiting," it echoed. "Come my little animals and I will grant you your wishes."

"Then its really her!" Momiji gasped. "The goddess from my dream." They approached the light, and could finally make out the shape of a pretty girl with long brown hair, perched a top a rock. She looked at them and smiled. Her skin had an eerie glow that seemed to light up the darkness around her.

"You've come," she said.

"Yes, miss goddess ma'am," Momiji said nervously. "We've come like you've asked." 

"Good," she said grinning. "Now, if you would, could you all wash yourselves, skin yourselves, and stick yourselves in this nice boiling pot of water?"

"What the hell are you talking about!" Kyo shouted. Tohru was too busy chopping up carrots and onions and placing them in the pot. "Are you listening you fraud of a goddess?!" She began to season the water with salt and pepper.

"Well, what are you waiting for?" she asked looking at them annoyed. "Hurry up and prepare yourselves for the pot." They stared at her in shock, unsure of what to do. Suddenly, Kisa thought she heard a little voice crying for help. She looked around, trying to find out where it was coming from.

"Here I am," it called quietly. "The flower by your feet. Please help me." Kisa found the flower in question. 

"Who are you?" Kisa whispered. "Why do you need help flower-san?"

"I'm the real goddess Tohru," it explained quickly. "But that witch took my body and transformed me into a flower. The only way for me to change back is for the witch to die."

"I understand," Kisa said nodding her little tiger's head. "Hey everyone!" she shouted. "That's not the real goddess! She's a witch! An impostor!"

"What? A witch?" Yuki asked.

"We have to kill her and free the real goddess!" Kisa said loudly.

"Uh-oh," the witch said backing away slowly. "I guess you guys are on to me..." She pulled a witch hat and a black cat out of her pocket, placing the cat on her head and petting the hat. "So you guys think you can stand up to a witch now, do you?" She laughed loudly and began to chant something quietly to herself. Red fire began to flame around them and her body began to glow even more fiercely.

"Take that!" Shigure shouted eye- lasering the witch. The witch looked at horror at her wounds and crumpled to the ground.

"NO!" she cried. "How could one man be so strong! He even knew my weakness against eye lasers! So, not only is he strong, but a genius as well, not to mention good looking. Oh I'm melting, melting, what a world.....ohhh." And all that was left was her witch hat and cat which went pouncing away.

"You saved the day Shigure!" everyone cried out happily. "You're the best!"

"I know, I know," he said with a sigh. The flower by Kisa's feet began to shimmer and grow. Finally, it had completely transformed into the goddess Tohru.

"Thank you all," she said gratefully. "I knew you would come and save me." She looked down at Momiji. "And thank you for bringing them all here." The bunny nodded happily, hopping up and down. "Now, as I promised, I will grant you each a wish. Just step single file here and we'll begin." All the animals lined up in front of her, Shigure first. 

"I wish for all the bitches (female dogs) in the world to be mine!" he said excitedly. Tohru smiled and Shigure was suddenly surrounded by a pack of wild bitches. "Hell yeah!" he shouted as he skipped away with them.

"I'M SO SORRY! I KNOW THIS IS ASKING MUCH! BUT I'D LIKE TO GO TO THE RAINFOREST AND LIVE THERE BUT I WANT TO BE BRAVER AND STOP TALKING IN ALL CAPS LOCK!!! I'M SORRY! I KNOW ITS A LOT TO ASK!" The goddess laughed and made Ritsu braver. "Why thank you," he said. "Hey, I'm talking like a normal monkey. How cool." Then she sent him to the rainforest.

"I wish to be with this other sea horse named Kana," Hatori grunted, embarrassed. A second later, Kana appeared in his fish tank. Tohru decided to give him a bonus and made his tank bigger. "Oh thanks," he said surprised.

"I wish for Yuki to feed my belly," Ayame said happily. Yuki's eyes opened wide and he ducked under Kagura. Tohru looked at the mouse nervously, then came up with an idea. She made a plate of dead rodents appear in front of Yuki.

"Now feed those to Ayame like he wished," she said smiling. Relieved, Yuki pushed the plate with his nose over to the snake.

"That's not what I meant," he complained. Ayame sighed, looked at all the food and decided to eat up anyway. Haru was up next.

"I wish for a better way to express my anger, um rather than the whole split personality thing." Tohru did her magic and Haru was cured, for a week at least anyway. Old habits, and personalities die hard you know. One by one, all the other animals made their wishes and the goddess granted them. Finally, it was Kyo's turn.

"I wanna be a human guy!" he said loudly. "Then I could really kick some ass!" She transformed him into a guy (and gave him clothes as well for those who were wondering).

"I would like to be human too," Yuki wished. "So I can become a gardener since I like growing things." Tohru turned him into a human. He looked down at himself. "Ack! Why do I look so feminine?" he shouted in shock. 

"I'm sorry," Tohru apologized. "You said you wanted to be human, but you didn't say what gender so I made you both."

"A man! A guy! Please, just change me into a male!" Yuki pleaded in panic. Tohru did so. "But I still look the same," Yuki commented checking his reflection in a pond.

"I suppose," Tohru said. "But you're a guy at least so no more wishes for you." Lastly, it was Kagura's turn.

"I wish to be human too," she said loudly, "so I can live happily with the man I love. Oh, and I want to be a girl," she added quickly. Tohru nodded and made Kagura human. "Hurray!" Kagura squealed. 

"Now I must be going," Tohru said when she was done. "Thanks again for saving me. Its been wonderful meeting you all." With that she disappeared.

"How wonderful, now we can be together!" Kagura cried running straight for Kyo. He yelled something angrily and went to duck out of the way, but to his surprise, she ran right past him. "YUKI-KUN!!" she shouted. "You just look so sexy as a human!"

"What!" he asked in shock. "Me?! But you're supposed to love the stupid cat!" Yuki gasped as she hugged him tightly, cutting off his air supply. "Kagura!! You don't know what you're talking about! Please let go!" Kagura ignored him. Kyo watched them in shock.

"Why does this feel so wrong?" he muttered to himself.

"Oh Yuki-kun! Now we can be together forever and ever!" 

  


  


**............................FLASH....................................**

"Kagura!" Yuki choked out, "its over so you can stop hugging me now."

"But I love you Yuki!" she cried. Tohru and Kyo watched them, their jaws hanging open.

"No! It was just a story! You love Kyo, remember?" Kagura stopped strangling and looked thoughtful.

"I'll have to think about that one a little more," she said.

"Well, isn't that odd," Shigure commented. "Who knew making her like you in a story would make her fall for you in real life."

"Quit messing with everyone's heads!" Kyo shouted.

"Shigure, this is getting stupider and stupider all the time." Yuki said shaking his head.

"Yes," Haru agreed nodding. "This chapter in particular was especially lame."

"And why did you make us all praise you like that!" Kyo spat. "That was sickening!"

"Ugh," Yuki said shivering, "and you even made me say I want to grow up to be just like you." He broke into a cold sweat. "Just the thought of growing up to be like you..." he shivered again.

"Hey now," Shigure whined. "I only made you guys speak the truth. I know it's what you're all really thinking. You're simply afraid to admit it."

"You keep thinking that," Haru replied sarcastically.

"Don't worry," Shigure said, "I plan to."

  


Writer's note Phew! Its done. Wow, this writing fanfics stuff is a new experience for me. I dont think I've ever typed this much before in my whole entire life. (usually if I do write stories I just jot them down in notebooks). But I love your reviews. They're what keep me going! So please review and tell me what you think. Its the best motivation to continue my chapters in the world! :D


	10. Samurai K

Writer's note hello! :D I'm so happy, I finally thought of ideas for my samurai chapter. I've been racking my brain for ideas ever since Duos_Bunny suggested Kenshin (thanks for the great reviews XD). Yup, and I came up with some pretty dumb stuff. Hope you like it!! 

  


  


  


"Kyo-kun," Shigure sang. Kyo ignored him. "Kyo-kun," he tried again. Kyo plugged his ears. "Aw, don't be so mean," Shigure whined. "I just wanted to tell you, that you get to be the main character this time."

"What do I care!" Kyo finally shouted annoyed. 

"This is going to be the samurai chapter," Shigure continued. "Lots of cool sword fighting...and chickens."

"Chickens?" Tohru asked. 

"Tohru, you get to have a big part too."

"Oh," she said politely, "um thank you."

"You don't have to thank him," Yuki said shaking his head.. "There's no point in being polite to people with such small brain capacities." Tohru giggled and Yuki smiled at her. 

"And just for that comment Yuki-kun," Shigure said darkly. "Something very tragic is going to happen to you."

"What? Are you going to kill me off?" Yuki asked yawning.

"Worse," Shigure answered, "much worse."

  


  


  


**.........................FLASH........................**

  


  


****"So, what do you want it to say?" the old tattoo artist asked as he rolled up one of the sleeves of Kyo's kimono. 

"Just a 'K'," he answered. "a 'K' for Kyo!!" The man rolled his eyes and started poking the little holes and filling them with dark blue ink. When he was through, he wiped at it with some liquid, and the young man paid him. Kyo took the loose string from his long orange hair, and pulling it back up, retied it, to keep it out of his face. The old tattoo artist noticed that Kyo had a Katana resting in his sash. 

"I see in this time of war you carry a sword with you," the old man commented as Kyo stood up. "Are you a soldier?"

"I work for the government," he said simply. Kyo looked at the man and smirked. "But if I told you any more, I'd have to kill you." 

  


  


  


"So you've come for me, have you," Yuki said placing a hand on the handle of his sword. "I knew it."

"Then you're prepared to die," Kyo replied doing the same with his own hand. They looked at each other carefully as they took different stances. Finally, they both began running, pulling out their swords and lunging at one another. Kyo slashed quickly at Yuki's head. Yuki pulled back and blocked it with his own blade.

"Hmm," Yuki commented smirking as he jumped to the left. He swung his sword again and caught Kyo in the shoulder. "You're pretty good, Stupid Cat, the man killer."

"What!" Kyo shrieked as he held his shoulder. "There's no 'stupid' or 'cat' in my nickname. It's _Orange Cheetah_, the man killer." 

"Whatever you say, stupid cat," Yuki said lunging at him with his sword. _So this is the legendary man killer, he's good. I've never faced anyone who could survive my special attack with just a scratch on the shoulder._

__"That's it you pain in the ass rodent!" Kyo yelled. He dodged Yuki's sword attack and using his cheetah-like speed, stabbed Yuki in the groin. 

"WHAT THE HELL!" Yuki cried crumpling to the ground. "WHAT KIND OF CHEAP ASS TRICK WAS THAT!" He moaned horribly on the ground, clutching his damaged jewels (this must be what Shigure meant by a fate worse than death.)

"Oh, sorry about that man," Kyo said backing away. "I was aiming for your guts if that makes you feel any better." 

"You bastard," Yuki groaned. Kyo looked at him in panic and decided to leave him.

"Well, I was sent here to kill you!" Kyo shouted trying to still sound pissed off and dangerous. "But I'll have mercy and let you live! You should be thankful... um yeah...bye." With that, he turned and ran away. _ Aw man, I feel really guilty. The warrior code of honor even says, "Kill all the men you who stand in your way, as long as it is for others and not yourself. But should you ever accidently cut off their dick and destroy their manhood, then SHAME ON YOU! What the hell is your problem! That is a big 'No no!' May you be cursed for years to come until you have payed for your sins." _

__"Agh! This is terrible!" Kyo moaned. "I've broken the one law of the warrior code that actually curses you when you break it. Not to mention the fact that as a man, I know that having your dick cut in two is a fate worse than death." Kyo sighed as he wondered some trees in a nearby forest. He couldn't let anyone see him in the village right now in daylight. He was too well known as "Orange Cheetah, the man killer." His pale red kimono was starting to really stink too. Maybe he should wash it or something.

  


  


  


"So you've returned," the government official Hatori said. "Did you take care of Yuki Souma? He was a very dangerous man to our government."

"Well actually," Kyo muttered leaning close to the other man and whispering the rest in his ear.

"Good God!" Hatori cried backing away. "That poor unfortunate soul... you were right to let him live. He's no more of a threat now than a mouse in the cellar." He winced a little. "You know the warrior's code has pretty much damned you for life, right?"

"Yeah, yeah," Kyo spat annoyed. "I know that!"

"However," the official said seriously. "That must be the only exception you ever make in your life. You are a man killer who has killed hundreds of men for the sake of this government. You did so without knowing them personally, without hesitation or regret. Don't forget that. You can never live like a normal man, and you will always be a man killer. Pity will just get you killed yourself." Then Hatori turned and began to walk away. "Kagura will mend your kimono and tend to your wound."

"Hello Kyo-kun," Kagura said as he walked in. "I see you've been busy today. Who'd you have to kill this time?" 

"Oh," Kyo said absently. "Ah, some guy named Yuki Souma." He said taking off the top part of his Kimono. 

"Yuki!" Kagura gasped. "That is a very powerful man you know. Did you manage to assassinate him?"

"Umm well, sort of," Kyo muttered not finishing his sentence. Kagura looked at him oddly and then began to clean out his wound with alcohol. 

"You almost never get hurt," Kagura commented. "He must have been pretty good."

"Yeah, he was," Kyo admitted leaning back against the wall. "I was surprised myself. He looked so damn feminine I didn't take him seriously at first." Kagura looked thoughtful for a minute.

"Did you ever think, that um, maybe someday you should stop fighting," Kagura asked slowly as she wrapped a bandage around his shoulder. "You know, stop killing people and live like a normal man. Get married maybe and start a family."

"Yeah right!" Kyo scoffed. "What would make you think I would want a life like that!"

"I suppose you're right." she said with a sigh. "You man killers can never go back to living like normal human beings, can you."

  


  


  


  


Tohru wandered around the streets. She didn't know where she was going and she didn't care. She ran into a man with a giant fish. The man looked at her annoyed and went to whack her with it.

"Hey now!" Kyo shouted cutting the fish in two as it came toward her, and it fell to the ground. "You can't go around whacking people with fishes you dumb bastard!"

"This girl bumped into me and didn't even apologize," the man replied curtly. "And I believe you owe me a fish now samurai sir."

"I don't owe you shit!" Kyo retorted. The man quickly pulled a chicken from his pocket and bashed Kyo over the head with it. Then he walked away laughing to himself.

"Umm, are you all right?" Tohru asked Kyo on the ground. 

"Hah?" he slurred delirious from the head injury.

"Ah, thank you from saving me from that fish," she said gratefully. "That probably would have hurt." Kyo finally got his senses back and pulled himself off the ground.

"Yeah," he said brushing some dust off of his kimono pants annoyed. "Just be more careful when you're wondering around the streets aimlessly. There are a lot of people who will beat you with food if you piss them off." Tohru nodded and looked at him. He noticed for the first time just how pale she was. "Are you all right?" he asked suddenly. "You don't look so well." She began to sway a little and passed out in his arms. *** poof *** he became a cat. Looking around to make sure no one noticed. He ran behind some trees and changed back a few minutes later. Then, when he had, he dragged her limp carcass back to the government building he was living in.

"Kyo," Hatori said when he came in. "You've been gone for three days. Did you kill Hidomi-san? Or Miyuka-san? And what are you doing with that girl?"

"Ah yeah, those guys are all dead. I found her on the street. She just sort of passed out on me, and the strangest thing happened. I transformed into a cat!" 

"You're kidding," Hatori gasped. "This must be the curse from the warrior's code! You're being punished for destroying Yuki Souma's manhood."

"Well that's just great," Kyo moaned. He looked down at Tohru's body and dragged her to Kagura. 

"Kyo-kun!" Kagura shouted angrily. "What did you do to that poor girl?" 

"I didn't do anything," Kyo shot back. "She passed out on her own. Just give her some ice or something." Kagura sighed and lay the girl on a futon.

  


  


  


  


"Hello, Kyo-san," Tohru said as he walked into the room carrying a plate of rice and fish. "Thank you for helping me the other day. I appreciate it very much."

"So what was wrong with you anyway?" he asked trying to hide his worry.

"I'm not sure, I guess I was just a little weak. Life's been very strange lately." she stopped and closed her eyes.

"Yeah," he said looking down. "Well just eat and get better so you can go home." He handed her the plate and went to leave.

"I have no home," she said sadly. "And no one to go back to." He stopped and turned around. "I did once, but he's gone now."

"Well then, you could always stay here," Kyo stammered shyly. "You could work here like Kagura does, and live in one of the empty rooms."

"Really?" she said smiling. "Thank you." There was something off about her smile, like she wasn't really happy at all. Kyo decided not to say anything more and left the room.

  


  


"We have to do something about Momiji," Hatori said with a sigh. "We've never encountered a man quite like him before. He's the leader of a huge new gang that plans to overtake the government. The only person who comes even close to matching his skills is you Kyo." Kyo nodded.

"So you want me to take care of this guy right?" he said confidently. "No problem."

"It won't be that easy," Hatori warned. "We have no idea where Momiji is hiding right now, and he has spies working for him everywhere."

"Fine, then what do you want me to do?" Kyo asked exasperated.

"We're not sure yet." he admitted. "Just lay low for awhile. We have reason to believe you may be their next target since you're the best of our men and the only one who can stand in their way."

"Lay low? But that's so boring!" Kyo complained. "Can't I just go and dice them all up like usual?"

"Not just yet," Hatori said firmly. "Not till we know exactly what we're up against."

"All right," Kyo agreed reluctantly.

  


  


  


  


"That's right men!!" Momiji shouted crazily from on top of a chair. He looked out to his audience of samurai and ninjas. "We will overtake this government and gain control of all Japan!!!"

"Yes Momiji-sama," they all cried. 

"And no one will stand in our way!!!"

"But sir!," a man called. "What about Orange Cheetah, the man killer? He's killed dozens of our men already!! He even cut of Yuki's penis!!"

"And for that he shall pay dearly!" Momiji promised darkly. "No one challenges the Hikage group and gets away with it. NO ONE!!!"

  


  


"You're looking a lot better lately." Kyo noted as Tohru walked by with a tray of tea. She stopped and looked at him. He was sitting cross legged on the floor in a nearby room.

"Oh I'm much better now," she said coming into the room with him. "Thank you so much for giving me this job."

"It's no big deal," Kyo muttered his face growing red.

"Well, I'm very grateful," she paused and looked away. "However, its such a shame that your hands are stained with so much blood."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kyo asked annoyed. She smiled sadly at him and put the tray down. 

"Here," she said handing him a cup. "You should drink it while its hot."

"Wait," he said accepting the tea. "What was the comment for?"

"I was just thinking," Tohru said looking down at the table. "That a man who's hands are stained with blood is no man at all." Kyo gaped at her. "What I mean is, a human being that takes the lives of others, has no right to call themselves a person, don't you think?"

"But when its for the sake of the people!" Kyo protested. "Then why shouldn't one kill? If it's to protect the innocent, and our way of life. When it's for the sake of all Japan, then what difference does a sacrifice or two make?"

"So that's how you justify it," Tohru said thoughtfully. "I was wondering how you slept at night. Now I know." She stood up and went to leave.

"Wait," Kyo called quietly looking down at his tea. "I agree with you, sort of." Tohru stopped walking to listen to him. "I know killing's wrong. I want to change. I, I will change, if you like. Umm, if you asked me to, I could change for you."

"For me?" Tohru asked in surprise. She turned to face him. "Then do it. Give up this man killing business. Live like a normal man, and become a human being."

"I'll try," he said. "I'll still fight, but I won't be a man killer anymore. I will use a rubber chicken rather than a sword!!"

"Umm okay," Tohru agreed raising an eyebrow. "You do that."

"Hahaha!" Kyo shouted excitedly. "I got the idea from that guy who tried to whack you with his fish and beat me up with a chicken. That thing hurt like hell! From now on I won't kill. I will simply beat everyone up with a rubber chicken!" Kyo was very happy at this idea. He turned his attention back to Tohru, and began to blush fiercely. "And if I do this. If I give up being a man killer, will you consider coming to live with me, as my wife?"

"Yes, perhaps," she said smiling before she left the room. "When you've truly become a man."

  


  


  


"So this is Orange Cheetah, the man killer?" Ayame smirked as he peeked into the room where Kyo was sleeping. "Why, he's still a little kitty cat!" 

"Momiji-sama ordered us not to attack yet," Haru warned. "You're not getting any ideas are you?"

"But look at him!" Ayame whined. "He's so unsuspecting and defenseless! Let's just get him now."

"I don't think its such a good idea," Haru continued. Ayame narrowed his eyes at him and beat him with the sheath of his sword. "What the hell are you doing!" Haru cried trying to shield himself with his arms. He tried to draw out his own sword.

"I'm just bringing out Black Haru," Ayame explained as he beat him. "Black Haru's more fun to play with."

"You Bastard!" Black Haru shouted punching Ayame in the face. Ayame fell backwards, his eyes spinning. He hopped back up a minute later completely recovered.

"Ready to kick some cheetah ass?" Ayame sang cheerfully.

"Sure, lets do it," Haru agreed. They slipped into the building unnoticed and snuck into Kyo's room. Haru and Ayame both drew their swords and went to attack the sleeping man killer. However, at lightening fast speed, a rubber chicken came flying at them, beating them upside the heads and knocking them unconscious. 

"Idiots," Kyo muttered putting his chicken away. "Next time if you're going to sneak up on someone, try not to be so loud when you do it." He called the guards who dragged the two unconscious morons away.

  


  


  


"Kyo-san!" a guard shouted after the two were locked up. "Honda-san has been captured. She wasn't in her room!"

"What?!" Kyo shouted running to Tohru's bedroom. He found a note lying by her mattress. _Meet me at the old shrine if you ever want to see Tohru again~Momiji._

__"Those bastards," Kyo muttered angrily. He raced out the door and to the old abandoned shrine.

  


  


"He should be here any minute now Tohru," Momiji smirked.

"Yeah," she said quietly. Why did she feel so guilty? They heard someone running toward them and Kyo came crashing his way into the shrine.

"Tohru!" he gasped surprised, seeing her seated comfortably next to Momiji. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine Kyo-kun," she said looking up at him. "But maybe, you should be more worried about yourself."

"What do you mean?" 

"Don't you get it, moron!!" Momiji laughed loudly. "She's been working for me all along. You didn't think she could actually love someone like you, did you?" Kyo just stood there, frozen in shock

"Damn you!!" he finally shouted angrily. He pulled out his rubber chicken and pointed it at Tohru. "Why, damn it! Why did you betray me!!"

"I'm sorry," she said tearfully. "I didn't know I would come to care for you like this. At first, all I had wanted was revenge. After what you did to my husband!!"

"Your husband?!!" Kyo gasped. He racked his brain, trying to think of who he may have killed that she could have been married to. No use. He had killed way to many people to remember.

"Yuki!!" she finally cried out annoyed. "My husband Yuki!! You shattered his pride as a man! He came home that night, and told me he loved me, but couldn't be with me anymore. Don't you see? He left me and it's all your fault! He was too ashamed. You cut off his frickin' dick for crying out loud!"

"Oh," Kyo nodded pounding his fist in his hand, "that guy. Yeah, that was pretty bad. I even felt sorry for him and I never feel sorry for anyone."

"Anyway, that's why," Tohru sighed. "That's why I tricked you. I'm sorry. I do care for you though. Not as much as I loved Yuki, but I care for you a lot." She looked up at him. "And that's why I'm really sorry that they're going to kill you right now." Kyo made a face. "But I'll send flowers to your grave," she promised. "Pretty ones."

"Enough talk," Momiji interrupted impatiently. "Get ready to die, Kyo!!"

"We'll see about that," Kyo said as he took a stance, his chicken held out in front of him. "Even if it was all a lie." he said to Tohru without looking at her. "I took your words to heart. I will never kill again, because I want to be a human being."

"Kyo..." Tohru cried softly. She buried her face in her hands and wept dramatically.

"Kill him!!" Momiji screamed. A dozen samurai came at him, their swords raised. Kyo ducked their blades and jumped back. One guy came up behind him and Kyo beat him in the face with the rubber chicken. The man fell back, crashing into two others and knocking them over. Three guys swung their blades at him at the same time. Kyo leapt out of the way and kicked them swiftly in the backs, using his chicken to render them unconscious. Finally, he had beaten them all senseless and they lay there in a motionless heap.

"Now it's your turn," Kyo said pointing his chicken at Momiji.

"Like hell it is," Momiji shouted running out of the shrine and disappearing in the trees.

"Well, that was easy." Kyo commented. He looked over at Tohru who had stopped crying and was looking up at him smiling.   
"You're okay," she said softly. "I'm so glad. Somehow, deep down, I didn't want you to die."

"Hey, just because you're all nice now doesn't mean I'll forgive you!" Kyo spat angrily. "You still deceived me you know!" 

"Ah, what's past is past." Tohru said with a wave. "Lets let bygones be bygones and forget about that little incident." 

"I suppose," Kyo said doubtfully. "So, did you still want to get hitched?"

"I don't know," she said truthfully. "I guess, I can't help but hope that Yuki will come back to me one day. He just wouldn't listen to reason. I didn't care about his penis, or the condition it was in, all I cared about was him."

"Tohru," Kyo said trying not to laugh, "somehow hearing you say penis is the funniest thing in the world."

"Ah, well yes," she said clearing her throat. "Anyway, sure lets get married."

"WAIT!!!" Yuki gasped running into the shrine. "Don't marry the stupid, dick- slicing cat. You're still my wife Tohru!"

"Yuki!!" Tohru gasped in shock. "You've come back! But what about your penis?"

"I got it sewn back on," he said embarrassed. "But I did it! I'm a man again!"

"Hey," Kyo said happily. "That means that stupid curse of mine is gone now too." He looked over at Tohru. "But wait a minute. Who are you going to be with then Tohru?"

"Hmm ah, um, you see," she stammered nervously. "I would like to be with..."

  


  


**............................FLASH.................................**

  


"What?" Kyo asked, "it's over? But Tohru didn't even finish talking!"

"Awww!" Shigure voice said, "did you want to know who Tohru would pick that badly?"

"No!!" Kyo shouted his face turning red. "I couldn't care less."

"Shigure," Yuki said quietly, his hands balling up into fists. "I can't believe you did that to me." He looked around the room his face thoroughly pissed off. "I'll kill you, you sick bastard!!!!!" 

"I warned you didn't I, Yuki-kun," Shigure laughed. "Maybe next time you'll learn to respect your elders."

"Umm Shigure-san," Tohru broke in nervously. "I really didn't like the personality you gave me in that story. Why was I so devious?"

"But it was so fun making you say 'dick' and 'penis'," Shigure said cheerfully. "Somehow the word takes on a whole other meaning when you say it." He snickered to himself.

"That's it!" Yuki shouted. "You're going to die Shigure. As soon as we get out of here, I'll kill you!"

"Well, maybe I'll never let you out then." 

  


  


Writer's note Ack! I'm sorry. I really tried to make a Kyo and Tohru chapter but my love for Yuki made him pop back up again. I just love Tohru and Yuki together so much!!! Yeah, but at least Kyo got to be the star. I'm sure that made a lot of you happy :D This was a fun chapter to write. I just love Rurouni Kenshin! Yeah, so please review!! When I get good reviews, it just inspires me to write so much. It's great! Thanks for reading. (Ah yes, and you all probably noticed what a sicko I am from this chapter. Darn, the secrets out I guess).


	11. Commercial

"Hi everyone," Shigure told the camera cheerfully. "I'm here to tell you about a great new book written by me, Shigure Souma. This is possibly the best, most awesome book in the whole universe! It's called Excel Basket, and it follows the adventures of my somewhat dimwitted family (Plus Tohru), as they travel through different genres. Let's see what some others had to say about it."

"Why hello," Ayame said laughing loudly. "Yes, this book is truly great. I, the most handsome and intelligent character of the book, can be seen in my many adventures. You could even say that I'm the main character. HAHAHA!"

"Now, let's see what Haru has to say," Shigure said taking his microphone and jamming it into the cow's face. "So Haru, what do you think of my book?"

"It's all right," Haru said with a yawn. Shigure beat him over the head with the microphone. "Damn it you stupid bastard!" Black Haru yelled angrily. He grabbed the microphone and began to strangle Shigure with its cord, wrapping it tightly around the dog's neck. 

"Help...me..." Shigure sputtered.

  


  


* We are experiencing technical difficulties. Please stand by. *

(soft music plays)

  


  


"And we're back," Shigure said rubbing his throat. Haru was laying unconscious somewhere in the distance behind him. "Let's see what Tohru has to say." He walked over to Tohru who was playing cards with Yuki and Kyo. "Hello Tohru, how would you like to comment on my new book?"

"Shigure?" she asked confused. "What are you doing in here? I didn't know you could come into the computer too."

"Hahah," Shigure laughed nervously into the camera. "You'll have to excuse her folks, she doesn't know what she's talking about." He lowered his voice and whispered quietly. "She's a little on the slow side you know."

"Shut up!" Yuki shouted angrily kicking Shigure in the face.

"Ouch!"

  


* We are once again experiencing difficulties. We'll be right back *

"So you can edit that part out right?" Shigure asked the camera. "Yeah, just edit the part out where he kicked me. What? We're live? What kind of commercial is shot live?" He cleared his throat and continued where he had left off before. "Now Tohru, what do you think of my new book Excel Basket?"

"Oh so that's what you're calling it," she said thoughtfully to herself. "Umm,oh yes. It's a nice book, I suppose. Uh I mean, Shigure's going to a great deal of trouble to write it, and umm."  
"Yeah, a little too much trouble if you ask me," Kyo muttered.

"Haha, well it's a good thing no one asked you then, isn't it Kyo," Shigure said, a vain throbbing in his forehead. "Now you be a good kitty and wait your turn." Kyo rolled his eyes. "Was there anything else you wanted to add?" Shigure asked turning to Tohru again.

"Umm, not really," she admitted. The camera zoomed in too much and got a close up of her nostrils. "Ah, is there any way we can make the camera not do that?" she asked annoyed.

"Nope," Shigure said giving a thumbs up to the camera man. "Now Yuki, what do you think of my book?"

"It sucks and I hope you die!" Yuki said punching him in the face. "How dare you slice my manhood in two you frickin' pervert!"

"Yuki-kun!" Tohru said nervously. "I think you should stop. The camera man is zooming in on you." He sighed, kicked Shigure's limp body one last time and walked away, dragging Tohru with him. "Where are we going Yuki-kun?" she asked as he pulled her by the arm.

"Anywhere away from here," he said. They went into another section of the house downloaded into Shigure's computer.

"Those kidders," Shigure laughed as he pulled his bruised body off the ground. "Their great love for my writing must have overwhelmed them with uncontrollable passion, or such was my interpretation....anyway. Yeah, now we will ask Kyo his opinion. So Kyo-kun, what do you think of Excel Basket?"

"It's a wonderful book," he stammered. Shigure cocked the gun that rested on Kyo's temple and nodded. 

"So what do you like about my book?" he asked pointing to the cue cards he had placed in Kyo's hand.

"Umm, well," Kyo said squinting at Shigure's messy handwriting on the cards. "I love the way it moves from action, to drama, to comedy, in the blink of an.... ege....What the hell is an 'ege', you stupid bastard!" Kyo shouted angrily at Shigure.

"That says 'eye', you retard!" Shigure responded pushing the gun harder into Kyo's skull. Kyo gulped and continued reading.

"...in the blink of an eye. It is a great read for all ages." Kyo smiled awkwardly at the camera, waiting for Shigure to remove the gun.

"See now," Shigure said cheerfully. "That wasn't so hard." He tucked the weapon into his pocket and turned around so he could move on to the others.

"HOLD IT YOU FREAK!" Kyo shouted kicking Shigure in the head. He punched him several times in the gut. "This is for holding that gun to my head!" he yelled with a kick. "And this is for making me look for stupid rocks!...And this is for making me kiss that damned rat!" Finally, the camera could only see the ground, because the camera man had put it down so he could see if Shigure was still alive and drag Kyo off of him.

"Well now," Shigure said from his bloody heap on the floor. "Wasn't that fun!" They had continued filming. "Now lets ask some of the cute, innocent, sweet children what they thought." After some struggling and with the aid of crutches. Shigure pulled himself back up. "Momiji! How did you like my book?" Momiji looked at the camera and smiled. Then he shouted.

"HELP US!!! WE'RE TRAPPED AND SHIGURE WON'T LET US OUT!!"

"Aw, aren't kids precious," Shigure laughed placing a hand over Momiji's mouth and holding him down. "A little tranquilizer will fix the kid right up." He pulled a tranquilizer gun out of his pocket and shot a dart into Momiji's neck. "There now. We'll just let the little darling sleep while the adults talk grown-up talk." He found Kisa talking to Hiro in one section of the computerized house. "Oh, look it's Kisa! Let's ask what she thinks." Kisa looked over at Shigure.

"AHHHHHHH!" she screamed when she saw him and ran away.

"Kids these days," Shigure sighed. "Well anyway, I think we've had enough of asking other people's opinions, because truthfully, the only one that really matters is my own." Shigure laughed heartily. 

"Why don't you tell them when the book's coming out?" the camera man suggested zooming in on Shigure's face, and getting a mega close up of his eye. 

"Well, that's a good question," Shigure said placing a hand on his chin. "I haven't even finished writing it yet."

"What!!" the camera man exclaimed. "Then what the hell am I doing here?"

"Just a little advertisement, way ahead of time." Shigure explained. He turned his attention back to the camera audience. "So folks, when Excel Basket comes out, be sure to purchase it for only four easy payments of $99.99."

"No one would pay that much for a book by you," Haru scoffed now conscious again. Shigure ignored him. 

"You'll find that Excel Basket meets all your daily nutritional needs. Just take a look at the back cover and see for yourself." He pulled a copy of the book (which basically is still filled with blank pages), and the camera zoomed onto the back cover.

  


EXCEL BASKET- NUTRITIONAL FACTS

Romance..............................................................60%

Action..................................................................42%

Comedy...............................................................45%

Iron.......................................................................99%

Vitamin C........................................................... 302%

Vitamin A............................................................23.5%

Vitamin D............................................................95%

Steroids................................................................54%

Various car parts..................................................21%

  


This is based on a 2,000,000 calorie diet.

  


Not a significant source of intelligent thought or meaningful dialogue. As a matter of fact, this whole chapter is pretty pointless.

  


Ingredients- One rice ball, one mouse, one feline, one dog, beef, lamb, seafood, pork, one monkey, one tiger, one snake, various artificial flavorings, Blue 34, Red 92

  


~Stir together really well and you get a Basket of Fruit. Amazing how things work.

  


  


"So as you can see," Shigure said proudly. "This book has it all. Therefore you should read it as soon as it comes out!!"

  


  


~To order, please call 444-4487. If you are an attractive female between the ages of 17 and 30, then call this number. 576-9385, this is Shigures _personal_ cell phone number (wink wink).

  


  


  


Writer's note Hi everyone. I thought it would be fun to do a chapter like this. Hmm it turned out weirder than I anticipated. Hope it didn't suck too bad. I'll have a better chapter next time though, hopefully. Yeah, so please REVIEW!!! I LUV REVIEWS!!!


	12. Fighting part 1 DBZ

"You guys suck!" Shigure whined loudly. "How could you ruin my wonderful, beautiful commercial for my awesome book?"

"I hate you," Yuki muttered annoyed.

"Yuki-kun!" Shigure cried. "How can you say that? Hate is such a strong word."

"Which is exactly why I used it."

"Shigure!" Kyo yelled. "All you do is waste our time with this book crap. You don't even know what you're talking about half the time."

"Waste your time, eh?" Shigure said thougtfully.

"Oh no, what are you plotting?" Yuki moaned. 

"Hmm, well if all I do is waste your time, then maybe I should make a chapter devoted to that."

"Please don't Shigure-san," Tohru begged. "I have a wonderful idea. How about if you just let us out?"

"Yeah right Tohru-kun," Shigure laughed. "Surely you jest! Now like I was saying, I think its time for the next chapter."

"So what is it this time anyway?" Haru asked.

"Oh, just a little fighting chapter, Dragon Ball Z style."

"Dragon Ball Z style?" 

"That's right," Shigure answered. "By the way, I happened to run into your friend Uotani on the way home from the store, Tohru-kun.

"You did?" Tohru asked excitedly. "Did you say anything to her? How is she? I haven't seen Uo-chan or Hana-chan for ages."

"Thanks to someone we know," Yuki muttered to himself.

"Well, I invited her over to see you of course," Shigure said cheerfully. "As a matter of fact. She should be getting there right about now."

"Where the hell am I?" Uotani asked looking around in shock. She seemed to have appeared out of no-where. "Tohru?"

"Oh Uo-chan," Tohru squealed running over to her. 

"Where've you been Tohru!" Uo exclaimed. "Its summer vacation but I haven't talked to you once since school let out!"

"Umm, its a long story," Tohru explained nervously.

"Where are we anyway? This isn't your house."

"Well, Uotani my dear, you're about to find out for yourself," Shigure said. "Because I'm going to use you in this next chapter."

"Chapter?"

"You'll see."

  


  


**.................................FLASH.......................................**

  


_Last time, on Fruits Basket_:

A martial arts tournament has come to town and the heros of Fruits Basket want to compete. Kyo and Yuki are taking it especially seriously because they want to fight each other and win the grand title of "Super duper fighter man." In addition, Kyo believes that by defeating Yuki, he will have proved himself as the better man and will finally gain acceptance in the Souma family. These two have been training hard, but will it be enough? Haru, Momiji, Kisa, and Ayame have also been training vigorously to enter the tournament as well. Who will come out on top in the end? 

Oh yeah, here're a few clips of the training that Kyo and Yuki have been putting themselves through.

  


"That damn rat," Kyo panted as he did pushups with a thousand pound weight on his back. "I'll kill him. I'll show him I'm the best! Now what number was I on? Oh yeah, 12,736,758; 12,736,759; 12,736,760....................."

"Yo, Orange- top," Uo called stepping into the room. "Don't you want some water or something? You should take a break for awhile."

"Not yet," he gasped continuing the pushups. "Maybe...later......"

  


  


  


"Yuki-kun," Tohru called loudly through the door holding a glass of lemonade. "Are you okay?" She looked through a small window and found Yuki passed out on the ground from training under 500 times Earth's normal gravity. She sighed and switched the gravity unit off before opening the door. "Really you guys, its just a tournament. Aren't you and Kyo taking this a little too seriously?"

"Must win," Yuki mumbled from the floor. He opened his eyes slightly and looked up at Tohru. "Hi," he said smiling a little.

"Hello," she replied laughing. Tohru reached out her hand and helped him up. He took it and struggled to his feet. "I brought you some lemonade," she said handing him the glass. I thought you might me thirsty."

"Oh, thank you very much," he said accepting it gratefully. He gulped it down greedily. "Phew, I needed that."

"Just don't strain yourself too hard," Tohru said seriously. "I don't want you getting hurt." 

"I'll be fine," Yuki reassured her. "Don't worry."

  


  


"14,345,890; 14,345,891; 14,345,892...." Kyo continued, streams of sweat rolling down his face.

"Damn it!" Uo shouted fed up. "Stop and take a break before I shoot you in between the eyes!" Kyo ignored her. She grabbed the bottle of water she had brought him and beat him over the head with it. He crashed to the ground mid-push up, the weight on his back crushing his spine.

"What the hell was that for you damn Yankee!" Kyo shouted sliding the weight off his back. He leapt clumsily to his feet and pointed an accusing finger at Uo. "Just because you're my brother Haru's girlfriend, doesn't mean I have to listen to your bitching!"

"Oh yes it does!" Uo argued back.

  


  


  


_And now after that long preview of the past, we finally get to the actual episode._

  


"It's the day of the Grand Tournament ladies and gentlemen," the announcer shouted. "Today we will find out who is the best fighter in the Universe!" The audience cheered loudly. "First up is Kyo and Yuki Souma in the ring!" The two made their way to the fighting arena and stood in the center facing each other.

"You damned mouse!" Kyo shouted loudly. "I'll destroy you!"

"Oh yeah?" Yuki challenged. "Then why don't you actually do that instead of just saying you're going to all the time?"

"You bastard! That's what I'm going to do today!!"

"Stupid cat, even if I tried to let you win you'd find some ignorant way to lose."

"Ha! What do you know? I've been training for weeks using thousand pound weights and doing millions of pushups."

"So what?" Yuki scoffed. "I've been training under 500 times Earth's normal gravity and studying martial arts."

"Oh yeah, well I've had to put up with that bitch Uotani while I've been training!"

"Ha! Well, I've had the adorable and sweet Tohru serving me lemonade while I trained."

"Damn it! What do I care!?"

  


  


"Aren't they supposed to have started already?" Tohru asked concerned. Kyo and Yuki were just standing there yelling at each other. 

"Ah, who cares," Uo said as she made out with Haru.

"Haru, didn't you enter the contest too?" Kagura asked making a face at the two kissing. "Shouldn't you be down there with the other contestants or something?"

"Yes," Haru said pausing for a moment. "In theory, that's where I _should_ be. But then again, how often do people do what they're supposed to."

"Oh just forget it," Kagura complained. She looked over at Tohru. "Hey, so who do you think is going to win?"

"Umm, I'm not sure," Tohru admitted. 

"Wanna play a game to see if we can find out?" 

"I guess so," Tohru agreed. She looked back down at the arena where Kyo and Yuki were arguing. "Somehow I doubt this battle is going to end anytime soon anyway."

"All right then," Kagura said pulling out a deck of playing cards. "Pick one Tohru." She fanned the cards out on the bleachers face down. Tohru thought for a moment and chose one. Kagura flipped it over and looked at it thoughtfully. It was the Queen of Diamonds. "The cards tell me that Kyo is going to win!" she said cheerfully.

"Uh, how can you tell just by looking at that?" Tohru asked in curiosity. 

"Well actually," Kagura whispered laughing. "I don't know what I'm talking about. I just want to Kyo to win." Tohru giggled despite herself in amusement.

"You should have just said so in the first place then Kagura-san."

"Awww! Ain't that cute," Uo chuckled mischievously. "Does widdle Kagura have a crush on orange-top?"

"Yeah, I'm gonna marry him," Kagura said nodding. "Yup, yup, no doubt about it."

"Hmm now, this is interesting," Uo commented. "You know, he's a pretty good looking guy. Better be careful or someone may try and steal him away." 

"What are you getting at!" Kagura shrieked angrily jumping to her feet.

"Nothing," Uotani said putting her hands up in defense. "Just telling you to keep your eyes open is all."

"That better be all you meant," Kagura muttered sitting back down.

  


  


  


"I don't care what you say!" Kyo shouted angrily. "I'm better than you!!!"

"Fine, I believe you," Yuki said sarcastically. "Want me to give you a cookie or something?"

"Shut up!!!"

"Um excuse me gentlemen," the referee said nervously as he came up to them. "Shouldn't there be more punching and killing going on right about now? We need some more action before the audience gets up and leaves."

"You stay out of this!!" Kyo yelled fiercely at the man. The referee gulped and stepped back slowly. Kyo turned his attention back to Yuki. "You want proof of my strength!! Fine!! I'll give it to you!" He balled his hands into fists, and let his battle aura grow until his body started to glow with energy. "HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!" He shouted as red energy flowed from his body. A wave of chi burst out and traveled in a wave around him, forming a crater in the arena around him. Yuki smirked.

"Is that all you've got?" he asked bored. Yuki began to do the same power up sequence that Kyo had done, blue energy streaming from his body.

  


  


  


"What's going on down there!" Tohru gasped in shock. The light that the two guys were emitting was so bright that it was blinding the audience. 

"Impossible!!" Haru gasped. "For them to have become this much stronger in only a few weeks!!"

"Their energy readings are off the charts!" Uo cried with a energy scouter hooked onto her ear, and with a scope over her eye. The scouter began to beep and finally exploded off her face. "Amazing! They even broke my scouter!"

"Yuki-kun!" Tohru whispered. "Kyo-kun. They've truly gone to the next level."

  


  


  


"AHHHHHHHHHHH!" Yuki shouted as bursts of blue energy shot out from his body. His hair began to stand up in points on his head, flickering into different colors. Finally, it changed completely white and he looked at Kyo grinning. "Are you ready to fight then you stupid cat?"

"Ha!! You think just because you made your hair white, that's going to scare me off! I'll kill you, you damned mouse!!" They looked at each other, and were finally ready to begin.

  


  


_To be continued._

  


_Next time on Fruits basket_

  


Kyo and Yuki probably fight!!!

  


  


**......................FLASH........................**

  


****"That was so weird," Uo said in awe when they returned. "What the hell just happened?"

"Well," Tohru said. "Shigure sort of trapped us in his computer and we have to live out the chapters he's writing for his new book." She smiled. "Once you get used to it its not so bad."

"You're kidding right Tohru?" Uo said laughing a little. "I mean that's impossible isn't it?"

"Don't worry Uotani-kun," Shigure said cheerfully. "I'll let you leave after the next chapter when I finish this fighting thing. You won't even remember this strange experience because I'll have Hatori erase your memories!" Shigure chuckled as if he had made a funny joke. Uotani decided she was having a terrible nightmare and curled up into a ball on the floor, closing her eyes.

"Good night Tohru," she said yawning. "When I wake up everything will be normal again."

"Hey wait a minute!!" Kyo shouted. "What about me and the damned rat!! What happened to our great fight scene?"

"Well, I had to keep in tradition of the Dragon Ball Z anime," Shigure explained. "Therefore, you have to wait till next time to find out what happens."

"But we didn't even accomplish anything," Yuki commented confused. "All we did was say how strong we were and have people speculate on who would win. Half of it was just saying what had happened in the last episode."

"Well duh, Yuki-kun," Shigure said exasperated. "Didn't I just say I was making it like Dragon Ball Z? That's how they make money. They stretch out a fight that could take two episodes and make it last for about fifty."

"Yeah, doesn't that show have like two hundred episodes or something?" Tohru asked.

"I think so. Wow, and we only got 26. What a rip-off," Yuki commented.

"Yeah, they could have at least given us a second season!" Kyo complained.

"Anyway," Shigure said cutting in. "I'll finish the story up in the next chapter so quit complaining."

  


  


  


Writer's note Hello! Yeah, before you get the wrong idea, I really do like Dragon Ball Z a lot. The fight scenes are awesome, (hehe) so please don't beat me up for this chapter DBZ fans :D. Although, it is annoying when they have those pointless episodes where nothing happens and then all of a sudden its like "next time, on DBZ," and you're like "What the hell!!" and I'm really tired right now so I'll stop ranting on like this. Please Review!!!


	13. Fighting part 2

"Time to finish up that fighting chapter from before," Shigure said happily. "Uotani-kun, you doing all right in there?"

"Why won't this nightmare end?" she moaned holding her head in her hands. 

"Don't worry Uo-chan," Tohru reassured patting her on the shoulder. "It'll all be over soon. Look on the bright side. At least Shigure-san is being merciful and letting you leave after this."

"What about you Tohru?" Uo asked narrowing her eyes. "Are you going to just let that psycho keep you in here?"

"Well, its just till he finishes his book," Tohru said laughing a little. Uotani didn't look convinced.

"Hey, stop talking about me," Shigure complained. "Lets just get this chapter over with."

  


  


  


  


**........................FLASH.............................**

  


  


****Kyo and Yuki were ready to fight. Kyo dove at Yuki, his fist raised, going so fast he seemed to disappear and reappear right in front of his opponent. Yuki was ready for him. He dodged Kyo and made a dash to his left, kicking Kyo in the side in the process. Kyo pulled back and flipped in front of Yuki, punching Yuki hard in the jaw. 

  


  


"He's pretty good," Uo commented watching them. "That Kyo is better than I thought he'd be." Haru and Kagura narrowed their eyes at her. 

"Yeah, he's great," Kagura spat. "That's why I'm going to marry him."

"Marriage huh?" Uo said thoughtfully. "You know, that's a pretty big commitment for you to be making for him."

"I'm not making it _for_ him!" Kagura cried indignantly. "He _wants_ to marry me!"

"You've sure been interested in Kyo lately," Haru noted, trying to keep the jealousy out of his voice. "What's so great about my stupid brother anyway?"

"You guys are blowing this way out of proportion!" Uotani laughed. "I just, I dunno, admire him is all. Look at him," She said pointing down to the arena. "He's doing great against Yuki, and Yuki is the champion martial artist of our school's karate team." Haru narrowed his eyes down at Kyo, his rage and jealousy building.

"That's it!" Black Haru shouted. He ran down the bleachers, making his way to the arena. 

"Excuse me sir," the referee called stopping him. "You're a competitor right? You have to wait over there till these two finish fighting." Black Haru kicked him out of the way and hopped the fence surrounding the ring. 

"Damn you Kyo!" He shouted running up and punching the orange haired boy in the face. "You've been trying to steal my woman, haven't you!!!?"

"What the hell are you talking about!" Kyo yelled back annoyed and rubbing his jaw. 

"Don't play dumb. I've seen you flirt with her while you were training in the gym!!"

"Damn it Haru!! All she did was come back there and piss me off!! I don't want your stupid Yankee girlfriend!"

"How dare you say that about Uo!!" Black Haru yelled going to kick Kyo in the gut. Kyo blocked it and jumped to the side. Yuki rolled his eyes and left the arena. He climbed the bleachers and joined Tohru and the others where they were sitting.

"And it appears that Kyo Souma has a new challenger!!" the announcer's voice boomed loudly. "It is," he said pausing a moment, "It's his own brother Haru Souma!! And boy does he look mad!"

  


  


  


"What's going on down there?" Tohru asked Yuki as he came and sat down beside her. 

"I don't know," Yuki said shaking his head. "Haru just ran up there and punched Kyo in the face."

"What a moron," Uo muttered angrily. "I am so going to dump him for this." Kagura looked at Uo suspiciously.

"Hey, if you dump Haru, you better keep your hands off my Kyo-kun!"

"How many times do I have to tell you I don't feel that way about him," Uo said sighing. "Get over it girly." Kagura growled at her under her breath.

"Yuki-kun!" Tohru exclaimed. "Your hair is all white and pointy. Cool, can I touch it!"

"Umm, sure," Yuki said laughing. Tohru ran her hand over the tips of his hair.

"Haha, its all stiff. How'd you do that?" 

"I learned it when I was training," he explained. "All you do is put lots of gel and white, wash-out hair dye in your hair when no one's looking." He pulled out a bottle of the hair products from his pocket and showed her. "That's why you do all that screaming and make all that energy blind everyone. It's to distract them."

"I see," Tohru said nodding. "But umm, why would you want to go to all that trouble anyway?"

"I dunno. It looks cool though, doesn't it?"

"Yeah, it does," she agreed.

"Aww, you guys are just so precious," Uo laughed looking at them. "Are you two dating?"

"Umm, well actually," Tohru stammered embarrassed. "He's just my next door neighbor and we've been good friends for awhile."

"That's right. You live with my ex-boyfriend and orange-top don't you?" Uo asked Yuki thoughtfully.

"Yeah, they're my cousins."

"Ah, I see."

  


  


  


"Haru! Quit being such a bastard!" Kyo shouted as he dodged a kick. He ducked under Haru's arm and grabbed it tightly, pulling it behind the his younger brother's back. Haru struggled with his other arm, as he tried to pull away. Kyo caught hold of that arm too and held it behind him.

"Let go of me dammit!" Black Haru shouted angrily. Kyo ignored him and wrestled him to the ground.

"Then calm down! You screwed up my fight with Yuki you stupid shit!"

"I don't care! You were trying to steal my woman!" Haru shouted kicking his leg quickly at Kyo's ankles and knocking Kyo's feet out from under him. The orange haired feline fell backwards. Haru jumped to his feet, his arms finally free.

"I told you already," Kyo yelled getting back up. "I don't want your stupid yankee so shut up!" He punched Haru as hard as he could in the jaw. Haru teetered backwards and Kyo kicked him down. Haru laid there silent and still. "It's about time, you jerk."

"And Kyo Souma is the winner!" the announcer said loudly. Kyo looked down at Haru sighing, pulled the guy's limp body from the arena and took him to the room where all the other contestants were waiting. He passed by Kisa and some other guy as the two made their way out to fight in the arena. "Next up," the announcer began, "is Kisa Souma and Bobby Adams."

  


"I'll kick your fat ass!" Kisa shouted viciously as Bobby came at her. She dodged to the left and punched him hard in the gut. The man grunted and swayed a little.

"You're strong for a little girl," he muttered getting his balance back.

"Don't call me a little girl!," She shouted running towards him. She flipped over his body and landed behind him. He went to turn around but before he could, she kicked him hard in the back knocking him forward.

"Agh," he yelled as he fell flat on his face. "What the hell," he grumbled as he tried to pull himself up. Kisa stopped him with a karate chop to the skull.

  


  


  


"All right, where is he?" Uo asked bored as she came into the room where all the other contestants were waiting.

"If you mean your retarded boyfriend, he's right here," Kyo replied pointing down at Haru's unconscious body. Uo walked up to the cow and smacked him over the head.

"Wake up you idiot!" she yelled. He stirred a little and opened his eyes. "I can't take your jealousy anymore," she said folding her arms in front of her chest. "Its getting out of hand. You even almost killed that waiter the other day for asking if I wanted salad or coleslaw."

"But," Haru mumbled trying to regain his senses. "Its because I care about you."

"I don't care," she said firmly. "I'm breaking up with you."

"Ah damnit," he moaned. "I knew this would happen. Fine, do what you want." Uo sighed and left the room. Kyo looked from Haru to Uo and with a groan, went after the yankee.

"What the hell is your problem!" he yelled going up to Uotani. "The only reason why he acts like such a moron is cause he loves you."

"It doesn't matter," she said sitting down on a chair in the lobby. Kyo sat down next to her. "If he can't learn to control his temper, he's never going to be able to have a real relationship with anyone."

"Hey, I know my brother's got issues, but you should give him a break." Kyo looked away. "You should have seen how hard he was fighting out there, and it was all for you." Uo looked at him oddly.

"You know, you're really cute when you get that serious look on your face like that," she commented smiling. He looked at her shocked.

"Dammit! Aren't you listening to me you stupid Yankee?!"

"About as much as you listen to me orange top," she said grinning mischievously.

"Agh! I can't stand........." Kyo was cut short by Uo who had pulled his face to hers and was kissing him hard on the lips. Kyo's eyes widened in shock as he flailed his arms in the air. 

"What the hell are you doing!!" Kagura shouted from the doorway. She grabbed Uo's shoulder and yanked her off the chair. "Damn it! I knew you were after Kyo you bitch! I'll kill you!!" 

"Oh shut up!" Uo yelled back. The audience had heard the yelling and was filing into the lobby to see what all the commotion was. Kagura punched Uo in the jaw, and soon the audience was shouting and screaming in excitement.

"It appears that the fighting has moved to the lobby," the announcer said loudly into his mike. "Up for battle now is Kagura Souma and Arisa Uotani!"

"Oh that's it," Uo muttered wiping a drop of blood from her lip. "Now you're gonna pay." She dove at Kagura and knocked her down to the floor. Pinning her down, Uo punched Kagura repeatedly in the face. Finally, Kagura managed to throw the other girl off and kicked Uo hard in the stomach.

"Bitch," Kagura said as she spit out a mouth full of blood. Uo groaned, glaring at the boar thoroughly pissed off. She reached out and grabbed Kagura's hair, yanking her closer and throwing her against a wall. Kagura crumpled to the ground, and didn't move.

"Ugh, I can't believe that girl," Uo said turning around to walk away. She noticed for the first time the huge audience that had gathered around her.  
"Look out!" someone shouted. Uo turned around in time to see a battered Kagura coming at her from behind. She ducked in time to dodge a punch aimed for her face. Darting back a few feet, she watched Kagura carefully. Kagura did the same, slowly circling Uo, her fists raised. Finally, Uo lunged forward and went to kick Kagura in the side. Kagura managed to get out of the way and avoided impact. She used this opportunity to strike Uo in the shoulder with her fist. Uo fell back, and Kagura hovered over her laughing demonically. Kagura lifted her foot to stomp Uo in the face but Uo rolled out of the way and jumped to her feet. She kicked Kagura across her jaw, sending the boar flying into a couple chairs. 

"And it appears Kagura Souma is finally down for the count," the announcer commented nodding. "Arisa Uotani is the winner!" Uo breathed deeply and allowed herself to collapse in a chair.

"Holy shit," Kyo muttered his eyes bulging in shock. "Oh man, girls are scary when they fight!" He looked at Kagura who was being carried away by paramedics and Uo who was resting with her eyes closed in the chair next to him.

  


  


  


"Where did everyone go?" Tohru asked Yuki looking around. They had been playing with the cards Kagura brought when they realized the stands were almost completely empty.

"Oh you're right," Yuki said looking up. "That's strange." He looked down at the arena where Kisa had won the match. She stood there confused, her foot resting on the huge man she had defeated. 

"Hey, where is everyone!" she shouted angrily. "I won, damn it!"

"My my," Tohru said shaking her head. "Kisa's changed quite a bit ever since she started training with Haru. Uh, I mean with Black Haru."

"Well, she said she wanted to get stronger," Yuki noted. "She did manage to do that at least."

"I suppose," Tohru said doubtfully. She noticed that Yuki was staring at her intensely. "Is something wrong?" she asked in concern.

"Huh?" Yuki said looking away and blushing. "Oh no, its nothing."

"Hey look!" Tohru pointed as she looked down at the arena. "Ayame and Momiji are up next!"

"Oh right," Yuki said quickly, "the match." He watched her in fascination as she excitedly cried out the names of his cousins.

"Go Ayame-san!!" she shouted loudly. "Go Momiji-kun!!" Yuki smiled and scooted a little closer to her, his shoulder brushing against hers. 

  


  


  


  


"Nya nya," Momiji sang hopping from one side of Ayame to the other. "Ayame can't get me."

"Hold still Momiji so I can beat you up," he whined loudly, his dress billowing behind him. Momiji pounced onto Ayame's back and hugged him tightly around the neck.

"I win!" the little bunny squealed happily. 

"Momiji," Ayame said sweatdropping as he plucked the boy off his back. He held Momiji out in front of him. "You have to knock me unconscious or at least have me down on the ground for awhile before you actually win."

"Really?" Momiji said in surprise. "Do you mean like this?" He leapt out of Ayame's hands and dove at the larger man, ramming him in his side. Then he kicked Ayame hard in the gut, knocking him back. Ayame, in shock, tried to regain his balance. Momiji jumped onto Ayame's shoulders and grabbed hold of his head. Then with a quick jerk, he cracked Ayame's head to the side, breaking the snake's neck. 

"Ouch," Ayame moaned from the ground. He looked straight at the camera. "Whatever you do kids, don't try this at home. Most people die when someone breaks their neck in this manner." He closed his eyes, and his spirit could be seen floating away from his body.

"Now I really did win!" Momiji shouted happily. 

  


  


  


"It appears Momiji has killed Ayame," Tohru noted from the stands.

"Appears that way, doesn't it," Yuki agreed. They watched an ambulance come and carry Ayame away on a stretcher. 

"Well that was fun," Tohru said nonchalantly. "Want to get something to eat during half-time?"

"Sure, lets go," Yuki said standing up. 

  


  


  


"Umm, hey Yankee, are you okay?" Kyo asked looking down at the resting girl.

"Nooo," she moaned gasping for air. "I can't breath...need CPR..."

"Ack!!" Kyo shouted. "What do you expect me to do about it?" He looked around panicking. All the paramedics were currently tending to the unconscious Kagura and possibly dead Ayame. 

"You...must," she gasped. "You must give me CPR." He made a face.

"Can't you do it yourself," he muttered. She narrowed her eyes at him and grabbed him by his ear. 

"Damn it!! I could be dying!! Don't you care!!!" she yelled angrily.

"Okay fine!!" Kyo said leaning down over Uo's body. She had lay herself across several chairs and was using them like a bed. He closed his eyes and pressed his lips against Uo's, trying to breath air into her lungs. But something was a little off. Was her tongue supposed to be in his mouth like that during CPR? Arisa wrapped her arms around Kyo pulling him down closer. Kyo pulled back quickly, his face bright red. "OKAY!! that's enough CPR for you!!"

"Oh darn," Uo laughed mischievously to herself. 

  


  


  


"Thanks for buying me lunch," Tohru said gratefully as she munched on some french fries. 

"No problem," he said taking a sip of his soda. "Half-time's almost over though. I wonder if I have to fight that stupid cat again."

"Hmm, I'm not sure," Tohru replied. They climbed back up to their seat in the bleachers. Ayame was already sitting there, adorned with a giant neck brace.

"Oh, you're still alive I see," Yuki said sitting down. 

"How cold," Ayame whined. "Can't you show a little compassion for your own brother?"

"I could," Yuki said thoughtfully," but...I'd rather not."

  


  


"And now," the announcer's voice rang. "For our last round, the fighters will be Yuki and Kyo, because those two dorks didn't even finish their fight in the first place." Yuki sighed and climbed down to the arena. Weren't they supposed to tell him ahead of time that he was going to have to fight rather than just announce it like that?

"So," Kyo said stepping out of the waiting room. "I guess we can finish our match now rat!!"

"I guess so," Yuki said without enthusiasm. He eyed Kyo's face and raised an eyebrow. "Nice lipstick," he commented. "the shade doesn't suit you though."

"What the hell are you talking about!" he shouted. He wiped at his mouth and saw what Yuki meant. "Damn Yankee," he muttered his face getting hot again.

"In this round," the announcer continued, "The contestants will be allowed to use weapons. Anything is acceptable as long as they don't kill their opponent."

  


  


  


"Well you look happy Uotani-san," Tohru smiled as Uo came and sat back up in the bleachers. "How's Haru? Is he all right?"  
"Yeah he's fine," Uo replied. "Not that it matters. I dumped him just about an hour ago." Tohru noticed that Uo's face looked a little bruised around her jaw. She gasped and pulled back in shock.

"He didn't .....hit you...or um...anything like that, did he?" 

"What?" Arisa asked confused. "Oh, yeah, forgot about that. Naw, umm, I guess you could say I was unknowingly entered into this contest." She grinned at Tohru. "But I won, so that's something to be proud of."

"You fought?" Tohru asked surprised. "I didn't even see you. When was that?" 

"About a half hour ago, and in the lobby believe it or not," Uo said shaking her head. "But that girl's got some issues. She needed someone to knock some sense into her."

  


  


  


"Die!" Kyo yelled lunging at Yuki. Yuki moved to the side and punched Kyo across the face. Kyo teetered back and did an unnecessary flip to gain his balance. Then flipping some more, he landed in front of Yuki and punched him in the gut. Yuki recovered and pulled out a gun. He shot at Kyo, who did some rip-off moves from the Matrix. In slow motion, Kyo swung his body from side to side and dodged all the bullets. Then Kyo angrily pulled out his giant sword (which was as big as he was) and slashed at Yuki. Yuki jumped on top of it and ran to Kyo, kicking him in the head. Kyo discarded the sword and pulled out his rubber chicken, smacking Yuki in the face with it. Yuki was thrown back by the force of the chicken.

"I didn't want to do this," Yuki said quietly. He looked up at Kyo in rage. "But you've left me no choice. How dare you insult me by smacking me with a stupid rubber chicken!!" He pulled out his secret weapon and jammed it into Kyo's mouth.

"No," Kyo gasped. His face became blue and he crumpled to the ground unconscious. 

"I'm sorry you stupid cat," Yuki said turning around. "But it was the only way to end this retarded match without it dragging out ten more chapters. I had to use leeks."

  


  


  


"You won!!" Tohru squealed happily as she ran into the arena with Yuki. "Congrats!"

"Why, thank you," he said shyly. They watched Kyo being dragged away to the infirmary. 

"And you did a good job too," she told Kyo as he passed by in the stretcher.

"I'm sorry miss," a paramedic said. "He can't hear you right now."

"Oh I see."

"Honda-san," Yuki said as the referee handed him his 'Super duper fighter man' trophy.

"Yes?"

"Well, I uh, just wanted to say..." He trailed off and looked at the ground. "Um thanks for your moral support and everything. It was nice having you there while I trained." He looked up at her his eyes gleaming. "If it weren't for you, I never could have become the Super duper fighter man!"

"Wait," Tohru said trying to understand. "So if it weren't for me bringing you lemonade while you trained, you never would've shoved leeks into Kyo-kun's mouth, rendering him unconscious?"

"Uh yeah, something like that," Yuki said sighing. In the distance, they could hear the shouts of Uo, trying to give Kyo CPR.

  


  


**..........................FLASH...............................**

"And now your services are no longer needed." Shigure said cheerfully to Uo. He called over Hatori who went to stand in front of Arisa.

"Hey, what are you guys going to do!" she demanded angrily.

"Just close your eyes and calm down. You'll wake up and all of this will just become a crazy dream." Hatori placed a hand on her forehead and a burst of white light shot out from his palm. Then Shigure removed Uo from the computer and she disappeared. 

"Aw, I'm going to miss Uo-chan," Tohru sighed. "It was nice getting to see her again."

"It's all right," Shigure reassured. "She's in a happy place now and doesn't need to remember any of this happened."

"You make it sound like she went crazy or died or something," Kyo muttered.

"By the way Kyo-kun," Shigure laughed mischievously. "You and Uotani seemed to be getting pretty hot and heavy there."

"Yeah and I have you to blame for that you bastard!"

"It seems you also made me more naïve than usual." Tohru commented.

"Never happy, are you," Shigure sighed. "First you think I make you too cold, then I make you too devious, and now you think I made you too naïve? Is there no pleasing you, woman!"

"Hey! If you ever talk to Honda-san like that again, I'll kill you Shigure," Yuki warned.

"Ah yes, so you've been saying lately, but I have yet to see you succeed. Yuki-kun."

  


  


Writer's note Okay, fighting chapters done with. Time to move onto something new. Hmmm I believe a cross-dressing chapter is needed here. Yes, It shall be done. :D Yeah, don't forget to review!! XD


	14. Crossdressing

"Hey Yuki-kun?" Shigure said suddenly.

"What do you want this time?" Yuki groaned.

"Has anyone ever told you, you look like a girl?" Yuki narrowed his eyes in anger and Kyo burst out laughing.

"Hell yeah, he does!"

"Is there a point you're getting at somewhere or are you just trying to piss me off?" Yuki asked annoyed.

"Well, it occurred to me that if you were dressed like a girl, I doubt anyone would suspect you were really a guy." Shigure replied.

"And, you're saying this because..."

"I'm going to do a cross-dressing chapter!!" Shigure sang happily. "You get to be a transvestite!!" Yuki's face dropped and turned a sickened shade of blue. 

"Hey now!," Kyo stammered, "I better not be in this chapter too, you weirdo."

"Don't worry Kyo-kun," Shigure reassured. "You'd make a hideous female."

"Bastard," the cat muttered to himself. 

"Please don't do it," Yuki begged. "It was bad enough when those older girls made me wear that dress at the cultural festival. I don't want to do that again."

"Hmm, did I hear something?" Shigure asked loudly. "I thought I heard a little voice but I was typing so loudly that I couldn't make it out."

"Shigure!!"

"Well, must have been the wind. I'll just begin the chapter now."

  


  


**..........................FLASH...............................**

  


_It's dark in here,_

_very dark._

_Whether my eyes are open or closed,_

_whether it is night or day,_

_makes no difference._

_Like a black night without stars,_

_except,_

_there is no hope of ever seeing _

_the morning rays of sun._

_There is only night,_

_in this room._

  


  


_My cousin Akito...is crazy._

_Thats why......._

_I ran away._

  


  


__"Yuki?" Akito asked stroking the ten year old's head. "Why did you try and leave me? Do you want to be alone? Do want to leave me alone? Don't you see? We need each other."

"I..I..." the young boy stammered in fear. "I thought I could live with my big brother Ayame." Akito sighed.

"Yuki, do you really think he'd want to have you around? He hates you. You sicken him. He's at the prime of his life right now, twenty years old, living on his own. What would he do..." Akito tightened his grip on Yuki's hair and yanked it back roughly. "What would he do with a little brat like you?"

"Please stop," Yuki cried. "Please let go, Akito." Akito pulled harder. 

"You won't ever try to leave me again, will you Yuki?" He let go of his hair and hugged the shaking boy. "Because we need each other." he said softly. "So don't ever try and run away again. Okay?"

"Okay," Yuki whispered in fear.

"Do you promise?"

"I promise."

  


  


  


  


_My cousin Akito...._

_is crazy._

_That's why....._

_I ran away._

  


  


"Like hell I'm going to stay here with you, you frickin' pervert," Yuki muttered to himself. He was seventeen now, and ready to try and escape again. He grabbed his bags and made a dash out the door. This was his only chance. Hatori was another cousin of theirs, and fiendishly loyal to Akito. He watched Yuki like a hawk, making sure that he always came directly home from school and had no close relationships with other people. These were Akito's orders, because Yuki was his little pet, and Akito wanted his pet mouse all to himself. But Hatori was gone right now, and so was Akito. Akito had become very ill. So ill in fact that he had to be taken to a hospital in another city, and Hatori had accompanied him. They had forgotten about Yuki, and when they returned, Yuki wasn't going to be there.

"Or at least, such is my plan," Yuki muttered to himself. He ran with his things to a bus station on the corner. Looking around nervously, he boarded the bus and sat down. When it arrived at its final destination about an hour later, he decided to wait for the next bus and take that one as well. "I'm not far enough," he muttered to himself. "I need to go farther."

After about three more bus rides farther and farther away from the home he shared with Akito, Yuki was satisfied. "What city am I in anyway?" he wondered checking a map at the station. He didn't really care where he was, as long as it was away from his freakish cousin. He realized in shock he had ended up in the city that Ayame had moved to just recently. "But should I see him?" he asked himself. Yuki had quite a bit of money with him. A few years' worth of cash he had been saving up for this moment, not to mention the nice wad of bills he had stolen from Akito before he left. However, Yuki was not naïve and knew that such amounts of money would not last long. Maybe he should give Ayame a call after all and free load at his house for awhile. 

Yuki made his way to a pay phone and went to dial up his brother's number. He didn't know why he still knew it but he did. This was also assuming his brother hadn't changed it when he moved. Yuki paused and put the phone down. He thought of all the things Akito had told him about Ayame while he was growing up. _"Yuki, do you really think he'd want to have you around? He hates you. You sicken him." _Yuki sighed and leaned against the back of the phone booth. _Does he really hate me? Should I even try? What if he just sends me back to Akito. _Yuki shivered. Akito would be mad if he found out Yuki had escaped again, not to mention the fact that Yuki had stolen all that money in the process.

"I'll do it," Yuki decided. _Not like I have any better options at the moment. _He picked up the phone again and dialed Ayame's number. 

"Hello," a voice answered cheerfully. "Ayame Souma residence, I am a currently single, white male with long, beautiful hair, blood type 0 and a Sagittarius. If you have any inquiries about my latest fashions and fabulous designs, please leave a message after the beep. Thank you."

"Uh yeah, hi," Yuki stammered. "It me, Yuki. Its umm, been awhile, and ...."

"Hello!" a voice clicked suddenly as it picked up the phone. "Yuki?"

"Uh huh."

"Oh Yuki my dear brother, its been years! Why haven't you called sooner?"

"I um," Yuki said taken back by the kindness in Ayame's voice. Maybe his brother didn't hate him after all. "I just wanted to ask if, uh, maybe I could stay with you for awhile."

"I see," Ayame said thoughtfully. "Something's happened, hasn't it. Well hurry up then and get over here. Big Brother Aya will take good care of you."

"Uh right," Yuki replied. "But umm, I don't know where you live exactly."

"Ah yes, details details, always so many details to play around with." He told Yuki his address and explained how to find it. 

  


The place where Ayame was living now was a small apartment at the edge of the city. Yuki followed Ayame's directions and found it with little difficulty. He went to room 205 and knocked on the door. 

"YUKI!!" Ayame shouted gleefully grabbing the mouse and embracing him tightly. "You've come! You're here!! Oh this is so marvelous!!" 

"Uh yeah," Yuki said pulling away. "It's nice to see you too, I guess."

"Well, don't just stand there," Ayame cried. "Come in, come in." He directed Yuki to a couch and made him sit. " Now, you must tell me why you're here. How have things been for you lately?"

"Ayame, you have to promise first that I can trust you. Whatever you do, don't send me back to Akito."

"You have my word of honor," Ayame said putting a hand to his heart. "I swear."

"All right," Yuki said breathing deeply. "Akito is a sick, sadistic weirdo and I've spent my whole life trying to run away from him. Everytime I do, Hatori or someone finds me and takes me back. Then Akito gets angry, and locks me up in this dark room, and...." he trailed off.

"Yes, Akito is a bit.... eccentric," Ayame agreed.

"I hate it there!" Yuki shivered despite himself and the warmth of the room. "I'm always so afraid. Everyday he says he'll kill me, I just couldn't take it any more."

"You should have told me about this sooner," Ayame said quietly. "I left long ago because of Akito, the little brat calling himself the head of the family. He was always strange, and he had a mean streak too. But I had no idea... I had no idea he was this terrible to you." Ayame looked up at Yuki his eyes glistening, "can you ever forgive your big brother?" He pounced on Yuki, pinning him down on the couch and wrapped his arms around him.

"Get off!!" Yuki shouted angrily punching his brother in the face. 

"Yuki! That's not very nice." Ayame whined holding his bruised cheek.

"Then quit hanging all over me like that," Yuki muttered.

"Anyway," Ayame said changing the subject. "You're going to have to go to school while you're here. You know that right?"

"Yeah, I know."

"And if Akito comes looking for you, all he'll have to do is check all the schools' records to find out if you're there."

"I hadn't thought of that."

"Therefore," Ayame said happily. "We should send you somewhere he'd never look! How about an all girl school!"

"Ayame," Yuki groaned "can't you be serious for one minute?"

"I am serious!" the snake exclaimed. "Oh this will be so much fun. You know I make clothing don't you? I can dress you up like a girl and change your name and Akito will never be able to find you."

"I refuse," Yuki said flatly. Ayame's face dropped and he looked sadly at the ground. 

"Here I am, trying my very best," Ayame sighed, "to take care of my dear little brother. And this is the thanks I get? Maybe I should give Akito a call and see what he thinks about all this."

"Hey, hold on a minute," Yuki said panic rising in his voice. "You wouldn't do that would you?"

"Well now, what else can I do?" Ayame asked. He pulled a cell phone out of his pocket and began to dial Akito's number.

"No stop!" Yuki cried out in horror. "I'll do it. I'll dress like a girl. Just don't call him please."

"Hurray!" Ayame shouted cheerfully. "I'm glad you're starting to see things my way, Yuki."

  


  


  


"Well now, aren't you just the cutest thing!" the older man squealed as he inspected Yuki in his new school girl outfit. 

"Oh shut up."

"No really," Ayame said nodding with approval, "If I didn't know any better I'd think you were a girl."

"That's not a compliment!" Yuki shouted angrily. He looked down at his blue pleated skirt, white blouse and vest. "This sucks. I changed my mind, I won't do it."

"But think of all the beautiful females you'll be surrounded by," Ayame persuaded grinning. "This would be any normal guy's fantasy."

"Hmm," Yuki murmured considering this fact. He had been to all boy's schools up till now. How would it feel to be surrounded by cute girls? No, wait! What was he thinking! He was turning into a freak like Akito and his brother. "Ok, I'll go, but its not for the girls."

"Sure its not," Ayame chuckled. 

"Wait, what'll I do during gym when we have to change in the locker rooms?"

"Don't worry, second year students only have gym the first half of the year and that's over already. You won't have to deal with that. Just be careful not to get hugged."

"Why not?" Yuki asked frowning at his reflection in the mirror. Ayame gasped his jaw hanging open. 

"You're kidding right? You don't know?"

"Know what?"  


"The thing!! the thing with us and girls!"

"What are you talking about," Yuki groaned annoyed. "The last female I talked to was my cousin Kagura and that was over two years ago."

"My my," Ayame mumbled. "You really have lived a sheltered life haven't you."

"So what's wrong with hugging girls?" Yuki pressed, wondering what had gotten Ayame all excited before.

"A clumsy boy like you probably doesn't need to worry about it anyway," Ayame said shaking his head. "Just forget what I said."

  


  


  


  


"So," the principal said looking down at Yuki who was seated in a chair in front of her desk. "Your name is Sakura Watanabe and you're transferring from, which high school did you say?" 

"Uh well," Yuki said making his voice a little higher (not that he really needs to. His voice is already a little feminine ;D). He smoothed his skirt down a little. "I believe my brother will send in that information today. We've had uh, difficulties with some of the paper work." Actually, he just couldn't tell her that he had been at an all boys-school before this. Like that wouldn't give him away. 

"I see," principal said joting some notes onto a sheet of paper. "Well, I've already spoken to your brother and he's explained everything for the most part." She looked at him and smiled. "All right then Watanabe-san, welcome to Mizu High."

"Uh thank you," Yuki said nodding his head.

"This is your schedule." She said handing him a print out from her computer. "If you need help, feel free to ask any of the students. They'll be more than happy to assist you."

  


  


  


"3-b," Yuki mumbled to himself as he wondered the hallways, "3-b." He looked down at his schedule again. Yup, it definantly said 3-b, so why couldn't he find it! The bell rang and he watched as dozens of doors slammed shut. _And to top it all off, I'm late._

"Excuse me," a girl's voice called, "are you lost?"

"Huh?" Yuki said turning around. He found himself face to face with Tohru. She smiled at him cheerfully.

"Do you need some help finding a class?" she asked looking pointedly at the schedule in his hand.

"Uh, y...yeah," Yuki mumbled shyly. 

"Here let me see, I'll help you." She went close to him and peered at the paper he held in his hand. He felt his face grow hot as she pressed against his arm. "What a coincidence," she smiled, "We're in the same homeroom. I was just going there myself so I can take you." Yuki nodded and let her lead the way. "You're so tall," Tohru laughed looking up at him as they walked. "It must be great. You could be a model or something."

"I uh don't think so," Yuki answered embarrassed. _Amazing, she doesn't suspect a thing. Can't she tell I'm a guy?_

__"Yeah, I was just returning a book to the library. I can explain to them that you got lost so I doubt they'll care that you're late."

"Thank you," Yuki said smiling back at her. Tohru's cheerfulness was contagious. _She's so nice, and....she's really....cute too._

"We girls got to stick together you know!" Tohru laughed. She stopped and her expression became serious. "Men," she said with a sigh. "I hate them." Yuki stopped walking, a bit urked by this.

"What's ah.." Yuki began nervously. "What's wrong with guys?"

"They're terrible creatures," Tohru replied angrily. "Ever since I dated that bastard I've hated men completely."

"What bastard was that?"

"Oh, you wouldn't know him. You're new aren't you? He was just this guy who went to a school nearby. His name's Kyo Souma."

"Kyo?" Yuki gasped. That was his cousin's name. He hadn't seen the guy for years but there was no doubt about it. She was talking about that idiotic cousin of his that he had disliked since he was little. As a matter of fact, they both didn't like each other all that much. _So that moron got to date a cute girl like this? Why was life so unfair?_

"Don't worry about it," Tohru reassured. "I guess it was just a bad experience for me since he was first boyfriend. I'm pretty much over it now though. I mean, it happened way back when, like two days ago."

"A couple days ago?" 

"Yeah, I've done some soul searching since then and I've pretty much recovered. That's why, for the time being anyway, I hate men." She paused in front of a door and knocked loudly. "We're here," she said cheerfully. 

"Why hello, Honda-san," the teacher said opening the door. "Did you return that book you needed take back?" Tohru nodded. The teacher looked over at Yuki standing beside her. "And who have we here? Are you the new student they told me about?"

"Um... yes," Yuki replied.

"Can I see your schedule please?" He handed it to her and she glanced over it. "All right then," she said motioning for them to come in. Tohru went to her seat but Yuki had the pleasure of being introduced to the class. "Class, this is Sakura Watanabe. She's just moved here today so I trust you'll make her feel welcome." 

"It's nice to meet you all," Yuki said smiling self-consciously. _Wow, I'm completely surrounded by females. It's kind of nice._

"You may sit by Tohru Honda in the back," the teacher said pointing to an empty seat. 

"Life is just full of coincidences today," Tohru said grinning as Yuki sat down beside her. "I guess fate is telling us we should be friends." Yuki laughed a little. 

"I guess that's one way to look at it." He gazed at her for awhile and Tohru began to blush a little.

"Is something wrong?" she asked.

"No, I was just wondering...would you let me walk you home after school?" 

"Sure, why not," she replied cheerfully.

  


  


  


"So why did you decide to move up here?" Tohru asked in curiosity as they walked along a sidewalk after school.

"I ran away from home to live with my brother," Yuki said, immediately smacking himself for being so blunt. He barely knew her, so why was he being so open about his personal life?

"I see," Tohru said kicking a rock on the path into the grass. "So, umm why did you run away?" She noticed the strange look that came over Yuki's face. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to pry?"

"No, its okay," he reassured shaking his head. "I've just, had a somewhat, complicated life up until now. _Actually it still is pretty complicated. _Yuki looked down at his school girl outfit and cringed a little. "It was pretty crazy at home, and I guess I couldn't take it anymore."

"Well don't worry!" Tohru said firmly. "I don't know what kind of life you had there but things will be different now. I'm sure your brother will take good care of you and..." she looked up at him smiling. "I'll always be here for you too." Yuki felt himself blush a deep shade of red and quickly turned away. Tohru laughed and patted him on the back. "After all, what are friends for?"

"Yeah," Yuki nodded quietly. He noticed an orange haired boy running towards them. _Crap!! It's my idiotic cousin Kyo. What should I do? He'll recognize me in a second! But I can't leave Tohru alone with him. Who knows what will happen. _"Um excuse me," Yuki said panicking. "Uh Honda-san, I'm horribly shy around guys and there's one heading right for us. What should I do? They make me break out in hives!" 

"Oh I'm sorry," Tohru said sympathetically. "Here, you can use my lunch bag." She placed the empty paper bag over Yuki's head while he sweat dropped. Then she took out a black marker and drew on two dots for eyes and a smiling mouth. "There you go."  


"Uh, thank you," Yuki said from the inside bag. He heard the cat stop in front of him. 

"Tohru! Why haven't you returned my calls the past couple days!" Kyo shouted angrily.

"It's just," Tohru stammered. "I just don't think we should see each other anymore. It's not... working out between us."

"But how can you just throw away our relationship after we've been going out for a whole week!" Kyo protested.

"I'm sorry Kyo-kun," Tohru sighed. "I don't want to hurt you, its just that the little things were really starting to build up."

"What little things!" Kyo exclaimed. 

"Well you know, forgetting my birthday, saying you'd call and then not doing it, saying you'd take me to the movies and then going to play pool with Haru," Tohru put a hand up and started counting them off on her fingers, "borrowing fifty dollars and never paying it back, making me pay for both our dinners, making out with my friend in the bathroom because, as you put it, "she attacked" you, losing the watch I bought you,..."  


"Okay!" Kyo shouted. "I get the picture. Maybe I'm not boyfriend material, but I like you, a lot. Can't you give me another chance?"

"I suppose," Tohru said slowly. Yuki grunted loudly when he heard this and poked little eye holes in the bag with his finger so he could see.

"Hey!" Yuki shouted angrily. "If she doesn't want to go out with your dumb ass then leave her alone!"

"What?" Kyo asked noticing him for the first time. "Who the hell are you?" He eyed the bag over Yuki's head oddly. "And why are your eyes all crooked like that?" 

"This is a paper bag you moron." Yuki retorted. "These eyes are drawn on with marker."

"Yeah, I knew that!" Kyo sputtered embarrassed. "Well, you must be one ugly chick to have to wear that over your head like that!" 

"I'll show you an ugly chick," Yuki muttered rolling his sleeves up and getting ready to punch Kyo in the face.

"Please don't fight him Sakura-san," Tohru pleaded. "I know he's a bit... outspoken, but Kyo-kun's a nice guy, when you get to know him."

"He doesn't treat you good enough," Yuki argued. "You deserve better."

"Thank you for worrying about me," Tohru said smiling, "but I'll be fine."

"What the hell is up with this chick anyway!" Kyo spat annoyed. "She should just mind her own damn business."

"Kyo-kun!!" Tohru cried. "This is my new friend Sakura. Please be nice to her." The cat was quiet for a moment, then turned around.

"Tohru," Kyo said finally. "Please reconsider. I would like you to be my girlfriend again." Then he walked away. 

"Stupid bastard," Yuki muttered.

"He really is a nice guy," Tohru said again. "He just has trouble expressing himself sometimes."

"Are you in love with him," Yuki asked quietly.

"Love?"

"Yeah, if he's going to be your boyfriend again, then you should love him shouldn't you?"

"Well, I'm not sure," Tohru said softly as she hugged her briefcase to her chest. "I don't think I really know what love is. But I do care about him. Isn't that enough?"

"No," Yuki said firmly. "Its not." He pulled the paper bag off his head and sighed. "I'm sorry, its none of business. I shouldn't have said anything."

"Its okay," Tohru said grinning. "I really wasn't ready to go out with him again, but I have trouble saying no to people. You actually helped me out."

"Hey there sweetie," a middle aged guy cooed as he put an arm around Yuki. "How about a little paid date?" Yuki's face turned blue and looked very disturbed. "Come on, how's a hundred bucks sound?" Yuki's eye began to twitch, and his hands balled up into fists. "Two hundred then?"

"Get off," Yuki said quietly. 

"What was that?" He asked leaning his ear closer to Yuki's face.

"I said get the hell off me!!" Yuki shouted punching the guy in the jaw. The man went flying across the street.

"Wow, that was great!" Tohru squealed. "Not that hitting people is good, but that guy was being very disrespectful."

"I can't take this," Yuki moaned. _Am I going to have to deal with things like this for the rest of my high school career? _He looked over at Tohru. _And how will Tohru ever see me as a man, when I'm... when she thinks I'm a woman. I wish I could tell her who I really am..._

__"Is something wrong Sakura-san?" Tohru asked worried. 

"You mean aside from having some old guy hit on me?" Yuki laughed. 

"Oh," Tohru said stopping suddenly. "This is my house here." She smiled at him. "Thanks for walking with me. We should do something again sometime."

"Well, I could pick you up tomorrow morning if you like," Yuki offered. "We could walk to school together."

"Sure, it'll be nice to have someone to talk to in the morning." She made her way up to her front door and turned to say bye. "Thanks again Sakura-san. See you tomorrow!"

"Bye," Yuki murmured watching her as she went into her house. _She's so pretty. I wish I could ask her out, as a guy._

  


  


  


  


"So how was your first day of school," Ayame prodded nosily. "Meet any cute girlies?"

"Even if I did," Yuki muttered annoyed, "what would it matter? She thinks I'm a girl."

"Oh so you have!" Ayame cried excitedly. "How simply precious! Who's the lucky lady?"

"Tohru Honda," Yuki said quietly.

"Kyo's girlfriend?" Ayame asked in shock.

"They broke up."

"I see," Ayame said nodding. "You should be careful none the less. There's no point in stealing your cousin's girl."

"They broke up damn it!"

  


  


  


  


"Where's Yuki," Akito asked Hatori weakly. "Why hasn't he come to visit me while I've been in the hospital?"

"We're too far away right now," Hatori soothed. "We had to transfer you to a better hospital in another city."

"I want to see Yuki," Akito spat angrily. "Where is he! Make him come!!"

"I'll call home right away," Hatori said picking up a phone near Akito's bed. He dialed their number and waited, but there was no answer. "He's uh, not home right now," Hatori said putting the phone down.

"Damn him!! Go get him right now!! Make him come here!!"

"The doctors say you're better than you were a couple days ago." Hatori said trying to calm him down. "We'll be going home tomorrow anyway. Why don't you wait till then? Then, I promise you'll see Yuki."

"I want to see him now," Akito muttered bitterly.

  


  


  


  


"Thanks for walking with me," Tohru laughed as they entered the school. "I hope it wasn't any trouble."

"It was no trouble at all," Yuki reassured. "You don't live all that far from where I'm staying at with my brother." _Its only an hour out of the way. As long as I can see you, nothing else matters._

"You're just so sweet," Tohru said smiling. Yuki blushed and averted his gaze to the floor. 

"What are friends for, right?" he said repeating what she had said the day before.

"Oh Honda-san, Watanabe-san, I see you two are getting along quite well," the teacher said as the two came in. "Good, I'm glad. Do you two think you could do me a favor then?"

"Sure, what is it?" Tohru asked. 

"I just need you two to go up to class 4-17 for me and bring down the big brown box in the corner labeled 'materials'. Its the only box there so you won't make a mistake." She eyed them for a moment. "It's pretty heavy though. Can the two of you handle it or would you like me to send up someone else to help you?"

"We can handle it," Yuki reassured her. "I may not look it but I'm pretty strong." _Oh yeah, and did I fail to mention that I'm male? _Tohru and Yuki went up to room 4-17 and looked for the box. 

"I guess she meant this one," Tohru said going to the corner of the room. The whole room was littered with strange gadgets and equipment for various classes.

"They should really clean this place up," Yuki mumbled as he stepped over a metal tool box. He heard Tohru cry out as she tripped over a broom and came flying toward him. She crashed into Yuki, knocking him over and transforming him into a mouse. 

"Oh my god!" she shouted in panic running around in circles when she saw what she had done.

"Ack!! I'm a mouse!!" Yuki shouted, scampering around in circles as well. "Why am I a mouse!!"

"I'm so sorry!!" Tohru cried out. "I didn't realize you were one of them."

"Them?" Yuki asked confused.

"Umm, the people that transform into animals. I don't know the details," Tohru stammered, "but one time Kyo-kun turned into a cat." 

"So that's what Ayame was talking about," Yuki moaned. "Damn this curse. He should have just told me."

"Why is it that you guys change like that?" Tohru asked in curiosity. "What makes you and Kyo different?"

"I don't really know much about it either," Yuki explained, "but I have a confession to make. Kyo is actually my cousin so this is a family thing, I guess."

"Your cousin? But why didn't you say so in the first place?"

"Oh I don't know," Yuki replied with a sigh. "Its just really weird right now. I didn't want him to know I was there."

"But why?" Tohru asked. Suddenly, her question was answered without Yuki having to say anything. He transformed back, and he was naked. Tohru gasped, and her mouth dropped open in shock. Something was terribly wrong here. She turned away quickly her face bright red as Yuki frantically pulled his clothes back on. "You're a guy!!" Tohru yelped. "But but.."

"I'm sorry," Yuki apologized frantically as he zipped up his skirt. "This is all a big misunderstanding.

"I don't understand," Tohru cried. "Why are you even here? This is an all girls-school. Are you some kind of pervert or something?"

"It's not like that," Yuki replied. "Please just let me explain."

"But you lied to me," Tohru said quietly. "I thought we were friends, and all along, you were lying to me." She stood up and went to leave the room. "I have to go now. I won't tell anyone you're really a guy, so please just leave this school."

  


  


  


"He's not here," Hatori informed Akito who was still waiting in the car. "But his clothing is gone and quite a bit of money is missing from your room."

"I see," Akito said calmly. He turned his head and gazed at Hatori. "Well then, we'll just have to find him now, won't we."

  


  


  


  


"She's right," Yuki murmured to himself laughing. His eyes began to water and his vision blurred. "I'm a fraud." _I need to get away from here. I need to go far away right now. _

  


  


  


__"Maybe I was too hard on him," Tohru said to herself with a sigh. _I don't have any idea what's going on or why he's here. Maybe I should have stayed and heard him out. _She stopped walking and sat in the middle of the hallway, leaning against the wall. _Its strange though. Even when I thought he was a girl, there was something that told me that couldn't be right. I liked it, when he was around. _Tohru stood up and made her way back to the room where she had left Yuki.

"Sakura?" she called glancing around the room. He wasn't there. A figure outside caught her eye and she realized Yuki was leaving, like she had told him too. "Wait!!" she shouted out the window. "Sakura!! Just wait there a minute!" Yuki turned around confused, and noticed Tohru calling him from a window on the second floor. She ran out of the room and out of the building. "Okay," she said panting as she caught up to him. "I'm ready to hear you out now." Yuki had changed out of his skirt and vest and was wearing a pair of sweats he had been carrying with him.

"I dont' know what to say," Yuki said looking away. "Except that I'm sorry for lying to you. And umm also that my name's not Sakura, it's Yuki Souma."

"Well, you look more like a guy now," Tohru said grinning. "I'm going to assume you had a good reason for coming here and changing your name . So please, if its not to much trouble, I'd like you tell me what it is."

"It's a long story. I'm sorry, I don't want you to miss school," Yuki said. "I'm just going to go home now."

"Would you mind if I came with you?" Tohru asked shyly. "We have time. If you tell your story, I'll listen."

"Okay," Yuki finally agreed as they walked along the sidewalk. "I came here to hide out. My brother's a weirdo and thought it'd be a good idea since my cousin would never think to find me at an all girl's school."

"Why do you need to hide out from your cousin?" 

"Because he's insane and is completely obsessed with me," Yuki said bitterly. "I've spent my whole life trying to run away from him." Tohru was quiet and listened as Yuki explained the unhappy circumstances of his life. They were walking for about a half hour when they heard a car following close behind them. It stopped and Hatori came running out, pinning Yuki's arms behind his back.

"What the hell?" Yuki shouted turning around.

"A man told us he'd seen you around here," Hatori said angrily. "You're coming home with us." Yuki looked and saw Akito waiting in the car. 

"Forget it!!" Yuki shouted. He struggled to get out of the older man's grip. "Leave me alone!! I'm not going back there!!"

"Yuki-kun!" Tohru cried as Hatori dragged him away. (oh no, this is quite a desperate situation and Shigure has run out of ideas. Hmm, when in doubt, use eye lasers). 

"I said let go!!" Yuki shouted eye lasering Hatori. The dragon, fell to the ground and Akito came out of the car. Yuki froze in place as he watched Akito approach him. _I have to do something. I have to run! I have to escape!_

"Yuki, you ran away again," Akito said walking slowly over to him. "Why would you do that? You know how much it hurts me when you leave." Yuki was shaking, and he couldn't stop. _I have to get away. What if he hurts Tohru? I can't let him do that, I have to do something._

"Stay away!" Yuki finally shouted. He eye lasered Akito, grabbed Tohru and ran. 

  


  


  


"So Akito found you," Ayame said to Yuki who had seated himself on the couch beside Tohru. Everyone jumped a little when Ayame's cell phone began to ring. 

"Hello?" Ayame asked pulling it out and placing it against his ear. He nodded a little. "I see. Yes. I'm very sorry. All right, I understand. Bye." He put the phone away and looked at Yuki. "Akito says he disowns you for shooting him with eye lasers." Ayame explained. "So you can just stay here if you want."

"Really?" Yuki asked surprised. "Wow, that was easy."

"It's amazing," Tohru said shaking her head. "I didn't know you could shoot lasers out of your eyes."

"Neither did I," Yuki said furrowing his eyebrows. "I have no idea how that happened."

"Its almost as if the writer ran out of ideas and threw together some cheap and crummy ending just for the sake of finishing this chapter!" Ayame laughed.

"What are you talking about?" Yuki moaned. Ayame shrugged his shoulders. "Anyway," Yuki said turning his attention to Tohru. "Umm I was uh wondering, if you'd like to be my girlfriend."  
"Sure," Tohru said smiling. "I'm just so relieved you're a guy. I thought it was odd for me to be so attracted to a girl."

"So you were attracted to me?" Yuki asked mischievously leaning down and kissing Tohru gently on the lips.

"Yeah," Tohru said returning the kiss. "I was."

  


  


............................FLASH.................................

  


"Aww, wasn't that a sweet chapter," Shigure sighed. "I decided to be extra nice to you Yuki since you seemed a little pissed off about that samurai chapter (for some odd reason.)

"How was making me suffer with Akito being nice?!" Yuki demanded. "And how was making me dress up like a girl for half of this stupid story being nice?!"

"No appreciation," Shigure sighed. "That's just kids these days I guess." 

"Why did I have such a crummy part anyway!" Kyo spat. "You made me such a sucky guy. I wouldn't really treat my girlfriend like that!"

"And how would you know," Shigure argued cheerfully. "It's not like you've ever had one or anything."

"Shut up!! Besides," Kyo began annoyed. "If you're going to make me such a dick, just don't put me in your damn chapters at all!!"

"So Tohru," Shigure said ignoring Kyo. "You liked this chapter didn't you?"

"Umm not really," Tohru admitted. "Why are you always so mean to Yuki-kun?"

"But I thought I was being all kind- like!!" Shigure whined. "I let you guys hook up after all."

"Well yes, that was good but, uh what I mean is, you should be a little nicer to your characters," Tohru stammered. "Since we're the ones living out your book."

"I suppose," Shigure sighed. 

  


  


  


Writer's note Wow!! this chapter was at least twice as long as my other chapters. Hmm, but I didn't want to get into a habit of dividing them up (like the DBZ one) so i left it alone. Yeah, so review and tell me what you thought!! :D 

  


~next time: Tohru is transported to another world and must save the day

  



	15. Another World

"Ahhh, I'm just such a wonderful guy," Shigure sighed.

"What are you talking about?" Kyo muttered annoyed.

"I'm going to make an "Other World" chapter," Shigure sang. 

"And this makes you great...how?" Haru asked bored. Shigure didn't answer right away.

"Oh Tohru-kun, I have a surprise for you." 

"A surprise? What do you mean Shigure-san?" 

"You'll see. I think you're going to really like this chapter my dear." Tohru began to shiver with fear. Anytime Shigure said something like that, there was usually much reason to be afraid.

"Don't worry Honda-san," Yuki whispered quietly in her ear. "If he does anything too weird, I'll just kill him."  


"I can still hear you Yuki-kun," Shigure said loudly.

"Damn it! Don't we have any privacy in this stupid place?"

"And the answer to that question Yuki-kun is......no. All right then, time for the next chappie."

  


  


  


**............................FLASH...................................**

  


_Hello, My name is Tohru Honda. Once again, I am just a normal high school girl. Therefore, I'm screwed. Something weird is bound to happen to me eventually._

  


  


"I want you to be careful on your way to school," Tohru's grandpa warned her as she was going out the door.

"Why? Did something happen?" she asked stopping and turning around.

"I heard on the news that there have been quite a few girls abducted lately by this group rapists. I don't think I want you walking by yourself anymore. Take the bus at the corner from now on."

"Okay," Tohru said nodding. She left the house and went down the street. As she was walking she heard a voice calling her. She gasped and looked around quickly. It sounded like her mom's voice, but that was impossible. Her mom had died.

"Tohru..." it called sweetly. "Come on Tohru, follow me." Without thinking, she found herself following the voice. It led her far away and finally into a deep woods. 

"Hey its a girl!!" a guy shouted loudly.

"What's she doing way out here?" 

"Hehe, makes it a little easier for us though doesn't it?" The three guys came up behind Tohru but she didn't even notice them. 

"Look out Tohru!" the voice cried. She turned around and saw the three coming up to her. Screaming, she began running as fast as she could through the trees. _Oh no!! What am I doing here? Where am I? I can't remember what just happened. _Tohru ran, frantically trying to collect her thoughts. The rapists were catching up. "Go this way," the voice demanded. She followed the voice and darted behind a bush. The men kept running and passed her up. 

"Thank god," Tohru whispered to herself crying. "They didn't see me."

"Hurry, go into the house."

"House?" Tohru asked. She realized for the first time that there was a small, beat up looking house in front of her. "What's it doing way out here in the woods."

"Go in!! Go in now!!" the voice yelled. Despite herself, Tohru found herself doing what the voice asked. She pulled open the heavy, rotted door and stepped in. The entire place was dark and dusty, with thin rays of light filtering in through the broken windows. She took a few steps and the floor caved in under her feet.

"Aghh!" Tohru yelled as she fell. She came crashing to the ground of a basement. "Ouch," she moaned rubbing her back. "This was so stupid of me, why did I even come in here?" She began looking around the dirty room when she noticed a full length mirror resting against the wall. Out of the entire dirty, littered, and dusty place, only the mirror remained clean. It seemed to almost glow against the darkness of the room. Tohru stood up, staring at the mirror in fascination. She stumbled over some of the broken wood on the ground and as she did, she thought she saw a ripple move across the mirror. 

"What the heck?" Tohru gasped walking closer. "It had a wave in it, like water."

She touched the mirror and found her finger went through it. "It even feels like water!" Suddenly, the mirror began to ripple more and swirl back and forth. A wave came out at Tohru and she felt herself become submerged in the liquidy metallic substance. "I can't breathe!" she thought frantically as it wrapped its self tighter around her and finally pulled her into the mirror completely.

"Aghhh!" Tohru screamed as she found herself falling into darkness. "Someone help me!!" 

  


  


  


"What's this?" Kagura gasped as she looked down at Tohru. She shook her shoulder a little. "Hey you. Girl, wake up!"

"What?" Tohru moaned as she opened her eyes. She struggled to sit up and saw the girl standing next her. She looked like a normal girl about her age, with short brown hair, except for one thing. The girl had little, pointy, piggy ears at the top of her head. 

"Are you all right?" Kagura asked concerned.

"Yeah, I guess, but who are you?" 

"I'm the head mistress of the village," the girl explained. "My name is Kagura but what I want to know is who you are. You fell from the sky."

"Who I am?" Tohru mumbled. She tried to stand. "My name is Tohru Honda. I was in this house and the mirror sucked me in. Then I was falling...." Tohru felt herself grow dizzy, then everything went black.

  


  


  


"She's coming to," Kagura said excitedly. "I was so worried when she fainted like that."

"So she fell from the sky?" Kisa demanded. "Are you sure?"

"That's right wise woman," Kagura replied. "I saw her myself." Tohru looked up at the two girls hovering over her. Apparently the wise woman was a little girl with orange tiger ears and who looked like she was about twelve or so.

"What happened," Tohru asked sitting up. 

"We have reason to believe," Kisa said calmly. "That you are the legendary maiden, sent to save our world."

"What do you mean?" Tohru inquired confused. "Where am I?"

"This is Hikage no sekai, the world of shadows," Kisa explained. "If you really are the legendary maiden, then it is up to you to destroy the evil ogre who has taken over our land."

"But how could I possibly do that?" Tohru laughed. "This is ridiculous."

"You need to gather the six demons, Yuki, Kyo, Hatsuharu, Momiji, Hatori and Ayame. Together, they can help you succeed."

"They're demons?" Tohru yelped. "I'm not sure I can do this. I mean, umm I really need to go home, and I'm sure my grandpa is going to be very worried about me."

"There is no way back to your world," Kisa said quietly. "I'm sorry."

"But but..." Tohru stammered. "I can't just stay here forever!"

"We'll see what we can do," Kagura chipped in finally. "But please help us. Our world used to be a beautiful and safe place to live before the ogre took over."

"All right," Tohru said with a sigh. "I'll help you, but how do I find the demons."

"They'll come to you," Kisa said. "they all live in this village as well, they're just out playing poker at the casino right now."

"I see," Tohru said slowly.

"Stupid cat," Yuki muttered as he stepped into the house. "Wise woman, I need..." he stopped as he looked at Tohru. "Who's this?" he asked confused.

"It's the legendary maiden!" Kagura squealed. "Isn't that great!"

"Wow, so there really is a legendary maiden," Yuki murmured to himself. "Umm, my name is Yuki Souma. Its a pleasure to meet you."

"Then," Tohru said excitedly. "You're one of the demons that is supposed to help me right?"

"Yes," Yuki nodded. "I am the rat demon. It is foreordained that should the legendary maiden ever come to our land, it is our duty to protect her and see that she makes it to the end of her journey."

_WOW!! Who knew the demons would be so hot! I wonder what the others look like._

"You damned rat!!" Kyo shouted as he came running into the house. "Why did you run out on our match!!"

"Because you keep cheating," Yuki accused angrily. "I was coming here to get a gun so I could shoot you."

"I did not cheat!" Kyo yelled. "So what if my deck of cards has five aces and yours doesn't. That just means mine is better!" Yuki rolled his eyes. 

"Is this another one of the demons?" Tohru whispered to Kagura. 

"That's right," Kagura said sighing happily. "That's Kyo-kun. The sexiest cat demon of them all." Cat ear's popped up out of his head and pointed toward the girls. He turned to look at them, his ears disappearing. 

"Hey, who the hell are you?" Kyo asked Tohru annoyed.

"She, you stupid cat, is the legendary maiden," Yuki replied. "Show a little respect."

"You shut up, you damned rat!" Kyo shouted. "I wasn't asking you in the first place."

"You'll have to excuse them," Kisa said with a sigh. "They're always like that."

"I see," Tohru said.

  


  


  


  


"What's this I hear about a legendary maiden?" Haru asked coming into the wise woman's house.

"Her name is Tohru," Kisa explained. "She fell from the sky just a few hours ago."

"Amazing," Haru muttered. He looked around. "Where is she at right now?"

"Yuki took her to the spring to purify herself before the ceremony."

"Did you explain to her what she has to do yet?"

"Not quite," Kisa admitted.

"I just hope she knows what she's in for."

  


  


  


  


"Umm, is it necessary for you to be here while I bathe?" Tohru said uncertainly hugging herself as she looked down at the spring.

"You must purify your body before the ceremony," Yuki explained.

"Ah yes, so I've been told, but that still doesn't answer my question."

"I have to protect you. I can't just leave you here in the middle of the woods by yourself. There are many terrible things that will attack you if you let your guard down."

"I see." Tohru said slowly. "Well, would you mind kind of going behind that tree over there then." Yuki chuckled a little and went behind the tree.

"I won't watch if that's what you're worried about." He sighed a little and sat down, leaning his back against the big trunk. "We demons can't get close to humans anyways. It just doesn't work out."

"Why's that?" Tohru asked as she self consciously pulled off her school uniform and settled herself into the water. "Brr its cold."

"Well, our world is full of different beings," he explained. "However, to keep the beings from mixing, there's a curse that keeps demons away from humans, and visa versa. You see, we transform into animals when we are hugged by humans from the opposite sex."

"How strange," Tohru murmured from the water. She dunked her head back and let it soak into her hair.

"Yes, its been like that for awhile, ever since that ogre came and took over the land. He wanted to keep the demons' blood pure, because he believed we were stronger that way."

"Oh Yuki!!!" Ayame sang as he made his way over though the trees. "Is our darling maiden ready yet?"

"Go away!" Yuki yelled. "She's still bathing. We have to respect her privacy." Tohru screamed a little as Ayame came right up to the spring and looked down at her. 

"My my," Ayame said cheerfully. "Aren't you cute." Tohru made a face and swam to the other side, hiding behind a rock. 

"Um excuse me," she called. "I think I'm done now, if you leave, I can get out."

"Did I hear a scream?" Haru asked coming over as well. "Oh, its the legendary maiden, how are you?"

"Uhh, I'm just fine," Tohru stammered as she crouched behind the stone. "Now if you all would please leave..." Haru and Ayame looked at each other and shrugged, then continued talking to Tohru.

"Get out of here!" Yuki shouted annoyed. "Didn't you hear what she just said?"

"What's all the yelling about?" Kyo asked as he appeared out of the woods. "What the hell!! Why's that maiden girl in the water naked!"

"She's purifying herself for the ceremony damn it!" Yuki retorted angrily. "Don't you guys know anything? Now go away. You're embarrassing her."

"I don't think she's embarrassed," Haru said leaning over the water to get a closer look at Tohru. "Are you?"

"Uh, yeah, actually I am," Tohru said getting irritated. "Please stop looking at me like that."

"That's it," Yuki muttered. "Sorry about this maiden, I know I said I'd stay behind the tree." He came running out and kicked each and every other male there as hard as he could. They all went flying to the other side of the forest and came crashing down into the village.

"Wow, you're strong," Tohru commented in awe. 

"Yes, well, all of us are pretty strong," Yuki explained going back behind the tree. "That's why its our job to help you."

"I see," Tohru said stepping out of the water. She grabbed the cloth Yuki had given her to dry herself off with, and put her clothes back on. "All right, I'm done now. You can come out."

"I'm sorry about the others," Yuki apologized as he joined her. "They're a little, how can I put this, stupid."

"Ah yes, so I noticed," Tohru said with a nod.

  


  


  


"Please, oh beings eternal that watch over and protect us," Kisa whispered softly as she sprinkled dirt in a circle around Tohru. "Guide this maiden to the place she needs to be." The six demons gathered around her and stood on places in the circle of dirt.

"Allow us to protect her," the six demons said in unison, "until our land is safe again."

"And we're done," Kisa said happily.

"So umm, what did that ceremony do exactly?" Tohru asked confused.

"It strengthened your soul," Kisa explained. "Now you have special spiritual powers."

"How cool," Tohru squealed. "How do I use them?"

"That's for you to find out on your own," Kisa said seriously. "Every person's power is different. It is up to them to discover what that power is and how to use it." 

"That sounds difficult."

"Don't worry," Kisa reassured. "It'll come to you when you need it most."

"So are you scared Tohru?" Momiji asked bouncing with energy.

"A little," Tohru admitted.

"You can feel safe with us around," Momiji said proudly pounding a fist his to chest. "I'm a big, bad bunny demon and I'll show those ogres who's boss."

"I'm sure you will," Tohru giggled at the little boy.

"And Hatori, the dragon demon, is a doctor too," the boy said cheerfully. "He'll fix you all up if you get hurt."

"Thank you," Tohru said smiling. "I feel better already."

"If you're done," Kyo said coming up and bopping Momiji in the head, "we have to go now."

"Wahhh! Kyo's being mean to me," Momiji whined.

"Oh, are you all right?" Tohru asked concerned.

"He's not serious," Yuki explained. "Momiji just likes attention."

"Kyo's right though," Haru said strapping a sword to his belt. "Its time we got going."

"Good luck to you all," Kisa said from the door as Tohru and the six demons walked away. "We shall be here awaiting your safe return."

"Come back soon Kyo-kun!" Kagura cried. "Be careful out there!"

  


  


  


  


"So," the ogre said with a smirk. "The legendary maiden has appeared and has come to take back the land, has she?"

"YES!!" Ritsu said bowing frantically. "I'M SO SORRY!! THERE'S NOTHING I COULD DO!!"

"Oh calm down," the ogre said annoyed. "Before you give yourself a hernia. Besides, we have little to fear. I knew the maiden would appear eventually. That's why I've made certain... preparations for it." The ogre laughed. "They're about to find out there's a traitor amongst them."

  


  


  


  


"Hatori," Kyo asked as they were climbing up some hill sides. "Why're you all quiet like that. Its starting to creep me out."

"I'm thinking, that's all."

"Where are we going exactly?" Tohru asked as she pulled herself over a log.

"The castle at the top of 'Terror Mountain'," Yuki explained. Tohru made a face. "Its where the ogre lives."

"Which means after we get over all these damn hills," Kyo muttered. "We have to climb a big ass mountain too."

"Well, at least we're getting exercise," Haru commented. "Seemed like all we've been doing lately is gambling at that casino."

"Very true," Yuki agreed.

"Oh, I'm so happy we share the same opinions," Haru said smiling at Yuki. "You really are my one and only love."

"Eek," Tohru squealed when she heard that. She turned to Kyo. "Are they umm, you know, homosexual?"

"Huh?" Kyo asked in shock. "No way, at least Yuki's not. Haru says stuff like that to him all the time but I doubt he is either. I think its more like admiration or something." 

Haru wrapped an arm around Yuki's shoulders. "My first and only love," he murmured. 

"Or maybe he is," Kyo said thoughtfully.

"Yeah, but I'm not gay at all," Yuki said frantically to Tohru as he pulled himself away from Haru. "Please don't get the wrong idea."

"Oh my, he heard us then," Tohru said to herself embarrassed.

"Hey guys!" Haru said abruptly, regaining his composure. "We're going this way."

"What?" Kyo asked. "Why the hell should we go that way?"

"Damn it, its a short cut," Haru spat annoyed. "Do you have to question everything I say?"

"Wow, Hatsuharu-kun sounds a little different than before," Tohru commented. 

"Sometimes, his black personality comes out," Yuki explained. "But usually its only when he gets really angry. He's pretty harmless the rest of the time."

"So he has a split personality?"

"Something like that." They followed Haru and ended up in a dark cave. 

"Its late," Haru said. "We'll stay here for the night."

"It seems a little scary in there," Tohru said glancing inside. It was so dark she couldn't make out anything inside.

"If we make a fire, it shouldn't be so bad," Yuki said. The guys brought over a pile of wood and Kyo blew a stream of fire from his mouth to light it.

"How cool," Tohru said. "How did you do that?"

"I'm a demon," Kyo replied rolling his eyes. "What do you expect? All of us have some kind of power."

"Really? What kind do you have then?" Tohru asked Yuki.

"Oh, well I control water," Yuki said. "I can make it do pretty much what i want it to."

"That is so awesome!! Oh so Hatori, is your power in healing then?" 

"It is."

"What about you Momiji?" 

"My power is speed!" Momiji squealed happily. "I can go so fast it looks like I'm disappearing." He ran from where he was at, vanished and reappeared right in front of Tohru. "See?"

"Wow, you're right!" Tohru exclaimed, "I didn't even see you! Hatsaharu-san, what can you do?"

"Lightning," he said poking at the fire. "I can control it, zap people, and whatnot."

"Ah yes, my dear," Ayame said nodding. "I know you're probably wondering what my amazing power is." He grinned at her. "Its venom. My whole body's seeping with it. All I gotta do is scratch, or bite a person and poof, instant poisoning."

"It so hard to believe," Tohru said in awe. "I wonder what my power will turn out to be."

"Look out Maiden!!" Yuki shouted pushing her out of the way. She gasped and looked up from the ground. A giant bat creature was crawling out of the cave. She realized it had shot some sort of puddle of acid at the spot she had just been before Yuki had saved her.

"What the hell is this thing!" Kyo spat out annoyed. He took a deep breath and blew out a stream of fire at the beast. It cringed a little but continued coming forward.

"I'll get it," Ayame said with a smirk. He mutated himself into a snake- like creature and slithered over to the bat. Then he wrapped himself around it and bit deeply into its neck, injecting poison into its flesh. The bat teetered back a little and fell over. 

"Hmm not very strong, was it," Haru commented.

  


  


"They defeated my bat creature," the ogre said annoyed. "I suppose I underestimated them....

  


  


"We better go," Hatori said suddenly. "I don't think its safe here."

"But, we killed the damned monster," Kyo argued. "Let's just stay here tonight."

"We should really hurry and defeat that ogre," the older man continued.

"Chill out Hatori," Kyo complained. "We're not going to fight any ogres if we're all tired. We need to rest a little you know."

"Yeah, I am kind of sleepy," Momiji yawned. "Lets stay here." Yuki nodded and turned his attention to Tohru.

"Are you all right then Maiden?" Yuki asked. "I'm sorry I pushed you back there."

"Oh I should be thanking you," Tohru said happily. "If it weren't for you, I would've been shot with that monster's acid stuff that he was spouting out of his mouth. Ew, that would have been so gross."

"I guess so," Yuki laughed. "Hey, stupid cat," he began as he looked for Kyo. "Where did that moron go?"

  


  


  


"WHAT SHOULD WE DO!!" Ritsu cried. "WHY AREN'T YOU SENDING MORE DEMONS TO FIGHT THEM!! THEY'VE ALREADY STARTED ON THE MOUNTAIN THIS MORNING!!"

"For the last time," the ogre said in irritation. "Just shut up already. Let them come. They have no idea what's in store for them."

  


  


  


"So what _was_ the power that Tohru gained in that ceremony," Kagura asked in curiosity.

"I'm afraid," Kisa began sadly, "that its something she will have to find out the hard way."

"Would you quit beating around the bush," Kagura said annoyed.

"Oh right, well you see... she is going to have to sacrifice her life in order to save the land."

"What?" Kagura gasped. "But why?"

"It is the only way. Her death will restore life in the world."

"But, then why is she even bothering to face the demon. I mean, we have knives and other pointy objects here. We could've just killed her then."

"Kagura, you sure are pretty cold hearted when you want to be."

"I'm just wondering is all."

"Well, she has to die by the hands of the ogre. She doesn't know it yet, but her spiritual energy is so strong, that when she is dead and it is released from her body, it will consume the ogre and all of the demons under his control."

"I feel kind of bad for her," Kagura said quietly. "She really wanted to go home. Do the other's know?"

"No, only one of them does."

  


  


  


  


"Here," Kyo said the next morning as he handed her a flower. "I went out last night to find this."

"How sweet," Tohru said smiling. "Thank you. I love flowers." Kyo began to blush fiercely.

"That's not why I gave it to you!" he yelled quickly. He calmed himself down and looked away. "It's a good luck charm. I suppose you don't have those type of flowers in your world, but here, they represent the eternal divinity. Its uh, supposed to watch over and protect you."

"Awww," Tohru squealed, "that is just soooo sweet."

"Quit saying that!" he shouted. 

"Speaking of gifts," Haru said with a smirk. "I've brought you a little present too." He handed her a plate of roasted bat meat (eww from the monster they killed).

"It looks umm, delicious," Tohru said as she looked down at it her eyebrow twitching. 

"Well, are you going to eat it or just stare at it?" Haru asked pushing it into her hands. Tohru gulped and picked up the meat. It was a strange greenish color and there was still fur clinging to it.

"Mmmm," she said as she bit into it with tears streaming down her face. "Its so yummy." Haru chuckled a little to himself and walked away.

  


  


  


"You look kind of sick maiden," Yuki commented with concern. "Are you feeling all right?"

"Oh sure," Tohru said with a little laugh. They were climbing up the thick forested mountain, climbing over rocks and weaving past trees. "I guess that bat meat just didn't quite agree with my stomach." Yuki looked at her oddly and continued walking.

"If this is too much for you," Yuki began slowly. "We don't have to do it. I mean, you were planning to go home afterwards weren't you. What if you just stayed here with us?"

"Stayed here?" Tohru asked.

"Yeah, I mean, you don't have to or anything," Yuki said refusing to make eye contact with her. "But we might.... miss you, if you were to leave."

"I actually wouldn't mind staying," Tohru admitted. "But I have family back home, and there are a lot of things I haven't done yet, like finish high school. I promised my mom that I would."

"I see," Yuki said quietly. "Forget I said anything then." He smiled a little at her. "We're almost at the top."

  


  


  


  


"Everything is going according to plan," the ogre smirked. "They're practically at our door already."

"WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO CALL THE GUARDS!!" Ritsu said panicking. "I CAN CALL ALL THE OTHER BEASTS AND HAVE THE INTRUDERS DESTROYED!!"

"There's no need," the ogre said. "I'd like to meet this girl personally, before she dies."

  


  


  


"Where the hell is everyone!!" Kyo exclaimed in shock as they wondered the building. "Don't they have any kind of security?"

"What a crummy castle," Momiji laughed

"But its better this way for the protection of the maiden," Haru reminded them.

"I don't know," Hatori said. "I'm sure they've got something planned for us."

"Maybe they just aren't very good hosts," Yuki said grinning to himself. "We'll have to teach them the right way to treat their guests." They made their way up a long and winding stone staircase and found themselves before a huge door. Yuki noticed Tohru was shivering a little. "Try not to be scared," he said. "We'll protect you." She smiled at him and they pushed the doors open.

"Welcome my friends!!" the ogre cried. "I'm so glad you've come!!"

"NO!" Yuki shouted.

"IT CANT BE!!" Kyo gasped.

"He's so cute!!" Tohru squealed running and hugging the little boy on the chair. He turned into a sheep.

"Damn it!!" Hiro shouted. "I'm a big, evil ogre and I rule this entire land!! How dare you call me cute!!"

"He's just a little kid!" Momiji exclaimed laughing. Kyo looked at Momiji and bopped him over the head.

"And you look like one," he said

"Wahhh! Kyo's being mean to me again," Momiji whined. 

"I don't think you guys realize the situation you're all in," Hiro yelled angrily. "I know about your plan to let me kill Tohru and have her soul consume me alive!!" Tohru gasped and looked at the six demons fearfully.

"What?" Yuki shouted. "That wasn't our plan!!"

"Don't listen to him Tohru," Kyo yelled. "He's just trying to turn us all against each other."

"Oh, so that's what you think," Hiro said smirking. "Maybe you really didn't know then."

"Thats right," Black Haru said, "the wise woman only told me."

"Ahh yes, Black Haru, you've been so much help in my operation."

"Haru?" Yuki gasped.

"That's right you bastards!!" Black Haru laughed. I was working for the ogre all along. "I even took away Tohru's spiritual power with that poisoned bat flesh I gave her."

"Eww," Tohru moaned. "It was poisoned too? How could you do this Hatsuharu- san? We trusted you."

"Hah!" Black Haru shouted. "You just don't get it, do you. Haru didn't betray you. Black Haru did. He has no idea I'm even doing this."

"Wow, he really does have a split personality disorder," Hatori said nodding. 

"Now, there is no way you can ever stop me!" Hiro exclaimed loudly. "No matter what you do, you can't use her energy to kill me and my kingdom!"

"Well," Yuki said shrugging his shoulders. "We didn't even know that's what she was for in the first place." He grinned at Hiro, "So we'll just have to kill you the old fashioned way." He pointed his hand at the ogre and streams of water came flowing out his hands. 

"Look out master!!" Black Haru cried pushing him out of the way before a powerful blast of water could hit him. Black Haru stood up and glared at Yuki. "Lightning attack!!" he shouted and bolts of electricity began to rain down over Yuki. 

"Aghhh!" he screamed and crumpled to the ground.

"Yuki-kun!!" Tohru cried running to his side. "Are you all right? Yuki-kun!!"

"Water conducts electricity," he muttered bitterly. "Damn that I hurt. I should have taken Haru's power into consideration."

"Damned mouse!" Kyo spat. "Let a real man handle this." Yuki narrowed his eyes at him. "All right, Haru you bastard!! Let's go!" He took a deep breath and blew out a thick wave of flames at the cow. Black Haru ducked, escaping with only minor burns to his side. Momiji ran up to him, disappearing and reappearing right in front of Haru. The cow gasped and backed away, but Momiji kicked him hard in the jaw.

"I'm sorry about this Haru," Momiji said as he punched him. "But you were too mean to everyone today."

"Wait!!" Tohru cried as Ayame made his way in his snake form to poison Haru. "Don't kill him!! Its only Black Haru doing this, not the real Hatsuharu!!" Ayame sighed and changed back. He helped Momiji punch Haru on the ground.

"Where do you think you're going!" Kyo yelled at Hiro who was sneaking out the door. He blew fire at the ogre, charring him black. Then Yuki shot him with high-pressure streams of water. 

  


  


  


  


"Wow, you guys did it!" Kisa exclaimed as Haru and Hiro were locked up in a dungeon. "All the other monsters are disappearing now with no one to lead them."

"Amazing," Kagura said as she looked at Tohru. "And you didn't even have to die Maiden."

"Umm yeah, about that," Tohru asked annoyed. "What was that all about anyway."

"Well, since the land is safe, and you're okay, what does it matter?" Kisa asked laughing nervously. "I found a way for you to go home though, so lets just focus on that."

"Do you really have to go?" Yuki asked quietly looking down at the ground.

"Uhh, you could always stay here," Kyo said his face turning red. 

__"I'm sorry," Tohru said her eyes welling up with tears. "I do want to stay but..." _Oh why do these guys have to be so hot!! They're making this so hard for me."_

__"You guys could just go with her," Kisa suggested to Kyo and Yuki. "You're the ones who want to stay with her so bad."

"Could we really?" Yuki gasped. 

"Hey wait a minute!!" Kagure shouted. "You can't do that to my Kyo-kun!!" Ayame pulled her to him and silenced her with his mouth. Kagura pulled back in shock. "Woah!! Ayame-kun!! I had no idea!!" she grabbed his face and kissed him passionately on the lips.

"Oh well that solves that problem," Kisa said shaking her head. "So, do you guys want to go?"

"Yes," Yuki said firmly. Kyo nodded as well.

"All right then," Kisa said smiling. "Good bye you three. I hope you find happiness." They waved and disappeared in a flash of light.

  


  


  


  


"Well, this is my world now guys," Tohru said grinning. "I guess you'll be staying with me for awhile."

  


  


**...........................FLASH..................................**

"Haha," Shigure laughed. "Tohru got to be a little pimp at the end of that chapter."

"Umm, wouldn't it have been better if I chose one of them to be with rather than having both like that?" Tohru asked.

"Hey now, you have no right to complain, Tohru-kun. You can't even make that decision in real life."

"What do you mean?" Tohru asked in shock. "I don't have a situation like that at all." Everyone looked at her and sweat dropped. 

"It's all right," Yuki said with a sigh. " I'll support, whichever decision you do choose to make."

"What decision are you guys talking about?" Tohru asked again. No one answered.

  


  


  


Writers note Aww poor Tohru. If only she realized how lucky she is to get to be near Yuki. (sigh) Oh Yuki my love. I'd choose you in a second!! Umm yeah, I'll stop. Yeah, so please review!! XD and thanks for reading. 

  


  


  



	16. Hospital Drama

Writer's note All right! a drama. Let's see if I understand correctly, there should be lots of relationships and dramatic stuff happening. Hmm, I'm basically just going to focus on Tohru's life as a nurse and Hatori's as a doctor and each of their little screwed up love lives. Close enough. Now its time for my attempt to be serious, sort of, okay, maybe not.

  


  


"Uhhh, Ha-san," Shigure said nervously. "I heard some news about Kana, if you'd like to hear it."

"I wouldn't," Hatori said flatly.

"Well, you see," Shigure continued ignoring him. "Apparently she's pregnant now with her new husband's baby."

"Why are you even telling him this?" Yuki asked annoyed. "I swear you do this on purpose to piss people off."

"I just thought he should know," Shigure whined.

"You're a cruel bastard, you know that," Kyo said shaking his head.

"Umm, I can't help but agree with the others," Tohru stammered. "I think talking about Kana will only make Hatori-san sad."

"Will you guys just let me finish," Shigure complained. "I had a point you know." He turned his attention back to Hatori. "Now this is completely up to you, but it occurred to me that I could write a chapter with you and Kana together. You never got a chance to really say goodbye to her. I thought it might make you feel better."

"Hmm," Hatori said bitterly. "A short, bitter-sweet dream, before waking up in a cold reality. I don't see how that could possibly make me happy. Besides, the last thing I want is for you to kidnap Kana and drag her into your insane book."

"She doesn't have to really be here," Shigure argued. "I can just write her in the way people normally write books. Plus, if I do that, you won't change if you two hug since she won't be real."

"If you don't really need us, then why the hell _do_ you have us all trapped in here you bastard!!" Kyo shouted angrily.

"I dunno, cause its fun?" 

Hatori remained quiet for awhile. "Do what you want," he said finally. "You'd probably do it anyway even if I said no."

"Ahh, you know me too well Ha-san."

  


  


  


  


**.......................FLASH...............................**

  


_April 3- **meeting**_

  


"I'm sorry Dr. Hatori," Nurse Tohru said with a sigh. "I'm afraid he's dead."

"WHY!!!!!!" Hatori cried throwing his head back and screaming. "What good are these hands when they can't even save one boy's life??!!!"

"I'm truly, very sorry," Tohru said sympathetically. "But, it's just a game. I mean you can always go back to your last continue, can't you?"

"I suppose," Hatori said sadly as he put down the controller for his Playstation2. "But I collected so many items already and I forgot to save it." He placed his face into his hands and sobbed.

"Shh," Tohru soothed. "It'll be all right."

"Dr. Hatori," a voice announced from the speaker. "You are needed in room 205. Dr. Hatori, you are needed in room 205."

"What the heck is that?" Hatori said looking up. 

"Umm, I think you have a patient," Tohru laughed shaking her head.

"A what? Oh right, patients. I'm still in video game mode right now." He stood up and walked out the door. 

"Oh dear," Tohru mumbled. "I just hope he gets out of 'video game mode' soon."

  


  


  


  


  


"Now what seems to be the trouble jr?" Hatori asked a seventeen year old boy with orange hair. 

"I broke my leg when I tried kicking at the damned rat and hit a brick wall instead," Kyo grumbled.

"My my, gotta do something about having rats in your house," Hatori said as he roughly popped the bone back into place. "They sell traps at that convenience store on the corner."

"AGHH!" Kyo screamed in pain. "That hurts damn it!! Can't you do a, you know, good job!?" 

"That's wonderful," Hatori said not really listening. "So what school do you go to? Do you get good grades?" Kyo growled at him and was silent. Finally, Hatori finished and stood up. "All righty then, I'll just go get Nurse Ayame and he'll bandage you right up." Kyo waited, and was shocked to see a giant drag queen come bursting into the room.

"What the hell are you!!" he shouted in terror.

"Why I'm Nurse Ayame," the man laughed. He strutted towards Kyo wearing a short white skirt, light pink blouse, and white platforms. "I believe Dr. Hatori already informed you why I'm here." He looked down at Kyo seductively, placing a finger on the boy's cheek. "I'm here to make you feel alllllll better." 

"AGHHHHH!" Kyo screamed as he ran out of the room. Ayame watched after him confused.

"Well! I wonder what his problem is!" he huffed.

  


  


  


"Doctor!!" Nurse Tohru cried as she ran into the his office. "Hurry!! We need you right away."

"Coming," he said as he put away his gameboy. He followed her into a room with a young woman laying in the bed. Tohru handed him some papers with information about the patient. "Hello," he said looking down at the notes in his hand. "You are Kana, is it?"

"Yes," she said smiling weakly.

"It says here they gave you pain killers, but they can't figure out what's wrong."

"That's right, sometimes, it starts to hurt here," she said placing a hand on her stomach. "It hurts so bad that my body can't take it, like its eating me away inside."

"I see," Hatori said taking a couple notes on his clipboard. He went and stood beside her bed. "Is there anyway you can sit up?" 

"Yeah," she nodded, pulling herself into sitting position. He checked her pulse and looked into her throat, ears and eyes. She blushed a little as she gazed at him. "You're very handsome," she said more to herself than him. He looked up at her startled.

"Oh, um thank you," he mumbled.

"You look young too, for a doctor. How old are you?"

"I'm 27," he said handing her a paper gown. "Here change into this so I can examine your body." He suddenly wished he hadn't worded it that way. "Well, if you'd like, I can get a female doctor for you. It may make you feel more comfortable."

"No, its all right," she grinned, taking the gown, "I think you're more shy about this than I am."

  


  


  


  


"Excuse me," Yuki gasped crawling into the emergency room. He went up to the check-in desk and collapsed across the table.

"Oh, its you again," Kagura said looking away from her computer screen and raising an eyebrow.

"I'm dying," Yuki groaned. "Please, I must see a nurse."

"You know," Kagura said leaning back in her chair, "I'm starting to think the reason why you come here everyday is not cause you're dying."

"Oh really," Yuki said nervously.

"I'm starting to think maybe you have a crush on one of our employees and you come here just to see her."

"No way," Yuki said as he held a hand to his forehead. "I'm really dying this time."

"And," Kagura continued. "Since there's only one female here that is attractive enough to steal a young man's heart, I think the person you like is.....me!!"

"Umm actually," Yuki said slowly. Kagura grabbed him tightly (she's had a thing for him ever since the animal chapter.) 

"Oh darling! I had no idea you felt this way! You should have said something sooner and I could've made preparations for the wedding."

"Wedding?" Yuki stammered. "Umm, I'm sorry but I think you've made a mistake. I really am dying right now, so if you could just bring out Nurse Honda for me I could get well again and be on my way."

"So, Tohru's trying to steal my man," Kagura said narrowing her eyes angrily. "This is unacceptable." She realized that Yuki wasn't there anymore. "Hey, where did you go?" Yuki had snuck away and gone inside to look for Nurse Tohru.

  


  


  


  


"Are you done changing?" Hatori asked knocking on the door.

"Yeah," Kana called back. He came in, and saw her in the thin paper outfit, her clothes folded neatly next to her. He cleared his throat nervously. He was supposed to be a professional. Why was this bothering him so much? Maybe because she was so cute.

"Please lay on your back," he said coming up beside her. She did so and he placed his hands over her abdomen. "Tell me when it hurts," he said pressing gently. She nodded and he worked his hands around her stomach.

"Ouch," she cried out in small voice. He pulled away quickly.

"I'm sorry," he stammered. "Was I pushing to hard?"

"No," she said smiling a little, "It's always like that."

"I see," he said. He took a few more notes and went back to her side. "Sit up, please." When she had, he put those hearing things into his ears and placed a round, flat metal thing on her back and told her to breath deeply. He listened carefully for any strange sounds that may come from her lungs. He sighed and removed them from his ears, placing it on the table beside him. "We're going to have to take a look inside you and see if we can figure out what's wrong. Stay here a few days and we'll schedule an x-ray and ultrasound for you."

"Thank you Dr. Hatori," she said grinning. He blushed and looked away. 

"I'll be back to check on you later." 

  


  


  


  


  


"Oh, it's you again, Souma-kun," Tohru said laughing from her place near a sleeping patient. "Don't tell me you're sick again." Yuki was standing at the doorway grinning embarrassed.

"Well, I guess I make myself ill just so I can be near you," he replied. 'Wait a minute,' he thought to himself, 'I wonder if I just said something very romantic or very stupid...I hope she doesn't take it as, she makes me sick...' So Yuki stood there pondering this while Tohru wrapped bandages around the patient. The guy woke up and opened his eyes.

"What the hell!!" Kyo shouted angrily from the bed. "Why are you here you damned rat!!"

"Huh?" Yuki said in shock. "What's the stupid cat doing here?"

"You broke my leg damn it!" he shouted sitting up. 

"Oh that," Yuki laughed. "You mean when you got into a fight with that wall? Yup, that was pretty funny."

"Shut up!!"

"Umm excuse me, you two," Tohru said nervously. "I'm afraid you're going to have to be quiet. This is a hospital and we have patients sleeping."

"I'm sorry, Nurse Honda," Yuki said quickly. "I just came here to ummm..." Hmmm, maybe he didn't have a good reason. "Because I'm dying," he moaned. He collapsed on the ground, writhing in pain (well not really.)

  


  


  


  


"I brought you dinner," Hatori said coming in with a tray of food. What was he doing? It wasn't his job to feed the patients. Was he really coming in here just because he wanted to see her?

"Oh thank you," Kana said sitting up happily. "I'm absolutely starving." He set the tray on her lap and sat down on a chair beside the bed. She looked at him and smiled. "What a wonderful hospital this is," she laughed. "The doctor personally brings you your food and even stays with you while you eat."

"I'm just making sure you uhhh," Hatori stammered racking his brain for excuses. "I'm just making sure you don't choke," he said firmly.

"Ahh, I see," she said nodding. She picked up a spoon and began to sip at the soup. "It's good," she commented. Hatori said nothing, and just watched her. "So how long have you been a doctor?" she asked finally.

"A couple years," he said. "What about you? What do you do?"

"Oh me, well nothing quite as grand I'm afraid. I just do some secretarial work at a soap company." she grinned sheepishly. "Its a better job than it sounds, and it doesn't pay too terribly."

"Kana," Hatori said suddenly, "I promise I'll find a way to make you better. Then you can go back to living your life. It's not right for a pretty girl like you to spend her days in a hospital." Kana blushed and gazed down at her food. 

"You're very nice," she said quietly. She looked up at him and smiled happily. "I like nice guys like you."

"I better be going," Hatori said standing up. He couldn't spend any more time here. He was supposed to be her doctor damn it. What was he thinking? "I'll schedule your x-ray and ultra-sound for tomorrow."

"Bye," she waved cheerfully. "Talk to you later then." Hatori didn't answer and left the room.

  


  


  


  


"Hold on, Souma-kun!" Tohru cried panicking as she helped him into a bed. Kyo watched them, raising an eyebrow. 

"You are so full of shit," Kyo muttered closing his eyes and going back to sleep. "Damned rat."

"_nurse honda....." _Yuki whispered quietly from the bed. 

"Yes, what is it?" Tohru asked tearfully. "Are you going to be all right?" He whispered something else that she couldn't make out. "What did you say?" she asked. "Please speak up, I don't understand." He waved a hand toward her, motioning for her to come closer. She leaned over him till her ear was only inches from his face. He sat up a little and kissed her on the cheek. She gasped and pulled away her face bright red. Yuki was grinning up at her.

"Thank you nurse, I feel all better now."

"You jerk!" she cried angrily. "I was really worried." 

"I'm sorry," Yuki laughed. "I didn't mean to scare you." Tohru sat down in the chair next to him with her arms folded pouting. "Please don't be mad," he said getting up from the bed and kneeling in front of her. She looked away, refusing to make eye contact with him. "Please?"

"Oh, all right," Tohru sighed. Why couldn't she just stay mad like a normal person? (I'll tell you why, it's cause Yuki's so damn sexy XD). Kyo got up from his bed, and glared down at them.

"What the hell do you guys think you're doing!" he shouted annoyed. "Quit screwing around." 

"I think someone's a little jealous," Yuki smirked. 

"I am not you damned mouse!"

  


  


  


  


_April 6- **disease**_

  


Hatori looked down at the results from the x-rays and ultrasound. This couldn't be right. It had to be wrong. It had to be. People as sweet and pretty as Kana didn't get rare diseases like this. He pressed his hand to his forehead trying to keep himself calm. Should he tell her? How could he? How could he say that she only had less than a week left to live? Why oh why did this have to happen? "I DONT UNDERSTAND!!" he shouted angrily throwing the papers on the floor. "I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT!!!"

"Doctor!" Nurse Ayame cried running into the room. He found Hatori kicking his chair over. "What are you doing? Please get a hold of yourself!"

"I refuse to tell her," he muttered to himself. "It can't be true."

"What are you talking about?" Ayame asked exasperated. He saw the papers strewn on the floor and bent down to pick them up. Hatori looked up and saw Ayame bending his butt into the air, his short skirt exposing his red lace panties and two pale butt cheeks. 

"For the love of....!!!" Hatori cried covering his eyes. "Can't you see I'm going through a lot here!! What are you trying to do? Traumatize me for life?" 

"Whatever do you mean?" Ayame asked standing back up. He glanced at the papers in his hands. "These are Miss Kana's x-rays," he said quietly. "Is something wrong with her?"

"No! I mean yes... I mean I don't know." Hatori sighed and sat down. "She has a disease called ghorgijislgjalkgj (Shigure's a moron and made this disease up by pushing random letters on his keyboard). It eats away at your insides and once it reaches a certain point, it kills you within days. There's no cure, and Kana has already reached that critical point." He buried his face in his hands. "She's going to die."

"You've fallen in love with her, haven't you," Ayame said sympathetically. He placed a hand on Hatori's shoulder. "But you have to tell her. She deserves to know."

"Yeah," Hatori sighed. "She deserves to know."

  


  


  


  


  


_April 7- **truth**_

"Dr. Hatori," Kana said excitedly. "When I woke up there was a huge bouquet of roses by my bed. Aren't they beautiful?"

"Um yes, they're nice." he said. He gave her some pills and a glass of water. "Here, take these for the pain."

"They're so nice," she said as she gulped down the painkillers. "I wonder who they could be from. There was no card or anything."

"Who knows" Hatori replied.

"Well its a shame, you know," Kana said nonchalantly as she gazed at them. "To let such a kind act go without knowing who did it." Hatori said nothing and stared at a wall. "Hmm, I guess nothing is going to get you to admit it then.," Kana grinned shaking her head. 

"What do you mean?" he asked looking at her. 

"I know they're from you," she laughed. "Nurse Ayame verified that for me. Plus, I was half asleep but I was positive that was you sneaking into my room last night."

"You must've been mistaken," Hatori said quietly. "Listen, I have something to tell you. Its about the tests we ran a couple days ago."

"Oh that's right. Did you figure out what's wrong?"

"Its just that," Hatori began, his voice shaking. "Sometimes, there are certain diseases, certain things that we doctors can't cure." Kana looked at him oddly, and stopped smiling. "We may want to, but no matter what we do.... no matter how much we wish we could...." Hatori stopped, wiping angrily at his damp eyes. 

"You don't have to say it," she said smiling at him. "I know."

"There's nothing I can do," Hatori spat angrily. "Nothing at all."He could no longer hold back his tears and they came streaming down his face.

"Please don't cry," Kana said softly. She pulled herself out of bed, wincing a little in pain, and took his hand. "It's all right. I already knew I was dying. I could feel it, but somehow I didn't feel sad." She grinned at him, her eyes beginning to water. "There's a moment in your life, just before you go to heaven, when you feel completely at peace with yourself. That's how I feel right now." She pressed his hand to her face, her warm tears running down over his fingers. "And, I'm just happy I got to meet someone like you."

"Don't say that," Hatori said bitterly, unable to stop crying. "I couldn't even save you. I said I would and I couldn't even keep my promise." He held tightly onto the hand she held against her cheek. "I'm a terrible person." She looked up at him sadly and pulled his face down close to hers, kissing him gently on the lips.

"Be happy, in my place," she whispered. "When I'm gone, I want to know that you're happy enough for the two of us."

"But how? How can I be happy if you're not here?" Hatori asked.

"You'll figure it out," she said hugging him tightly. "You're a smart guy."

  


  


  


  


  


"I really am sick this time," Yuki insisted groaning as he sat in a chair.  
"Souma-kun," Tohru said shaking her head. "You don't really expect me to fall for this same trick for the eleventh time do you? I mean, after ten times, you have to wake up pretty early in the morning to trick Tohru Honda again." Yuki collapsed on the floor. "Agh! Souma-kun!" She leaned over him frantically checking him for signs of life. Kneeling down, she stared intently at his face in panic. Suddenly his eyes shot open and he kissed her quickly on the lips.

"Gotcha again," he smirked. 

"I can't believe you!" Tohru shouted blushing as she got up and marched out the door. "If you don't mind I have work to do."

"Hmm," Yuki said to himself. "I don't this 'pretend you're sick' tactic is working."

"You really are a moron," Kyo said shaking his head as he came into the room. Yuki glared at him.

"Oh shut up," Yuki retorted. "What are you doing here anyway?" Kyo pointed to his bandaged arm.

"Getting a cast put on." he replied as he sat down on a bed. "I can't believe they actually let you in here everyday just so you can pester the nurse."

"I just want to see her," Yuki mumbled. "I don't know how else to talk to her."

"Why don't you just ask her out on a date or something," Kyo yawned laying down. "Just quit tricking her into thinking you're dying all the time." He smirked a little. "Although it is pretty funny seeing her freak out without fail every single time you do it." 

"What do you do? Spy on us or something?"

  


  


  


  


_April 9-**movie**_

  


"I brought that movie you said you wanted to see," Hatori said trying to sound cheerful. Kana turned her head weakly to look at him. She was much paler now and she seemed to be losing weight.

"That's great," Kana said smiling happily. "Do you think you can stay and watch it with me?"

"But of course m'lady," he said as he exaggerated a bow. He popped, 'Dumb and Dumber' into the VCR, turned on the television hooked into the wall and laid down beside Kana in the bed. They adjusted the back of the bed till it was at a good angle and they could lean back on it comfortably and still see the screen.

"Don't you have to work?" Kana asked worried. "You won't get in trouble will you?"

"No, I have the day off," Hatori reassured smiling. "I'm here for my visiting privileges right now."

"Ahh, that explains the sweat shirt and jeans," Kana giggled kissing the top of his nose. Hatori put his arm around her and they watched the movie together.

  


  


  


  


_April 11- **Goodbye**_

  


"Ummm Nurse Honda," Yuki said nervously as he knocked on her office door. "Can I ask you something?"

"Oh just go away," Tohru groaned. "I'm tired of you making a fool of me all the time."

"No, I'm not here to trick you this time," he said. "Can I please come in?"

"I guess," Tohru said breaking down. Yuki opened the door and found her seated at a small desk.

"Would you," Yuki stammered nervously. "I just wanted to ask... well maybe you could, you know go out on a date with me?"

"You want to go out with me?" Tohru asked a little surprised.

"Well yeah," Yuki mumbled looking down. "Why do you think I come here everyday?"

"I don't know. I just thought you liked making me look dumb." 

"That's not it at all," Yuki insisted. "I just like... being near you...." He paused his face blushing. "So, uh do you want to go out sometime? Maybe a movie or something?" 

"Sure," Tohru said finally. 

  


  


  


  


  


"Kana, are you all right!?" Hatori asked running into the room. She was wheezing loudly in bed, her eyes wild. She noticed him and started to cry.

"It doesn't work anymore," she gasped sobbing. "The medicine doesn't make the pain stop anymore."

"Shhh, its okay," Hatori soothed smoothing out her hair. "I'll be right back. I'll get you something to make you feel better." He went to stand up but she held onto his white coat. 

"Don't go," she whispered. "Please, stay with me. I'm going to die. I don't want to be alone when I do." Hatori looked at her his face pained. He ran to speaker on the wall and pressed the red button on it.

"Nurse Ayame! I need painkillers, type 213 right now!" he shouted frantically. He turned and went back to Kana. "See? It won't hurt anymore soon. Just hold on."

"I'm not going to last much longer," Kana said taking Hatori's hand and squeezing it lightly. Tears spilled down his face as he bent down and held Kana tightly in his arms. 

"Don't say that, you're going to be fine." 

"It's getting fuzzy," she whispered. "Everything's becoming like a dream, but it was a beautiful dream, nonetheless."

"No, please not yet God," he begged. "Please don't take her."

"Hatori," she said pulling away and smiling up at him tearfully. "Don't let something like this ruin the rest of your life. Promise me you'll be happy. Promise me you'll move on."

"I can't," he sobbed kissing her forehead. "I don't want to move on."

"Goodbye, Hatori. Please be happy." Kana said. She looked up at the ceiling and her eyes became far away. "We're living in a sweet dream," she murmured to herself. "Oh, look at all the beautiful roses." She smiled in awe. "I wonder who they're from. I know I saw Dr Hatori last night. They must be from him."

"Kana?" Hatori asked looking at her confused.

"If you see Dr Hatori," she said smiling up at the bare, white walls. "Tell him I said thank you for the beautiful roses." She began to breathe heavily, her head jerking back. "Tell him, that I love him." Then she closed her eyes, and her body went still.

"I love you too," Hatori said hugging her limp body. "Goodbye Kana."

  


  


  


**..........................FLASH......................................**

****"Are you glad you got to say goodbye this time," Shigure asked Hatori.

"I suppose," Hatori said wiping the tears from his eyes. "It didn't make it any easier though."

"I wanted you to move on with your life," Shigure said seriously. "I know this was a harsh way to do it, but I wanted you to see that it's what she would have liked."

"In a way," Hatori said sadly, "It was nice getting to be near her like that again. Even if it did mean losing her again."

"Shigure," Tohru cried bawling uncontrollably. "That was so terrible." She looked over at Yuki and Kyo who were sniffling in the corner trying to hide. 

"Geez you guys," Shigure said. "This wasn't meant to make you all cry like a bunch of babies." He seemed to be directing this to Yuki and Kyo in particular. "This was for Ha-san's sake."

"Thank you Gure," Hatori said finally. "Maybe I can really move on now."

  


  


  


Writers note Wahhhh! This is pathetic, I made myself cry with my own story. This is why I tend to avoid dramatic stuff. - Sniff sniff - Okay, review and tell me if this sucked or not (wait, I'm a wimp, so only tell me if you liked it ^_^ ;;).

  


  


Next time: Outer Space!!

  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  



	17. Outer Space

"The red planet," Shigure whispered mysteriously, "Mars....."

"What are you talking about exactly?" Haru asked.

"Mars, obviously," Shigure said sarcastically. Haru shook his head and leaned against the wall.

"Forget it," he yawned loudly. "I don't even really care."

"Like I was saying," Shigure said annoyed. "Before I was so rudely interrupted" He lowered his voice to a whisper again. "Mars.... what would it be like to live on such a planet?"

"Ummm, Shigure-san," Tohru began slowly. "Why is it that you're talking about Mars so much?"

"Ahhh, I'm glad you asked," Shigure laughed happily. "This chapter is going to be one of those outer space chapters, where everyone lives on different planets, and whatnot."

"I see," Tohru nodded, "but wouldn't that be somewhat difficult? What with our bodies' need for, you know, oxygen?"

"And water," Yuki added. "I believe we'd need a bit of that."

"You guys seem to be forgetting," Kyo scoffed loudly, "Shigure's what we people on Earth call stupid."

"Anyway," Shigure retorted angrily, "why don't you guys just shut up and let me do my thing, all right? You seem to be forgetting that I'm the master and you're all just my pawns. I can do whatever the hell I want!"

"Eek," Tohru squealed backing away a little. If they valued their lives or sanity, they had better be careful not to make Shigure angry. "I'm sorry Shigure-san," she stammered quickly. "We won't question your judgment anymore. I'm sure you know exactly what you're doing." She looked over at Kyo and Yuki. "Right, guys?" They looked away and didn't say anything. "RIGHT, GUYS?" she said louder. 

"Uh sure," Kyo mumbled, "Shigure's a frickin' genius."

"Oh yeah," Yuki agreed, then whispered sarcastically to himself, "he must have just been pretending he was an idiot all this time."

"Well now," Shigure laughed gleefully. "I'm so glad you guys are learning to appreciate me the way you should. Shall we begin the chapter then?"

  


  


**.........................FLASH........................... **

  


  


"Earth really is beautiful," Tohru sighed as she looked down at several photographs that had been taken by their satellite in space. She looked over at Kyo. "Don't you think so? Don't you think the Earth is beautiful?"

"Tohru," Kyo said smiling a little, "how long are you going to stare at those pictures?"

"Forever," Tohru replied laughing happily. She gazed down at them again. "I wish we could go there."

"You know that's not possible," Kyo said quickly standing up. "That planet died a long time ago. There's nothing left."

"But that was centuries ago," Tohru argued. "Earth has had time to heal since then. Look at this photo, there's so much green now where there was only desert before."

"A planet can't be reborn in only a few centuries, it takes thousands, maybe millions of years."

"Well, that's what we're here to find out," Tohru said confidently. Kyo was silent for a moment.

"I'm going to get some coffee," he said finally. As he walked out, he glared at Yuki who was walking in.

"What's his problem?" Yuki asked annoyed as he sat down.

"He's really against the idea of people living on Earth," Tohru explained, "but I don't see why. Anything is better than living in those..." she looked around sadly, "those artificial glass domes on Mars. Breathing artificially produced OXYGEN and drinking WATER produced in labs (Shigure's still pissed so he's making it clear that he does know what he's talking about, more or less). Having the very temperature of the room adjusted to meet standard government regulation. It all feels so wrong."

"We'll go there someday," Yuki said reassuringly. "But for now, we have to do our job as scientists."

"I know, I know," Tohru laughed. "We'll study the earth and send the results back to Mars."

"Then," Yuki said placing a hand on hers, "if you're right, and the Earth has healed itself, we can go there."

"That would be wonderful," Tohru said happily. "Although I have to admit, just being able to float around the Earth on this satellite base has been pretty fun too." Yuki nodded and noticed that Kyo had entered the room again. 

"Are you guys still talking about that damn planet," he grumbled sitting down.

"That's kind of what we're here for," Yuki said sarcastically. Kyo narrowed his eyes at him. 

"Do you want to fight rat boy?" Kyo accused angrily. 

"I'd rather not destroy the ship with your stupid head." 

"Oh that's it, you're going to die," Kyo shouted getting ready to pounce on Yuki. Haru came up from behind and grabbed Kyo tightly. 

"Hey now," he said quickly. "No fighting allowed."

"I don't care!" Kyo spat. "All that rat ever does is piss me off." He struggled to escape Haru's grasp.

"You get pissed off too easily," Haru reprimanded. "I know you're a little tense. We all are after being abandoned on this ship for nine months."

"We haven't been abandoned," Tohru said with a laugh, "the government just told us not to come back.... for a... long, long time." Tohru looked down at the photos in her hands. "But they had a good reason. They said they needed more sufficient data before we could go back to Mars."  
"What do they consider sufficient data?!" Kyo exclaimed. "We've done all we can already."

"We have to find out if the planet is inhabitable," Yuki replied. "So unless we can find some kind of animal or life form living there, we can't leave."

"It is a bit ridiculous though," Haru said letting go of Kyo who had given up wanting to fight Yuki and sat down crosslegged on the floor. "Our mission should have ended after a month like originally decided. It shouldn't have mattered how much data was found."

"Well they'll contact us when its time to go back," Tohru reassured. "We have enough supplies to last years if we need them too, not to mention the green house in room 2-4. We'll be fine."

  


  


  


  


"I love you so much," Kagura sighed. She hugged the potted plant tightly. "You sweet, sweet hunk of dirt and leaves you."

"Hmmm," Tohru said concerned as she looked at Kagura through the small round window in the door. She turned to Yuki. "Do you suppose locking her up in here has only served to make her more crazy?"

"It does appear that way," Yuki agreed. "But I'm kind of afraid to let her out."

"Who's out there?" Kagura laughed loudly from her padded room. "Is it my darling Yuki? Is it my darling Kyo? Hell, its all good either way." She looked down at her potted plant and said softly. "Please, don't feel jealous. I'm sorry. You know you're my one true love." She kissed the plant, particles of dirt clinging to her moist lips.

"How fascinating," Tohru commented. "But I suppose being on this ship for nine months cut off from civilization has taken its toll on her."

"What a shame, should we still feed her?" Yuki asked.

"I suppose so," Tohru said picking up a bucket of some sort of green and brown substance. "We don't want her dying on us." She slid open a small, sliding section in the middle of the door and dumped the contents of the bucket into the room. Kagura turned to it quickly, her mouth watering. She dove on the pile and began to lap it up with her tongue. 

"Simply fascinating," Tohru said again watching through the window. Then she and Yuki left, carrying the empty bucket.

  


  


  


  


"Eww," Kyo muttered looking in on Kagura in the room. She was curled on the ground sleeping, her face covered in green slop. He actually felt kind of bad for the girl, but she had completely lost her mind a month ago. She had started destroying all the computers saying that the walls made her do it, whatever that meant. He sighed and walked away.

  


  


  


"Kagura," a voice called gently through the door. "Wake up." She stirred a little and opened her eyes.

"Who's there?" she shouted hysterically, her eyes wild. 

"I've come for you," the voice answered.

"HAHA!!" she laughed. "Dammit, you must have come to kill me!! I'm on to you. I know all about your little ploy!! My plant Frederick told me all about it. But I won't let you get me!! I'll get you first!! I'll kill you!!"

"Shhh, calm down," the voice whispered. "I'm here to let you out. Don't you want to come out of there?"

"So you can kill me!!" Kagura screeched angrily. "You're all against me!! I just know it!"

"Ahh, but you see, " the voice said. "I'm not one of them. They don't even know I'm here. I've been hiding away on this ship for all these months and they have no idea. Only you know, my dear."

"Why would you help me then?" she asked finally, hugging her plant Frederick tightly,. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here," the voice replied eerily, "to make sure they never go home to Mars. I'm here to make sure the planet Earth stays uninhabited forever. Now please, let me get you out of there."

  


  


  


  


  


"I heard some strange noises last night," Hatori commented during breakfast the next morning. "Were any of you up walking around for any reason?"

"Not me," Tohru said swallowing a bite of rice. "I slept like a log all night."

"Me neither," Haru said sipping his soup. "Although, I believe I heard some out of place sounds as well."

"Aww well," Hatori said with a sigh, "all these months in space must have just made us paranoid. The only ones on the ship are us five." He looked around noting Haru, Tohru, Kyo, Yuki and himself. "Oh yeah, and Kagura," he added.

"Yeah, I guess we tend to forget about her," Tohru said sadly. "I feel so bad for locking her up but what else could we do?"

"It'll be all right. When we are allowed to return to Mars we'll get her the help she needs." Yuki reassured

"but won't she be angry with us?" 

"I'm sure she'll understand we did what we had to do under the circumstances."

"Hey," Kyo said suddenly. "Why don't we try contacting headquarters now? The last time we tried was three weeks ago and we didn't even get a response."

"We probably shouldn't," Hatori said firmly. "They told us not to bother them until we had sufficient data. We have nothing new to offer them."

"But we've been here eight months longer than we're supposed to be," Kyo argued. "Isn't that enough for them. The least they could do is let us contact them."

"I wonder why they haven't let us get through," Yuki said thoughtfully. "How are we supposed to tell them what we discover when they ignore our messages."

"Let's check on the equipment again," Haru said putting his spoon and bowl down. "Something isn't right."

  


  


  


  


  


"Where are we?" Kagura asked nervously as she looked around the small dark room. 

"We're in my secret place," the mysterious man said as he turned on a flashlight. "This is where I've been hiding out all this time."

"What's your name?" Kagura asked in curiosity.

"Akito." He grinned at her and ran his fingers through her tangled hair. "My name is Akito."

  


  


  


  


  


"Kagura's gone!!" Tohru screeched, dropping the bucket that contained the mentally ill girl's breakfast. "Ack, where did she go?"

"What?" Kyo gasped coming to join Tohru. "What do you mean she's gone?" Tohru pointed at the window of the door and Kyo glanced in. "Ah shit! Kagura is gone. What do we do now?"

"We have to find her before she hurts herself."

"You mean before she hurts anyone else," Kyo muttered grabbing Tohru's arm. "Come on, let's go."

  


  


  


  


"Why don't you want them to go back to Mars?" Kagura asked sitting on the ground and leaning against the wall. "Are you the reason we've been here for so long?"

"Yes," Akito said, "I am." He joined her by the wall and lay his head on her shoulder. "I informed the colonies on Mars that this ship crashed long ago. They think we're already dead. All the times that the crew thought they were communicating with Mars, they were really talking to me."

"But why? Why would you go to all that trouble?"

"Because," Akito said bitterly. "These people want to inhabit Earth. They want to destroy it now, just when it's starting to be reborn again." Akito's voice rose with anger. "I won't let them kill my beautiful planet, now that it's starting to heal."

"Your planet?"

"Mine," he whispered laughing to himself. "All mine. No one else can have it. All the trees, all the air, all the water, it'll all be mine. I'll kill this crew, and the people of Mars will eventually give up it's interest in re-inhabiting Earth."

"I knew it!" Kagura screamed hysterically pulling away. "You'll kill me too won't you!!"

"No," Akito said grinning. He kissed her roughly on the lips. "You, I like. You can stay with me when I go to that planet." He looked at her carefully, her crazed eyes, her messy hair and torn clothes. "You have a fire in you. One that no one else in the world possesses. We'll rule that planet together."

"Together," Kagura repeated leaning back and resting her head against his chest. "We'll do it together."

"Okay, enough of that," Akito said standing up quickly. With her support gone, Kagura's head came crashing to the ground.

"Oww, you dumb bastard," she moaned rubbing her temple. "Why didn't you tell me you were going to get up."

"I can do whatever I want," Akito scoffed.

"Bastard," Kagura muttered again.

  


  


  


  


  


"Its just as I thought," Haru said looking into the computer that they had taken the lid off of. He moved some wires out of the way so he could get a better look. Sighing, he crawled out from under the control panel and brushed the dust from his clothing. "Someone's been tampering with the controls. None of the messages we've sent out have reached Mars."

"No way," Tohru gasped. "but how can that be? We've spoken to people before. We've spoken to the head administrator dozens of times."

"Besides, who would want to cut off our communication with Mars in the first place?" Yuki asked. "What could possibly be their motive?"

"I don't know," Haru said shaking his head. "But the messages we've sent haven't even left this ship. They were sent to another section inside this base."

"Oh this is just great," Kyo muttered. "Probably that crazy Kagura girl."

"I don't think Kagura is who we should be worried about right now," Hatori said. "I happened to notice that there was always extra food missing from our storage facilities. I always just assumed you guys were hungry and getting snacks every night. But, this confirms that there must be someone else in the ship besides ourselves."

"Yeah right Hatori," Kyo laughed. "You must be one paranoid guy to think something like that!!"

"Umm, I have to agree with Kyo-kun," Tohru said. "How could someone else be on the ship? It's been nine months now. There's no way someone could have stayed here unnoticed for so long."

"So then," Hatori said raising an eyebrow. "You think it was one of us? Shall we start pointing fingers to figure out who has been trying to sabotage our mission? Or maybe it was Kagura, the girl who went insane and has been locked up for the past month. Speaking of whom, which one of you let her out then? There's no way she could get out on her own, and you know that."

"Maybe you're right," Yuki agreed. "I guess the only possible answer is that there's someone else here. It just seems so crazy." 

"I'll trace where the messages have been going," Haru said as he pressed furiously at the keys on the control panel. "It might give us some sort of lead of where this person has been hiding."

  


  


  


  


  


"They're on to us," Akito spat angrily as he slammed the door behind him. Kagura looked up at him startled. 

"What do you mean?" 

"They know!" he groaned loudly. "Damn it, why did they have to figure it out. I was so close to completing the last stage of my plan."

"What was that last stage anyway?" Kagura asked in curiosity as she came toward him. He glared at her viciously. 

"It doesn't matter now!! I'm ruined!!" Kagura stopped walking and gazed down at the ground. He eyed her carefully, and went up to her. Akito grabbed hold of Kagura and held her tightly against him. "My plan," he whispered, "was to kill them all, then land this ship on Earth, and make that planet my own." He tilted her head up and kissed her passionately. "Then, I'd rule that planet with you by my side."

"That's all fine and dandy," Kagura said pulling away. "But how did you plan to just kill everyone like that. That would be five people against one." Akito narrowed his eyes at her. "Uh I mean," Kagura said quickly correcting herself. "It would be five people against two."

"I didn't really think that far ahead," Akito admitted annoyed. "What's with all the questions anyway? Who cares if I didn't plan everything all out that well, or at all. The point is that I was going to kill everyone somehow with my awesome strength and superior everything."

"I see...."

"Now shut up, we have to find a way to hide. They're tracing this place on their computer because it's where I've secretly been communicating with them all along."

"My my, that's no good," Kagura nodded. "If only Frederick were here. He'd know what to do."

"Frederick?" Akito asked angrily. "Who the hell is that?"

"My plant."

"You've got to be kidding me. Just shut up you stupid girl."

  


  


  


  


"The computer traced the messages from around here," Haru said feeling along the edge of the wall. "But I don't see how."  


"Maybe its a mistake," Tohru suggested.

"I doubt that," Hatori said examining the wall himself. "Perhaps we should tear it down or something."

"Yeah," Kyo said excitedly. "Now we're talking my language." He backed up and prepared himself to charge into the wall. 

"What's this?" Yuki asked pressing a small button toward the floor. The wall swung open and Kyo, unaware of this kept running. He went crashing into the room, tripped over some objects and landed in a heap on the floor. "Oh," Yuki commented, "I guess there's a room in here."

"You damned rat!!" Kyo shouted angrily pulling himself up from the heap. "You did that on purpose you bastard!"

"It's so dark," Tohru stammered nervously. "Does anyone have flashlight?" Hatori left and returned with several emergency lamps. They turned them on and looked around the room in awe.   


"I can't believe it," Haru said as he kicked a half-eaten loaf of bread out of the way. "There really was someone living here."

"Look," Yuki said pointing to the floor. There was a trap door looking device, the square door still open.

"Hurry up everyone," Kyo instructed climbing down the hole. "They can't have gotten too far."

  


  


  


  


  


"Idiots," Akito muttered smugly. He knew that all he had to do was leave that door open and they would assume he had escaped through it. Kagura and himself had actually already escaped from the front door long ago. "I didn't want to do this but it appears we have no choice." He pulled Kagura to the emergency escape pod. "We're going to have to get to Earth this way."

"But these aren't made for landing on that planet," Kagura protested. "The atmosphere will burn it away before it gets to the ground."

"What do you know," Akito spat. "You just shut up and do what I say."

"I'm not going!" Kagura finally shouted. "Just forget the whole thing. You're crazy!!"

"You... are calling me crazy?" Akito laughed in disbelief. "You must be kidding. You're the one that talks to plants."

"Hey!! You leave Frederick out of this," Kagura said angrily.

"If you're not with me," Akito whispered venomously gripping her wrist tightly, "then you're against me. Do you want me to kill you?"

"Stop!!!" Kyo shouted as he ran towards them. Kagura and Akito looked up surprised. 

"How did you..." Akito mumbled in astonishment as Yuki, Hatori, Tohru, and Haru joined him. He looked at them and then at Kagura who was struggling to free her wrist. "Damn it!! I'll go alone then!!" He pushed Kagura hard into Kyo, knocking the two over, and jumped into the pod. He slammed the button to make the door swing close behind him.

"Don't let him escape!" Haru yelled running up and beating on the walls of the pod. 

"You're too late," Akito laughed loudly from inside. "You'll never get me now!! The Earth is mine!! All mine!!" He pressed a few buttons on the key pad and the small ship went shooting out of the satellite base and into space. 

"He's gone," Yuki muttered angrily. "What was he trying to accomplish anyway?"

"Uh Kagura, are you all right?" Kyo asked helping the girl to her feet.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Are you still crazy?"

"Yup!!" she said laughing hysterically. She grinned at Kyo and began jumping up and down and flapping her arms like a bird. "I'm as crazy as I was before!!" Then she began to buzz like a bee and went buzzing out of the room.

"How fascinating," Tohru said nodding.

"How disturbing," Kyo said making a face.

  


  


  


  


"Bwahaha," Akito laughed to himself. "I'm finally going there. I'm finally going to Earth." His space pod went shooting through the planet's atmostphere, the outside layer disintegrating. "Come on little ship," he whispered. "Hold on, we're almost there." The ship burned red and finally came crashing to the Earth's surface. Akito came stumbling out wearily. "Yes!! I made it. I knew that stupid girl didn't know what she was talking about."  


"ROAR!!" 

Akito turned around to see a giant dinosaur come crashing toward him. "What the hell!!!" He shouted angrily. He looked up at the sky and saw those flying dinosaur things swooping down toward him. Running as fast as he could he tried to figure out what was going on. "Its only been a couple centuries," he muttered to himself. "How could dinosaurs reappear again?" He dove into a ditch and the dinosaur went tromping past him. "I gotta get off this damn planet!!!"

  


  


  


"Hello, this is the Apple13," Haru said into the newly repaired communicator. "the mission sent to study Earth nine months ago. Do you copy?"

"We hear you over there," Ayame's voice came cheerfully. "Well what do you know. You guys are still alive after all."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Hatori asked irritated. 

"We received news months ago that you guys had all died or something. So rather than find out if this information was accurate, we accepted it as truth and held funerals in your honor." Ayame laughed loudly through the speaker. "Well, come on home then. Bye bye.

"I'm going to kill him," Yuki muttered.

"Not if I do first," Kyo said raising a balled fist. "Damn it, we could have been home all this time."

"Well now," Tohru said happily. "I guess I'm actually happy to be going back to Mars." She looked out the window at Earth and sighed. "My beautiful blue planet, I guess, was just not meant to be lived on. We never did find out if there were things living on it."

  


  


  


"HELP ME!!" Akito shouted as he was chased by a T-REX.

  


  


  


  


**..............................FLASH.................................. **

  


  


****"Wasn't that great?" Shigure said happily. "That was a fun chapter."

"I think Akito is a bit angry at you," Hatori commented as he came into the room. "He's laying down and spouting something about eating your eyes and brain."  


"Can't he take a little joke?" the dog sighed. "Its not like he really got hurt or anything. Oh well, so how did the rest of you like it?"

"You bastard!!" Kagura cried. "You made me psychotic!! Everyone knows I'm not really that way!!" She glared evilly at Kyo, Yuki and Tohru. "RIGHT???!!!! I'm the most normal person you know, RIGHT?!"

"Of course Kagura," Tohru stammered nervously, "whatever you say." 

"Did anyone else happen to notice that despite Shigure squawking about Mars in the beginning, he barely even mentioned it in the story," Yuki commented.

"Hey, that's true," Kyo agreed annoyed. "We spent the whole chapter in that stupid ship circling Earth."

"Quit being so picky guys," Shigure complained. "I thought I did an awesome job."

  


  


  


Writer's note Yay! I did a spacey chapter. I always wanted to do one like this. And I got to make Akito get chased by a Dino. Hehe, I know its weird but I wanted something to happen to him. Yeah, so review tell me what you thought. Hmmm I have a feeling that maybe people are getting bored with this story. I haven't gotten a real lot of reviews lately so I can't tell if people are still interested. (except for Random Rockstar and Ssjgoddesschico. Yay! You two review every time you awesome people you. XD Thanks so much). Well yeah, so if you guys want, I'll continue it for a few more chapters. If not, I'll probably be ending this really soon. I have another fic I've been dying to start when I finished this anyway so I'll see how it goes :D

  


  


  


  



	18. Too many Girls

Writer's note Hi everyone! Yeah, I just wanted to thank everyone for the nice reviews. They really encouraged me to continue this fic for awhile longer. 

:D Ah yes, and about the whole dinosaur thing in the last chapter which Ty and Furea/ Toshi Ishimi brought up two very important points, which crossed my mind for a second but was sort of hoping no one else would notice ^_^;; . How could dinosaurs reappear in centuries? That would be impossible, and how the heck could a crew studying the earth for nine months not notice them? Well this is the reason.... urm.... umm... thingy.... ah.... oh now I got it. All the man-made pollution and radiation that had killed the earth originally, ended up creating a super race of dinosaurs whose rate of evolution is a thousand times faster than normal creatures. They were also very highly intelligent and realizing the intent of the satellite from Mars, created a giant force field to keep the people from seeing them, like a cloak of invisibility. See? Makes perfect sense doesn't it? XD

Umm yeah, sorry for this long thing but I wanted to say one more thing. This is going to be one of those chapters where there's one guy and lots of girl who love him (like Tenchi or Love Hina) and I wanted to make them all aliens since that would be a nice cliché to use but I realized I just did an outer space chapter and I want to avoid repetition, even though I think I ended up doing that anyway. Yeah, so this idea's a little different ( and a lot dumber.) :D 

  


  


  


  


"Kyo, you lucky dog you, or should I say cat?" Shigure laughed mischievously. 

"What is it now?" Kyo asked annoyed.

"You're going to be quite the ladies' man in this chapter."

"Well that's just great," the cat muttered to himself.

"You don't have to thank me just yet," Shigure said modestly. "Just wait till you see what I have planned for you." Hanajima and Uotani appeared in the room.

"What the hell!" Uo shouted. "Where are we?" She looked around cautiously. "Yet I have the strangest feeling I've been here before."

"Hana-chan!! Uo-chan!!" Tohru squealed happily. "It's so nice to see you again."

"Why hello Tohru-san," Hana nodded. "It appears your strange friend Shigure has transported us into his computer. Is it for the sake of one of his novels?"

"Hana-chan! How did you guess?" 

"I just know," Hana said in a dark voice. Everyone backed away from her.

"So why did Shigure bring you guys in here?" Yuki asked confused. "Is it really that necessary to kidnap Tohru's friends for this stupid book of his."

"Well duh, Yuki-kun," Shigure said. "How else can I make one of those chapters where a ton of girls like one guy. There are only Tohru, Kisa and Kagura here. We need at least five girls for this to really work good."

"Oh give me a break!" Kyo shouted angrily. "Is this what you meant before! Why do I have to be the main character for this chapter? The damned rat is the one with the fan club."

"Which is precisely why it won't work with Yuki-kun," Shigure explained. "For the effect to be complete, the admired guy must be a loser with no luck with women."

"And that made you think of me, did it?" Kyo growled his eye twitching. He balled his hands into fists and punched the wall, breaking a hole into it. "You stupid bastard, I'm not going to be in this dumb story no matter what you say!"

"Ahh," Shigure sighed. "Once again you seem to be forgetting, you don't have a choice my friend."

  


  


**........................FLASH...................................**

  


"Oh Yuki..........." three fan club girls sighed. "We love you!!" Yuki turned to look at them and smiled a little. They swooned and passed out on the floor. 

"What the hell do they see in that damn rat anyway," Kyo muttered as he walked by the unconscious girls. "He's a moron." He went to class and found Yuki surrounded by a group of people.

"Excuse me Souma-kun!" a boy shouted. "Are you really going to be the president of the class project?"

"Sure," Yuki answered, "if you all would like me to be president."

"Please Yuki-kun!!" a girl shouted. "You have to do it!! You're the smartest (and hottest) guy in class!"

"Give me a break," Kyo thought angrily sitting down in his desk and fiddling with a pencil in his hand. It broke in half, splinters of wood flying everywhere. He glanced back over at the crowd around his cousin. "Is there no refuge from this madness?"

A woman walked into the room. Noticing Kyo, she stepped over to him. "There's something special about you," she whispered.

"Who are you?" Kyo stammered pulling back slightly.

"I'm your substitute for today," she grinned in response. "But I couldn't help but notice you." She noted that the entire class still seemed gathered around Yuki. "There's a certain something I see when I look into your eyes. There's a sadness, a pain and loneliness that you seem to keep hidden inside."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Kyo spat angrily. "Why don't you go teach us something or whatever it is you're supposed to be doing."

The woman laughed and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Just as I thought. You hide your emotions with anger." She handed him a small package. "Here, plant these seeds. They say gardening is a good way to relieve stress." Then she went up to the front of the class and told everyone to go to their seats.

"Gardening," Kyo grumbled to himself. "She's got to be kidding me."

  


  


  


  


"She wants you to plant those?" Yuki asked during dinner that night. "That's strange, I wonder what they are."

"How the hell should I know," Kyo said as he slurped up some instant noodles. 

"If you want, I can plant them," Yuki offered. "I like growing things."

"Forget it," Kyo said. "That lady was crazy anyway." After dinner Kyo got up and went to his room. "I suppose I can try to do something with them." He took out the seeds and tossed them into a pot with some dirt in it. The pot was left over from some flower thing he had forgotten to water. It had pretty much died a long time ago and left behind some nice soil. Then he went into the bathroom and held it under the sink. Turning the knob, a hard jet of water came shooting out, overflowing the pot and knocking soil out. 

"Good enough," Kyo said taking the ruined mess into his room and setting it on the window sill. "Oh goody. I feel less stressed out already," he thought sarcastically. He crawled into bed and went to sleep.

  


  


  


"He's sooo cute," Kagura squealed hovering over Kyo's sleeping body. 

"Wow, is he the one who grew us?" Tohru asked in awe.

"Let's wake him up!!" Uo said loudly jumping onto his bed. "Hey orange top!! Its morning!! Get up!!" Kyo's eyes shot open as he tried to comprehend what was going on.

"Maybe you shouldn't," Kisa said softly. "Don't make him mad." 

"His electric signals tell me he is already quite disturbed by all this," Hana added peering down at the boy. 

Kyo looked up at the five naked girls hanging over him, his jaw hanging open in terror. "Aghhhhh!!!" he finally screamed pulling his covers over his head and squeezing his eyes shut. _Where the hell did all these girls come from? I don't believe this! And why the hell aren't they wearing any clothes? What is this, some kind of sick, twisted nightmare?_

__"What's he spazing out for?" Uo asked annoyed. She yanked the covers off the cowering boy and glared down at him. "Hey master, you're the one that grew us. Show a little back bone for crying out loud."

"Put some clothes on first!!" he shouted his eyes still shut.

"Hmm, that does seem like the most reasonable thing to do at the moment," Tohru commented looking down at herself. 

"We can use these articles of wear," Hana said digging into Kyo's closet. "My my, is anything in here even clean?"

"What a dirty, dirty boy you are," Kagura laughed. "I guess we'll have to look elsewhere."

"Whatever you say, just get out!!" Kyo yelled.

  


  


  


"Something very odd is going on," Yuki mumbled to himself. He blinked a few times. No, it didn't appear to be his imagination. Yup, five naked girls were coming out of Kyo's bedroom. They marched into Yuki's room, and came out wearing his clothing. "Um excuse me ladies!" Yuki stammered, unable to think straight. "Umm why are you guys in my house? And why are you wearing my clothes? And why were you in Kyo's room!"

"Who's this?" Kisa asked Tohru, pulling on her sleeve.

"It must be a friend of our master," Tohru whispered back. She smiled at him. "Hello, my name is Tohru. We are the flower people that were grown by our master. He seems to be in a state of shock at the moment so we're giving him a minute to re-cooperate."

"I see," Yuki said slowly. "Well, as long as you're just flower people that Kyo, uh I mean your master grew, then nothing seems to be a problem here." He smiled and went downstairs to the phone. After dialing the number of a psychiatrist, he waited for the secretary to pick up.

"Hello, how may I help you?"

"Umm, I seem to have lost my mind. If you would, could you schedule a few sessions for me?"

"Of course."

"Thank you," Yuki replied. Then he went up to his room and went back to sleep.

  


  


  


  


  


  


"Now where were we?" Kagura grinned coming back into Kyo's room. "Oh that's right. We never got a chance to introduce ourselves." She bowed a little and looked up at him. "My name is Kagura."

"I'm Arisa Uotani," the blond hair girl said, throwing an arm around his shoulder. "but you can call me Uo. Nice to meet you." 

"Tohru Honda," Tohru said sitting down beside him on the bed. "I'm very happy you decided to grow us master. I will do my best to make you happy."

"My name is Kisa," a shy girl said quietly as she smiled up at him.

"And I.... am Saki Hanajima," she stared at him steadily, sparks flickering around her eyes. "You have strange electric signals, master."

"And we are your humble servants bound by the master who grew us," Kagura finished. Kyo just kind of looked at them all, his head cocked to one side.

"Uh huh, and you're all here because........."

"To serve you of course," Kisa laughed. Kyo rubbed his chin a little.

"Well, this is a pretty weird dream," Kyo said climbing out of bed. "But I have nothing else to do so I guess I'll go along with it."

"He's soooo sexy," Kagura squealed as he stood up. "Look at that bod!" Kyo looked down self consciously and realized he didn't have a shirt on. Grumbling, he grabbed at the first sweatshirt he could find and pulled it on. 

"Quit gawking at me like that," Kyo spat angrily. "What kind of dream is this anyway?" No one answered. Finally, Tohru spoke up.

"So what would you like us to do first, my sexy master?"

"I can do your laundry," Kisa offered picking up his hamper of dirty clothes. 

"I'll satisfy your other needs," Uo offered winking at him.

"Just don't do anything!" Kyo said finally shaking his head. "You're going to all make me go crazy." They looked at each other blinking. 

"Don't do anything?" Hana asked quietly. "But then we wouldn't be fulfilling our one purpose in life."

"And what purpose would that be?" Kyo asked rolling his eyes.

"To ease your loneliness," Kisa replied, wrapping her arms tightly around his waist. "We were created to serve our master and you are our master."

"That's right," Tohru beamed cheerfully. "So as long as we're here, we have to do something for you. Would you mind if I made you breakfast for now?"

"Fine! I don't care, do what you want."

  


  


  


  


"Well how is it?" Tohru asked as he bit into the food she had made. He chewed a little and swallowed.

"It's good," he said quietly. "I live with the rat and Hatori. We usually don't have stuff like this around. So I end up eating instant noodles or rice every day."

"That's why we're here," Tohru replied happily. "To make sure you're happy."

"Uh thanks." He continued to eat his food, horribly aware of Tohru's eyes as she watched him eat. It was making him very self conscious. "Umm, can you not stare at me like that?" Kyo asked annoyed.

"Oh I'm sorry," Tohru said looking away. "I didn't realize I was. Its just so interesting to be able to watch my master eat."

"You need some outside hobbies or something," Kyo grumbled gulping down some milk. "So why exactly did you guys sprout up from those seeds?"

"I don't know," Tohru said looking down at the table. "I have no memories other than those when I awoke in your room. It's funny, not having a past."

  


  


  


  


"I washed your clothes," Kisa smiled as she carried the huge, oversized pile up to his room. He followed her.

"Uh, do you need some help with those?" he asked walking along beside her. "You're kind of small and there's kind of a lot there."

"No, I'm fine." She made it to his room and set the pile down on his bed. "Would you like these in your closet?" she asked as she picked up a t-shirt and shook it out a little.

"Uh sure, I guess," Kyo said. "You really don't have to do this."

"Oh but I do!" Kisa insisted as she hung the shirt from a clothes hanger.

"I mean, I know you're flowers or something and you have to serve your master but its really not necessary."

"No, you don't understand," Kisa said smiling as she shook her head. "Your clothes smelled like shit. I was doing everyone else a favor as much as you."

"I see," Kyo said raising an eyebrow. "Well, I'll just leave you to do your thing then."

  


  


  


"I'm washing dishes!!!" Kagura sang happily. "All to serve my one and only, wonderful and sexy master!!" She tossed the wet dish into the cupboard, and winced as she heard it shatter. "Not again," she moaned. "Why does this keep happening?"

"Umm excuse me!" Kyo shouted as he came into the kitchen. "You appear to be breaking things. Could you please stop?"

"Oh, its you master!" Kagura squealed dropping the glass she was holding. She leapt over the shards of broken glass and ceramic around her and pounced on Kyo.

"What the hell are you doing!" Kyo yelled trying to pry the girl off. 

"I'm easing the loneliness in your heart!"

"Well stop it!"

"Would you like me to continue washing the dishes then master?"

"Whatever!! Just get off me!"

"Oh fine," Kagura sighed letting go of his shoulders. She noticed the broken shards on the ground as if for the first time. "You poor dear,": she said looking up at him sympathetically. "Just look at this mess you've been living in. You really do need me, don't you."

"I can't believe this," Kyo muttered to himself. "Will you just clean this up?"

"Yes my love, for you, I would do anything."

  


  


  


  


"So this is where you are," Hanajima said climbing onto the roof. "I thought I sensed your electric waves coming from up here."

"Oh it's you," Kyo said with little interest as he glanced over at her. "What do you want?" 

"I'm here to see into your soul," she said sitting beside him. "I'm here to see what it is that's been troubling you."

"Nothing's 'troubling' me," Kyo moaned. "Can't you just leave me alone." 

Hana ignored him and put a hand to his head. She closed her eyes and was silent for a moment. "There's so much sadness in you," she said softly, "your soul is crying out for a companion."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Kyo muttered, but he didn't pull away.

"You want to be accepted and loved. You don't want to be alone anymore." Hana leaned forward and kissed him, her lips tingling with electric waves. Perhaps a bit too tingly. Kyo pulled away, his mouth smoking and his hair standing up everywhere. 

"Ouch!" he yelled trying to smooth his hair back down. "You shocked me!! You literally shocked me!!"

"I was just kissing you," she said softly.

"Well uh, thank you for your much unneeded, I mean, much appreciated analysis of my soul. I think I'll be alright now." Kyo glared at her when he realized she wasn't leaving. "So umm, could you kind of, go away?"

"As you wish, Master," Hana said bowing. Then she climbed off the roof and went into the house. 

"These girls," Kyo muttered to himself. "How long do they plan on staying here."

  


  


  


  


  


  


_Damn mouse I'll kill you. What? This is just a dream? I don't care!! Then I'll kill you in my dream. Haha, that's right!! Take this!! and this!! Bet that hurt like hell didn't it!! Bwahaha!! What? Where did you go? Are you trying to run out on our fight? What's this weird feeling? Something else is here now. I feel a breeze...._

Kyo opened his eyes and saw Uo standing over him. She was pulling off his shirt.

"La la la la," she sang as she yanked the shirt out from under him. 

"What the hell are you doing!!" Kyo yelled sitting up. He accidentally bumped his head against her chin.

"Ow," Uo complained holding her face. "Calm down. Kisa wanted me to get your clothes off you so she could wash them."

"While I'm wearing them!" Kyo exclaimed in shock. "Are you guys retarded or something?"

"Well, master," Uo huffed. "That was a bit uncalled for. Better show some appreciation or we'll pack up and leave."

"Good, I'll help you with your luggage," Kyo retorted. "Now give me my shirt back!"

"No!! Kisa wants to wash it and I'm going to give it to her," Uotani said firmly. "Now shut up and take off your pants."

"Yeah right!!" Kyo yelled backing away. Uo grinned and came after him. They ran in circles on the roof chasing each other. 

"Uwaaa," Uo cried as her foot slipped and she teetered backwards over the side of the house. Kyo saw her and quickly reached out to grab her hand. 

"Stupid Yankee," he grumbled as he pulled her back up. "What are you trying to do, get yourself killed?"

"My hero!!" she cried when she was safely back on the roof. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him hard on the lips. She got too close and suddenly he turned into a cat. "Hmm, how odd," she said looking down at him. "You appear to be an animal now."

"And you're a plant," Kyo spat. "So we're even."

  


  


  


  


  


"Master Kyo-kun!!" all five girls cried out at the dinner table. "We've come to the conclusion that we all love you soooooo much." Yuki raised an eyebrow and then continued to eat his food. Hatori looked at them all oddly and continued to eat his food. Kyo just ignored them all completely and continued to eat his food.

"Damn it!" Kagura shouted. "Listen to our cries of love master!!"

"We're here to serve you," Kisa said softly.

"If there's anything about us that is unsatisfactory to you," Tohru begged, "then please tell us."

"Don't you guys ever get tired of talking?" Kyo moaned. "Ten minutes of silence is all I ask."

"We can't help it!" Uo cried. "These feelings of passion are burning us away inside!" 

Kyo looked at her, disgusted. "Damn it, I don't want to hear about your passions."

"There's nothing we can do," Hana said. "Our feelings for you are inevitable. I too feel strange passions and fires scorching my heart."

"Okay, that's it," Kyo said standing up. "I'm going up to my room and locking the door. Just leave me alone for a little while." He left the room, the five devastated girls watching his departure.

  


  


"What is wrong with them?" Kyo muttered to himself. "I guess they're flower people or whatever but give me a break!!" He looked down beside the bed and saw his pot of dirt where the girls had sprouted from. "Wait a minute," he said staring at it closely. "What's that?" he poked his finger into the pot and moved some of the dirt away. "Its a seed!!" he exclaimed. "I thought those girls already grew from them." He poked in the dirt some more uncovering more seeds. _They're all here!! That means none of them sprouted after all. There's no way then that these girls could have grown from these seeds._

Kyo's face turned a sickly blue as he contemplated this. _Then that means, these girls are just regular girls. What the hell are they doing here!!!_ He ran out of his room and down the stairs. The girls were seated around the tv, flipping through the channels. "Who are you guys!!" Kyo shouted.

"What do you mean?" Tohru asked turning to him. "We're your humble flower girls here to serve you."

"You're lying!!" Kyo accused angrily. "Those seeds I planted are still upstairs in my room. They never even sprouted."

"But we are," Uo laughed. She laughed harder and harder till she was curled on the ground in a ball, gasping for air.

"Don't you believe us?" Hana asked as she stood up. She looked at him smiling a little, then she began running around in circles screaming and jumping.

"What the hell," Kyo murmured. There was a knock on the door. Kyo opened it and ten guys in white coats came running in.

"We've found them!!" one man exclaimed. Ayame stepped into the house. 

"Oh how wonderful," the long haired man said happily. "Now tie those girls up good and lets take them back."

"Hey, what do you think you're doing," Kyo shouted. 

"I'm sorry," Ayame said taking his hand and shaking it. "I should introduce myself. My name is Dr. Ayame and we're here to take back our patients."

"Patients?"

"That's right," the snake sighed. "I'm afraid they all escaped our mental institution last night. We've just now been able to locate them." Kyo jaw dropped open as he watched Tohru and Kisa hiding behind a table to escape capture. Hana was still running around and making whooping sounds.

"But I'm a flower," Kagura sang hysterically. "I have to take care of my master."

"Sure you do," a man soothed. "Now just calm down and we'll take you home."

"I'm a flower! I'm a plant!" Uo laughed as they dragged her out of the house. "I grew out from the dirt!!" 

"As you can see," Ayame sighed. "These girls are all very disturbed. Well sorry for troubling you. I hope they didn't cause too much destruction."

"Uh huh," Kyo mumbled watching the girls get thrown into the back of a padded truck. Finally they were all gone. Ayame saluted and shut the door behind him. 

"So, they were all just crazy?" Yuki asked coming in.

"I guess so."

"That explains a lot," Yuki nodded. "Like, just about everything."

"I guess so."

"I suppose I should cancel my appointment to see that psychiatrist then."

"I guess so."

Yuki narrowed his eyes at him. "I thought they were driving you crazy. Are you that disappointed that they're gone?"

Kyo was silent for a moment and looked out the window. "I guess so."

  


  


  


**.........................FLASH................................**

****"What the hell is your problem!!!" Kagura shouted angrily at Shigure. "You made me insane **again**!!"

"Ahhh, so I did," Shigure said happily. "I had so much fun doing it in the last chapter, I thought it would be great to have all you pretty ladies lose your minds."

"Ummm Shigure-san," Tohru said very annoyed. "That was a bit uncalled for."

"And what kind of sick pervert makes their characters naked for the first five minutes of the story!!!" Uo screamed kicking the wall. "I should beat you over the head with my lead pipe."

"Aww, don't be that way," Shigure whined. "I liked you and Hanajima so much, I decided I may keep you around for awhile."

"You make that sound like a good thing!" Uo yelled.

"Oh come now, you'll like it."

"Perhaps I can shock him with my electric waves," Hana suggested. 

"Go for it," Kagura said angrily as she glared around the room. Hana tried, but it didn't work. I guess electric waves don't shoot out of computers. They just sort of bounced around the room and electrocuted everyone.

"Hana-chan," Tohru said tears streaming down her face. "Please never do that again."

"I think that's a good idea," she agreed picking up own her charred body from the floor.

"This sucks," Kyo muttered coughing up smoke.

  


  


  


Writers note Hehe, okay, how did you like it? I finally made another Kyo chapter for all you cute kitty fans. Sorry about making them all insane (again). Here, I was trying to avoid repetition by not making them aliens and I ended up reusing the whole insanity thing from the last chapter. :D But it just really seemed like a good way to end a chapter like this since for some reason, didn't we all immediately believe their crazy story about being grown from the dirt when we know that's impossible? :D

  


Next time: Supernatural- Tohru makes lots of strange new friends.

  


  


  


  



	19. Supernatural

"There are so many strange things in our world," Shigure said thoughtfully to himself. "What about you guys? Do you believe in supernatural beings?"

"I don't," Hana said quietly running a hand through her hair. "The thought of the unknown scares me." Everyone looked at her and sweat dropped.

"Why do I find that so hard to believe?" Kyo grumbled.

"Hmm, then you won't like this next chapter Hanajima, my dear," Shigure laughed cheerfully. "Because the whole thing is going to be swarming with supernatural stuff and other scary spooks."

"Eeek," Tohru cried, backing up a little. "Umm, I get scared really easily. Please don't tell me I'm going to be in this chapter too much."

"You get to be the main character!" Shigure sang.

"Damn that Shigure guy," Uo muttered. "This is crazy."

"And now, all complaints aside," Shigure broke in, "let's begin!!"

  


**...............................FLASH.........................................**

  


****"It's really dark," Tohru mumbled to herself nervously as she hurried home from her part-time job. She glanced up at the sky. _Those storm clouds are even blocking the moon light! I can barely see a thing. Oh, I hope I make it home before it starts to rain. My grandpa must be so worried. I told him I'd be back by ten but its already past midnight. I never should have offered to stay so late and help out._

__"Well, I suppose I'll just have to take a short cut through this cemetery," Tohru said nodding to herself. She entered through the large, foreboding iron gates and made her way past crumbling, old gravestones. A small scuttling sound echoed behind her and she swung her head anxiously in the direction it had come from. She saw a small rat scurry by and breathed a sigh of relief. _Phew, nothing to be afraid of. It's just a mouse. _She gasped as she felt something cold and clammy wrap itself around her ankle. Looking down, Tohru found herself screaming out in terror at the decaying hand poking out of a grave. The hand held tight, despite her futile attempts to yank her leg free. Finally, the owner of the hand was pulling its body out from the dirt. 

"Leave me alone!!" Tohru cried out tearfully. The crouching corpse, now completely free from the grave, looked up at her, it's long white hair hanging in dirty clumps around his head. It let go of her leg and grabbed hold of her shoulders, using her to aid itself in its struggle to stand.

"Pretty girl," came a raspy voice from the dead body. "What a pretty girl." Tohru stood there frozen in terror as the corpse clung to her, using her body for support to stay on its feet. "I am Ayame, the zombie. Why are you here?"

"Please let go of me," Tohru whispered, tears streaming down her face. The zombie cocked its head to the side as it looked down at her small form.

"Are you afraid of me?" Ayame asked grinning. A chunk of rotted flesh from his cheek fell from his face and landed on the front of her shirt. She looked down at it, her face turning blue. Finally, she passed out, her body crumpling to the ground. "Woah there," Ayame mumbled as he fell forward a little from the loss of his support. His legs wobbled, then regained their balance. "Ha," the zombie laughed with pride. "Looks like I'm starting to get my strength back already." He looked down at the unconscious girl and sighed. "I guess I better do something about her."

  


  


  


"Hey, wake up," a voice said firmly. Tohru opened her eyes and found herself looking up at an attractive man with black hair. "My name is Hatori. You're going to be okay now."

"I was having the most terrifying dream," Tohru murmured, her mind still foggy. "There was this horrible...." she stopped when she saw who was next to the mysterious man. "Aghhhhh," she screamed loudly when she saw the zombie.

"Hello there," Ayame said cheerfully. "Feeling better now?" Tohru trembled as she jumped to her feet and backed away from the two men. She looked around her and realized she was still in the cemetery. "Yeah," Ayame continued. "You looked like you were in dire need of aid so I fetched my friend Tori to help you out."

"Your friend?" Tohru stammered still backing away. Her foot caught on a gravestone and she tripped, falling onto a pile of soft soil. "But he's normal!" she found herself shouting fearfully. "You...you're... you're dead!!"

"I'm normal?" Hatori inquired curiously. "Now that's a new one. I've never been referred to as normal before." The clouds that had been covering the sky drifted away, revealing a glowing full moon. Hatori groaned and collapsed to the floor. Tohru watched in morbid fascination as his face warped in shape and fur began to sprout from his face and body. He howled loudly at the moon as his body jerked up to its feet. He stopped and turned to glare at her with yellow, canine eyes.

"A werewolf...." Tohru mumbled in disbelief. "A zombie and a werewolf." The clouds that had dispersed momentarily quickly covered the sky once again. Hatori changed back into a human, just as big drops of rain began to shower down on them.

"We better get inside," Ayame said, offering Tohru his hand. Tohru looked at it, and noticed a worm poke its head out of his palm and then crawl back in. She watched the lump move along under his skin till it disappeared at his wrist. She smiled up at him, then passed out again.

"My my, she sure doesn't seem to be taking this all that well," Ayame commented hoisting her limp body over his shoulder.

"Should we really bring her inside though?" Hatori asked doubtfully. "I don't see any reason why we shouldn't just leave her here."

"Awww, don't be so cold hearted. You know very well that if we leave her here Momiji will come out from his grave and eat this poor girl's brains." 

"I suppose," Hatori sighed as he attempted to straighten out his torn clothing. "Damn all this transforming is ruining these pants."

  


  


"I hear Hatori and Ayame brought a girl in here," Kyo scoffed as he floated through the wall into the library. Yuki looked up at him from the book he was reading. His transparent hand flipped to the next page.

"So what?" Yuki asked bored. 

"She's alive."

Yuki's jaw dropped open in terror. "They... actually brought a live, human girl in here? What are they? Crazy?"

"Who knows," Kyo said shrugging his shoulders. "Wanna go see?"

"I don't think that's a good idea," Yuki said firmly. "We can't have anything to do with the living and that's final."

"Whatever," Kyo muttered floating back out through the wall. Yuki sighed and pushed the book away. Then he followed Kyo and flew out of the room.

  


  


  


"What the hell are you doing here!" Yuki shouted angrily to Ayame. "I thought we buried you for good this time. And to top it all off, you bring this LIVING girl with you."

"Hey, she's the one who happened to pass by." Ayame said happily. "I just grabbed on, and sucked her energy so I could get out. Wasn't that sweet of her?"

"You make it sound like she wanted to have her energy drained by you," Kyo scoffed. "You really are a dumb bastard."

"Well, maybe she didn't actually give up her life force willingly," Ayame admitted. "But, at least I saved her from being eaten by Momiji."

"You didn't actually see Momiji did you?" Yuki whispered fearfully.

"No," Hatori broke in. "So just calm down. There were no signs of Momiji at all."

"Oh shit," Kyo stammered. "We have got to get rid of this girl quick. If we don't, Momiji will come in here and try and get her himself."

"I won't have it, Ayame," Yuki said angrily. "I won't have you endangering all of our afterlives just so you can have a little, human girl to play with."

"But I want her," Ayame whined. "Can't I keep her, please? I promise to feed her and love her and take care of her forever!"

"He's got to be kidding," Kyo moaned. "There's no way a real zombie would behave like this."

"Absolutely not," Yuki said loudly. "There is no way I will allow this girl in my house. Send her home or leave her outside for Momiji for all I care."

"How heartless," Ayame whined. 

"What do you expect," Yuki muttered gesturing at his transparent body. "Where, in this dead spirit, do you see a heart?"

"You take things a little to literally," Ayame said with a sigh. "You really do."

  


  


  


  


"Where am I?" Tohru murmured to herself as she sat up in a giant bed. Looking around, she realized it was a dimly lit bedroom filled with antique looking furniture. She tried to pull herself to the floor but found her legs wouldn't support her. "Why do I feel so weak right now," Tohru moaned. "I wanna go home." 

"Hey girl," Kyo said as he came floating through the wall. "You better hurry up and go home before Momiji comes in here and eats your brains."

"Wha... what did you just say?" Tohru gasped. 

"Oh umm, you know Momiji, the legendary ghoul creature thing. He's kind of like a zombie except Ayame can do stuff with dirt while he can control other zombies. He's not a nice guy. He'll kill us all if he finds out there's fresh meat in this house."

"But you're already dead," Tohru commented pointing out his transparent skin and the fact that he just came through the wall. "What do you guys have to worry about?"

"Our spirits can still die," Kyo spat rolling his eyes. "Maybe not die in the literal sense, but they would cease to exist in this world. When you die and your spirit departs from you, it will also be like another living thing."

"I see," Tohru said quietly. "I'm sorry, I know I must sound terribly heartless and selfish right now. I guess I'm just really scared."

"Eh, it's all right," Kyo said with a sigh. "Just go home."

"But I can't walk," Tohru explained. "I don't know why, but my body is so weak I can' t even stand."

"Damn that Ayame," Kyo grumbled. "He took too much energy."

"Umm excuse me?" Tohru asked confused.

"Don't worry about it. Uhhh, well we would carry you or something but its already morning outside." He pointed to the heavily draped windows. 

"You'd never guess," Tohru murmured to herself. "Its so dark in here." 

"Yeah, we don't work well with sun. It sort of makes us disintegrate. Oh yeah, and even when its night, we can't leave the cemetery so if we took you outside you'd be stuck out in the open with Momiji to worry about." Kyo shivered to himself at the mention of the zombie's name.

"So what am I supposed to do then?" Tohru asked trying to stand again. She collapsed on the ground and Kyo sighed in irritation.

"I don't know," he said grabbing her hand and helping her up. "I guess you have to wait here till your strength returns."

"Wow," Tohru said as he helped her climb into bed and let go of her hand. It had been like holding an ice cube. "I didn't know spirits could actually touch things. I always thought you'd go right through everything."

"And what would make you think that?" Kyo asked annoyed.

"I dunno, movies I guess?" 

Kyo rolled his eyes and floated out of the room. Quickly, he poked his head back in again, his body still on the other side of the wall. "Hurry up and get better. If you don't, all of us are going to suffer."

"How can I get my strength back," Tohru asked herself after Kyo had left, "when I'm this hungry?" _I need to eat. I missed dinner last night and now breakfast too? How am ever going to get out of here?_

  


  


  


  


__"What were you doing in there," Yuki asked in curiosity as he floated up to Kyo.

"Nothing," Kyo stammered. "I was just trying to find a way to get rid of her."

"But you actually talked to her? You actually communicated with a living girl?" Yuki looked up at Kyo confused. "But how.... could she see you?"

"I guess she's one of those girls that can see spirits," Kyo shrugged. "I didn't think there were too many of those kind left anymore but apparently she's one of them."

"People have forgotten how to believe in that which can't be explained by science," Yuki muttered. "Its only natural that people would lose there abilities to see us." He paused for a moment, "Do you suppose I could talk to her too?"

"If you want," Kyo said as he lay down on an old beat up couch. "We've already figured out that she's going to be stuck with us for a few days."

"Why's that?"

"Oh um, Ayame drained all her energy or something. She's too weak to move. I mean, its not like we can just get out the old horse and carriage and take her ourselves."

"Yeah, so I guess she is stuck with us," Yuki agreed solemnly. "I just hope Momiji doesn't find out."

  


  


  


  


"Uh hi," Yuki said as he floated in through the door. Tohru turned to look at him.

"So there's another one," she laughed in amusement. "Just how many of you guys live in this, whatever it is."

"I suppose you have no idea what's going on," Yuki commented watching her thoughtfully. "That zombie guy you saw before took you into our mansion. It's at the top of a hill overlooking the cemetery. So, its just Ayame the zombie, Hatori the werewolf, Kyo and myself living here. My name is Yuki, by the way."

"What about that Momiji guy?" Tohru asked.

Yuki shuddered a little. "Momiji, does not live in the mansion. He stays in his grave and only leaves to feed. He especially likes to suck the brains out of pretty girls such as yourself, so you better hurry up and get out of here."

Tohru eyes widened with fear and she looked down at the blanket over her lap. "I can't," she said quietly. "I really want to but I don't have the strength."

"I know," Yuki said waving a transparent hand in front of him. "Yeah, well it doesn't really matter since there's nothing we can do about it now."

"Umm, Mr Ghost sir," Tohru began nervously. "You see, I'm really, really hungry. You don't happen to have any kind of food do you? I mean, it doesn't have to be a lot, even if its just table scraps or something but umm..." 

"Food?" Yuki asked. "We don't really have a need for the stuff. Although, I do believe Ayame has some pork and cat brains in the freezer. Would you like a bowl? I'm sure Ayame wouldn't mind sharing." 

Tohru's face turned a sickly shade of blue and she shook her head quickly. "No, that's okay. But umm thanks for the offer."

"I'm sorry," Yuki said putting a hand to his head. "I don't know what I'm thinking. Its just been so long since I've been alive, I've forgotten what real food is." He thought for a moment. "Well, just hold on. Maybe we can find something for you." He turned and left through the wall.

"I hope I'm not troubling them too much," Tohru whispered. "All I really want is to go home."

  


  


  


  


"Food, she needs food," Yuki said frantically looking through the empty cupboards. Bursts of dust flew into his face.

"What are you doing?" Ayame asked coming into the kitchen.

"I completely forgot about a living person's need for food. The girl's starving."

"Well there's plenty of pork brains in the freezer," Ayame said pointing to his left. "She's welcome to have some."

"Normal people don't eat that!" Yuki exclaimed impatiently. "I even forgot myself. We have to find her real food." Ayame shrugged and helped himself to the brains. Kyo went floating by. "Hey cat!" Yuki shouted. "Come here."

"What do you want?" Kyo asked annoyed, "you damned rat."

"Just come here and help me find food for the girl."

"She needs, what now?" Kyo mumbled confused as he floated into the kitchen beside Yuki.

"You know," Yuki said trying to explain. "Nutrients, food, the stuff that gives people energy. No wonder why she's still so weak."

"Oh yeah," Kyo smirked thoughtfully. "I remember that stuff. Well, can't help you there. We don't have anything in our house and we can't leave the cemetery." Hatori heard the discussion and came into the room as well.

"What's the problem?" Hatori asked. "She needs food?" 

"Yeah," Kyo groaned. "Where are we going to get that stuff?"

"There's an apple tree out back," Hatori shrugged. "Go pick some for her."

"That's a great idea," Yuki exclaimed. "I completely forgot that was there."

"It's cause you never leave the house," Ayame pointed out.

"Well, I never need to," Yuki retorted.

"It doesn't matter anyway," Kyo broke in, irritated. "She'll have to wait till the sun goes down unless she wants us all to disintegrate."

"Ayame!" Yuki said firmly. "Go get her some apples. You're the one who brought her here, now you take responsibility for her."

"But the sun," Ayame whined.

"I don't care," Yuki said. "Maybe if we're lucky you'll die for good this time." 

Ayame rolled his eyes and went down to the cellar. "I'll just do this my way," he said cheerfully. He placed his hands against the dirt walls and felt them give a little. His body was pulled into the dirt and he wormed his way underground till he was under the tree. Poking his head out slightly, he realized that under the shade of the tree, the sun didn't burn as badly. Quickly, he plucked five ripe apples and crawled back into the dirt, moving his way through his newly made tunnel and back to the cellar.

"Why do you still exist?" Kyo asked annoyed when Ayame returned. Ayame smirked and held up the apples proudly.

"Did you forget what kind of zombie I am? I'm a being born of the dirt and it does as I will it to. I simply tunneled my way to the tree."

"That's great," Yuki said. "Now give me the apples." He made a face in disgust as he looked at them. "They're all dirty," he complained annoyed. "And you got that gross slimy substance from your hands all over them."

"Well, what do you expect," Ayame exclaimed. "I'm made of rotting flesh for crying out loud."

"Eww," Kyo commented looking at them. "I guess we can wash them really good."

"We still have running water?" Yuki asked in shock.

"Of course," Hatori said sitting down in a chair. "Even if you don't have a need for it, I'm still flesh and blood you know. I too need water to drink and bathe in once in awhile."

"How am I supposed to know," Yuki shrugged. "I haven't attempted to turn on a water faucet since I died."

  


  


  


  


  


"Here," Kyo said carrying a plate of sliced and peeled apples into Tohru's bedroom. "Dig in."

"You came in through the door this time," Tohru commented smiling. 

Kyo looked at her and blushed a little. "Well obviously," he said trying to sound annoyed. "Just because I go through walls, doesn't mean a plate will too."

"Good point," Tohru replied as he handed her the food. "Thank you so much!" She took an apple slice and happily munched on it. "I feel better already!"

"Well that's good," Kyo said quickly. "Umm, the sooner you get better the sooner you can leave." Tohru grinned at him and continued eating. "Yeah, I'll go now."

  


  


  


"Hey you stupid cat!" Yuki shouted angrily as Kyo came out of her room. "I wanted to give her the apples."

"What difference does it make?" Kyo asked annoyed. "She's eating, that's all that counts." He looked at him and smirked. "Besides, you were the one that wanted to just get rid of her, even if it meant leaving her for Momiji. I, on the other hand, kind of like the girl."

"I was just saying that because I was pissed at Ayame," Yuki retorted, "and you know that."

"Doesn't matter," Kyo said with little interest. "You said it _and_ you said we shouldn't have anything to do with the living."

"Well we shouldn't," Yuki spat.

"Then you shouldn't have anything to do with that girl."

"She's different," Yuki said quietly. "She can see us, and she has a soft light around her. It makes her seem almost angelic."

"Anyway," Kyo broke in. "Just stay away from her. She doesn't need a cold hearted bastard like you around to make her stay here any more miserable than it already is."

  


  


  


  


"Am I really that cold hearted?" Yuki wondered as he watched her sleeping form from the doorway. _I'm a ghost. What do they expect? Feelings and emotions died in me the day my body died._ He looked at Tohru as she turned onto her side and hugged the blankets tightly. _That's why its so strange, to feel this way about a living girl_.

Tohru stirred a little and sat up, looking straight at Yuki. He stepped back a little in surprise. "I'm sorry, did I wake you?" 

"No," she said grinning a little. "I woke up awhile ago. It was just kind of hard to go back to sleep with you watching me like that."

"I didn't mean to stare," Yuki mumbled embarrassed. "We just don't normally have guests in our house like this."

"Are you afraid I'll do something I shouldn't?" Tohru asked worried. "Really, I swear I won't steal your stuff or anything like that. Even if I wasn't too weak to stand, I still would never dream of..."

"Its okay," Yuki smiled shaking his head. "I wasn't thinking that way at all. I'm sorry I disturbed your sleep. Please just try to get better." Tohru nodded and he floated out of the room.

_I don't care what happens to me. I won't let Momiji have this girl. I'll see to it that she makes it back home, somehow._

  


  


  


  


  


"What did I say about you bothering that poor girl?" Kyo spat irritated as Yuki came out of her room.

"Just shut up, its none of your business what I do."

"I'm making it my business," Kyo growled. He balled his hand into a fist and punched Yuki in the face.

"Damn it, you stupid cat." Yuki sighed. "You know we can't hurt each other so why are you even bothering?"  


"Because I'm pissed! That's why!" 

"If you want to get hurt, go out and lay in the sun for awhile. Or better yet, go find Momiji and fight with him."

"Yeah right!" Kyo shouted incredulously. "You think I have a death wish or something?"

"Not like I care. I'm going back to the library."

  


  


  


  


  


  


"It's finally dark outside again," Hatori said breathing a sigh of relief. "If it weren't for this weakness we have against the sun, we could be doing so much more."

"You're better off here," Ayame reassured.

"I suppose, its just annoying since most werewolves don't have this problem."

"Most werewolves kill people too," Ayame reminded. "You stick to rodents and I'll stick to my pig brains thank you very much."

"Ah well," Hatori sighed. "I guess I am better off in here anyway. The sun will kill me and the moon will make me transform. I'll go see what the others are up to."

"You do that," Ayame said. "I'll keep watch at the window and make sure Momiji doesn't come for the girl tonight."

"You're actually keeping guard?" Hatori asked incredulously. "You, of all people, are actually going to take some sort of responsibility for our situation?"

"Hey!! you don't have to put it that way!" Ayame complained.

Hatori shook his head. "Calm down. I was just going to offer to keep watch with you then."

"Oh, why thank you."

  


  


  


  


  


"I'm feeling a little better," Tohru thought to herself. "All that sleep and those apples..." she looked to her side and realized there was new plate on the night stand. "Wow, these people, er I mean spirits and whatnot, are very nice." She popped a few slices into her mouth and tried to stand up again. "Almost," she whispered as she stood there on shaking legs. She took a step forward and went crashing to the ground. "Ouch," she mumbled as she pulled herself back up. She climbed to her feet again and tried walking to the door. She collapsed at the doorway. "I can't do this yet," she panted. "I'm still not ready."

"Are you okay?" a voice asked worried. She looked up and saw Yuki. "Girl? Are you all right?"

"I'm sorry," she murmured. "I thought I could walk if I tried." She felt his cold hand grab hold of her wrist and pull her up. She wrapped an arm around his shoulder and her led her to the bed. "Thank you, and by the way, my name is Tohru Honda."

"Tohru Honda?" he asked. "That's a pretty name, it suits you." She looked up at him surprised. "I'm sorry that we've all been so rude to you. We've all been calling you 'girl' up until now. I'll make sure the others learn to address you properly. I'll be leaving now." 

"By the way," Tohru said quietly. "Thank you for the apples."

"How did you know I..." Yuki shook his head and grinned at her. "You're welcome." 

  


  


  


  


  


"I smell meat," Momiji murmured to himself as he pulled his small body from his grave. "Where is it?! It want it now!" He noticed a hole by the apple tree and went over to inspect it. "This looks like a tunnel. What's it doing here?" Bending down, he crawled into it and made his way through it to see where it would lead.

  


  


  


  


  


"I hear you were able to stand a little," Kyo commented from the doorway.

"Oh, um yes. It was just a little hard to actually walk."

"Good, at least you could stand. That means you'll be up and out of here really soon."

"Does it make you that happy?" Tohru laughed. 

Kyo looked away his face growing hot (who knew ghosts could blush?). "It does make me happy," he said quietly. "Because then you can go home and be safe again. This is no place for you to be. Every second that goes by brings Momiji a second closer to discovering you're here."

"What will I do if he finds me?" Tohru asked worried.

"I don't know," Kyo said. "There is no one in this house that is strong enough to fight Momiji. He gains his power from consuming human flesh. Ayame and Hatori could be as strong as him but they refuse to eat human beings and eat animals instead. But it's not the same."

"I see," Tohru said nodding in awe. "Those two are very admirable."

"I suppose," Kyo smirked as he left the room. "Its just hard to admire someone like Ayame when he's such a moron."

  


  


  


  


"I'm inside the mansion!!" Momiji shrieked in shock. "I can't believe it. Now I can make those bastards pay for segregating me like that." He stopped and sniffed the air. "Meat," he murmured. "Its here. Fresh meat."

  


  


  


  


"Oh Tohru-san," Ayame said stepping into the room. Tohru glanced up at him and smiled. She had actually gotten used to the sight of rotted flesh. 

"Hello," she greeted.

"I was wondering if you'd let me speak to you for a moment."

"Of course," Tohru laughed. "You don't really have to ask." Ayame looked at her intensely and grinned. "What is it?" Tohru asked starting to feel a little nervous despite herself.

"Tohru-san, give me your hand," Ayame said as he came closer.

"Umm I'm not so sure about that," Tohru said doubtfully. "Uhh, you know, the whole draining of my energy thing and whatnot."

"I won't do it this time," Ayame promised. "You do trust me, don't you?" He gave her another eerie smile and Tohru felt her blood run cold.

"I'm sorry," she stammered. "I'm not feeling well right now. Could you please leave." Ayame ignored her and went to her bedside.

"What are you doing Ayame!!" Yuki shouted angrily from the doorway. Ayame turned to him and hissed loudly, baring his teeth. 

"Shit!" Kyo yelled as he dashed into the room. "Its Momiji!! He's in the house!" He noticed Ayame and floated back a little. "Oh no, Momiji's taken control of Ayame already."

"I will bring the fresh meat to my master!" Ayame growled in a raspy voice.

"Ayame," Tohru whispered tearfully as she struggled to pull herself out of bed. "Why are you doing this."

"It's not him," Yuki shouted, diving on the zombie and knocking him back. "It's Momiji. When he's close enough to them, he can control any zombie he wishes to." He pushed Ayame to the wall. "Hurry up and get out of here!"

"I'm trying," Tohru said as she pulled herself along using the bedpost for support. She felt cold hands wrap around her arm and she realized Kyo was helping her up. She grabbed onto his shoulder and they made their way out of the room.

"Snap out of it Ayame," Yuki yelled angrily. "Don't let him control you like this."

"I'm sorry Yuki," Ayame said quietly, "but I can't. As long as I'm here, Momiji will be able to control me, and I'll end up hurting Tohru." He jerked away and threw himself out of the window, shattered glass flying everywhere."  


"Ayame you moron!" Yuki shouted running to the window. "The sun's coming up, are you trying to kill yourself!"

"I'm sorry, I almost hurt Tohru," Ayame yelled from the ground. "I'll repent for my sins now." Yuki stood back blinded as the morning sun rose and consumed Ayame's body in fire. 

"You stupid bastard," Yuki hollered angrily running out of the room. Just from being near the window, the sun had burnt his left arm and it now hung limply at his side. He ran downstairs in search of Tohru and Kyo. 

  


  


  


  


"I'm tired," Tohru gasped as they made their way through the living room. 

"Just hold on," Kyo grunted as he dragged her along. "We're almost there."

"Where do you think you're going?" Momiji asked amused from his seat on the couch. 

"Momiji," Kyo whispered fearfully. 

"You know, if it weren't for that damn Ayame's 'noble' sacrifice, Tohru would be dead by now."

"What do you mean sacrifice!" Kyo shouted angrily. "What did you do to him!"

Hatori came bursting into the room. "This is going to end now!"he shouted. "I won't let you hurt anyone anymore."

"Ahh Hatori," Momiji sighed. "You don't really expect to fight me when you're in your human form do you? Please, I have some pride you know."

"Shut up!" Hatori spat. He lunged at Momiji and tried to pin him down to the couch. Momiji grinned and pushed him off.

  


  


  


"We've got to get her out of here," Yuki said as he came up to Kyo and Tohru. "Hurry, while those two are fighting."

"We can't just leave Hatori to fight that ghoul," Kyo hissed.

"Come on, there's no time," Yuki said grabbing Tohru's other arm and pulling her forward. "The sun's up already, if we can at least get her outside, Momiji won't be able to attack her."

"The sun?" Tohru gasped panicking. "You guys will be killed! Let go of me and I'll get out alone!"

"Yeah right!" Kyo scoffed. "Like you could ever make it out of here on your own. Give me a break. Now shut up and let us drag your carcass out of here."

"I'm serious!" Tohru whispered loudly to them. "Let me go! Stop!!" They ignored her and pulled her to the front door. 

Yuki took a deep breath placed his hand on the door knob. "You ready Kyo?"

"Yeah," he muttered. They pushed the door open, rays of sunlight burning their bodies. 

"No!" Momiji shouted angrily as he looked up from his fight with Hatori. He jumped to his feet but dared not get any closer. Hatori lay there breathing heavily, his throat torn open. His blood flowed out of his body and soaked into the couch. Kyo and Yuki dragged Tohru out of the mansion and to the edge of the hill top.

"Leave me here!" Tohru cried, tears streaming down her face. Kyo's hair had caught fire and his arms were turning black. Yuki's leg became scorched while his left arm disintegrated into dust. "Stop it!! I demand you go back inside!"

"We have to," Yuki gasped, "to get you as far away from here as possible."

"When the sun goes down," Kyo muttered. "Momiji will come for you. You can't make it out of here on your own." They pulled her down the hill, collapsing when they were near the bottom, and rolling down the rest of the way. 

"Are you guys okay!" Tohru asked frantically. They looked up at her from the ground and smiled a little, their bodies wasting away to nothing. 

"This is as far as we can take you," Kyo whispered as he disappeared into dust.

"I'm sorry," Yuki said softly. "Please make it out of here alive." Tohru screamed as she looked at the black ashes laying before her, and cried loudly. 

"You stupid ghosts," she sobbed. "What kind of spirits go and get themselves killed for the sake of a living girl!" she wiped her eyes and rolled onto her stomach. She had to get out of here, even if it meant she had to crawl. She dragged herself along through the tall grass until she had finally reached the part of the land with the graves. Using a gravestone for support, she pulled herself to her feet and limped out the gates of the cemetery. 

  


  


  


  


"Wow, what a cool cave," Tohru said in awe. It had been a week since her strange encounters with a zombie, a werewolf, two ghosts, and a ghoul.

"I've been meaning to bring you here," Uo said excited. "Isn't it great?"

"I wonder," Hana said softly. "I feel such strange electric signals coming from this place."

"Ha, you always say that," Uo laughed shaking her head.

"Hey, what's this?"Tohru asked pressing her hand against an ivory looking rock against the wall. There was a flash of light and a small section of the wall opened, revealing a stone shelf with a lamp on top.

"A lamp?" Hana asked surprised.

"How weird," Tohru said picking it up. She looked at it carefully. "There's something written here, but its covered in dirt." She rubbed it gently and gasped as a blue smoke began to fill the room.  


"I am the genie of the magic lamp!" it shouted loudly. "You may have three wishes."

"Cool," Uo said excitedly. "One for each of us." She turned to Tohru. "Well, you found it. Go ahead and make the first one."

"Okay then," Tohru said taking a deep breath. "I wish...." 

  


  


  


  


  


Tohru ran outside when she heard the vehicle. It parked on the street in front of the empty house next to her own.

"Hello, we're your new neighbors," Ayame sang loudly as he jumped out of a large moving truck. Hatori was sitting in the passenger seat looking bored. Kyo and Yuki came jumping out of the back carrying large boxes.

"It's nice to meet you," Tohru said smiling broadly. Yuki grinned at her and Kyo looked away embarrassed.

"It's nice to meet you too," Yuki said from behind the box.

"Hi," the red haired guy muttered. 

_It's actually them!! I can't believe it and they're alive and real too. I'm so glad, my wish came true._

  


  


  


**.........................FLASH..........................**

  


****"Well that was a weird way to end it," Kyo commented.

"I guess Alexandra-Kyoko likes happy endings," Yuki shrugged. "Even when they're corny and don't really make sense."

"Hey now!" Shigure said loudly. "Don't you dare go giving that girl credit for my work. Don't you forget, I'm the one writing this."

"Oh yeah," Yuki said shaking his head "What was I thinking?"

"I actually liked that ending," Tohru said happily. "You guys all came back. That was great."  


"It wouldn't have mattered anyway," Kyo reminded her. "Its just Shigure's stupid story."

"Well yeah," Tohru said smiling. "But I like it that way anyway."

  


  


  


Writer's note Yeah, I know, that was weird, but I had fun. They do that on anime a lot though. I swear, they kill everyone and these people are totally dead and then all of a sudden at the end, they all survived and you have no idea how. But you're so happy they're alive you don't care, so you don't ask any questions and you're just like "Hurray hurray..." Hmm, or maybe that's just me. Oh well, at least I gave some sort of jacked up reason for them to come back. Yup yup, so please review and tell me what you thought! XD

  


  


Next time: High school Romance- What does Shigure do when he can't think of a good story for a high school romance? He steals the plot of Peach Girl!! and turns it into something very dumb. (sigh) another great work ruined by this fanfic ^.^ 

  


  


  


  



	20. High School Romance

Writer's note I hope you guys are familiar with Peach Girl. I basically based this whole chapter on the first volume of it (any further than that would have been too hard to do), though I freaked it up a little at the end since I couldn't completely steal Peach girl's plot. :D For those who haven't read it, its about a girl named Momo whose really tan, and because of it everyone thinks she's a slut (the only really tan people in Japan supposedly do it on purpose and are known for partying and going on paid dates with old men). She likes this guy she's known since middle school (he likes her too), she has a sucky friend who's obsessed with copying everything she does and stealing whatever she has, including guys, and there's this other guy whose really popular and likes Momo. Sorry for the crummy summary :D. 

  


  


"Wow, Peach Girl is an awesome manga," Shigure sighed. "Kiley is just so cute."

"Shigure," Yuki said shaking his head. "You disturb me sometimes."

"Isn't that a comic for girls you pervert," Kyo accused. "How can you read that stuff?"

"But it's awesome," Shigure whined. "I think I'll even make this chapter just like it. Bwaahaha, why make up my own plot when I can steal this one (Writer's note these are actually my real thoughts right now ;D ). Hehe, I can just take this story and make my very own HIGH SCHOOL ROMANCE chapter. Aren't you all just sooooo excited."

"Ecstatic," Yuki yawned.

"And Kagura, you even get to go back to highschool."

"I what?" she shrieked.

  


**..............................FLASH...............................**

  


  


  


"Eww, that's Tohru Honda," Uo said in disgust. "I just hate that girl."

"She does look like a bit of a ditz," Hana agreed.

"I also hear she has bad breath. You know what they say about girls with bad breath don't you? It means she's a slut (they don't really say that.), " Uotani added with a nod. 

"Ahh, I've heard that saying as well."

"Eww, now she's helping that old woman cross the street."

"What a whore." Hana said with a sigh.

"And look at her feeding that starving dog."

"Who does she think she's impressing anyway?"

"Ugh," Uotani muttered. "I hate people like her."

  


  


  


"Hmm, I wonder why no one wants to talk to me," Tohru thought to herself sadly. She popped a stick of gum in her mouth. She was very self conscious about her bad breath. No matter what she did, it never went away. It just naturally stank. 

"I'll be your friend," a girl said cheerfully from behind her. Tohru turned around and found herself looking up at a girl with shoulder- length brown hair.

"Thank you," Tohru smiled. "What's your name?"

The girl grinned mischievously. "My name is Kagura, Tohru Honda."

"Oh, you already know mine?"

"Yeah, I've been watching you. You seemed like such a nice person and all, I knew we just had to talk."

"Well, for some reason, no one else seems to think that way," Tohru said with a sigh. 

Kagura just smiled at her and put a hand on her shoulder. "Don't worry, things will be different from now on." 

  


  


  


  


"It's Kyo-kun!" Tohru gasped to herself as she looked at the orange haired boy sitting at the back of the cafeteria with his friends. "I can't believe it." She sighed and put a hand to her heart. _I've been in love with him since elementary school and my feelings still haven't changed. He's just so cute and sweet. _ "Oh well," Tohru said shaking her head sadly. "He could never like me. Not until I get rid of this horrible breath problem of mine." She popped a stick of gum in her mouth and went into the lunch line.  


"Hi Tohru," Kagura said coming up beside her. "So what are you ordering for lunch?"

"Hmm?" Tohru asked surprised. "Oh hi Kagura. I was just going to get this salad." Kagura looked at Tohru's tray and picked up a salad for herself. "And this apple pie," Tohru said putting the pie on her tray. Kagura watched her and got a pie for herself. Tohru eyed her oddly and picked up a bottle of Pepsi. Kagura smiled at her and got a Pepsi too. "Oh," Tohru grinned amused. "I guess we have the exact same lunches now." 

  


  


  


  


"Hey Kyo!" Haru said with a grin. "Get a load of that girl over there. Her names Tohru Honda. Doesn't she just look like the biggest whore ever? And I hear her breath smells, so I bet she's great in bed."  


Kyo narrowed his eyes at him. "Hey, I know her and she's a sweet person. She just has naturally bad breath. Its not because she's a slut."

"Woah, sorry man," Haru said putting his hands up in defeat and taking a step back. "I'm sorry, I didn't know."

"Just forget about it." 

  


  


  


  


Tohru gasped blushing fiercly as she walked by. Did they know that she heard them talking? She was sure they were trying to whisper but she heard exactly what they said. So Kyo understood her and even stood up for her! 'As long as he understands,' Tohru giggled to herself happily. 'Then I don't care what everyone else says.'

"Hey Tohru?" Kagura asked eyeing her carefully. "Why did you get all red when you walked by that table? Is there a boy you like there or something?"

"Oh no," Tohru stammered embarrassed, "nothing like that." 

Kagura grinned as the two sat down. "I know you're keeping something from me. How cruel to do that to your new best friend."

Tohru was grateful to have someone to talk to but there was something about Kagura she just didn't trust. "It's nothing, really."

"Come on," Kagura said more forcefully. "Who do you like!"

"Ummm," Tohru said quickly her mind racing. _Gotta pick someone, anyone._ She pointed to the first guy she saw walk by. Her eyes widened as she realized it was the most popular guy in their school Yuki Souma, also known as Prince Yuki. "Haha," she laughed nervously. "There he is, the guy I like." Yuki noticed her and with a big grin, winked at her. She froze, unable to believe he had actually acknowledged her presence.

"Him?" Kagura asked in shock. _Why him? He's so popular...._

__"Yup, that's the guy," Tohru whispered blushing as he walked away. He did just wink at her just now didn't he? It couldn't have been her imagination.

  


  


  


  


  


"Umm excuse me, Yuki," Kagura said shyly as she handed him a package of cookies. She blushed and looked down. "These are for you." 

"Oh, thank you Kagura," he said glancing at them. He looked at her oddly. "Why... are you giving me these?" 

"Because, I think I love you," she said softly.

"But you're my cousin," Yuki said slowly, "and besides, I already have someone that I like."

"What!!" Kagura screeched angrily. She pinned him in a head lock and punched him numerous times in the gut. 

"Ack!" he cried breaking free. Yuki gave her a strange look and walked away.

"Wow," Tohru whispered from the corner of the hallway. Yuki and Kagura hadn't noticed her. "She can be pretty violent. And why did she decide to like the guy she thinks I like? Is it a coincidence?" Tohru decided not to think about it anymore and walked to class. _Oh well, at least she's willing to be friends with me._

  


  


__

  


"Hey Tohru," Kyo greeted as she came into the classroom.

"Hi," Tohru said softly feeling her cheeks flush. She quickly popped a mint in her mouth. "So umm how are you? How was your summer?"

"It was good," he smiled. "I didn't umm, er see you that much. We should have uhh, maybe gotten together or something."

"Yeah, well," Tohru trailed off. _Could it be? Had he really wanted to see her? They had been pretty good friends for the last couple of years, but only in class. She had never imagined, he may want to see her outside of school. _"Well, ahhh, we can always see each other now. Haha, we're in the same class again this year. What a coincidence."

Kyo grinned and blushed a little. "Yeah."

  


  


  


  


  


"I heard that the Prince Yuki is in love with a slut named Tohru," a member of the prince Yuki fan club spat. "This is unacceptable. We can not allow him to care about the likes of her when he has us." 

Yuki turned around in his desk and sighed loudly. "I hate to interrupt, but perhaps you shouldn't be talking about Honda-san when she's never even done anything to you."

"How can you say that!" a girl squealed tearfully. "She's trying to steal you away!" 

"She's a very nice person," Yuki said firmly. "I even slept with her before and she's quite warm and nice." He stopped and covered his mouth quickly._ Ooops._

"What the hell did you just say!!" the leader of the fanclub shrieked. 

"Let's gang up on her," another member suggested angrily.

"That's a great idea," they all agreed. "We'll kill her."

The leader of the group nodded with approval. "Perfect. Its only fair that we confront her three against one, with no one around to hear her cries."

  


  


  


  


"Hey you, the dirty tramp," the leader said viciously. Tohru looked up at them in shock.

"Is something the matter?" she asked confused from her seat on the bench outside of the school.

"YOU STUPID WHORE!! YOU SLEPT WITH PRINCE YUKI!!"

"What did you just say?" Tohru gasped in shock. "I never..." 

One of the girls silenced her by smacking her hard across the face. "Shut up!! We don't want to hear your lies."

"Hey stop this!" Yuki shouted coming up to them, "This is all a big misunderstanding." The girls of the fanclub looked up at him, tears in their eyes. 

"We were just punishing her for what she's done," the leader cried. "She raped you, our poor prince."

"What the!!" Yuki shouted in shock. "She didn't rape me. You guys just ahh, heard me wrong. I said I... uhhh, erm, ummm wept with her. Yup, just saw a sad movie in class and we both were crying." 

"Really?" one of the girls asked suspiciously. "That's all you meant." She sighed and kicked a rock on the ground. "How lame is that."

"Forget it, let's go," the leader said annoyed. She glared at Tohru and growled quietly, "If I find out you really did sleep with the prince, I'll kill you myself." The three girls walked away, mumbling under their breaths.

"Are you all right?" Yuki asked looking down at Tohru who was still on the bench clutching her bruised cheek. She tilted her head up at him, tears spilling down her face.

"Why?" she asked softly. "Why do so many people hate me? I never did anything to them. Its just not fair. And why did you tell them we slept together!!"

Yuki bit his lip and groaned. "I'm sorry about that. It just slipped."

"But it never happened!! How could you say that!!"

"Well," Yuki said slowly. "I'm not really supposed to tell you this, but my family is cursed by the zodiac animals. We turn into animals when hugged by the opposite sex. Umm, one time when you fell asleep at the beach, I saw you there and just at that moment, someone knocked into me and I transformed."

"I see," Tohru said narrowing her eyes. "Why don't I believe you?"

"And," Yuki continued. "I needed to hide so I ran and hid under your arm in the sand. Hehe, you were very warm, and I ended up falling asleep too."

"This is crazy," Tohru said laughing a little. "Okay, I forgive you. Let's just forget about it. You can stop making excuses now."

"But its the truth!" Yuki insisted.

"Uh-huh," Tohru said without interest as she opened a book. "I know, I believe you (wink wink)."

"Fine then," Yuki said annoyed. "I'll prove it to you."

"I'm sure you will...." Tohru was cut off by Yuki who had embraced her tightly and just as quickly transformed into a mouse and fell in her lap. "You're a mouse," she said in awe. "I can't believe it."

  


  


  


  


  


"That's right," Uo said nodding. "I heard it myself yesterday. The prince was talking to his fangirls and he said Tohru had slept with him. Its all over the school now."

"Ahh," Hana said softly. "So it appears we were correct in blindly assuming she was a slut."

"I told you so," Uo said proudly. "When am I ever wrong?"

"What did you guys just say!" Kagura said angrily coming up to them and pounding her hands on their desks. "What's this about Tohru sleeping with Yuki!! I was the one who was supposed to get him, damn it!!"

"Woah!! Who are you!" Uotani asked, a little surprised by the girl's sudden appearance.

  


  


  


  


__"Hello Kyo," Tohru said nervously as she came into class. He looked at her angrily and turned away. "Kyo..." Tohru said to herself sadly. _So I guess he heard. He thinks I'm a slut who slept with the prince of the school when we're not even dating._

__"Oh my god!" Kagura squealed. "Did you see that? Kyo is so totally pissed off right now. So what's up with these rumors I hear. You slept with the prince?"

"No!" Tohru answered quickly. "I mean, sort of but not really. Uhh, what I mean to say is no, but kind of yes, just not how you're thinking." _Aghhh!! Even if he was a mouse and he slept by my arm, that is completely different from what everyone else is thinking of!!_

__"I can't believe you Tohru!" Kagura said annoyed. "Why don't you just answer me straight? Why did you keep something like this from me."

"But it didn't happen!" Tohru cried.

  


  


  


  


"Hey you!!" Kyo shouted angrily to Yuki in the men's bathroom. "What the hell did you do to Tohru?!"

"I didn't do anything, stupid cat."

"Don't lie you damned rat!! I heard about you and her sleeping together. She's not a freak like you, so leave her alone."

"Hey!! Who do you think you're talking to?" Yuki said angrily. "It was just a misunderstanding. "Nothing happened."

"I don't care if you are my cousin," Kyo spat. "If I find out you did anything to her, I'll kill you." He punched the wall by Yuki's face, leaving a giant hole. Then he turned around and left.  


"What the hell is his problem," Yuki muttered.

  


  


  


  


  


"Hey Kyo-kun," Kagura sang. "Wanna walk home together?" 

"Huh? Oh I guess so." They walked out of the school building and saw Yuki talking to Tohru. Kagura gasped and grabbed Kyo's collar, pulling him down behind some bushes. 

"Shhh," she whispered. "Let's hear what they're saying."

"I'm really sorry about what happened," Yuki said following Tohru. "Umm maybe we can do something together some time and I'll make it up to you."

"What the hell," Kyo growled quietly. "That bastard is trying to steal Tohru."

"Be quiet!" Kagura whispered harshly.

"I'm sorry," Tohru said smiling apologetically. "But there's already someone I really like."

"Really? Who's that?" Yuki asked disappointed.

"Oh umm," Tohru said blushing. "It's Kyo Souma from my class. I've liked him since elementary school but I've been so self conscious about my terrible breath I've been afraid to tell him. Kyo turned bright red when he heard this and Kagura narrowed her eyes in anger.

"She lied to me then!" Kagura screeched to herself. "She said she liked Yuki." She looked at Kyo. "Oh my, I guess you weren't supposed to hear this." Kyo said nothing, his jaw just hanging open in shock.

"I find your reeking breath very attractive," Yuki said grinning hopefully.

"Ummm thanks," Tohru replied. "But I still have to find a way to get rid of it. I heard from my friend last year that Kyo doesn't like girls with bad breath." She wiped self consciously at her wet eyes. "That's why I'm always chewing gum or eating mints." She verified this by popping another stick of Winterfresh into her mouth. "I just don't know what to do."

"I said that," Kyo asked, lost in his own world. "I don't remember saying I don't like girls with bad breath." He walked away, mumbling quietly to himself. "I mean mine isn't all that great either."

"Hey now!" Kagura said angrily. "Why does he care so much if she likes him or not." She glared at Tohru angrily. "So, Kyo is the one you want then? Well I want him too!!!" She crawled out from behind the bushes and stalked away.

  


  


  


  


  


"Honda-san," Yuki called from behind her. She turned around quickly to face him and found herself bumping into Yuki, and he transformed into a mouse.

"I'm so sorry," she gasped picking him up from the hallway floor. She glanced around nervously, and breathed a sigh of relief when she realized no one had seen.

"Its okay," Yuki sighed. "Its my fault for getting too close."

"Was there something you needed?" Tohru asked the mouse in her hands.   


"Umm, maybe we should get out of here before someone does see us," Yuki said quickly.

"All right," Tohru nodded. "I'll just get your clothes then."

"Thank you." They walked into an empty classroom and Tohru put Yuki down on a desk. 

"So what was it you wanted me for?" Tohru asked again.

"Oh, well," Yuki said a little confused. "I heard you were looking for me and wanted to ask me something."

"That's odd, I never said anything like that."

'So that's where you two went,' Kagura thought looking into the classroom. 'Now to turn Kyo against you and make him all mine.'

  


  


  


  


"Why are you dragging me here," Kyo asked annoyed. 

"Its Yuki and Tohru," Kagura said fiercly. "I saw them making out."

"What are you talking about, she's in there alone," he whispered loudly. Suddenly Yuki changed back and was standing in the room naked. Tohru shrieked and turned around.

"Look!" Kagura cried. "They're in there naked together." 

Kyo rolled his eyes at her and turned to leave. "He obviously transformed and they were waiting for him to be human again. Quit exaggerating so much you stupid woman." _Although, I don't know why they've been talking to each other so much in the first place._

  


  


  


  


__"Hey, uhh Tohru," Kyo muttered as she walked by.

"Oh Kyo-kun," she said happily. "So you aren't mad at me anymore?"

"I was never mad at you in the first place," he groaned. "Look, just shut up and listen. I'm uh, sorry about that whole, breath thing."

"Uh what?" Tohru asked her face turning red.

"I accidentally (yeah right), over heard you, umm yesterday." He began to blush deeply. "I heard that I said I didn't like girls with bad breath. But uhhh, the truth is that I do. I do like you."

"Wha..." Tohru murmured. "Are you serious." Suddenly, her face became emotional and she looked away. "But I heard it!! I heard that you don't like girls with terrible breath. That's what I heard!!" She blew her breath into his face. "See it stinks!"

He gasped a little and turned his head to the side for fresh air. "Look, I'm sorry. Yeah, it smells but I don't even remember saying that. So please forgive me because it doesn't bother me and I like you anyways." His face grew a brighter shade of red and he coughed nervously. 

Tohru smiled shyly, taking his hand. "Okay then, if you mean it, do you think we could really be together?" 

"That's what I would like."

_I can't believe it. The guy I've liked for so long actually likes me back. Can this be a dream? Oh please don't wake me up if it is. We're finally together._

"What a slut!!" Kagura hissed to herself watching from afar. "I won't let her get away with this!!"

  


  


  


  


"Hey Honda-san," Yuki called coming up to her. "I just wanted to thank you for yesterday. I don't know what I would have done if someone saw me as a mouse."

"Think nothing of it," Tohru smiled.

"But I was wondering," Yuki said shyly. "If you and I could maybe get together at all sometime. I mean, I know you like the dumb cat and all but..."

"Hey you damned rat!!" Kyo shouted angrily. "Get away from my girlfriend!"

"Your what?" Yuki asked shocked.

"That's right! She's my girlfriend so back off."

"I'm sorry Yuki," Tohru apologized frantically. "I was meaning to tell you. I didn't want to give you the wrong idea or anything, it's just that..."

"It's all right," Yuki said smiling sadly. "I'm sorry for bothering you two." 

Kyo smirked as he put his arm around Tohru and they walked away. "Ha, damned rat. That'll teach him." He looked down at Tohru who was bright red and began to feel his face grow hot as well. "Oh sorry, I don't want to make you uncomfortable," he mumbled pulling his arm away. "I know we just started dating and all."  
"No," Tohru said grinning. "I'm just very happy right now."

  


  


  


"Can you believe it!" Uo said. "Now, after freaking up the prince, she's going out with orange top too."

"You're kidding," Hana gasped. "What does she do, throw them away after she's done like disposable napkins?"

"I guess so." Uotani sighed. "And orange top is such a hottie too."  


"The prince isn't so bad looking himself," Hana reminded her.

"Yeah, you're right. I'd have to say out of the whole school, those two are definitely the sexiest."

"Hey," Kagura demanded. "So, they're the hottest in the school!! Is that what you said?!!"

"What the hell!" Uo said annoyed. "It's you again."

"Why, I just don't understand why those guys like her." Kagura pounded her fists on Hana's desk and growled. "I won't let her have them. I'll steal her boyfriend. I'll steal Kyo."

"If you don't mind," Uotani said pulling out her lead pipe and bashing Kagura in the head. "Would you please go and tell somebody who cares!!"

  


  


  


  


"Oh Kyo-kun!!" Kagura wept running up to him, her face bruised and swollen. "Look what that horrible girlfriend of yours did to your beautiful distant cousin's face."

"What the hell!" Kyo gasped. "No way Tohru did that to you."

"But she did," Kagura whined. "She's a big ol' meanie and you should break up with her."

"But," Kyo muttered. "She'd never do something like that, would she?" Kagura grinned to herself. The doubt had already begun. Now she just needed to get Tohru.

  


  


  


  


"Oh Tohru," Kagura cried. "You'll never believe it. It's scandalous. It's incest!! But my dear cousin who also goes to this school tried to rape me!!"

"What?" Tohru gasped . "Oh my god!! Who? I didn't know you had cousins here."

"I have a few," she wept. "But the one who did it was Kyo!"

"Kyo-kun," Tohru whispered in shock. "But that can't be! He would never!"

"Well, that shows just how much you know him," Kagura sighed. "Maybe you should rethink your feelings about your guys' relationship."

"I just don't know," Tohru said quietly. "I don't know what to think."

  


  


  


  


  


"Hmmm," Kagura smirked, "now to confuse her even more." She put a used-looking condom (at least I hope its not really used.), a "100 Fun New Sex Positions and Masturbation Techniques" guidebook, and some other strange sex toys into Kyo's bookbag. "I hope you're ready Tohru-kun, I'm about to make your life a living hell."

  


  


  


  


  


  


"Kyo-kun," Tohru said tapping him on the shoulder. 

He turned from his open locker and smiled at her."Hi."  


"Hello," she replied smiling back. There was no way Kagura could have been telling the truth. She knew Kyo and he would never do something like that. "Umm, do you want to go to the library and study with me?"

"Sure," he said grabbing his book bag and throwing it over his shoulder. "We have that science thing tomorrow anyway I wanted to work on." They made their way out of the school and walked the mile and a half to the local library. Then Tohru sat down while Kyo threw his book bag on the table. 

"Oh I forgot my math book," Tohru moaned looking through her bag. "Can I borrow yours."

"Huh? Oh sure," Kyo said walking away. "I'll be back, I just gotta find some books on Einstein." Tohru thanked him and zipped open his bag. Oh my, the fun goodies that fell out. 

"What... is this stuff?" Tohru asked confused. She spied the used looking condom and gasped. "You've got to be kidding me." Then she saw the "100 Fun New Sex Positions and Masturbation Techniques" manual. "Ummm," she stammered to herself. "Is there something he's not telling me because this seems to be very important." She looked around anxiously for Kyo. 

"What the hell is that stuff!" Yuki asked in shock coming up behind her. "Honda-san I had no idea you were into that kind of thing!"  


Tohru's head whipped around frantically, her face beet red. "It's not mine," she nearly shouted. She noticed the strange stares from the people around her and lowered her voice, her eyes beginning to water. "I just don't know what to do, I found it all in Kyo-kun's book bag, but I can't believe he would have this kind of thing."

"What? Ewww, that's disturbing," Yuki grimaced making a face. "But let's go look for him and straighten this out. As much of a weirdo as he is, I don't think he's this perverted to carry crap like this with him all the time."

  


  


  


  


  


"Kyo-kun," Kagura called seductively wrapping an arm around his shoulder. "How are you my darling Kyo-kun?"

"Your darling?" Kyo repeated confused. "What's gotten into you?"  


"I just can't help but notice how wonderfully attractive you are darling." She pulled him close and hugged him tightly while he frantically tried to pull away.

"Hey, I'm your cousin!" Kyo shouted angrily. "What's your problem."

"I know I'm your cousin," Kagura whined. "But I'm just , umm helping you with your love life."

"Oh yeah," Kyo scoffed. "Like I need your help."  


"No really," Kagura insisted. "I bet you've never even kissed a girl before."

Kyo blushed bright red. "And so what if I haven't! It's none of your damn business!!" 

Kagura grinned and pulled his face closer to hers with her hands. "Why don't you let me show you how it's done." Before he could protest, she crushed her lips against his own in a smothering kiss that lasted quite a long time.

  


  


  


  


  


"I don't believe it," Tohru whispered watching Kyo and Kagura.

"Oh this is sickening," Yuki groaned. "And with our cousin too."

"But I trusted him," Tohru said quietly. "How could he do this to me." She turned around and ran out of the library. As she ran, she crashed into Haru. 

"Hey, its the girl with bad breath!" he exclaimed happily. "So is it true what they say about your type being really sexy bitches in bed?"

"What... are you talking about!?" Tohru asked in horror. 

"Its all right," Haru said with a wave of his hand. "I understand. I know you probably charge some sort of fee or whatever for this type of thing, but hey, if you got the time, I got the money."

"Oh this is just great," Tohru muttered. She got a flashback of seeing Kagura and Kyo kissing and the strange items in his bag. "This is just great," she said again more angrily. She looked up at Haru who was pulling out his wallet. "THIS IS JUST SO DAMN GREAT!!" she screamed. She balled her hand up into a fist and punched Haru in the face. He went soaring into the street and was run over by a car.

"Well, that hurt," Haru grumbled pulling himself to his feet. He looked up at Tohru who was shocked by what she had done. 

"I'm so sorry," she cried running up to him and dragging his corpse onto the sidewalk.

"That was quite a punch," Haru commented rubbing his jaw. "I'm impressed." He looked up into her big blue eyes and smiled. "You're very beautiful."

"Why thank you," Tohru said blushing. "You're very nice looking yourself."

"Would you like to go out with me some time?" Haru asked taking her hand. "I think I've fallen in love with you."

"Yes, I would," Tohru said shyly as she held his hand and helped pull him to his feet. "But I hope you realize I'm not a slut and I won't be used as a sex object."

"I know that now," Haru said his eyes glittering. "I realized that when you punched me. I felt your anger and disgust from what I said before. Please forgive me."

"I do, I do forgive you," Tohru cried happily. "Let's be together forever now."

"Yes, let's."

"Hey!!!" Kyo shouted angrily running up to them. "What the hell do you think you're doing. You're my girlfriend."  


"Not anymore," Tohru said happily. "I've found someone new."

"What about me!!" Yuki stammered as he came up as well. "I've loved you all this time and you didn't even stop to consider going out with me?"

"Well, yeah, and I feel bad for you and all," Tohru said sympathetically. "But you must all realize I've moved on."

"What the hell! So now you don't want Kyo-kun anymore?" Kagura asked annoyed as she joined them.

"That's right," Kyo sighed. "But at least we still have each other, right Kagura?" 

Kagura laughed loudly. "Yeah right. I only wanted you cause she did." She licked her lips eagerly. "Now I want Haru-chan!! Yumm yumm."

"Sorry," Haru said shaking his head as he put an arm around Tohru. "But I've already given my heart to another. So long, my friends." And then Tohru and Haru went riding into the sunset on his bicycle. That's right, the one with the bell and cute little basket in the front.

"I wasn't his friend," Yuki said annoyed.  


"Yeah, neither was I," Kyo grumbled.

"Well this is just great."

"Hey," Kyo shouted in shock. "How did all my stuff get into this bookbag. I thought I left it under my bed at home."

"So that was really yours?" Yuki asked his jaw dropping open in disgust.

"Well, duh."

  


  


  


  


  


**........................FLASH.....................................**

  


"Shigure," Kyo spat angrily. "I think you get weirder and weirder in every chapter! Why the hell did you make that stupid ending?"  


"Well, I like Peach Girl but I only read the first volume," Shigure whined. "So the rest I had to make up all on my little lonesome."

"Oh give me a break," Yuki muttered. "This was the lamest chapter yet." He glared at Haru who refused to let go of Tohru. "And what do you think you're doing to Honda-san!" he shouted.

"But we're in love!" Haru argued pulling Tohru closer. He turned into a cow.

"Umm Hatsuharu-san," Tohru sighed handing him some grass to eat. He ate it hungrily from her hand. "It was just a story. Don't take it so seriously. We're not in love."

"We're not?" Haru asked chewing thoughtfully on the grass.

"No we're not."

"Oh, well," he said shrugging his big cow shoulders.

"We're so sorry Tohru!" Uo cried hugging her tightly. Hana came up and wrapped her arms around them too. "I can't believe how cruel we were to you in that chapter."

"It's not your fault," Tohru laughed. "You have to understand, we don't have any control over what we do or say in Shigure's book. That's just the way it is."

"We're still sorry," Hana said softly. "We said such terrible things to you. I should have been able to overcome any of Shigure's weird mind control with my electric signals."

"Don't worry about it guys," Tohru reassured. "It's nothing."

  


  


  


  


Writer's note Yeah, I know the bad breath thing was dumb ^.^ but that's how I felt about the whole thing with everyone thinking Momo was a slut just because she was tan. Yeah, so I kind of wanted to exaggerate that fact here. Okay. Review and tell me what you thought. :D 

  


  


  


Next time: Fashion- Ayame's life becoming a famous clothes designer.


	21. Fashion

Writer's note Hey everyone. Thank you so much for all the reviews!! I'm so glad, for the most part, people liked my last chapter. Oh yeah, but I seemed to have a couple unhappy people. ^_^ I guess the Haru, Tohru pairing was weird, but I liked it. Why choose between just Yuki and Kyo all the time? I'm also sorry that some people didn't like how I made everyone call Tohru a 'slut' in the last fic, but I think you missed the point. We know that Tohru is obviously not that way and if you've ever read Peach Girl, the whole point was that everyone assumed Momo was a slut just because of her tan skin, when in reality, she was a very nice girl. That bothered me, which is why I parodied it in the first place, to show how ridiculous it was. Plus, since it is indeed about high school, that kind of thing happens all the time in real life too and people are given bad reputations due to false rumors. I'm sorry if you didn't like it, but I just have a really strange sense of humor and I doubt I'll be able to change that ^_^ ;; Actually, I hate to say this, but from the looks of the last few chapters I've been working on, my sense of humor only gets worse. Much worse. Aghh! I'm sorry! Just blame Shigure!! He's the one writing this, not me! :D I promise the other fics I plan to start won't be as... demented... but this one will probably continue being weird and disturbing. ;) 

  


  


  


  


  


"Oh Aya!" Shigure sang.

"Yes Gure?" Ayame called back cheerfully.

"I've decided to make a chapter in your honor."

"Oh, you sweet, sweet boy you," Ayame wept. "To think, I finally get to be the star and receive all the credit I should have received long ago." He paused and thought for a moment. "Yet, pray tell, what exactly will this chapter be about?"

"Something you're very fond of," Shigure promised. "Something you're a natural at. Something that will make you squeal for joy! Something..."

"Will you just tell him for crying out loud!" Kyo shouted annoyed. "Or better yet, shut up!"

"I was getting there," Shigure whined. 

"I can't believe this," Yuki muttered. "A chapter about my brother. This is going to be hell to live through."

"How can you say that my darling little bro?" Ayame asked shocked. He ran up and embraced Yuki tightly. "You should be happy for me. It's finally my time to shine!"

"Get off me!" Yuki shouted throwing him off, the snake's body soaring and crashing into a wall. 

"Umm, are you all right?" Tohru asked in concern as she looked down at Ayame.

"I'm all right," Ayame sighed. He looked towards Yuki, his eyes glittering. "I will make you love and respect me one day!" he promised loudly. "Just you wait darling brother."

"Oh, that's very touching," Tohru said wiping a tear from her eye.

"Did everyone forget about me or something?" Shigure complained. "Don't you guys care about this next chapter?" 

"Not really," Haru shrugged.

"I wanna go home," Uo muttered. Hana nodded silently.

"ANYWAY!" Shigure yelled loudly shutting everyone up. "This is a chapter about fashion. You can thank me later Aya."

  


  


  


**...........................FLASH................................**

  


****Ayame grinned broadly as he made his way out of the college building. He had succeeded in graduating from his four long and strenuous years of college, majoring in fashion design. "I am ready world!!" he cried out loudly to no one in particular. "Prepare yourselves for the greatest fashion genius in the universe!!!" Students stopped and stared at him as he threw his gaudy white, feathered hat into the air. "I will succeed!!!"

_(Music from that old tv show Mary Tyler Moore starts playing in the background) "He's gonna make it after all," it sang._

  


Two years later

"Why won't you accept my designs!?" Ayame gasped in shock. "Do you have any idea how hard I've worked on these!"

"I'm sorry," the manager of the clothing store shrugged. "Your designs, are just too, how can I put this gently, weird."

"But but," Ayame stammered. He looked down at the ground. "I didn't want to tell you this," he sighed. "yet, you must understand. I have been working all this time to support my family in Italy (not really). They live in a poor neighborhood andI journeyed to Japan in hopes of becoming a famous designer and helping out all twelve of my little brothers and sisters." A ray of light seemed to shine down on him. "And you sir, say my designs are weird?" Ayame laughed lightly. "Surely you jest! Now that I am sure you have reconsidered, do you think you could accept my designs?" 

"No," the manager said flatly. "Get out."

"Why I never," Ayame huffed gathering up his clothing, and stalking out of the office. "People these days just don't know how to appreciate fine clothing." He groaned. He had been trying to sell his work for the past two years with no success. His apartment was littered with different designs, materials, and spools of thread. Not to mention the fact that Ayame had gone through about three sewing machines as well and those things sure as hell weren't cheap.

"I just can't do this alone anymore," he said to himself thoughtfully. "What I need are some assistants." Grinning, he decided that was just what he would do. "And forget these lame shops that can't appreciate talent when they see it," Ayame announced to the world loudly. Not surprisingly, no one cared. "I'll open up my own store!! It'll be a hit!"

  


  


  


  


"Huh? Where am I?" fourteen year old Yuki mumbled sleepily as he opened his eyes. He found himself face to face with Kyo who was unconscious.

"So you're awake darling brother!" Ayame laughed loudly. Yuki sat up quickly and looked around the room. 

"Why am I here Ayame!" Yuki demanded angrily. "And why is the stupid cat dead?"

"He's not dead," Ayame smiled shaking his head. "He just ...uh resisted more so I had to umm... silence him a little. It's a good thing you're such a heavy sleeper Yuki, or I would have had to silence you too!" Ayame chuckled to himself at his own extremely hilarious joke (or at least he thought so).

"Ayame! I'm going to kill you." Yuki growled. "Now why did you bring us here?"

"It's for a good cause," Ayame whined. "I just really need assistants and I can't afford to hire any. What better way to get free help than to drag your family into it." The snake grinned broadly at him.

"Don't they have child labor laws or something against this," Yuki mumbled. Next to him, Kyo was beginning to stir. 

"What the hell happened?" Kyo groaned as he sat up. He saw Ayame and jumped to his feet angrily. "Now I remember!! You tried to kill me you bastard!"

"Must I go through this again," Ayame sighed. "You guys are going to be my assistants for awhile. Either that or Yuki, I send you to Akito and Kyo, I sick Kagura on you. You know how much she wants to marry you. Hmmm, I could even arrange a marriage for you guys myself. You know, once you hit sixteen, you and Kagura can be happily wed and...."

"Fine!!" Kyo yelled cutting him off. "I'll be your assistant for a little while." Ayame smiled happily. "A very little while," Kyo grumbled to himself.

"And you too dear brother?" Ayame asked hopefully. "You will assist me as well won't you?"

"So I won't have to go back to Akito then?" Yuki asked doubtfully. 

"Nope, you get to live here with me!!" 

Yuki pondered this, trying to figure out which would be worse. Maybe he should just go back to Akito.... "Forget that," Yuki mumbled. "Okay, I'll help you out."

  


  


  


  


  


"Look who I've kidnapped today," Ayame said happily. "Its Haru and Momiji!" Momiji bounded around the room full of energy. 

"I can't wait to make all the pretty clothing," Momiji said cheerfully.

"It would seem," Haru said. "That I have been taken here against my will. That makes me angry. That makes me very angry." He changed into black Haru. "You stupid bastard!!" he shouted at Ayame. "How dare you kidnap us. I wouldn't help you if my life depended on it!!" Ayame "accidentally" threw his sewing machine at Haru's head, knocking the cow unconscious. 

"Time to buy a new one," Ayame sighed. "Again."

  


  


  


  


And so, now that Ayame had created his band of fashion assistants, he set to work in the creation of his very own shop. It was long and hard, especially since he had nearly used up his entire savings he had in the bank (which all the zodiac children had). So, his simplest solution was for him to get a job at Mc Donalds, draw out the designs for the clothes in his spare time, while his loving family sewed them up for him.

He was a kind of merciful slave driver during this time. "Damn it Yuki!!! Faster, faster!!! Sew on those sequins!!" He cracked the whip near the rat and Yuki cringed in annoyance.

"Come on Haru! Let's see some of that fighting spirit!" He cracked the whip again. Haru became pissed and punched Ayame in the face. 

"Shut the hell up!" Black Haru demanded angrily. Ayame jumped back to his feet and threw another sewing machine at Haru's head. It hit its target, rendering both boy and machine useless.

"Now I have to buy another one," Ayame whined. He saw that Kyo and Momiji had stopped working to stare at him. Momiji watched in innocent fascination and Kyo in annoyed disgust. The snake glared at them, cracking the whip. "Who said you could stop?!! Work work work!!"

  


  


  


  


One year later

"Hurray!!" Ayame cheered. "Aren't you guys glad now that I've stolen you away from your lovely homes and forced you to live with me for a year?"

"Not really," Yuki muttered.

"But just look how beautiful we made this shop," Ayame said with pride. "It took awhile but we finally managed to rent this building and fill it with all our wonderful creations."

"It does look nice," Momiji agreed as he ran around the store.

"So, we're opening this place up to the public tomorrow, right?" Kyo asked doubtfully. "I hope you realize your designs suck."

"I wonder how people will take them?" Haru wondered as he held a glittering red and gold dress for males in front of him. 

"They'll love it," Ayame said confidently.

  


  


"Hmm, what an interesting store," a man commented walking inside. He looked at a man dress with interest. "This would be great for Halloween," he murmured to himself. He noticed strange maid and nurse outfits with low necklines and short skirts. "Hey now," the man said grinning. "Now this is what I'm talking about."

"Oh so you like them?" Ayame asked happily. 

"Yeah, this is one of those novelty stores right? Love the Halloween costumes," he nodded. "And those must be for role playing with the ladies, eh?" The man smiled elbowing Ayame as he pointed to the maid costume. "I should get me one of them for my girlfriend, if you know what I mean."

"But these aren't costumes," Ayame said confused. "These are real clothing for daily wear."

"What a kidder!" Kyo laughed as he beat the snake unconscious. "Of course these are costumes. What kind of weirdo would wear stuff like this all the time?"

The man laughed. "I hear you. Well, I'll just be buying these things then." He placed the maid outfit and two man dresses on the counter. "And I'll definitely be recommending this place to my friends. They'll get a real kick out of it."

"Thank you," Yuki said with a smile as he bagged the clothing. "Please come again."

"Wow, our first sale," Ayame cried joyously as he pulled himself up from the ground. "This is great!"

  


  


  


  


  


  


  


Two years later

"I can't believe how good this stupid store is doing," Kyo grumbled as he rushed around the place hanging up new clothes. "Why do I have to be the one who runs it."

"Hey, you have the easy job," Ayame pointed out from behind the cash register. "Yuki, Haru and Momiji are in the back actually making the clothes."

"It's too busy," Kyo complained. "We need more help."

"I suppose we could hire more people," Ayame said doubtfully. "We are making enough money now to do it."

"Yes, please," Kyo begged as he tossed some receipts into a box. "We're too over worked. We need food, sleep, and rest once in awhile."

"I suppose," the snake sighed. He began making a sign that said "Help Wanted."

  


  


  


  


"Yuki!! Kyo!! Haru!! Momiji!!" Ayame called. "I want you all to meet some people. The four grumbled as they shuffled out of the back room. 

"What now?" Yuki complained. He was surprised to see Tohru and her friend Uo standing in the shop. "Honda-san?"

"Oh, so you know each other already," Ayame nodded. 

"We're in the same class," Tohru replied smiling at the two boys. "But I had no idea they had jobs here too."

"Well its good that you're already well aquainted," Ayame said with approval. "It'll be easier for us all to work together then." He turned his attention back to the guys, and smiled broadly. "Starting tomorrow, Honda and Uotani are going to be working here and running the shop from now on. And you know what that means don't you? More free time for us to make clothes!"

"Great," Kyo muttered annoyed. 

Uo turned to Tohru questioningly. "Isn't Hana going to meet us here soon? I think we were all going to walk home together."

"I think so," Tohru replied. She stopped when the door opened loudly behind them.

"Hana!" Uotani called out cheerfully. "Nice to see you made it."

"Why hello Arisa, Tohru," Hana said softly as she came in. "I see you got the jobs after all."

"Isn't it great?" Tohru asked happily. "You should work here with us too. It would be fun."

"I'm not one to work part-time," Hana replied with little interest, "not for any reason."

"Hana," Ayame said thoughtfully as he gazed at the girl decked out in a black dress and black cloak type thing. "Hana... means flower." He bowed before the girl and took her hand in his own, kissing it gently. "And you my dear, are quite the beautiful flower."

"What...are you doing?" she asked pulling her hand away. "I don't believe I know who you are."

"I, my fair lady, am the owner of this humble shop, and you have inspired me."

"I don't quite know what you mean," Hana said cocking her head to the side, her long black hair shifting around her shoulders. "And your electric signals are unlike anything I've ever read before."

"You must model for me!" Ayame cried loudly jumping to his feet. "That dark hair, that fair skin, that solemn look upon thy brow!! You must model my clothing for this shop!! Please, I beg of you!"

"Tohru-san," Hana said softly, turning to her. "I don't think I approve of you working here when this man is obvious very disturbed."

"Oh that's how he always is," Tohru laughed.

"Please say you'll model for me," Ayame begged. "If I am mad, then it must be that I am madly in love with you."

"How... strange," Hana commented with little interest. "Well, shall we go then Tohru? Arisa?"

"Fine by me," Arisa said tossing her book bag over her shoulder. "See ya guys."

  


  


  


  


"What the hell came over you!" Yuki exclaimed after the girls had left. "You were acting like a freak! Or, at least, slightly more so than usual."

"Bwahaha," Kyo laughed as he pulled some material through the sewing machine. He began mocking Ayame's deep lyrical voice. "Please!! I beg of you!! Model for me!!" Then he cracked up laughing again. 

"Hey now," Ayame complained. "What do you expect? I was so overwhelmed that I couldn't control myself. She has such beauty, such poise and grace."

"Are we talking about the same person here?" Hatsuharu asked uncertainly.

"Hana of course!" Ayame cried. "My flower who will model for our fashion show!" 

"She is pretty," Momiji commented happily. "I liked her."

"I really doubt she'll model for you though," Yuki said as he cut out a triangle piece of cloth. "She doesn't seem like the type of girl who would like that kind of thing."

"Nonsense," Ayame argued. "All girls like to feel pretty and worshiped. It'll be a dream come true for her."

"You really are dumb," Kyo grumbled.

  


  


  


  


  


  


"Tohru dear," Ayame said sweetly as he came up behind her at the register. "Do you think you could do me an itsy bitsy, teensy weensy little favor?"

"Sure, what is it?" she asked. 

"Could you be a sweet heart and ask you friend Hana to drop by again?"

"I suppose," Tohru said doubtfully, "but why?"

"Well you see," Ayame grinned, "I'm sure you must have heard me the other day when I first laid eyes upon your lovely friend. She literally took my breath away and I must have her for my fashion show next week."

"You're having a fashion show?" Uotani asked as she used a broom to sweep around the shop. "What for?"

"Ah yes, you guys are not aware yet," Ayame said proudly. "My shop, after only two years in business, has grown enormously in popularity." He paused as though waiting for applause. There was none. "Anyway," he continued. "Starting last year, I've been holding a bi-yearly fashion show where I display five or six of my newest creations for the public. I've been simply frantic from all the worry of not having a model yet and I was afraid I would have to do what I did last time."

"What was that?" Uo asked leaning against the counter.

"I used Yuki and myself!! We were the most beautiful brothers ever to grace a stage." Suddenly, a shoe came out of no where, knocking Ayame in the back of the head and sending him sprawling to the floor.

"I thought I told you never to talk about that!" Yuki shouted angrily from the back of the shop. 

Ayame sighed as he pulled himself up. "What a violent little brother I have." He turned his attention back to Tohru and Arisa. "So will you do it? Will you ask Hana to come and consider modeling for my show?"

"Sure, I guess so," Tohru agreed.

  


  


  


  


  


  


"No," Hanajima said flatly.

"BUT!" Ayame whined loudly. "PLEASE!!! You're so beautiful, and the only one that I consider almost as attractive as myself." Hana glared at him, sparks flying from her eyes. "Fine! You're equally as attractive as myself!"

"That changes nothing," Hana said glancing nonchalantly at her nails. Tohru came up to the two sweat dropping. This really wasn't going so well.

"Please Hana-chan," Tohru asked. "They really need your help and it would be so nice of you to model for them. You wouldn't have to do all that much, maybe just try on a few outfits and walk down a runway."

"Strut down a runway," Ayame corrected.

"Ummm, right," Tohru said. "But anyway, since I work here, I really would appreciate it too if you helped them with this."

"Tohru," Hana said with a sigh as her expression softened. "All right then, if you want me to I will."

"Thank you so much!" Tohru squealed happily hugging Hana tightly. The girl smiled and hugged Tohru back.

"Yay!! Thank you so much!!" Ayame mimicked Tohru as he tried to participate in the hug. He turned into a snake.

"Did you hear something?" Tohru asked pulling away.

"I don't think so," Hana said looking around.

Uo joined in as she returned from the other side of the shop . "Hey, where'd the long haired boss guy go?" Ayame slithered away as quickly as he could hiding with the other guys in the back. 

"I have no idea," Tohru said shrugging her shoulders.

  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


"Now," Ayame sang loudly. "We dress our new model." 

"Hurray," Hana cheered bored. Ayame took this as encouragement and went in search of outfits for the girl. 

"I can't believe I'm doing this," Hanajima sighed staring out the window. Ayame returned shortly, carrying several long dresses. He tossed a particularly pink one to Hana.

"Try this on." 

Hana looked down at it confused. "It's... not black." she stammered. 

"That's right," Ayame pressed, as he tossed a pale blue one to her too. "And when you're done, I'll need to see you in this one too."

"This is also... not black," Hana said panicking. "This is pink! And blue! Not even blue, but more of a horrible, evil sky blue."

"Are you going to wear them or not?" Ayame sighed dramatically. "My dearest model, I love you with all my heart and it pains me to see that you do not approve of my work."

"If you really wanted me change," Hana said dangerously, "you would exit immediately and give me privacy."

"Right away!" Ayame saluted as he walked out the door. "I shall leave you to do your magic. Just come out when you're done."

  


  


  


  


"I can't wait to see how she'll look," Tohru said excitedly as she waited in the back of the shop with the others.

"Is our model ready yet?" Ayame called loudly, knocking on the door of the room she was changing in. 

"No, your model is not," Hana mumbled annoyed.

"Well, lets just take a gander then," Ayame said thrusting the door open. Hana stood there before a mirror decked out in the long pink and flowery dress. She turned to them, her eyes narrowed and sparking. "Well don't you look cute!" Ayame nodded with approval. "Yup yup, I'm a genius."

"This looks bad," Hana sighed. "Very very bad, so please let me change."

"By that, you mean try on the blue dress right?" Ayame asked hopefully.

"Fine, anything's better than this." The snake grinned and shut the door. "By the way," Hana said softly yet menacingly. "If you ever open the door like that when I say I'm not ready again, you will die."

"What a sweet little flower my model is," Ayame murmured wistfully. "Its a beautiful thing, really."

"I think you're getting a little too into this," Yuki muttered. 

"Well, like I said before Yuki, my dearest brother, the two of us could aways do it again." Yuki silenced him with the use of brute force which took the form of a fist.

"So much violence in my shop," Ayame complained from the floor. "What's the world coming to?"

"I think I'd like to get something to eat," Haru said standing up. "Working all day without food is not pleasant."

"Hey now, where do you think you're going?" Ayame demanded. "You didn't even see our beautiful model in the blue dress yet."

"I'm going to get something to eat," Black Haru said again kicking Ayame who was still on the ground.

"Haru!" Momiji squealed. "You're not supposed to beat people up when they're down!"

"Oh, so you want to keep me from my dinner as well, do you?" Black Haru demanded angrily. Kyo gave Haru a dirty look in annoyance. "Oh that's it, now the cat's against me," Black Haru said marching up to Kyo. "If its a fight you want, you got it."

"Why don't you go eat and shut the hell up!" Kyo spat. "You're pissing me off."

"Woah, you go Orange top," Uotani cheered.

"I'll shut up if you make me!" Black Haru shouted making a swipe at Kyo. The cat jumped up from his seat and ducked out of the way. 

"Fine, then I'll make you!" Kyo yelled back kicking at the cow. His foot hit Black Haru square in the jaw and sent him flying.  


"I hope you feel very proud," Yuki said sarcastically.

"Oh my, you don't suppose he's really hurt, do you?" Tohru asked uncertainly.

"No," Haru said pulling himself up. "I'm all right."

  


  


  


  


Hana came out of the room in the big poofy, blue, ballroom gown type dress. Tohru gasped and jumped to her feet when she saw her. "You look so beautiful!" Tohru squealed.

"Thank you," Hana sighed. "But I really don't think this type of thing suits me."

"Naw, you look good," Uo grinned standing up to take a better look. 

"Thanks," Hana said quietly looking down.

"How wonderful!!" Ayame cried from the floor as he tried to stand up. "I was so correct in choosing you to be my model. You look simply marvelous!"

  


  


  


  


  


  


  


"Now you need to practice walking," Ayame said pointing to the runway. 

Hana looked up at him raising an eyebrow. "I know how to walk," she stated.

"Ah, but to walk on a runway is a completely different matter," Ayame explained. "Do not forget, you are not merely walking, but strutting!! You must be confident as you cross the stage, and think that you are the most beautiful person in the world."

"I suppose," Hana said doubtfully. She tried crossing the stage, her gaze not leaving the ground."

"Head held high," Ayame instructed loudly. Hana tilted her head up. "Higher!" Ayame cried. Hana did so. "NO!! HIGHER!!" Ayame shouted. Hanajime elecrocuted him with her electric waves and left. 

  


  


  


  


"Well, its time for the show," Yuki commented as he pulled back the curtain a little and looked out at the audience. "Is our model ready?"

"Why yes she is," Ayame said proudly. Hana went tumbling by in her ultra high heels and went crashing to the floor. "Ready as she'll ever be."

"What the hell!" Kyo spat. "I just finished that stupid gown she's wearing and she's already screwing it up!"

"I advise you not to make any further comments about my tripping just now," Hana said pulling herself back up and brushing the dust from her skirt. She glared at him. "Or else."

"Yeeesh," Kyo yelped taking a step back.

Ayame went out on stage to greet the audience. "Why hello all you wonderful and adoring fans out there," he called. "I'm so happy you could all join me here today. As you know, I will be presenting only my newest and most awesome of designs here today. I'm sure you'll be very impressed, because I mean, I sure as hell am." He laughed and waited patiently for Hana to appear and wow the audience. Hana did not.

"What is this?" someone in the audience muttered after a few minutes of nothing had passed. The rest began to murmur quietly among themselves.

"Now just hold on," Ayame said nervously as he took a few steps back. "I'm sure there's a very good reason why our model's not here right now." He went running behind the curtain. "Where is she?" he demanded looking around anxiously.

"She got really nervous all of a sudden and left," Haru shrugged.

"What?!"Ayame gasped. "Why didn't you stop her?"

"I tried," Momiji offered, "but she wouldn't listen."

"This is terrible," Ayame sighed. "Looks like it'll be me and my dearest younger brother again after all."

  


  


  


  


"Hana-chan!" Tohru cried out in shock. "What are you doing back here?"

"I'm sorry Tohru," Hana sighed. "I got scared and couldn't do it."

"That's a shame, they were really looking forward to you modeling."

"I know, and I feel so bad, but its too late now."

"Well," Tohru said smiling. "I heard they had a back up plan. Did you want to go see how that turned out?"

"Sure."

  


  


  


"This sexy young man," Ayame beamed loudly from his microphone, "is wearing a personal favorite of mine. I like to call it 'happiness, in a mid-summer night's dream, and topped off with apples.'" Yuki came out wearing a cream colored dress with forest green designs along the bottom and sides.

"Ooooh," the audience cheered. "Ahhhh." Yuki smiled wearily at the audience and all the females fainted. He walked the runway and returned behind the curtain.

"Next!" Ayame sang, "is an outfit I like to call, 'anger at the world.' Kyo came stalking out from behind the curtain narrowing his eyes at the fawning audience. He was wearing a deep burgundy dress that cut off at the knee, with orange feathers poking out of the back.

"Its beautiful," an audience member murmured with tears in their eyes. "And that model is doing such a wonderful job with that 'anger at the world' outfit. He really does look very pissed off." Kyo stomped off stage as quickly as possible.

"And now," Ayame said mysteriously, "we have my masterpiece, 'the line between good and evil'." Haru stepped out wearing a black and white one piece outfit, diamond studs beaded along the bottom of the cuffs of his coat. He walked to the end of the runway and smiled at the audience. On the way back he stumbled a little causing a few people to chuckle to themselves.

"What the hell is your guy's problem!!" Black Haru yelled angrily glaring at the audience. "You think its funny when someone trips like this? You find it amusing that I could have broken my neck and DIED and you would have been there giggling like..."

"Wasn't he wonderful folks?" Ayame broke in loudly. "Now that he has (untentionally) acted out both good and bad sides of his personality for the sake of my awesome show, lets move on to the last outfit."

"Hey, I wasn't finishe..." 

Kyo grabbed Black Haru and dragged him off the stage.

"Last but not least is my outfit 'childlike innocence.'" Momiji came prancing out happily wearing a little pink dress and sucking on his lollypop. 

"Hi everyone!" Momiji called cheerfully. "How's everyone doing?"

"Ahh, aint he precious?" Ayame sighed. "And as you all know, this lovely and gorgeous piece I am wearing right here is also a design of mine as well. I hope to see you all at my next show!! Oh yeah, and buy my stuff!!!" Ayame bowed and left the stage.

"That was great," Tohru squealed. "You guys pulled that off so well!"

"Sorry I ran out on you guys," Hana apologized.

"It's okay," Ayame said with a wave of his hand. He grinned at her mysteriously. "You'll just have to be deeply in my debt till you can make it up to me (wink wink, smooch smooch)." Hana narrowed her eyes at him, electrocuted the snake and stalked out. 

"I just meant she had to model for my next show," Ayame coughed, a puff of black smoke coming from his mouth. "What did she think I was talking about?"

  


  


  


**..............................FLASH.....................................**

  


****"Hurray," Shigure cheered. "I'm so glad everything worked out for you Aya."

"Ahhh Gure," Ayame sang. "You truly are a genius among geniuses. Making a chapter starring me has been your best idea yet."

"I know, know," Shigure agreed. "But I couldn't have done it without you, Aya. You make a wonderful main character."

"That is true isn't it!!" The two men laughed merrily while everyone else rolled their eyes.

"I think I'm going to be sick," Kyo complained. 

"You wouldn't be the only one," Yuki muttered.

  


  


  


Writer's note Yay! I've been thinking of doing a fic like this for awhile. I'm just so glad I finally did it XD. There's not really a lot of fashion anime or manga here in America but I hear its a genre that's getting really big in Japan. I pretty much got the ideas for this story from Paradise Kiss which is a really, really good manga and I totally recommend it. Thanks for reading and please review!!! please!! ^.^ 

  


  


  


Next time: HENTAI : lots of monster porn. Be afraid, be very afraid. Muahahaha! (but seriously, if you think this chapter will offend you, just don't read it ^_^;;) I actually kept it pretty clean for the most part though. No graphic sex or anything that will get me in trouble. Its just a parody of the worst movie I ever saw!! Die movie die!! I wasted thirty dollars on it!

  


  



	22. Hentai!

Writer's note I dedicate this hentai chapter to the stupidest, most perverted movie I have ever seen in my life, which shall remain nameless, simply because I burned it afterwards (I didn't really, actually I sold it to a friend) and don't remember the name. I purchased it thinking it would be a cool monster, blood and gore kind of film. Instead I was treated with demon porn!! And lots of it!! There was a sex scene every five minutes and it took awhile just to figure out what the hell the plot was. The main female character alone was raped like five times! It was sick, and the stupid dvd cover didn't even warn me or make any indication the film was like this. And worst of all, my MOM was there because we thought it was a cool horror anime to watch together. BIG MISTAKE! Yeah, so I made an extremely stupid version of it and I hope you all will forgive me for it, because, well, it's kind of sick and dumb. :D 

  


  


"Hey, I saw a funny movie yesterday," Shigure's voice boomed cheerfully into the room. "Wanna know what it was?"

"We really don't care," Kyo said yawning. 

"But I did!" Shigure argued heatedly.

"I didn't say we didn't believe you!" Kyo spat. "I said we don't care!"

"Anyway," Shigure said mischievously, laughing a little to himself. "Maybe I should personally show you this movie. "It was quite wonderful if I do say so myself."

"Do you mean we're having a chapter about it?" Tohru asked. Shigure just laughed to himself, not answering.

"Hey, just what kind of movie was it anyway," Yuki asked narrowing his eyes.

"HENTAI!!" Shigure shouted proudly. "I was watching a good old fashioned porno when I thought of you guys."

"Why does that not surprise me," Kyo muttered annoyed.

  


  


  


  


  


**...................................FLASH................................**

  


There is a legend that if two people have sex who are from two different worlds, their child will become ruler of the whole universe!!

  


  


"Hi there," Kagura said seductively wrapping an arm around Yuki. "And who may you be stranger?" 

"Just a wandering traveler," Yuki grinned. "Would you like to go out back and 'get to know each other better' hehe."

"Why sure thing. You don't happen to have any protection on you, do you?"

"Nope!"

"Well, do you have any diseases I should be concerned about?"

"A couple," Yuki admitted.

"Well, if it's only a couple," Kagura laughed anxiously, "then lets go!!" So they went off to the back room and had sex. However afterwards, Kagura changed into a pig monster and tried to eat Yuki.

"Oh no, you were a pig monster the whole time!" Yuki said pulling his pants up. "Whatever shall I do?"

"I will kill you Yuki," Kagura cackled as she dove at him.

"Why didn't you do it before we had sex?" Yuki asked confused. 

"Because I was horny," Kagura said, attacking with her fangs. Yuki ducked and ran out of the building.

  


  


  


  


  


"So you were attacked by the pig demon?" Hatori questioned uneasily. "That means the monsters from the other world are really coming after us."

"What should we do?" Yuki asked.

"You know what to do," Hatori said. "You must protect our ambassador Kyo. He is going to try to fix relations between our two worlds, and your assistant will be this monster girl named Tohru Honda. Pick her up at the airport."

"I will." Yuki said "but why is a monster girl helping us?"

"She is working for the government of other worldly affairs. Our worlds are trying to make peace with each other but there are still too many radical groups that will try and attack us humans anyway." 

  


  


  


  


  


  


"I wonder where she is," Yuki asked when he got there. Suddenly he was attacked by two monster girls from the other world. As they jumped out at him, he pulled out his gun and tried to shoot at them. However, somehow, their shirts fell off and their boobs distracted him so he couldn't do anything.

"We've got you now," Uo laughed yanking Yuki's shirt off. "We're going to give you a little bit of heaven.... before sending you to hell."

Hana electrocuted him till he was unconscious with her electric waves and then began to kiss him roughly on the lips. Then they all had sex.

  


  


  


  


  


  


  


"I'm here to save you!" Tohru shouted defeating the monsters with her killer hair attack. Strands of her hair wrapped around the victims throats strangling them to death. "I'm just in time too."   
"Traitor," Hana hissed as she fell to the ground. "You're supposed to be one of us."

"Traitor," Uo muttered as well.

"I'm sorry guys," Tohru weeped, while somehow, her clothes came falling off. "I just can't let you hurt people anymore."

"You saved me," Yuki said buttoning up his shirt as he stared at her naked body.

"Oh dear," Tohru said looking down. "Not again. I don't know why this keeps happening to me." Yet, she made no attempt to do anything.

"Well, did you want to put your clothes back on?" he asked doubtfully.

"In a minute," Tohru said. "I'm just enjoying the breeze right now."

  


  


  


  


  


Tohru and Yuki went and picked up Kyo at the government office in their car. Kyo came in and sat in the back seat.

"So you're the people they sent to 'protect me'? " Kyo scoffed. "Whatever. Like I even need any help."

"I'm sorry, but we have orders to protect you with our lives," Yuki said firmly. 

Kyo laughed loudly. "And so I have it. The best this damn government has to offer me, a guy that looks like a girl and a girl from the demon world whose clothes keep falling off."

"Please have faith in us," Tohru said frantically. "We promise to protect you no matter what."

"So you're a monster girl from the other world, eh?" Kyo asked. "You're pretty hot. Why don't you come out back here with me and we can have a little 'fun', if you know what I mean."

"I'd rather not," Tohru said annoyed. Then her shirt fell off again. 

  


  


  


  


  


  


"Let's hide out here in this abandoned mansion," Yuki said. "If we can stay out of sight till the worlds' meeting in two days, then we'll be okay."

"Oh no!" Tohru cried out as they walked into the mansion. 

"What is it?" Yuki asked fearfully. 

"I forgot my purse in the car, hold on a minute."

"Oh, is that all? Okay then, go ahead."

"Kyo? What are you still doing in here?" Tohru asked as she opened the car door. Go inside with Yuki." 

"Oh, its you Tohru. Well since you're here, wanna have that 'fun' I was talking about before?"

"I guess so," Tohru agreed going into the back seat. "Why? What did you want to do? Play monopoly?"

"Sure, let's 'do it'," Kyo said pulling out the monopoly board. They played monopoly and Tohru won. Then they both had sex.

  


  


  


  


  


  


The two entered the mansion pulling their clothes back on. Yuki was being attacked my monsters. 

"Oh no," Tohru shouted trying to aid him with her hair attack. "I can't believe it!"

"Oh crap!" Kyo muttered looking around.

"Hurry and escape Kyo!" Yuki shouted as he fired at a monster about to attack the cat. Kyo nodded and ran out of the house.

"Ha, I see my old girlfriend is here," Haru, the cow demon grinned as he came up to them. He grabbed her and pulled her up to the bedroom upstairs."

"Miss monster girl!" Yuki shouted as he struggled to get free from the things attacking him.

"Hahaha," Haru said pushing her to the bed. "I bet you thought you could just dump me like that and get away with it." And then they had sex. 

  


  


  


  


  


"Honda-san!" Yuki shouted panting as he rushed into the room. He was bleeding from all the fighting he had done.

"Oh Yuki-kun," Tohru said casually smoking a cigarette from the bed. "I was forced to have sex with my old boyfriend. It was terrible."

"You poor dear," Yuki said sympathetically. He used his gun to kill Haru.

"Where do you think Kyo went?" Tohru asked. "We better find him."

"I think I know where he went," Yuki said solemnly. "I think I know."

  


  


  


  


  


"What a great whore house we got here," Kyo said nodding with approval. Somehow Uo and Hana were alive again and were showing Kyo the pleasures that they had to offer. Then Kagura joined in and they all had sex. 

"Bwahahaa!" Kagura laughed evilly as she pulled her body off him. She changed into a pig monster, Uo changed into a fish monster and Hana changed into a flower monster. "We've got you now ambassador Kyo!! We are from the monster world and we've already used our secret weapon on you!!"

"NOOOOO!" Kyo cried. "Whatever have you done to me?!" 

"We gave you several STDs," Uo shouted as she grinned down at him.

Kyo looked confused for a moment. "What's that stand for anyway? Santa's Tiny Doggy?"

"No, you moron," Hana muttered. "We gave you sexually transmitted diseases."

"NOOOOOOOO!" Kyo yelled again. "Now whatever will I do?"

  


  


  


  


"We're here!" Yuki said . "The one place that Kyo could be. A whore house!!" 

"We must save him!" Tohru cried. They saw the three girls hovering over Kyo and quickly defeated the girls with many a bullet and killer hair attack.

"You are saved," Yuki said kneeling down before Kyo and helping him up.

"It's too late," Kyo gasped weakly, "they already got me." 

"What did they do to you!" 

"They gave me STD's...." then he died. Well not really. He just passed out and looked dead. 

"Hurry," Yuki said standing up quickly. "We must cure this poor soul of his ailment quickly." The three rushed into the car leaving behind the three female monster corpses. However, on the way, the road was stopped by a giant monster shaped like a hot dog, and it whacked the car off the road. 

"I'll protect you two," Tohru said dramatically leaping from the vehicle.

"NOOOO, HONDA-SAN!!!!" Yuki shouted. 

"You stupid monster!!" Tohru yelled fiercely using her hair attack. It wrapped around the hot dog shaped creature but didn't appear to be doing anything. "Uh-oh," Tohru muttered backing away. The hot dog whacked her numerous times, finally sending her flying across a field. 

"HONDA-SAN!" Yuki shouted again, failing to actually accomplish anything.

"Please save Kyo!!" she shouted in tears as the monster continued to lay the smack down on her. "The fate of our worlds depend on him!!" 

Yuki nodded as he went into the car and tried to start the engine. "I understand," he whispered sadly. 

  


  


  


  


  


  


"He seems to be recovering," Hatori said as they watched Kyo who was floating in a giant test tube thing connected to many a tube. "His body is surprisingly strong for some reason."

"Do you think he'll make it?" Yuki asked fearfully.

"I think so," Hatori replied. "I hope so at least, for the sake of all man kind."

"I have to find her," Yuki whispered turning around.

Hatori looked away from Kyo. "What do you mean?" he asked. "Do you mean that Honda monster girl?"

"She died protecting us!!" Yuki shouted.

"But, if she's dead, why are you going to look for her?"

"I dunno."

"Oh."

  


  


  


  


  


"Hahaha," Kagura laughed, once more, somehow alive again. "So you thought you could defeat me, eh?" Yuki gasped as he walked out of the building.

"What are you doing here?"

"I was just wondering if you knew where your little girlfriend is right now," she said smugly.

"Where is she!!"

"Take a look," the monster said pointing to the surface of his car. The reflection on the metal changed and became like a movie screen.

"What the hell!" Yuki asked shocked. "She's having sex with Haru! And a couple other monster guys I don't even know!!"

"They're torturing her right now," Kagura laughed evilly. 

"But she seems to be enjoying herself."

"That's not the point, so are you gonna go save her or not?"

"But," Yuki began again. "This is obviously a trap to lure me there so you can all kill me."  
"You going or not?"

"Sure, I'll go."

  


  


  


  


  


  


  


"Please no more!" Tohru begged. "I can't take anymore!"

"You will have more!!" Haru demanded forcefully. "Even if you cry and beg I'll still give you more and more and more!!"

"Nooo!" Tohru cried. "I mean, I really like pizza but three slices is enough for me. I really could not take another bite!"

"Are you sure? It has extra cheese."

"Hmmm, well maybe just one more then."

  


  


  


  


  


  


"I've come to save Honda-san!!" Yuki cried fiercely. 

Two girls came crawling up to him slowly. "We'll stop you right here and now," they hissed.

"What the hell," Yuki muttered annoyed as Hana and Uo, yet again attacked him. "Don't you guys ever die?"

"We came back to life," they said as their clothes fell off again.

"Oh," Yuki groaned pulling out his gun. "That's very nice and all but..." he paused and pumped them full of lead, "I don't really have time for you right now." He ran to the another room and found Tohru having sex with Haru while eating pizza. 

"I've come to save you!" he shouted as he killed Haru. 

"Oh thank you so much!" Tohru cried happily. "I was so scared!" They looked into each other's eyes and decided to get to know each other a little better. They went to a dark secluded corner and made beautiful love with each other.

"I'll kill you!!" the evil Akito said appearing suddenly and slashing at them with his clawed hands. The two parted and tried to fight him off. 

"He's too strong," Yuki grumbled trying to zip up his pants. He got out his gun again with its limitless supply of bullets and began shooting. Akito knocked the gun out of his hand and slashed at Yuki.

"Yuki-kun!" Tohru screamed as he went crashing to the ground. Suddenly Kyo appeared out of no where and blasted Akito away with his super powers.

"You had those powers all along?" Tohru asked amazed as she helped Yuki up.

"That's right," Kyo said. "Little did you guys know, it was not you protecting me, it was I protecting you."

"That doesn't make any sense at all," Yuki moaned. "So you're really a monster guy too?"

"That's right, it is preordained that if two beings such as yourselves, one from the monster and one from the human world have sex, then your child will rule the universe!! or something like that."

"Well you sure did a crummy job of protecting us," Tohru grumbled.

"Yeah, we were the ones putting our lives out on the line for your sorry ass," Yuki spat as he looked down at his claw wound.

"Oh well, wanna all have sex you guys?" Kyo asked

"Sure, let's go."

  


  


  


**..............................FLASH...................................**

  


****"That was quite traumatizing," Tohru commented as she turned off the tv. She turned to Yuki. "How did Shigure make a movie like this for us to watch anyway?"

"I'm not sure," Yuki replied.

"At least he didn't make us do all this crap," Kyo muttered. "That guy is just plain sick sometimes."

"Hey there everyone," Shigure said coming on suddenly. "How'd you like my Hentai movie."

"It didn't make any sense," Uo complained. "What the hell was going on?"

"It's not supposed to make sense," Shigure replied his voice dripping with sarcasm. "People don't watch hentai for the story, they watch it for the s-e-x."

"How did you make a movie with all of us in it anyway?" Haru asked. "I don't quite understand."

"Simple," Shigure laughed. "I just typed up a story saying I made a movie and you guys watched it. Ain't that great?"

"I found that movie very... very...." Hana said darkly as she turned to face the group. She smiled at them. "I found it quite enjoyable actually." Kyo gave her a weird look and tossed some popcorn into his mouth.

"It's fine if you want to make us a movie to watch," Yuki said as he stole the popcorn bowl from Kyo and ate a handful. "Just promise us one thing."

"Anything," Shigure said cheerfully.

"Never do it again." 

Kyo angrily tried to snatch back his stolen popcorn and the cat and mouse began yet another round of fighting.

  


  


  


  


  


  


Writer's note that's right! This is about 95% of how the actual plot of that anime went. Which is extremely hard to believe, even for me because the plot sucked so bad. Yup, very dumb and pointless. XD Although I must admit that turning it into this fic was the most fun I've had in awhile. So what did you guys think? I hope it wasn't tooo stupid ^.^ Please don't flame me!! I acknowledge it was demented. I'm sorry!! So review and tell me what you thought (but no flames!!) :D

  


  


Next Time: Sports! The most jacked up attempt to parody sports anime and manga ever! (Please forgive me! ^.^;;)

  


~ oh yeah, and for those who think this fic sucks and wants to try something a little more serious, please read my new story, To Bring Him Back. Its another Yukiru (Yay Yuki!!). Please read and review it!! :D 


	23. Sports

Writer's note Okay, now for my attempt to write a sport fic!! Too bad I don't know how to play any sports. Yes, that could present a problem. Well, I'll stick with what I know, FENCING! Yup, my dad's been teaching me since I was five and its awesome! However, I've never seen a real match so I'll sort of have to make those up. I just know the basic rules. :D 

  


"Hey everyone," Shigure said cheerfully. "We got a sports chapter planned for today."

"Bwahaha!" Kyo laughed loudly. "A chance to beat the rat!! I'll take on any competition you throw at me!! So what'll it be?"

"It involves swords," Shigure teased cheerfully. "Wouldn't little Kyo like to play with swords."

"I guess," Kyo said doubtfully. "What kind of sport is this anyway?"

"Do you mean we're going to be using Katana's, japanese swords?" Haru asked starting to get interested. "That might be fun."

"Actually, its a sport called fencing," Shigure corrected. "We'll use European swordscalled foils."

"Fencing," Yuki said to himself thoughtfully. "That doesn't sound too.... bad. Better than that Hentai chapter anyway. Yeeesh."

"You know," Uo said suddenly. "I happen to think if I'm going to be forced to be here against my will, I should get a better part in these stupid chapters."

"Aww now," Shigure chuckled. "You know you don't get to make decisions like that. I'm the master, remember?"

"I said," Uotani said darkly, "I want a better part." She pulled out her lead pipe. "Unless you want me to remodel this place a little."

"Now, now, Uo-chan," Tohru said nervously placing a hand on Arisa's shoulder. "Let's not do anything too drastic."

"I'm just saying is all," Uo grinned. "We gotta get our way sometimes you know."

"Fine," Shigure moaned. "I'll devote this chapter to you and make you awesome. Are you happy now, Uotani dear?"

"Actually, I am," she smirked running a hand through her hair.

  


**............................FLASH..........................**

  


  


"I will defeat you, you damned rat!" Kyo shouted lunging at Yuki with his sword.

"That's what you think," Yuki said blocking the foil and attacking with his own. The tip poked Kyo in the shoulder.

"One point goes to Yuki," the coach said. The two guys stepped back to their places on opposite ends of the fencing mat. "And begin!" They came at one another again.

  


  


  


  


  


"Hey, you guys did pretty well during practice today," Haru commented in the guy's locker room.

"Bah, I can't believe I lost," Kyo grumbled. 

Yuki rolled his eyes in annoyance. "What's it matter? We're on the same team anyway."

"I don't care!!" Kyo shouted angrily. "I should have won!!"

"You know," Haru said thoughtfully as he threw his work-out clothes in his duffel bag. "Its too bad Uotani quit. Now she had some real talent."

"I know!" Yuki exclaimed. "She could beat anyone on the team in two seconds flat."

"Why'd the damn girl quit anyway?" Kyo asked as he pulled a clean shirt over his head. 

"Who knows," Haru shrugged. "But she told me she was never coming back so I guess it doesn't matter why."

  


  


  


  


  


  


"You quit!!" Tohru shrieked in shock. "But why Uo-chan. You were doing so well!"

"I have a confession to make," Uo said quietly. She looked up at Tohru tearfully. "I accidentally killed a man."

"You what?" Tohru gasped.

"Arisa's electric signals tell me she's lying," Hana commented.

"Okay, yeah, I am," Uotani admitted. "But I still did something pretty bad and I feel really guilty now."

"So what happened?" Tohru asked confused. The three were walking home after a long, somewhat boring day of school.

"Well, some guy from another school challenged me to a one-on-one match. So, you know, I accepted and when I got there, I found out all he wanted to do was make babies. Then, out came my handy, dandy foil and slash, bam, poke, the guy's on the ground horribly wounded."

"Whatever became of the poor soul?" Hanajima asked softly.

"I dunno, I heard I broke a couple of his ribs and he's still in the hospital. I felt really bad so I quit fencing all together."

"But why?" Tohru asked. "Its not your fault he wanted to attack you."

"I suppose," Uo said. "But I found out the guy didn't even know how to fence, not to mention the fact that I kind of killed him with my most awesome skills when he didn't have a weapon. Those are all very big no no's."

"It's a shame though," Tohru sighed. "You really were good."

  


  


  


  


  


"So, you say you were attacked by a band of ninjas?" Dr Hatori asked Akito doubtfully. 

Akito narrowed his eyes at him. "Are you saying you don't believe me?" he spat angrily.

"Of course I believe you," Hatori said quickly. "Its just that, umm, never mind."

'That stupid girl,' Akito fumed to himself as he sipped a glass of water. _I'll make her pay for what she's done to me. She'll wish she were never born when I'm through with her._

  


  


  


  


  


  


  


__"As you all know," the coach sighed. "Our best fencer Uotani has quit the group." He narrowed his eyes at the remaining members of the team. "Which means I'm left with just you guys." Kyo made a face and mumbled something under his breath. "I'm afraid, we're going have to train extra hard to make up for this loss, since you all suck so bad."

"Hey now," Haru spoke up. "I really don't think we're all that terrible."

"Yes you are." the coach said flatly as he left the room. "Now hurry up and practice. If we're lucky, you guys will find a way to get good before our match against Funky High next week."

"What a jerk," Kyo muttered as he picked up his foil and practiced his lunging exercises. 

"Aren't coaches, in theory, supposed to encourage the team?" Yuki said sarcastically putting on his helmet.

"Ahh well," Haru said indifferently. "I'm not going to worry about it."

"Hey guys!!" Momiji yelled running into the practice room. "I have to tell you something important!"

"What is it?" Yuki asked.

"Did you hear about Akito?" 

"No.... what about Akito?"

"He... he..." Momiji gasped as he tried to catch his breath. "He's in the hospital and he's all beat up!"

Haru raised an eyebrow in interest. "And how, may I ask, did this happen?" 

"Well," Momiji said, "I've heard two different stories. Some guys saw it happen and said it was Arisa Uotani. Didn't she used to be on this fencing team?" 

"Uotani!" Kyo asked incredulously. "What the hell would she attack Akito for?"

"Umm, that's the one story. The one Akito is telling everyone though is he was attacked by ninjas." Momiji shrugged and adjusted his book bag on his back. "Uotani seems cool, so personally I think it was the ninjas."

"Maybe we should talk to her," Yuki said doubtfully. 

  


  


  


  


  


  


"Hey Yankee!" Kyo shouted. "Get over here! We gotta ask you something." Uo looked over at them and she and Tohru came over.

"What do you want?" she asked annoyed.

"Hi Yuki-kun, hi Kyo-kun," Tohru greeted her fellow classmates.

"Oh, you're Uotani's friend?" Yuki asked. "I didn't know that."

"Look, we just got to know something," Kyo said shaking his head. "Did you try and kill our cousin?"

"Because we're very grateful," Yuki muttered under his breath.

"Your cousin?" Uo asked raising an eyebrow. "What the hell are you guys talking about?"

"Argh, umm Akito," Kyo stammered annoyed. "You know, the one you attacked and sent to the hospital."

"Oh, he was your cousin?" Uo asked amused. "That explains a lot."

"Well did you or not?"

"Well yeah, sorry, I did rough him up a little. But I mean, he made quite a few unappreciated advances."

"I guess that doesn't seem too hard to believe," Yuki commented. "Sounds like something he would do." 

"So like I said, I felt bad and all afterwards, and that's why I quit the team."

"What are we going to do?" Yuki questioned Kyo. "Akito's probably going to kill her when he gets out of the hospital."

Kyo sighed and placed a hand on Uo's shoulder. "It was nice knowing you. You were one hell of a fencer." Then the two guys walked away.

"How strange," Hana murmured suddenly appearing next to them.

"I wonder what the hell all that was about," Uo wondered shaking her head.

Tohru looked at her friends nervously. "You don't think that guy will really try to do something to you, do you?"

"Naww," Uo said with a wave of her hand. "I don't know why those guys are so worked up about this anyway."

  


  


  


  


  


  


  


"Ummm what are you doing?" Hatori questioned as he walked into the hospital room.

"Learning how to fence," Akito muttered as he followed along with the instructional video tape. 

"And why would you be doing this when you're supposed to be healing?" Hatori asked with a sigh. "You know you're not supposed to be out of bed."

"I have to kill those damn ninja's that attacked me!"

"Right, the ninjas."

"I don't care if you don't believe me," Akito spat. "I'm going to master this sport and destroy the one who dared to defy me!!!"

"Well that's nice," Hatori said in defeat. He placed a glass of water on the bed stand and a few pills next to them. "Just don't forget to take your medicine at four. It's very important that you do."

"Fine, fine," Akito said annoyed as he practiced how to block.

  


  


  


  


  


"That's it!" Kyo shouted throwing his foil on the floor and stomping on it. "I'm sick of this stupid extracurricular activity!"

"You know, " Yuki commented with a sigh. "If you're going to lose, over and over again, the least you could do is be a good sport about it."

"I refuse!!" 

"And Haru, shouldn't you be doing... something?" Haru looked up at Yuki from his place laying on the floor.

"Its sweet of you to be concerned about me, my love," Haru sighed. "But I'm just not in the mood to practice right now."

"I told you never call me that."

"Whatever do you mean my love?"

"Just forget it."

"Anyway!" Kyo broke in annoyed. "I heard that Akito, for some odd unexplainable reason, is practicing fencing too."

"What?" Yuki asked. "You mean while he's in the hospital?"

"I guess." 

"Why would he want to do that?"

"Who knows," Kyo shrugged. "Who knows why that guy does anything."

  


  


  


  


  


  


"Arisa!" Mrs. Uotani (or at least Shigure's impression of what she should look like) called from the kitchen. "I just got a call from your school coach. He was begging for you to come back to the fencing team."

"I already told you mom," Uo groaned leaning back lazily on the couch. "I quit the team and I'm not going back. It gives someone like me, who already has an unfair advantage of superior strength and knowledge over male and female alike, too much power for one person to handle."

"What exactly are you talking about?"

"I don't wanna fence anymore."  


"Well why didn't you just say so," Uo's mom reprimanded. "I'll tell him you don't want to do it then." 

  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


"Kill!! Kill!! Kill!!" Akito muttered to himself as he lunged at a target on the wall with his foil. "Die!! Die!! Die!!"

  


  


  


  


  


  


"All right," the coach said groaning as he ran a hand through his thinning hair. "Today's our match against Funky High, so let's try not to lose too badly. Maybe if we can make it look like we know what we're doing then they won't throw rotted fruit at us... again."

"It wasn't rotted fruit," Haru reminded him pointedly. "It was rotted vegetables."

"I don't see how it matters what it was," the coach said flatly. "The point is you sucked and they threw stuff at you."

"If only Uotani were here," Yuki sighed. "Then we'd definitely be able to win."

"Did someone say Uotani!" Arisa said galantly standing on a chair, the gym lights seeming to shine down on her like a spot light.

"It's Uo!!" Kyo gasped.

"My hero," Haru whispered wiping a tear from his eye. "You really came. You really came after all."

"Hurray!!" the coach shouted skipping about the gym merrily. "Now when we lose, it won't be so terrible!!"

Yuki looked at him annoyed and sighed. "Oh ye of little faith."

  


  


  


  


  


"So Uo-chan decided to rejoin the team?" Tohru asked Hana from the bleachers. 

"Her mother told me she just couldn't bear to hear the coach cry like a baby," Hana said softly. "She finally reconsidered and decided to fence again."

"That's wonderful," Tohru said happily. "It was such a shame to have her quit in the first place." They watched as Kyo went up against another guy named Jim from Funky High. The two competitors went to opposite ends of the mat and got into the proper stances. 

"First person to get five touches in wins." the announcer called. "Now start!" Kyo dove at Jim, trying his best to stabbeth him. Jim blocked it and quickly jabbed Kyo in the gut.

"Ouch," Kyo grumbled rubbing his stomach as the two guys went back to opposite ends of the mat. 

"One point goes to Funky High." They continued again and finally Kyo managed to get three hits in a row.

"Kyo-kun's doing pretty good," Tohru commented impressed. 

"He seems quite into this match," Hana agreed.

  


  


  


  


  


  


"Zodiac High wins this round," the announcer said loudly.

"Amazing," Haru commented, "Kyo won. I guess I'm up next though." Haru went up against a thin boy with blond hair. The boy destroyed Haru within five minutes.

"I told you, you should've practiced," Yuki sighed. 

Haru glared at the cocky blond boy who had won. "That bastard, he must have cheated."

"I don't think he cheated," Yuki said dryly. "I think you just suck."

"Damn it!! He cheated!!" Black Haru shouted. He ran up to the boy and punched him in the face. Two referees came over and pulled the cow off of him.

"Haru Souma has been disqualified," the announcer said annoyed. "Any further fighting and Zodiac High will lose by default. Anyway, its tied now, one to one." 

Three more matches went by with both teams, Zodiac High winning one of them and Funky High winning the other two. Finally, it was Yuki's turn.

"Hey Yuki," Uo said before he went out to the mat, "the scores two to three right now. If you get this one we'll be tied."

"I'll win," he said smiling confidently. "Then all you have to do is beat their captain and we'll win the entire match." 

"Go for it," Uo grinned. 

  


  


  


  


  


  


"Oh Yuki-kun's up now," Tohru said excitedly. "If he wins this we'll be tied!"

"Yes," Hana commented flatly as she leaned back in the bleachers a little, "and Zodiac High will come its closest to winning a game than it has in twenty years. My heart swells with joy."

"Wow, the closest to winning a game in twenty years?" Tohru asked in shock. "I had no idea our fencing team was doing so... so terrible."

"Yes, I suppose those are shocking and somewhat discouraging statistics, but perhaps this match will change all that."

"I hope so."

  


  


  


  


  


  


  


Yuki's opponent was some guy named Bill. Bill dashed to the left, striking Yuki in the arm.

"He did not hit the torso," the announcer stated. "No point. Return to your places." The two guys did so.

'Hmm, he seems to be focusing on my left side,' Yuki thought to himself. 'I'll fake to the right and get him then.' 

"One point for Zodiac High," the announcer called as Yuki stabbed Bill in the side. 

Bill glared at Yuki angrily. "So you think you can beat me that easily, pretty boy?" he spat. "Well then, you got another thing coming to you." 

Yuki defeated him easily after that, getting him four more times in a row. "Some people," the mouse sighed. "They're just all talk." He glanced over and saw Kyo giving him a dirty look. "Yup, all talk and no action."

"What the hell," Bill grumbled going to the sidelines. "I didn't even get one hit in." 

"I guess you're up now," Kyo commented to Uo. " Hope you didn't get rusty during that time you took off, you slacker."

"Ha!" Uo smirked pulling her helmet on. "You wish." 

  


  


  


  


  


  


  


Uotani and her opponent from Funky High took their places, waiting for the announcer to tell them to begin.

"Hold on!!" Akito shouted stomping into the gym. "That girl's fight is going to be with me."

"Excuse me sir," a security guard called going up to Akito. "I'm afraid you can't just barge in here like this."

"Do you have any idea who I am," Akito spat. "I can come here if I damn well please and I demand you let me have a match against that stupid girl over there."

"But you're not even a student here," the security guard argued. 

Akito sighed. He had been hoping it wouldn't be reduced to this. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his secret weapon.

"Agh!" the guard yelled getting out his beating stick and pepper spray. "You better not be getting out a gun!"

"No, you moron," Akito groaned as he pulled out a wad of cash. "As you can see I'm filthy rich, now let me through." 

"Yes sir!" the security guard said taking the money and stepping back.

"Umm can I have some to?" the announcer asked. 

Akito sighed. "All right, form a line." He handed everyone there a few hundred bucks. "NOW!!" he demanded angrily. "You have to let me fight the girl!"

"Whatever you say," the announcer shrugged going back to his seat.

"What the hell is this?" Uo asked in shock. "You can't make me fight this wimp. I already killed him before anyway."

"And for that, my dear," Akito said darkly. "You're going to pay."

  


  


  


  


  


  


"I can't believe Akito actually came here," Kyo muttered to himself. "That guys crazy."

"He even brought his own fencing sword?" Yuki asked incredulously. The mouse decided now would be a good time to sneak out of the room. "Where'd he get one of those in a hospital anyway?"

"Hey, where're you going you damned rat!"

"Far away."

"Then I'm going too."

  


  


  


  


  


  


"Are you ready to feel my wrath!" Akito hissed. He jabbed at her with his foil, hitting the side of her helmet.

"Hey now," the announcer said. "Only torso shots allowed."

"You shut up!" Akito yelled, and the announcer became quiet. He poked at her again and Uo managed to block it.

"Your swings are too wild," Uo complained. "You're supposed to have more control when you attack."

"I don't recall asking for your advice!" Akito shouted stabbing her in the shoulder. It penetrated the thin cloth of the fencing uniform and blood began to ooze down the tip.

Uo gasped and clutched her bleeding shoulder as Akito pulled his sword free. "There's.... no cap on the point," she muttered. "Its an actual blade."

"Stop!!" the announcer shouted. "Now you really can't do that!! All foils must have a cap on the end to avoid injury."

"I thought I told you to shut up!!" Akito yelled pulling out a gun and shooting the announcer in the head. The security guard tried running up to stop him and was shot too. "Idiots," Akito muttered putting the gun away. Everyone else backed away in shock. "That's right!! Unless you want to end up like these guys, I suggest you let me finish my fight with this girl!"

"I can't believe this," Uo murmured. "This guy really is crazy."

"Now let's go!!" Akito laughed loudly. He lunged at her, aiming for her gut. However, at the last minute she managed to parry it, knocking his foil from his hands and stabbed him hard in the ribs. Akito grunted, falling down on one knee, and gasped heavily for breath. He still hadn't fully recovered from his wounds he had received from her before.

"Hey look," Uo sighed coming up to him. "We don't have to fight like this."

"Yes," Akito mumbled grabbing at his sword that had fallen near him and running it through her chest. "We do." Uo's eyes widened as she looked down at the sword that was now protruding from her chest. Blood ran down her shirt and she collapsed to the ground. "I won," Akito whispered happily before his muscles gave and he passed out himself. "I won."

  


  


**..........................FLASH........................................**

  


****"Bwahaha," Shigure laughed. "So Uotani-kun, still wanna be the star?"

"I can't believe you killed me, you bastard!" Uo shouted in disbelief. "What the hell is wrong with you?!"

"Well now, I'm just teaching you a lesson all the other's learned a long time ago." Shigure lowered his voice a little, menacingly. "I run the show here all right? And no one tells me what to do."

"Like hell you do!" Uo yelled grabbing her lead pipe and beating against the walls of the computer. "I told you I'd redecorate if you didn't comply with my demands!!"

"Oh no," Shigure whined. "Please, Tohru-kun, save me and my poor computer."

"Ummm I'd really like to Shigure-san," Torhu said sympathetically. "But there's really nothing I can do."

"Ahh what wonderful electric signals," Hana sighed happily as Uo broke down one of the walls.

  


  


Writer's note hehe, see what happens when I attempt to do anything sport related? It gets all jacked up like this. ^.^ Well, review and tell me what you thought, please? XD

  



	24. Reality Televison

~I don't own any reality shows or Survivor so please don't sue. (yeah yeah, and I don't own Fruits Basket either, darn.) 

  


  


"Hey everyone!" Shigure laughed. "You'll never believe who I forced into my computer this time." Yumiko appeared in the room.

"Aren't you the girl from the Android Chapter," Tohru asked confused. "I thought you ran away with your new boyfriend."

"Yeah, that's what I thought too," she groaned. "Why am I here Shigure? I wanna leave."

"Now now, none of that. I created you and when I say I want you in this chapter, you're gonna be in the chapter!!"

"Fine."

"Oh and Haru-kun!!" Shigure called loudly. "I'm going to make a reality television chapter, and you get to be the victim!! I mean, umm you get to be the lead. And aren't you just so happy I brought your old girlfriend here to visit?"

"Hi," Haru mumbled to Yumiko.

"Yeah, hello," she answered dryly. "Leave any good androids to rot at the bottom of any oceans lately?"

"Okay, enough of that," Shigure broke in. "Shall we begin the chapter?"

  


  


  


  


  


**.......................FLASH.............................**

  


"Hello loyal viewers!!" Ayame sang cheerfully into the camera. "And welcome to the all new reality show 'How to Piss off Haru.' Today, our guest Dr Hatori will explain to us the definition of a 'Haru'." The cameraman turned to Hatori, getting a close-up of his face.

"Yes," Hatori said clasping his hands together and resting his chin on them. "We are indeed going to 'piss off Haru.' Yet, I'm sure all of you in the audience may be wondering what exactly a 'Haru' is. His full name is Hatsuharu Souma, and he is a teenaged boy suffering from a split personality disorder. When angered, his other personality, which we've come to call his 'black' personality, breaks free and completely takes control of him."

"Thank you very much Dr. Hatori," the snake nodded, taking a seat in a chair. He leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees. "Now, you all may be wondering, just how exactly are we going to go about pissing off Haru? To put it simply, we're going to convince him to live in a house where he will constantly be pestered by people until he goes kaboom and black Haru comes out! All you lovely folks in the audience will get to see how he reacts to each petty annoyance."

  


  


  


  


  


Day 1

Ayame went up to Haru's house and knocked on the door loudly. A couple minutes later, the black and white haired boy answered it. "Hello sir," Ayame said with a smile. "You've been selected to live in a beautiful home chosen by us, where you'll be staying with six other guests. This is a new reality show and we'd like you to take part in this once in a lifetime experience. If you do decide to participate, you'll only have to live there for a week and you'll be handsomely rewarded with cash afterwards."

"Reality show huh?" Haru said doubtfully, rubbing the back of his neck. "I guess I could do that. What kind of stuff do we have to do anyway? It's not like 'Survivor' is it?"

"No, no," Ayame said with a wave of his hand, "nothing like that. All you have to do is live there and do what you do everyday. There's nothing to it."

"Sure, why not," Haru agreed.

  


  


  


  


  


  


"These are the people you'll be staying with," Ayame said as he lead Haru into the large mansion. He introduced the cow to Tohru, Yuki, Kyo, Momiji, Kagura, and Yumiko."

"Yumiko's here?!" Haru groaned. "That's just great."  
  


"Hi Haru," Yumiko smiled sweetly. "So, I hear you've been talking to Kisa lately. That's just so... cute."

"I thought I apologized already for dumping you in the ocean."

"Aww, you don't think I'm still mad about that do you?" Yumiko asked innocently. "I mean, after all, I do still have my sexy boyfriend who fished me out."

Haru narrowed his eyes at her. "Well I'm very happy for you."

"Well then," Ayame broke in as he got ready to leave. "You all just make yourselves comfortable. There's a small room in the back with a camera. When you feel you have something you really want to say to the viewers at home, feel free to tell us your innermost thoughts. Have fun!" Then the snake went prancing away.

"But, what exactly are we supposed to be doing for the entire week?" Haru asked confused. "I can't imagine our lives are all that interesting." Everyone looked at each other nervously.

"Umm, how about you just not worry about that for now," Tohru said cheerfully. "Its really nothing important."

"What do you mean?"

"What's it matter," Kyo spat. "Quit asking so many questions. They told us to make ourselves comfortable so lets just unpack for now."

"Well then, how do we know which room is ours?" Haru inquired. 

Momiji giggled to himself. "Haru gets the funny room," he grinned. He went skipping up the stairs and to the end of the hall. Haru followed, past all the grand, lavishly furnished bedrooms to his own. Momiji swung the door open and began to crack up when Haru got a full view of it. "Sorry Haru. The tv people said this one is yours."

"What the hell," Haru mumbled. "That doesn't seem very....fair." The room was empty except for a broken chair, lots of dust, and a few dead animals. "Why are all the other rooms so nice?" he demanded annoyed.

"Beats me," Momiji said biting his lip. No one was allowed to tell him that the whole purpose of this show was to 'piss off Haru'. "But if you clean it out a bit, I'm sure it won't be so bad," the rabbit tried to reassure him. "And I can help you find a mattress or something to sleep... owww!" Momiji rubbed his sore side, that had just been electrocuted by a small gagdet strapped around his waist. The television crew had hooked one up to each person as a reminder that they weren't allowed to be nice to Haru. They could only do and say things that would annoy him. 

"Are you all right?" Haru asked noticing the rabbit wince in pain. 

"I'm fine," Momiji said quickly turning around to leave. "Yeah, well guess you're on your own for now."

  


  


  


Somehow Haru managed to remove the dead rodents and whatnot from his room. After cleaning it to the best of his ability, he found a mattress and a pillow to sleep on. Tohru had offered to help but was suddenly grabbing her side in pain and had to be excused. Haru grumbled to himself as he went downstairs to get something to eat.

"Oh, did you want some too?" Yuki asked as he swallowed the last bite of fish on his plate. "Sorry, its all gone."

"Guess I should have made more," Tohru laughed nervously. 

"Mmmmm, but it was soooo good," Kyo said rubbing his full stomach. "That was possibly the best meal I've ever had in my life!"

Kagura bashed him over the head with her plate. "Even better than my cooking!" she accused angrily. "Is that what you're trying to say?"

"What the hell is your problem!" Kyo snapped jumping to his feet.

"Can you guys please not do that," Yumiko groaned slumping back in her chair. "It's really annoying."

"Anyway," Haru interrupted walking past them into the kitchen. He emerged a couple minutes later with a cup of instant noodles, chopsticks, and a can of coke. Setting his pop on the table he went to sit down with everyone else.

"You can't sit here," Yumiko said flatly. 

"And why not?"

"Because I still haven't recovered from the traumatizing event of being left to rot at sea and the sight of your face sickens me." 

Haru rolled his eyes and gathered his things again. "Fine, have it your way." Then he made his way back up to his room to eat alone.

  


  


  


  


Day 2

"Who used up all the hot water in the shower," Haru muttered as he stepped out of the bathroom, a towel around his waist. "Jeez, I might as well have showered in ice cubes." He felt his foot snag on something and he went flying forward to the ground. 

"Ooops," Yumiko said nonchalantly coming up to him. "Guess I left my shoe here, and in such an inconvenient spot. I hope you didn't ruin it."

"I believe, traditionally, what most people say is 'sorry'," Haru said as he climbed up to his feet. He pulled the towel around him tighter. 

"Yeah, well its a good thing I'm not people," Yumiko laughed sarcastically. "I'm an android, remember?"

"Ahh yes, so I tend to forget."

"He...hello Hatsuharu-san," Tohru stammered. She was holding a glass of fruit punch, which she 'accidently' thrust in his direction. "Oh I'm so sorry!" she cried in an exaggerated voice as she tried to help him wipe it off, using a napkin covered in mustard. "Oh dear, I seem to have made things worse."

"Uh yeah, you did," Haru said flatly looking down at the sticky juice running down his body and yellow mustard, staining his towel. "I think I'll be taking another shower if you don't mind." He turned around to go back to the bathroom but the door was closed. "Excuse me?" Haru knocked, "Is someone else in here?"

"Oh, I'm just going to take a shower," Yuki called back. "I'll be done soon."

"All right," Haru sighed. "I can wait."

  
  


  


three hours later

"Aren't you done yet!!!" the cow shouted angrily pounding on the door.

"No, not yet," Yuki called back from inside. He had the water running but in reality, he was seated on the floor near the tub and reading a book. Haru groaned and sat down next to the door.

"Oops sorry about that," Kyo said as he dropped his pizza face down on Haru's head. The hot melted cheese went dripping down the side of his face.

"No problem," Haru spat snatching the pizza slice out of his hair. A piece of pepperoni clung to his cheek. He narrowed his eyes at Kyo, his blood boiling.

"What's your problem?" Kyo asked annoyed. "I said I was sorry. You're not going to get all bitchy on me are you?"

"Of course not," Haru grumbled as he took a deep breath. He wasn't going to transform into Black Haru on national television. No matter what, he refused to.

"By the way," Kyo said looking down at the cow covered in food, drink and wearing only a towel. "Maybe you should take a shower and put some clothes on."

"Yeah," Haru said his eye twitching. "I'll do that. Thanks for your ever so helpful advice."

"Whatever."

  


  


  


  


two hours later

"I'm done," Yuki said stepping out of the bathroom. 

Haru looked at him strangely. "Why isn't your hair wet? You were in there for half the day."

"Oh yeah, umm, yeah" then the mouse walked away.

"Wait, you didn't answer my question," Haru said incredulously. 

"I almost forgot," Yuki called turning to face him from the staircase. "I hope you didn't need to take a shower. Haha, I guess I was in there so long, the water doesn't work anymore."

"What!" Haru shouted running into the bathroom. He frantically turned the knobs but nothing came out. 

  


  


  


  


  


"Why is that Haru guy trying to take a bath in the kitchen sink?" Kagura asked Tohru confused. "He doesn't even fit."

Tohru shook her head sympathetically. "Lets just not bother him right now. I don't think he's having such a good day."

  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


Day 3

Inside the room with the camera, each person was confessing their innermost, private thoughts for millions of viewers world wide.

"I feel so terrible about this," Tohru sighed. "But every time I try doing anything helpful I keep getting electrocuted." She lifted her shirt a little and looked pointedly at the gadget strapped around her waist. "But umm, I'm sure he won't mind when he sees how much money we're all going to make from this, right?" Glancing around nervously, she stood up and left the room. Yuki went in after her.

"Umm hi everyone," he grinned sheepishly. Fangirls across the nation fainted. "Yeah, I feel kind of bad about pissing off this Haru guy, but I guess we're not doing any real harm. Maybe after the show I'll make it up to him and buy him cheeseburger or something." He left and Kyo entered the small room next.

"You know, all these wimps are being so lame about this," Kyo grumbled. "I mean, its not like we're killing the guy. I don't know him and I don't care if we are pissing him off just to entertain millions of ignorant people!! Uh yeah, that's all I wanted to say."

"Hi, this is Yumiko," the android sighed as she sat down. "I used to date Haru and he was an okay guy and all, up until the whole leaving me for dead in the middle of the ocean. I feel somewhat guilty that we're publicly humiliating him like this though... but I mean, they offered us so much money! How could I say no?!"

"Haru's sooooo nice!" Momiji sang happily. "I haven't seen him transform into Black Haru yet or anything but I hear that when he does, he turns into a big ol' meanie. I guess we just haven't been annoying him enough? Don't worry folks. I won't let you down!"

Kagura came skipping into the room when Momiji was done, closing the door behind her. "Hi everyone. My name is Kagura and I'm going to marry Kyo. That's all I wanted to say. OWWW!" she squealed as she was electrocuted. "What the hell was that for?!" She kicked the camera angrily, breaking it in half and ceasing the filming.

  


  


  


  


  


Day 4

"Why am I strapped to the mattress like this?" Haru asked confused. He examined himself, his wrists tied behind his head and his ankles bound as well. "Its quite disturbing."

"Oh Haru," Momiji said mischievously appearing before him.

Haru squinted, identifying the small figure. "Oh, its the little boy. What exactly are you doing?"

Momiji held up a giant feather and began tickling Haru's bare feet.

"Aghhhhh stop it!" Haru choked, trying not to laugh. Momiji continued, humming to himself.

"Bwaahahah," Haru cracked up tears in his eyes. "You bastard, I'll kill you. Stop it."

"But you sound so happy," Momiji beamed.

"Damn it, I'm pissed," Haru gasped as he cracked up even more.

"How can you be pissed when you're laughing ever so merrily?"

"Damn it! Just stop!!"

"Momiji!!" Tohru groaned coming into the room. "Stop that, you're not supposed to torture the poor guy!"

"But, but," Momiji stammered pulling the feather back. "I'm just doing what the tv people told me... ouch!" he was electrocuted and shut up quickly. "Err, I mean, I was just being a weird little kid whose actions have no meaning."

"Now that's more like it," Tohru said nodding with approval. "Let's go eat breakfast now."

"All right," Momiji sighed. The two walked out of the room, leaving Haru bound to the mattress.

"Hey!! What about me!!" Haru shouted annoyed. "Is anyone going to untie me!!"

  


  


  


  


  


  


  


Day 5

"Someone, untie me," Haru gasped, his voice now no more than a harsh whisper. Apparently he had been shouting at the top of his lungs all day and to no avail.

"Oh for the love of god," Yumiko muttered coming into his room. "Why don't you just change into black Haru and get this over with already."  


"How would that do any good!" Haru spat. "I become more violent when I'm Black Haru, not stronger. I'd still be stuck here, I'd just be more pissed."

"Whatever," she grumbled as she undid the ropes. "Now go get something to eat. Sheesh." She ignored the electric shock the tv crew was zapping her with. "Why haven't you changed yet anyway?" she asked annoyed. "Usually you're turning into Black Haru every five seconds."

"No I don't!" Haru argued. "I have to be really mad to change. Plus, I don't exactly want to transform when I know millions of people are watching me, and for all I know, Kisa might be watching too. I've been using something called self control, if you've ever heard of it."

Yumiko rolled her eyes. "Oh shut up. I really don't need to hear this from you of all people. And what's so great about Kisa anyway? Isn't she like twelve or something? What are you, some kind of child molester?"

"I'm not listening," Haru sang plugging his ears. "I'm not listening."

"Just forget it," she grumbled stalking out of the room. "If this is the thanks I get for freeing you then I should have just left you here to rot." She glanced back at him smirking a little. "You know, like some other people I know who like to leave pretty girls at the bottom of the ocean."

"I thought you said you were over that!" Haru snapped. Yumiko just kept walking.

  


  


  


  


  


  


  


"Kyo-kun, darling, honey, sweetness, lover, future husband," Kagura called.

"What the hell are you talking about!"

"I was just going to ask you something," she pouted. "Do you have any idea why that Haru guy hasn't changed yet? The tv crew is getting all desperate."

"Bah, how should I know," Kyo muttered. "We better do something though or those bastards won't pay us." He felt himself get electrocuted. "What the hell!" he shouted angrily throwing his fork down. "I can't even call you guys 'bastards' without you shocking me! Well, I'll say it again! You guys are a bunch of stupid bastards.... OUCH!!!"

"Maybe he should stop while he's ahead," Yuki commented amused.

"I don't think he can hear us anymore," Tohru sighed as she looked down at the cats now unconscious body.

Haru joined them in the dining room. "What's going on down here?" 

"N..nothing!" Tohru laughed nervously. "So Hatsuharu-san, I see you managed to escape those ropes."

"Ahh, yes, so it would seem. Do you think it would be possible for me to eat? Or is there some other conspiracy going on trying to keep me from living my daily life, including the consumption of food."

"Whatever do you mean!" Kagura shrieked trying to sound calm. "Conspiracy? Against you? That's the craziest thing I ever heard! Ha Ha Ha."

"Ummm yeah," he said going into the kitchen. Yuki sighed and put his fork on Haru's chair. Haru returned and sat down without a care in the world. "Yeeaaghhhhhh!!" he yelped jumping up again. The fork was protruding out of his butt.

"However did _that_ get there!" Yuki gasped horrified. Haru yanked it out and grudgingly sat down again. 

  


  


  


  


  


  


  


"I think I'll just carry this candle around the house!" Kyo said loudly. "I'm carrying it. I'm carrying it. Oh no! Haru! Look out!!" Kyo threw the candle at Haru, the cow's clothes catching on fire.

"Whatever should we do?" Tohru cried. "I think I'll throw this gasoline on him to put the flame out!!"

"It's not working!" Kagura squealed grabbing some newspaper. "Let's smother the flames with this nice, dry and flammable paper!!"

"Will you all just get away from me!!" Haru yelled as he threw himself on the ground and tried rolling around to put the fire out. Yuki went walking by and 'accidently' dropped the chair he was carrying for no particular reason on Haru's head. Haru died and lay there still and silent.

"Well that's just great you damned rat!!" Kyo shouted. "Now he's dead!!"

"He's not dead, you stupid cat. He's just sleeping." They looked down at him and he began to stir a little.

"Oh looky, he's alive after all."

"Joyous day."

"I hate you people," Haru grumbled climbing to his feet.

  


  


  


  


  


  


Day 6

"So I guess we got a new camera," Kyo commented in the little room. "Since some stupid bitch broke the other one... not gonna mention any names.... Kagura (cough cough) Kagura. Yeah, well anyway. I guess we shouldn't have caught Haru on fire but the stupid bastard won't change into Black Haru and that's really pissing me off."

"Okay, we all went a little too far," Tohru sighed into the camera. "Almost killing Haru was bad, very very bad. I'm so sorry!!" She put her face into her hands and cried a little. "I don't know why it has to be this way. If he would just change, we could all get paid and leave before things get really out of hand!"

Yumiko stepped into the room and closed the door. "Let's see, this morning I threw my bottle of toothpaste at Haru's head. Don't ask why, it just seemed like a good idea at the time. The stupid guy didn't even flinch. Why won't he change into Black Haru? I really just do not understand him, and why hasn't my boyfriend called me once while I've been here. We have phones you know!! Hey!! If you're watching this Jayson!! You better call me or else!!"

"I saw the cutest little bunny outside today!!" Momiji squealed. "I happen to have a particular fondness for rabbits, even though anything soft and fuzzy is great! And ummm, Tohru made some really good soup this morning and I loved it!! Oh yeah, and I heard the others almost killed Haru, hehe."

"I give up," Yuki said flatly. "It's already the sixth day and the stupid guy's not turning into Black Haru no matter what we do to him. Did those tv people make up that split personality thing or something? Maybe this whole show is just an excuse to make all of us look dumb. OWWW!" Yuki looked down at the gadget around his waist in hatred.

Kagura came into the room and grinned."I love Kyo-kun. Ouch!!"

"Everyone's against me," Haru grumbled into the camera his eyes wild. "I don't know what it is, but I feel like the whole freaking world is against me!!"

  


  


  


  


  


  


Day 7

"Haru's locked himself up in his room," Yuki commented. 

"And we only have one day left," Tohru said with a sigh. "What are we supposed to do?"

"Too bad they're not just paying us anyway," Kyo muttered. 

"They said not until we manage to "piss off Haru "' Yumiko grumbled as she leaned back against the couch. "They're all crazy if you ask me. Owww!" She rubbed her side.

"Maybe we should be considering Haru's feelings," Momiji suggested grinning merrily. "You know, since we've been kind of torturing him."

Kyo looked at Momiji like he was crazy. "Yeah, we _could_ do that. Or we could just go along with the original plan and not give a damn."

"I know, let's annoy him with noise," Tohru suggested.

"What do you mean?" Yuki asked curiously.

"You know, we can all make a lot of different noises right outside his room. That would make anyone angry."

"Hmm, interesting idea. Let's try it then."

  


  


  


  


  


  


  


"I'm singing in the rain!!!!!" Kagura belted out loudly in her best choir voice (which isn't all that great). "I'm singing in the rain!!!" she screeched.

Kyo was banging steadily on Haru's door. "Yup, if I do this long enough, ummm something good will happen. So I'll just keep on banging on this random door!" Yuki was practicing on his violin, very loudly and very badly. Momiji was scratching his nails on a chalkboard outside Haru's room over and over again. Tohru and Yumiko were playing the 'say the first word that pops into your head and shout it out game.'

"Elephant!!!" Tohru cried.

"Banana Split!!!" Yumiko shouted

"Clowns!!!"

"Daytime Television!!!"

Haru was in his room finding a long enough rope to hang himself with. "Hmm this one is the right length," he murmured to himself. "But is it strong enough?"

  


  


  


  


  


"All righty then!!" Ayame called galloping up the stairs and to where the group had gathered. "Time's up everyone!! and you failed miserably!! No money for you!"

"It's over!" Haru gasped throwing the door open. "Is it really over!!! Oh thank you God!!"

"I guess no one managed to bring out your other personality," Ayame sighed loudly. "But don't worry. You guys managed to entertain our viewers nonetheless."

"What... exactly do you mean by that?" Haru asked his eye twitching. 

"Oh well, the show is called "How to piss of Haru." Hahaha, that's right. This whole show has been about you! Don't you feel special?"

"I see," Haru nodded. "Well that explains a lot. Thank you for clarifying that for me."

"No problem," Ayame said with a wave of his hand. He turned to the camera and grinned broadly. "So there you have it folks. Another experimental reality show gone bad. Thanks for tuning in and join us next time when we ruin even more people's lives!!"

"And we're off," the camera man said carting the camera away. "Great job everyone."

"So, this was quite the show you had going here," Haru commented smiling. He punched Ayame in the face and the snake went flying away. "You stupid bastard!!!!" Black Haru shouted as he killed Ayame. "I'll never forgive you for this!!" 

"Eeek, why are you so angry?" Ayame whined trying to block Haru's punches.

"I think now would be a good time to run," Yuki said quickly.

"Good idea," Kyo muttered grabbing his bags. The six other guests all made a speedy getaway while Haru beat the crap out of Ayame.

  


  


**..............................FLASH...............................**

****"Ho ho ho," Shigure chuckled. "How fun."

"Can I go now?" Yumiko asked annoyed.

"Hmmm? Oh yes, I have no further need for you. You may leave."

"Thanks." She looked at Haru and smiled a little. "Sorry about that terrible chapter. I really didn't want to make you suffer so much. Not that much anyway."

"It's all right," Haru said with a wave of his hand. "I got to get Ayame in the end so its all good. By the way, are you over that boat thing yet?"

"Yeah, I am." she grinned, "bye Haru."

"Bye." the cow mumbled. Yumiko disappeared in a small flash of light.

"Hey, we weren't in this chapter at all," Uo commented.

Hana nodded in agreement. "No, I suppose we weren't."

Uotani narrowed her eyes. "Not that I would want to be in one after what that bastard did to me last time."

"Oh, do you mean how I KILLED you?" Shigure asked innocently.

"Don't make me get out the pipe," Uo warned.

"Aghh forgive me!"


	25. Mystery

Writer's note Thank you so much everyone for the suggestions for more chapters. I really wish I could put them to use but I kind of already finished this fic like last week and I plan to end it after the next chapter so I can't take anymore requests. Sorry! But I hope you like this one. :D Actually, everyone's probably going to beat me up for this chapter but I promise the last chapter is pretty good so please be nice. 

  


  


"Guess what everyone," Shigure said cheerfully. "I just had a great new idea for a chapter?"  
  


"What idea is that?" Haru asked.

"An awesome Mystery chapter!"

"That sounds boring," Kyo complained. "Can't you make it something fun?"

"Nope!! Now don't worry Kyo, I think you may really like this chapter."

"Bet I won't."

"You're absolutely right!!" Shigure laughed loudly. "You'll probably hate it!!" 

  


  


  


**......................................FLASH........................................**

"I have a surprise for you," Kyo said with a grin as he dimmed the lights. He pulled Tohru into another room and led her to a table. Picking up a glass filled with wine, he handed it to her, blushing a little.

"Kyo-kun!" Tohru gasped, noticing the ring inside the glass. "This isn't...?"

"Tohru," he said taking the ring and placing it on her finger, "will you marry me?"

"Yes," she whispered. "I will."

  


  


  


  


  


  


  


three months later

The newspapers, and television stations were all in pandemonium. A young woman, maiden name Tohru Honda (married name, Tohru Souma) was soon to be going on trial for the murder of her husband Kyo Souma. He had been found dead in the two's hotel room on the night of their honey moon. Tohru Honda has denied all charges.

  


  


  


  


  


"Hello Honda-san," Yuki said coming into her cell. "My name is Yuki Souma. I will be your lawyer for this case."

"Hi," she said smiling weakly. "You have the same last name as my former husband. What a coincidence."

"No, it's not coincidence," he said flatly. "He was my cousin, but we were never close. I'm sorry I didn't attend the wedding but I had more pressing matters to deal with at the time." Yuki pulled a chair up by Tohru and placed a folder thick with papers on the desk. "Now, I'm going to ask you a few questions, and I'm going to need you to be as absolutely honest as possible when you answer them."

"All right," she nodded.

He opened the folder and leafed through a few documents. "Now did you, or did you not kill your husband on May 3rd, the night of your honey moon."

"No, I didn't," she said softly burying her face in her hands. "I swear I didn't."

"Kyo Souma was a wealthy man, one of the wealthiest in the city. Killing him would have made you a rich woman, would it not?"

"I don't know," Tohru cried. "I would never kill my husband for money. How can you even suggest such a thing?" Yuki's eyes softened a little and he leaned forward, looking her in the eyes.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. "This must be very hard for you, but I'm here to help. Would you mind telling what did happen then?"

"It was very late," Tohru began wiping the tears from her eyes. I was taking a shower when I heard loud shouts in the bedroom. I hurried out, but when I came into the room, I saw Kyo. I saw my husband lying dead on the mattress. It was so... terrible...." Tohru broke off, choking back sobs. 

"I see," Yuki said solemnly.

"But no one will listen to me. How could they think I would do such a thing? Why doesn't anyone believe me?"

Yuki stayed silent for a moment. "I believe you."

"Do you really?" Tohru asked hopefully. "You have no idea how much that means to me."

"I'll be back later. There was certain evidence that the guys back at the forensic labs believed pointed to you as the killer. I'll see what I can find out."

Tohru smiled at him happily through her tears. "Thank you so much." She whispered. "Thank you so much."

  


  


  


  


  


  


  


"Let's see," Kagura said as she pointed to each individual piece of gathered evidence. "As you can see, we found a strand of Tohru's hair on the victim, as well as some of her skin cells under Kyo's nails, which usually indicates a struggle of some sort occurred."

"Umm," Yuki asked his face turning red. "Don't you think that evidence isn't very good. I mean, they were just married on their honey moon. It makes sense that certain... uh... activities would lead to him having her hair and skin cells on him."

"Well, yeah," Kagura agreed. "But there was some other things too. Like, we found a knife lying beside Kyo that was traced to having belonged to her personally. Apparently it was from her kitchen."

"Were her finger prints on the handle?"

"No," Kagura said slowly. "But it was her knife. Why would she bring her kitchen knife to a hotel with her husband? She obviously just wore a glove."

"But none of this is enough to put an innocent girl away for life!" Yuki argued. "Have you seen her? She looks like a freaking girl scout for crying out loud. For all we know, it could have been anyone. Think of the hotel staff. Any one of them could have had the keys to their room and snuck in."

"Look," Kagura said as she filed the evidence away. "I don't think I'm the one you should be telling all this too."

"Yeah I know," Yuki sighed. "I'm sorry. Its just that her trial is in three days and that's barely enough time to find what I need to prove her innocent."

Kagura smiled at him a little. "Try not to worry so much." she said quietly. "You're a nice guy Yuki. Good luck with this thing, okay?"

"Thank you."

  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


"I'm sorry I have to ask so many questions," Yuki apologized sheepishly. "But its the only way I can help you."

"Its all right," Tohru reassured.

"Well then, I need to know what your activities with the stupid cat were on that night."

"The stupid cat?"

"Oh umm, sorry, just an old nickname I used to use for him. What exactly were you and Kyo doing before you went alone to take a shower?"

"Uhhh," Tohru said turning bright red. "You know, stuff, stuff that you do on your honey moon."

"I'm sorry but you have to say it."

"Sex, we were having sex," Tohru admitted throwing her hands to her face in embarrassment.

"Right," Yuki said clearing his throat. "Well, uh, the reason I ask is I'm afraid you're going to have to tell the court this."  
  


"You're kidding right?" Tohru moaned. "Why?"

"I know this is not a pleasant thing to discuss, but they found your hair and skin cells on your husband's body. You have to tell them that they're there because you were having sex and not because of him struggling while you murdered him."

"I understand," Tohru said quietly.

"Also, I need to know why you brought your kitchen knife to the hotel."

"Knife?"

"Yes, they found it by the body and it was identified as being yours from your own kitchen."

"Well, I brought it to give to my friend," Tohru explained. "I got a new set of knives as a wedding gift and promised to give my friend my old set since she needed them."

"I see," Yuki nodded taking some notes. "So then, the killer took the knife from your things while you showered and killed Kyo."

"I suppose," Tohru whispered her eyes watering again. "I'm sorry. I promised I wouldn't cry anymore, but its just so painful."

"It'll be all right," Yuki promised. "I'll make sure you get a fair trial and then you'll get to go home afterwards."

  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


Its the day of the trial. Haru, manager of the hotel has been called to the stand.

"Now," Yuki said stepping up in front of Haru. "Is there any way anyone other than Honda-san could have entered the hotel room."

"No sir," Haru said. "We have computerized keys and the only one who has them are the guests who have the room and our staff members."

"So other people _do_ have a way in."

"Well yeah, our staff does," Haru said annoyed. "But I mean, why would anyone there want to kill Kyo?"

"No further questions your honor," Yuki said sitting down. Tohru shivered nervously in her seat. Yuki turned to her, his eyes sympathetic. "Please don't be scared," he whispered. "Everything will be all right."

Hatori stood up, the prosecutor sent to put Tohru away for a lifetime of prison. "I call Kagura to the stand," he said firmly. Kagura went up behind the desk and sat down. "Now, you yourself saw the evidence left behind in the hotel room, did you not?"

"I did," Kagura nodded. 

"And, what did you find exactly."

"We found the hairs and skin cells of Tohru Honda on the victim."

"I object, your honor," Yuki said standing up.

"Denied," the Judge Ayame said flatly. "Please continue Hatori."

Hatori nodded. "Now Kagura, you found the murder weapon as well, did you not?"

"Yes, a kitchen knife."

"And who did it belong to?"

"Tohru Honda." A few members of the audience gasped.

"Personally, do you think Tohru Honda did this?"

Kagura took a deep breath. "Yes," she answered. "I believe Tohru Honda is the murderer."

"I have no further questions, your honor," Hatori said going back to his seat.

"I would like to keep Kagura at the stand," Yuki said getting up. "Now, who's fingerprints were on the weapon in question?"

"No one's," Kagura admitted. "There were no fingerprints whatsoever."

"So therefore, anyone could have used it on Kyo, isn't that right?"

"Well yeah," Kagura said. "That's also true."

"I would like to call up Tohru's friend Hanajima to the stand." Yuki said loudly. Hana stood up and took Kagura's place.

"Is it true that Tohru offered to give you her old set of kitchen knives since she had received a new set as a wedding gift?" 

"Yes, that is true," Hana said softly. "She did offer me her old set."

"What kind of person would you say Honda-san is?" 

"She's very sweet, and the best friend I've ever had."

"Do you believe she could kill her husband? Or anyone for that matter?"

"No, Tohru would never do something like that." Hana glared at the audience her eyes sparking. "Anyone who thinks she would, will have to answer to me."

"Hey now, no threatening the court!" Ayame complained.

"I have no further questions, your honor," Yuki sighed. He sat down resting his head in his hand. 

"All right then," Ayame said standing up. "In light of this new information, this meeting is adjourned for a quick lunch break."

  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


"I was so nervous," Tohru cried her hands shaking. "All those people, looking at me like I was a killer. It was terrible."

"Don't worry about it," Yuki said. "Its almost over, and I think we may win this case too."

"You seem awfully confident," Tohru laughed a little.

"Maybe, but a little confidence is good when you're a lawyer. You'll never win otherwise."

Tohru smiled at him and Yuki felt his cheeks begin to flush. "Thank you so much for believing in me," she said quietly.

"Well, its nothing really," Yuki stammered. "I mean, the city hired me for this case, and I have to do whatever they assign me to, regardless of..."

"Its okay," she grinned shaking her head. "You don't have to explain yourself."

Yuki looked down, and began to fold a paper in his hand. "Honda-san, we still have about a half hour till the court session begins again. Would you like to eat some lunch with me?"

"Sure, I'd love to," Tohru said happily. "Although, I'm not allowed to leave this place, so if you don't mind the jail cafeteria, I wouldn't mind."

"Jail cafeteria food eh?" Yuki laughed. "Sure, lets give it a try."

  


  


  


  


  


  


"What... exactly is this?" Yuki asked stirring a white substance with his fork.

"Mashed potatoes," Tohru said taking a spoonful of her own.

"I guess," Yuki said doubtfully. "I just always thought mashed potatoes had, you know, potatoes in it."

"I'm sure there's a little bit in there," Tohru giggled amused. "I mean, you don't really have much choice when you're stuck in a place like this."

"Yeah, I suppose. So what exactly have you been doing while you've been here in jail for two weeks?"

"Umm, well, I've mostly been reading."

"What do you read?"

"Anything they'll give me. As long as its long and keeps me busy for awhile, I can forget where I am."

"I see."

  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


"Court is now in session," Ayame said pounding that mallet looking thing on his table.

Yuki stood up. "Your honor. I would just like to bring one person to the stand. Afterwards, I believe that you will all agree, we will need no further questioning."  
  


"Go ahead then."  
  


"I would like to call Tohru Honda to the stand." Tohru's eyes widened in surprise. Nervously, she got up and went to sit in the front.

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you god?"

"I do."

Yuki looked at her seriously. "Did you, or did you not, kill your husband?"

"I didn't do it," Tohru said dramatically as her eyes welled up with tears. "I swear I didn't!"

"What were you doing before you took a shower and heard the noise?"

"Me and my husband were having sex," Tohru mumbled embarrassed.

"Which would explain the hair and skin cells," Yuki said turning to the jury. "Now, do you know who did kill your husband?"

"I have no idea. I was taking a shower when it happened."

"I have no further questions." 

Ayame nodded and looked to the jury. "Are you guys ready to make your decision?"

"We are," Momiji answered. "We find, the defendant Tohru Honda, not guilty."

"Well there you have it. Tohru Honda, you are free to go."

  


  


  


  


  


  


"It was so nice of you to invite me over for dinner," Yuki said stepping into Tohru's apartment. 

"I just had to repay you somehow," Tohru smiled happily. "Thanks to you, I got to go home."

"I was just doing my job."

"Thank you anyway," she sighed. "I just hope they catch that horrible man I saw murdering my husband."

"What... do you mean?" Yuki asked confused. "I thought you didn't see anyone when you came out of the shower."

"Ohh, uhh yeah, what was I thinking?" Tohru laughed. "Just forget what I said."

"Okay..." Yuki said uncertainly sitting down on a sofa in the living room. He felt a large lump under him and stood up. Tohru was in the kitchen getting dinner together. Curiosity got the best of him and he lifted the couch cushion to see what was making the strange lump. He shouted out in horror when he saw the severed head of Kagura laying there.

"Yuki-kun? What's wrong..." Tohru stopped when she came over. "I see, so you found it. Hana-chan!!" she cried out loudly. "I thought I told you to get rid of this thing!"

"I'm so sorry," Hana sighed stepping out of her bedroom. "I was just about to bury it when you came in with your little friend, so I had to be rid of it quickly."

"Its all right," Tohru moaned. "We can still get bury it now. Damn bitch, how dare she call me a murderer...." she trailed off when she realized Yuki was still in the room.

"You really are a killer," Yuki gasped backing away. "This whole time, it was really you all along."

"Yeah, maybe so, and I feel so bad about this, after all the help you gave me."

"What are you going to do?" Yuki asked in horror.

"Get rid of the evidence," she said softly, smiling at him. She picked up a large knife and dove on Yuki.

"Aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

  


  


  


**..........................FLASH...............................**

  


"Wow, I think I get better and better every time," Shigure said with approval. "I mean, who would have thought one man could hold so much genius?"

"Shigure," Kyo spat. "I'm sick of these stupid chapters. I mean, you made Tohru, of all people, the killer. Where the hell did you come up with that one?"

"Well its better that way don't you think?" Shigure asked cheerfully. "At least I surprised you all!"

"Umm, I don't think I liked being the murderer," Tohru stammered. "It was kind of scary." 

Yuki was leaning against the wall shaking his head. "I can't believe he actually made a chapter like this," he muttered in disbelief. "This guy has some serious issues."

"Oh please," Shigure replied with little interest. "You know you all loved it."   


"Just don't kill me anymore!!!" Kyo yelled angrily.

  


  


  


  


Writer's note So, did I trick anyone? I was trying to make Tohru seem innocent but I'm not sure if it worked. I really wanted to do a chapter like this and make Tohru the killer since it would be funny to see her acting so weird. I tried to make it like a real court thing but I probably did a lot of stuff wrong since all I have to base this on is what I've seen on tv. So, just thought I'd throw it into my story. Sorry if it sucked!! :D Please review and tell me what you thought! XD

  


  


Next Time: Conclusion. Yup, its finally the end. Since most shows do end after 26 episodes, may as well end this fic after 26 chapters. 


	26. Conclusion

"Hey everyone, are you guys ready for the last chapter?"  


"Did you say, last chapter?" Yuki asked slowly, unable to believe his ears. "Could it be, is this nightmare actually going to end?"

"It's a miracle," Kyo grumbled. "And its a good thing too. Your chapters were getting dumber and dumber every time."

"Well, what I'm sure you meant to say Kyo-kun is that they were getting better and better, but that's aside from the point. The last chapter will be a...." Shigure paused. "Uh oh."

"What's wrong Shigure-san?" Tohru asked concerned.

"Hmm, well I seem to have spilled my coffee on the machine hooked up to my computer. You know, the important one that transported you guys in there in the first place."

"And this means..." Haru inquired curiously. "What exactly?"

"Let's see, there's a lot of smoke, definitely a lot of smoke spouting out of this thing... and quite a bit of sparking and fire.... oh dear, I better get out of here before...." Shigure appeared in the room with all the others. They all gaped at him in shock.

"How did you get here!" Kagura sqealed. "What's going on!!"

"Oh dear," Shigure murmured rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "This is very bad." He laughed loudly and reached into his pocket. "But never fear, Shigure is here." He pulled out a small remote control. "All I have to do is push this red button and we're all free and safe." He pushed it, but nothing happened. "Well that's not good." He pushed it again and it exploded in his hands.

"Shigure!!! You moron!!" Kyo yelled angrily. "This is all your fault!! If you would have let us out of here sooner this never would have happened!" 

"But... but..." the dog whined looking at his ruined remote. "Anyway, we better think of something quick, before the machine explodes and we're trapped in here forever."

"Forever!" Tohru shrieked fearfully. "You're kidding right?!"

"Oh this is just great," Uo muttered. Hana glared at Shigure, her eyes sparking.

"Forever's not so bad," he reassured with a laugh. "At least we'll still all have each other right?"

"NOOOOOOO!" Yuki and Kyo yelled frantically. "Not with you!"

"Come now," Shigure said with a wave of his hand. "You know being trapped here with me is a dream come true for you guys."

"NOOOOO!" They yelled again. The walls of the computerized house began to flicker and flash, and changed into scenery from a forest. 

"What's going on?" Kagura asked confused. A giant Evandum robot went tromping by chased by a dinosaur.

"Aghh," Kisa cried running up to Tohru and squeazing her tightly around the waist. "Why is there a dinosaur here?" A swarm of giant killer butterflies went fluttering by, attacking the dinosaur. Yumiko appeared in front of them.

"Not you guys again!" Yumiko cried. "Did you send me here Shigure! I don't want to be in your chapters anymore!"

"I'm really sorry," Shigure said shaking his head. "But it wasn't me this time. I'm afraid this whole artificial world I created is merging together. Everything I ever wrote about appears to be all combining into one."

"You suck," Yuki groaned. "what do you expect us to do about this?"

"Beats me," Shigure said shrugging his shoulders. "But those little gremlin things from the animal chapter have come to say hello so I suggest we run." Everyone ran as fast as they could till they came up to Akito's secret headquarters for the Girls with guns chapter. 

"This looks familiar," Tohru commented as they stepped inside. 

"Its from your days as an assassin Tohru-kun," Shigure nodded. "Ahh, memories."

"So, you've come," Akito mused from inside. He was seated at a small desk, leaning back in an office chair. "It would seem, Shigure's machine is malfunctioning. This does not please me Shigure. It doesn't please me at all."

"Yeah, about that..." Shigure laughed. "Don't worry about it. We just have to find a way out and we'll be fine."

"Tell us then," Akito said darkly. "What is the way out? Surely you know."

"Urmmm, of course I know." Silence followed.

"Well?"

"Well what?" Shigure asked innocently.

"Were you going to enlighten us or just stand there like a moron?"  


"Can I go with the second choice?"

"NO! You can't!"

Shigure shook his head and sighed. "Hmm, I suppose we could always.... no that would be too dangerous... or we could just..... no, not that either... how about...."

"Hey dog," Yuki said dangerously. "I really hope you plan on saying something useful really soon. If you value your life that is."

"I'm thinking!" Shigure complained. "Can't you even give a poor fellow a chance to think?"

"Oh come on," Kyo moaned. "If Shigure's trying to think, we could be here all day."

"I know, why don't we get Washu to come back and help us out?" Tohru suggested.

"I'm not sure about that," Shigure said with a sigh. "She went back to Tenchi Universe a long time ago. It's all right, dearest Torhru-kun. Why don't you just leave the thinking up to us men?" Uo pulled out her lead pipe and beat him over the head.

"I actually think its a good idea," Hatori said. "We could use the communication system on that ship we were on for the outer space chapter."

"But," Kagura began. "How would we find the ship? It could be anywhere." They looked outside and saw that the scenery was constantly changing. At the moment, it looked like a giant city, bustling with people and Evandums. 

"Look, I don't care what _you _guys have to do to get us out of here," Akito spat. "Just hurry up and do it. I've been here long enough as it is. Now get out of my secret headquarters!"

"But," Shigure whined. "We'll be attacked by killer butterflies."

"I don't recall saying I cared about your well being." Akito said flatly closing his eyes in frustration. "I said get me the hell out of here!!"

"Yes sir," Shigure saluted as he led the way outside. 

A crazy old man came up to them. "The butterflies are attacking!! The butterflies!!"

"Oh its you, crazy old man. Do you happen to have any bug spray handy?"

"Why certainly," he replied pulling out a few bottles. Yuki, Haru, Shigure, and Kyo took one, and began spraying at the insects as they came at them.

"Now," Ayame sang prancing over the dead bugs. "All we have to do is find the ship right?"

"Can't you at least pretend you're concerned?" Yuki asked annoyed. "Do you even realize what our situation is right now?"

"Nope!"

"Forget it," the mouse grumbled. 

  


  


  


  


  


  


"I give up," Kagura sighed dramatically collapsing to the ground. She looked up tearfully at Kyo. "I can't go on anymore. Please darling, go ahead without me. Leave me here to die!"

"Okay," Kyo said wandering on without her.

Kagura glared at him angrily jumping to her feet and beating the crap out of him. "How dare you leave me behind you bastard! Can't you see I'm near death from all this!"

"Kagura," Yuki sighed rubbing his temples. "Its only been ten minutes. Can you please tone it down a little?"

"But Kyo-kun doesn't care if I die," Kagura whined. "How cruel."

"Well, since apparently he's already dead himself from your torture, it doesn't really matter anymore," Haru observed amused. 

"What?" Kagura shrieked in shock. She looked down at the unconscious Kyo in her arms. "Oh darling! Who's done this to you!"

"Save me," Kyo sputtered weakly. 

  


  


  


  


  


  


five hours later

"I'M SO SORRY EVERYONE!! I KNOW I'M JUST SLOWING YOU ALL DOWN!" Ritsu cried. "THIS IS ALL MY FAULT SOMEHOW!!"

"It's not your fault," Yuki reassured. "Just don't worry. We'll find a way out."

"Please Ritsu," Tohru said smiling. "We have to be optimistic. 

"Actually...." Shigure said dramatically. "NO! Its all my fault!" he waited for everyone to assure him it wasn't. He waited for the kind words encouraging him not to give up hope. Such words never came.

"Hell yeah its your fault you sick bastard!" Kyo shouted angrily.

"As soon as we get out of here," Yuki promised darkly. "I'll kill you."

"And I'll electricute you," Hana said softly.

Uo pulled out her lead pipe. "And I'll beat you to death."

"You guys are so mean!" the dog whined as he wept loudly. "Is there no one who will stand beside me in this time of crisis?"

"I will!!" Ayame announced dramatically. "Fear not my dear Gure!! I shall stand by you till the very end!"

"Oh Aya!" Shigure shouted happily embracing the snake. "I knew I could count on you!"

"Oh Gure!"

"Oh give me a frickin break!" Kyo spat.

  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


They traveled through the ever changing scenery and found a pond. 

"Hey, I remember this," Haru said. "This is from that animal adventure thing. I wonder if that talking fish is still here." He cleared his throat. "Hey fish!! Come up here!"

"Why hullo, meh friends," the fish with the irish accent said as he came swimming up. "And what be bringing you heres again?"

"Do you know where the ship from that outer space chapter is?" Haru asked bending down to get a closer look into the water. "We really need to find it."

"Ahh, the ship eh?" The fish looked thoughtful for a moment. "I suppose you may find it if you go to the Evandum headquarters. All things of that nature are usually in secret bases like that, including space travel."

"Hey!" Hiro grunted loudly. "What happened to your accent?" 

"Oh urmms, oh what be a happenings to me accents? Err, oh screw it. I don't really have an accent. I just liked talking that way. See ya guys." Then the fish went swimming away.

"What an odd fellow," Shigure mused.

"He's your creation!" Yuki argued. "Why do you sound so surprised?"

"Well, it just seems everything has taken on a life of its own in here. Don't you guys find that the least bit fascinating?"

"I'd find it even more fascinating if we weren't all trapped in here and about to explode in your stupid malfunctioning computer just because you spilled coffee on it you dumb bastard!!!!!!!" Kyo gasped for breath after his long outburst.

"Such a temper," Shigure reprimanded. "You should learn to respect your elders."

"I refuse!"

  


  


  


  


  


  


  


"I'm so sick of this," Uo muttered as a giant bat demon came at them spitting acidic venom at the retreating figures. Shigure tried using the remaining bug spray on it but it didn't seem to be working.  


"Gure," Ayame whined. "Why don't I still have awesome powers from that other world chapter. I could kill this thing like I did then."

"I'm sorry Aya," Shigure sighed loudly. "I don't have control over you guys like I did then. We're just normal people right now." He looked up at Ayame his eyes glittering. "Please forgive me!!"

"I do forgive you!" the snake cried running to Shigure.

"Can't you guys pick a better time to screw around like that," Hatori groaned. He poked the bat thing with a stick while Uo tried beating it with her lead pipe.

"Allow me," Hana said softly approaching the demon. She shocked it with her electric signals, and it came crashing to the ground.

"Great job Hana-chan!" Tohru squealed happily. 

"Why thank you Tohru."

  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


"Honda-san," Yuki began uncertainly as they wandered through an abandoned and destroyed looking city. A T-rex went crashing by. 

"Yes?" she asked turning to look at him. 

He averted his gaze, feeling nervous. What was he trying to say? "We've been through a lot, haven't we."

"Yeah," she smiled at him. "We have."

"It seems like we were together a lot in every chapter too." He paused and thought for a moment. "Well for the most part anyway."

Shigure went creeping up behind them. "I'm so glad you noticed!" Shigure laughed loudly. Yuki jumped and turned around angrily.

"Why do you have to sneak up on people like that!"

"Yes," Shigure continued nodding, completely ignoring Yuki's question. "I always thought that you and Tohru-kun made just the most adorable couple ever. It looks like my plan to bring you guys together worked like a charm."

"Umm, I'm not sure what you mean," Tohru mumbled blushing. Shigure just laughed and grabbed both their heads, smashing Tohru and Yuki's faces together. 

"Now kiss and be happy."

Yuki pulled away, punching Shigure in the face. "DIE!!" he shouted angrily.

"But I was only trying to help...." slurred, Shigure's corpse.

"Aww, aren't Yuki and Tohru cute ," Kagura sighed. Kyo just looked down at the ground and was silent. "What's the matter Kyo-kun?"

"Nothing," he mumbled.

"You really are a ditz," Uotani chuckled coming up to the two. "Can't you see widdle orange top's jealous."

"What did you just call me!" Kagura shrieked. "How dare you!"

"What? Do you mean ditz? Yeah, I called you a ditz. What of it?"

"You stupid bitch!" Kagura punched Uo in the face. 

Arisa put a hand to her cheek and smirked a little. "Is that all you got?" she growled, "then you don't stand a chance against me. And if I win, I get to take orange top home with me."

"What's that supposed to mean!" Kyo shouted. "I'm not some prize for you lame women!"

"Oh yes you are!" Kagura argued angrily. "I accept your challenge!" The two girls began to beat on one another viciously. Suddenly, the ground lurched forward and they were all thrown in different directions.

"What was that?" Hana inquired climbing to her feet.

"Everyone!" Shigure cried running over to them. "My beautiful world I created is dissolving. Its all falling apart!! We have to hurry and get out before its too late!!" Finally they realized there was nothing they could do, the entire world collapsed on itself. The entire Souma family, Tohru and her friends found themselves falling into nothingness. Everyone was trapped forever in the eternal darkness that was Shigure's computer, never to escape again. 

  


  


  


  


  


  


THE END

  


  


  


  


  


  


  


  


Writer's note Haha yeah right. Like I'd really end it like that. I'm not that mean. Okay here's what really happened.

  


  


  


  


  


"Everyone!" Shigure cried running over to them. "My beautiful world I created is dissolving. Its all falling apart!! We have to hurry and get out before its too late!!" The ground continued to shift beneath them.

"What are we going to do?" Tohru cried trying to stand. Yuki stumbled over and helped her up.

"We have to keep going," he urged her. "We can't give up yet." A piece of concrete from one of the buildings came crashing down to the ground, knocking the two over.

"Yuki-kun!" Tohru shouted, "your arm!" It hung limply at his side, blood oozing down and dripping on the ground.

"I'm fine," he said as they got back up. "But, this pain is different from before. When we used to get hurt in Shigure's chapters, we never really felt pain. It was like getting injured in a dream."

"So, it does hurt now?" Tohru asked, her eyes filled with worry.

He smiled a little at her. "Yeah, actually, it hurts like hell."

"Nope, this is definitely no good," Shigure commented coming over. "You guys are going to have to be more careful. If anything happens to us, it won't be undone like before. This is really bad."

"Well that's just great!" Kyo spat angrily pointing to his broken leg. "what the hell am i supposed to do about this then?"

"Oh dear, perhaps we should get away from these crumbling buildings," Shigure observed nodding his head. "They appear to be a threat to our lives."

"Wow!" Hatori said sarcastically helping Kyo up and bandaging his leg with an old rag. "You're a genius!"

"I know." 

Kagura grabbed Kyo and hoisted him on her back.

"What do you think you're doing?" he asked annoyed. 

"Piggy back," she answered rolling her eyes. "Duh, you can't walk on your own."

"No way am I gonna get carried by a girl on her back!" 

Uo knocked him unconscious with her lead pipe. "There you go."

"Oh, thanks," Kagura said surprised.

"Eh, someone had to shut him up," Arisa shrugged. "He'll be easier to handle now." 

  


  


  


  


  


  


  


"Is that it!" Tohru squealed excited. "I can't believe it! We found the ship." It looked as if it had crash landed in the middle of nowhere.

"Thank god," Yuki said relieved. "Do you think it still works."

"We better hope so," Haru said prying the door open. "If it doesn't, we're all screwed." The cow managed to get the door open and they all climbed into the space ship.

"Amazing," Ayame squealed in excitement. "You guys actually got to play around on this thing? I'm so jealous! It must have been so much fun!"

"Trust me," Kyo grumbled, "you didn't miss much."

"Are these the controls we need for the communicator?" Hana asked pointing to the dark room. "It appears all the electricity on the ship is out."

"So what should we do?" Haru asked, looking down at the dead controls. 

"I may be of service," Hana said placing her hands on the computers. Little lights began to flicker and the whole room became bright as all the lights above them turned on.

"That was pretty amazing!" Shigure cried out happily. "Oh Hana my dear!! Having you here was the greatest decision I..." he was cut short by Uo's pipe and Hana's electric signals.

"I guess, I can see if it'll work now," Haru murmered pressing a few buttons. They heard static come on over the speakers. Finally, they heard a voice come on.

"Who's there? What do you want?" Washu's voice boomed.

"Its us!!" Shigure cried frantically. "Your best friends from the Fruits Basket Universe."

"Oh, the doggy and the other animals," Washu laughed. "What's wrong now? You know I don't plan on doing you any more favors."

"Please!" Shigure begged. "You have to help us. We're all trapped in the computer, and the machine you made is malfunctioning. We'll all die if you don't help us."

"Hey!! Nothing I create could ever malfunction!" Washu argued angrily. "How dare you even suggest it. Unless it was your fault somehow."

"Well," Shigure coughed clearing his throat. "I suppose my spilling coffee on the machine didn't help."

"You what?!" Washu shrieked. "Are you some kind of moron!"

"It was an accident," the dog whined.

"Fine, fine," Washu's voice sighed. "I suppose I can help you out, assuming the bribe is convincing enough?"

"Bribe?" Hatori asked.

"Yeah, you know, cash, presents, promises, complete and utter devotion to me as your ruler, your soul, something along those lines." The ship began to warp and shake as the computer came even nearer to total destruction. Momiji went flying against the wall.

"Oww," he complained as he pulled himself back up. "that really hurt." One of the large ceiling light came crashing down towards Tohru.

"Look out!" Yuki shouted as he pushed her out of the way. It landed on his leg and pinned him to the ground. 

"Yuki-kun!" Tohru shouted trying to pull it off. 

"Can you please just help us!" Shigure pleaded. "We'll do anything!! but we dont have much time right now."

"I guess you can always make it up to me later," Washu said thoughtfully. "Oh all right. I'll be right over, but don't expect any miracles. If I can get there in time, I still have to fix it before I can get you out of there. That may take awhile so you'll just have to hold out till then."

"Thank you Washu!" Shigure said breathing a sigh of relief. He noticed everyone had flocked over to try and pull the large light fixture off of Yuki's leg. "Didn't you guys hear the woman?" he asked annoyed. "We have to try and not die for a few minutes but you people just keep getting hurt."

"Oh yeah, this was completely on purpose," Yuki muttered as he finally got his leg free. "And why is the cat unconscious?"

"Yup, I did that," Uo said raising her hand and grinning. Kagura shifted her weight to the side to get a better hold of Kyo on her back. He stirred a little, raising his head groggily.

"Mm, what happened?" he moaned. "It felt like I was hit with a a large blunt object of some sort, such as a lead pipe." He looked down at Kagura. "And why am I still on your back!" he shouted turning red. He struggled from her grasp and leapt down to his feet. Bad idea! "OUCH!" He landed on his broken leg and collapsed to the ground.

"Damn it," Shigure whined. "Can't you guys just not do anything till we're saved. All you're doing is making things worse."

"Yeah right!" Kyo said incredulously from the ground. "As if you even have the right to say anything. All of this is your fault in case you forgot!"

"What? Did I hear something?" Shigure asked looking around. "No, it must have been that darn wind. I think I'll just ignore it."

"Damn it Shigure!" Kyo shouted. A piece of the wall from the ship came crashing down toward the dog. It hit him in the head knocking him out.

  


  


  


..................FLASH...................

  


"We're home," Yuki gasped as he looked around him. "Its really our house!"

"Amazing," Tohru said. "I'm so happy!" She looked at Yuki, Kyo and Shigure frantically. "Are you guys still hurt though?"

"Yeah, we are," Kyo grumbled clutching his throbbing leg. 

Hatori ran around trying to tend to everyone's wounds. "Kyo, your leg needs a cast. I'll have to take you to a hospital before I can get to it. Yuki! What did you do to your arm? Yup, that needs a cast. Hmmm, oh yeah, Shigure's dead, no big loss there."

"I'm not dead!" Shigure complained rubbing the large lump on his head. "Stop being so cruel!"

"I can't believe we're finally home!" Kagura squealed. She ran up to Kyo and hugged him tightly. "Now everything can go back to normal!!"

"Agh! Let go of me!" he shouted.

"Oh, before I forget," Hatori said walking up to Hana and Uo, "I have to check you two for injuries."

"I'm actually fine," Uo said. "I think I got a scratch or something but I'm all right."

"I as well," Hana nodded. "I came out of this situation surprisingly... healthy."

"Hmm, I'll just have to uhh, make sure," the doctor said putting his hands on their foreheads. Two beams of light came out and the two girls memories were wiped away.  


"Aww, did you have to erase their memories?" Tohru asked sadly.

Hatori sighed. "I'm sorry but its better for them as well as us that they don't remember what happened here. Don't worry, I didn't erase anything other than those from in the computer." He picked the girls up and dragged them out of the house.

"Hey, what day is it?" Haru asked searching for a calendar. "How long were we in that book of yours anyway?"

"Oh that," Shigure laughed heartily. "I do believe you guys will be starting school again in a couple days actually."

"What!!" Kyo shouted angrily. "You mean we wasted our entire summer break in your computer!! You bastard!!"

"Hey everyone!" Washu said suddenly. "Hope you all didn't forget about me. I did just save all your lives you know."

"Thank you so much," Tohru said happily. "If it weren't for you we may have been trapped there forever!"

"Aww, when you put it that way," Washu smiled. "You don't have to give me your souls. Only Shigure does."

"Hey!" the dog complained. "I need my soul."

"I don't care, it's mine now puppy."

"Washu," Shigure called following her out of the room . "Please reconsider."

"Nope."

"It's so hard to believe it finally over," Tohru said collapsing on the couch. "We were in there for so long."

"I know," Yuki said trying to pop his bone back in place in his arm. "It was terrible."

"Actually, I kind of had fun... you know, in a way."

Yuki smiled at her and kissed her gently on the forehead. "Good, at least one of us wasn't traumatized by all this." She blushed and looked away. She caught sight of Kagura and Kyo in the corner. Kagura had fallen asleep in his lap.

"Stupid girl," the cat grumbled glancing down at the resting girl, but he made no effort to push her away. He leaned back against the wall, closed his eyes, and went to sleep himself. 

  


  


THE END (it really is the end this time)

  


  


  


  


Writer's note I'm done!!!! Finally!! Hurray!!! (crawls into corner and dies). I can't believe how long I worked on this. I actually never meant for this fic to go on for so long. It was just supposed to be short, dumb and funny. Instead, it became long, dumb, and somewhat disturbing ^_^;; I came up with the idea at work, (washing dishes for seven hours, eww) and I thought it would be hilarious to have all the fb characters as magic girls, or being trapped in a lame horror movie or getting transported to different worlds, and all kinds of weird stuff was going through my mind. (Which is why the first four chapters I threw together were so freaked up) XD

  


Yeah, even though this fic was fun, it was seriously becoming harder and harder to come up with ideas. Parodies are hard!! So its best I end it now anyway before I ruin it. (But thanks The Deity of Fun Dinner for saying you wish mine could go on forever. Aww that was so nice.) 

  


But anyway, I really want to thank everyone for their wonderful reviews. If it weren't for them, I never would have made it to 26 chapters (probably would have been more like six or eight, maybe). Lets see if I can name everyone, okay I'll try. First, thank you to Random Rockstar who's actually been reviewing every single chapter, THANK YOU!! and Ssjgoddesschico and The Deity of Fun Dinner (you're so sweet ^.^) who also reviewed so very often with such encouraging reviews. And thanks so much to Dark Angel, Ssjgoddesschico, Bluefire and Blue Tiger for putting me on their favorite author's list. ^.^ Thank you Doggie person (another very sweet reviewer), Cute1, Starian Princess, Chinoz, ashtorethie for all taking the time to read and review my fic. Thank you Maeven for the nice reviews :D your fics are great too. Also thank you to Mistress of Darkness, Sakura, Suki Ame, Ty, Kyo-ko, Amulak, Frog Slayer, Grrl N, Furea/ Toshi Ishimi, TnM aka Touya no miko, yvonne, black-rose33, anon, Ozaki Amaya, Konekochan, Momori, Taina, Risa, Duos_bunny, Seta, Ebony Moonlight, Tifa Almasy, Roja-Cyd, Serena, and Fragmentor for all taking the time to review my fic. 

Phew!!! Okay, if I missed anyone, thank you too. I hope you'll check out the other fics I'll be posting soon which will be, hopefully, a little more normal. Nope, no more parodies for me. I'd go crazy! ^.^ So far my other fic is To Bring Him Back which is another Yukiru and which I hope you'll all read. This fic was just too weird to make it a real Yukiru so I'll see how the next ones turn out. XD. Thanks again!! 


	27. Chapter 27

Hi everyone! I just wanted to let you know I published my first book Paranormal Agency By Sophia Alexandra. It's available online on amazon . com and barnes and . Please check it out.


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